Chapter 4

Author's Note: Hi Girls! So sorry about the delay. And now I'm sending my usual hug to Rach for doing the beta for me, thanks dear! And another hug to my faithful reviewers, namely to AlternativeRocker, One Special Lana, Kristi-Julie, bluegirl-783, risingdancer, my dearest Lucy, Vluy, Firing Rockets on Dragons, my dearest Ursa and to lady silverlune. Thanks girls! I love your reviews!

Joseph was standing there only with a towel around his waist, while the water drops were still falling from his body. He was not frightened or surprised, because he was quite ready of these situations with his job, and what is more, being so close to her was somehow natural for him. So her presence even in such a private place was not strange at all.

Clarisse slowly woke up from her own little world, but she did not say a word, just stood there and looked at him.

"Are you… are you ok?" He wanted to ask her what was she doing there, but seeing her so miserable confused him. "Clarisse… Please say something, are you ok?"

But she remained in silence only her gaze changed a bit. She was still focused on him but her eyes slowly filled up with tears. Then she started crying…

"Clarisse dar…" He suddenly stopped before he could say what he would wanted the most. "Clarisse, please say something, are you ok?"

"No." She finally answered, and started crying even harder. "No… I'm not."

"Just let me help you." He said softly, wanted to touch her but he rather changed his mind. "I would do anything to make you feel better. Please. How could I help you? Just tell me…" His voice was begging and tender at the same time, and it took its effect. She looked up at him and said something really shocking.

"Leave me."

"…Sorry?" He thought he may have misunderstood her.

"Please leave me..." No, he'd heard it clearly. She really wanted him to leave? It was like… it really pulled the rug out from under his feet.

"You want me to leave??"

"Just for a few weeks…," she said quickly as she caught his shocked and desperate expression. "I just need a little time to breathe. Please, I… I just cannot go on…" She was crying again.

After a long time of silence Joseph sighed with acquiescence. "Well… ok."

"Really?" Her voice was surprised and grateful. "Would you really do it?"

"Yes, I promise I will leave you for a few weeks, but just after we returned back to Genovia. It's only a couple of days."

"Thank you." She said relieved. "But… I think I could not wait until that."

"I will not let you go back alone. I…"

"We will go back tomorrow." She said quickly.

"Oh… right. If it's what you want."

"I just need a little time to think. Please understand me…" Her eyes were sad and teary, while she whispered, "I don't want to hurt you…"

"I know," he said softly, but this time he did not stop himself, he gently touched her arm and drew her to his embrace. And Clarisse… it was like a miracle but she did not push him away, she just snuggled up to him, clinging to him desperately. She closed her eyes for a few moments breathed in his warm and relaxing scent. Her heart was aching as she realized how good it felt to being in his arms, but she had to be strong so she slowly pulled away, her face more relaxed than a few minutes ago.

"Then..." She tried to say something, but could not find the right words, so she turned around instead and started to leave, when Joseph could not help himself.

"Clarisse…" He said, his voice made her turn around. "… I love you."

She just stood there for a brief moment, then started crying from frustration. "Thanks, you damn really helped me a lot now!" Her voice was reproachful before she left his room half running.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The night went by quickly with preparations and packing. Joseph tried to arrange the journey, while Clarisse – for the first time in her life - packed her things into her suitcases on her own. She was so frustrated and restless that she preferred to pack alone rather than call someone to help her with it. Actually she needed something to keep herself occupied, otherwise she would have to think, and she really did not need any more pain in her life. After she finished, she just sat there on her bed waiting for dawn, waiting for freedom…

The plane took off in time, and she was finally a bit relieved. Leaving the United States so quickly was a shock for everybody, and it was even fodder for gossips. Most of the staff thought it was some kind of a reason of state, but in the end men agreed that the queen is simply a woman who can change her mind without reasons, while the female staff was not so light about this subject, they suspected more…

On board Genovia 1 traveled only the Queen, Charlotte, a small staff… and Joseph of course. He tried to sit as far away as he could, but not watching her was impossible, so it was not intentional, but his attention was rapt and not to mention, resting his eyes on her was marvelous…

About the separation he was sad of course, but on the other hand it was a satisfaction to know that she could relax a bit, and if it was what she needed the most he was ready to help her with whatever he could. Watching her like this was trouble-free, because she was pondering on the view… at least that was Joseph's opinion, but the truth was, she desperately tried to stay in the same position, because she felt his burning gaze on her shoulder. She did not see it, only felt. It was awfully uncomfortable, but at least it was safe. She knew until she won't turn to face him, she did not have to make contact. Any kind of contact, even a fake smile would have been too much for her at the moment. After a while she was quite used to her pose, because she did not realize that they already had landed and Joseph was deep in discussion with the pilot, even while she got into the limo. He pretended he was busy just to ease her, but it had not helped, it was even worse…

Seeing that Joseph was not 'caring about her' made her feel frightened and lonely. As if she would have already felt what it was like to be without him. She already felt this emptiness inside. As if she was completely alone in the world - but not like being on a desert island - she felt like she was standing alone at Christmastime downtown, while everybody is smiling and being with their loved ones, preparing for the holiday, buying presents, planning the big family dinner, while she is just standing alone in the crowd without a family, without someone who would wait for her at home, completely on her own… She felt this desperate loneliness, but she knew it would be better that way. Thinking on that she did not realize that the door had opened and her busy home life had started. She glanced at Joseph as she passed him by; turning her head to see him a bit more before she stepped into the palace. That was the last time she saw him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Not long after they had arrived, Joseph was already packing his car…

"Hey Joe." Shades smiled, patting his back to catch his attention. "Are you going? We've just arrived…"

"Yeah, just a few more things, and I will disappear."

"Don't hurry that much. Come on, let's have a drink."

"I'm driving."

"Ok, then I will drink alone…" He smiled. "Come on."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

In the kitchen…

"So…," started Shades. "What's this all about? I think it's not a reason of state or that kind of thing, it's simply about HER, am I right?"

"Yes." Joseph nodded and looked up at him with a sad expression.

"I knew." He Sighed. "So it's serious this time…"

"There's no word for that…"

"But what happened? There has to be a reason behind this…"

"Of course there is," Joseph said. "… I kissed her."

"What???" Shades was shocked, but in a good way. "Did you really kiss her? Finally!"

"Finally??"

"Yes. You already wasted too much time over the years… But what was wrong? Did she push you away or what?"

"Well, first she did not, but later…"

"Wait!" cried Shades. "She fired you??"

"No. Worse…"

"Worse? What could be worse?"

"She said we cannot continue this, because… we have no common ground to start from."

"What a bitch!" cried Shades.

"Oh no! Don't say that, she only worries about what people may think. She is really in a hard situation, and I understand it, but she would also need to move on, this is HER life."

"And YOURS," added Shades with a meaningful look. "You should move on too. Look I agree that she is beautiful and perfect in every way, but she is a bit too complicated, if you know what I mean. You cannot waste your life for her. There are many women outside who are crazy about you; I could name at least ten who would be happy if they could get you. And they are all pretty and lovely."

"But they are… not Clarisse," sighed Joseph.

"You can't be helped mate. This woman really makes you crazy, and I still cannot see why the hell she is so special? Why does she worth all this suffering?…"

"I don't know." Joseph sighed. "Maybe I'm crazy, but I've never ever felt like this before… You know, being with her –even if it's just a simple walk or a meeting where I have to stand at the door and my only prize is a smile from her to hold on to - is simply wonderful. Not to mention dancing or any other thing when she is really close to me, the only thing I can think on these times never letting her go. I need to feel her. I need to breathe her in."

"That's sexual attraction."

"No it's far more than that. First I thought the same. That it's pure attraction, but it's lasted for years now…"

"Because you could not get her."

"I would agree, if I wouldn't be happy… with anything."

"Anything???"

"I know it sounds mad, but over the years I realized that I just want to be with her, so nothing counts anymore. I mean I would accept any conditions. Any."

"You cannot be serious!"

"Yes I can." Joseph smiled. "Of course I want more. Frankly if I would have to choose between a night with her and dying the next day or live a long life I would choose the first one without hesitation, but I also know I would die a happy man if I could live the rest of my life just near her…" Joseph still smiled with a dreamy look on his face, but seeing Shades's shocked expression brought him back to Earth. "Oh, don't look at me that way! I know it's hard for you to understand what my problem is, because all you can see is I've reached everything I've ever dreamed of, career, money, position, but you must understand… it worth nothing without her."

"Then what are you going to do now?" asked Shades.

"I think the only thing I can do is wait. Wait for her to arrange this with herself, then I will see what's next. She loves me without a doubt so I will fight for her, but not with abrasiveness, rather with patience and persistence… and I want to show her how it would be our life together."

To be continued…