36. Somewhere in Between
Jack woke up sore, and thought that her hand had fallen asleep, until she remembered that Don had given her a shot of…
Don! Oh Shit.
They were still sitting on the floor; Don still had his arms wrapped around her. Jack felt drained: somehow clean and empty.
"Jack?" Don whispered a little hoarsely. "You all right now…?" He used that word again, the one that was almost familiar, but she couldn't remember where she'd heard it before.
"What does that mean?" Jack croaked, her throat sore too.
"What?"
"Min? I think I heard it before but I can't remember…"
"Oh. It means 'girl child': like a daughter or favorite niece." He spoke quietly from above her head, still holding her against his chest. She was glad, at least, that he couldn't see her first blush in a very long time.
"Let's get you up and into bed. You need to sleep." He didn't release her yet. "No running off, right? No more beating up an old man…?"
Jack snorted at 'old man' but nodded. He released her slowly, as if he were stiff and sore too.
"How long was I asleep?" She asked. The darkness still made everything feel as if time had stood still.
"Not long enough…" He groaned and she heard him push himself up against the wall.
Jack stood in the darkness, feeling him near, and wasn't quite so afraid. It was odd, not to be afraid in Don's presence.
"Do you remember where you were planning on bunking tonight?"
"No…" Did that mean he knew she bedded down in a different room every night?
"Doesn't matter, this one will do." He put his hand on her elbow and led her a few feet to the nearest door. The keypad never brightened but she could hear him punching numbers in. The door swooshed open, expelling stale air. He led her inside. Jack started to tremble a bit.
"Don't worry, Zemma told Riddick you won't be in for your shift. You're just gonna rest. Tomorrow we'll pick up where we left off." He led her to the bunk and pushed her down by the shoulders until she was sitting.
Jack reached out hesitantly, brushing his thigh with her hand and pulling away again, strangely embarrassed. "Don't…"
She felt him drop down to her level. He put his hands on her knees.
"What is it, Jack?"
"Don't leave me?" She hated how she sounded, but couldn't help herself. She didn't want to be filled up with the darkness and dreams again.
"I wasn't going to." He sounded almost offended, and Jack smiled a little at that. "That's better," he told her. Jack startled a little, forgetting that he could see her face.
"Will you… hold me?" Jack's heart beat hard and fast. She wasn't trying to seduce him now; she wasn't playing a role that gave her power. She was asking for something she needed… and afraid the answer would be 'no'.
She heard him breath deeply, as if considering. Her whole body tightened, expecting to be turned down.
"None of your tricks, Jack," he admonished quietly. "I don't want that from you. Do you understand?"
"Yes…" she didn't know what to call him. 'Sir' seemed wrong. "Yes, Don," she finished lamely; it wasn't enough to show her feelings.
Don patted her knee and shoulder, indicating she should scoot over. Jack rolled on one hip so she was lying down on the far side of the bunk. Don climbed onto the bed, then pulled her back against his chest. One arm became her pillow, the other he wrapped around her waist, never touching anywhere he shouldn't.
Jack found it strange to think that he 'shouldn't.'
"Don…?" Jack was tired but not sleepy.
"Hmn?"
"What… what's the word for…" her throat tightened up and she choked on the words.
He seemed to know what she meant.
"Ferrin," he said quietly, and a little far away. "Ferrin means father."
"Ferrin," she whispered, trying it out.
"Deinen means 'god-father'…roughly."
"Day-nen," she tried that one too.
"Not so much accent on the front, blend it a little…" he spoke softly, without judgment. "Deinen," he repeated for her.
"Deinen," she repeated back to him.
"That's better," he whispered, and hugged her a little closer.
Yes, she thought so too.
"You decided?"
"Yes."
"I told you what I wanted."
"Then keep the lights off an extra day. Tonight, she's off duty." Zemma's tone stayed level. "Riddick, do you trust me at all?"
She knew him well enough that she didn't take his non-response as a negative.
"This is what's best for her, this time." Zemma smoothed the harsh tone of her words away with her fingertips on Riddick's face. "She's been working so hard to please you. She deserves a night off."
"You're too easy on her." Riddick grumbled but there was assent in his voice.
"And you are too hard… Somewhere in between she can grow up."
"Do you have any kids?" Jack asked quietly, knowing Don wasn't asleep.
"No. There should have been time, but it never seemed right. They'd just be dead now anyway."
Jack hadn't really appreciated what happened on Fury before. This hit home: if she had been Don's daughter, she would be dead now. Their whole world died before she was even born. And Riddick slammed the ones who did it into a planet.
"Is Hypatia really behind us?" Jack had read the same things Zemma had in her time on shift. She had come to the same conclusions. She had been afraid to ask this one question.
"I don't know. Riddick is trusting your instinct on this one."
Jack didn't know how to take that. Riddick trusted her…instinct?
"I'm afraid."
"I know."
He didn't tell her not to be afraid. He didn't tell her he would protect her. She wouldn't have believed him.
He just accepted. Zemma accepted her too.
"What's going to happen when the lights come back on?" Jack whispered.
"What do you mean?"
"You feel like someone different right now. I…I feel like someone different. What happens when the lights come on and I see the old Don, and you see the old Jack?" She was nervous about this new thing, worried that it wouldn't last, and anxious that it might.
"Ta Min, I haven't stopped seeing you."
Oh, yeah.
"What's 'ta' mean?"
"Mine or my."
Mine. 'My daughter, or favorite niece.' My Girl.
Jack shivered and pulled away a little. Don let her. She rolled over and put her hand against his chest as if to ward him off.
"This is too strange. I…I don't understand why you're being like this. I…I…" She didn't know what else to say, either. It was all too new, too unexpected. There had to be some hidden agenda. He had to be setting her up for something awful.
"What's wrong, now?" There was an element of the Don she knew in that tone: a little impatience.
"Wha…at do you… want?" Jack's voice dropped low, guttural, and animalistic.
Don sighed. He was losing her again. He rolled away and sat up on the edge of the bunk, elbows on his thighs and hands dangling. He rolled his neck until there was a loud pop. Jack never moved.
"I want to get some sleep, kid. I want to know what while I do, you won't run off and hurt yourself." He sighed and rubbed his face, feeling impossibly old. His voice dropped to a whisper and he couldn't believe he was about to say this to this slip of a girl who never made any sense for more than two seconds. "I want to connect with someone for longer than a spin in the sheets…
"I'm an old man, kid. I'm never gonna find 'the one' who will give me children…I should have grandchildren your age by now. And unless I do something really stupid to get myself killed, like following your hero out there, I'm gonna get a lot older… and a lot lonelier."
He paused.
"I don't relish the idea of getting a lot colder along the way."
"Why me?" Jack's voice was tiny and hesitant, a little girl's voice.
"You're tough. You're smart. I like that… but you need someone. And in case you haven't noticed, your hero has someone. He doesn't want to let you go, but he doesn't know what to do with you either."
Jack snorted a little.
"So how 'bout we forget this whole 'deinen' thing; sum it up as the wistfulness of a cranky old man. You go to sleep here. I'll go sit over there by the door so you can't ditch me. I'll go back to kicking your ass in the morning." He got up, feeling his age, feeling slow.
"Ta… Deinen?" The words croaked out. Jack swallowed hard and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay, kid. It won't kill me. Riddick probably will, but…"
"No. I mean, I'm sorry… I never saw you before."
Don shrugged, remembered she didn't have lenses, and said, "You saw what you were supposed to see."
"I… Will you stay here with me?" She sounded unsure.
"Maybe that's not such a good idea, Jack."
"Please, Deinen. Please. I'm tired of being alone too." There was a little hitch of breath at the end as if she couldn't believe she'd said it out loud. "Zemma tries…I don't know why."
"She says you make her laugh." Don sat hesitantly on the edge of the bunk again.
This time Jack's snort had a little more mirth to it. She reached out uncertainly for him. Her fingertips brushed his arm. She tried to clear her tightening throat; her words were at least a little stronger. "Will you hold me, again, Deinen?"
Don had to think about it a moment. "You gonna freak out on me in ten minutes?"
"I'll save it for when I kick your ass in the morning," Jack's bravado seemed almost back to normal.
Don laid down, fingers laced behind his head, on the very edge of the bed. Jack scrambled over and laid her head on his shoulder again.
"You can try, Ta Min," Don chuckled. "You can try."