Anthophobia
: fear of flowers
Haruno Sakura lived only three streets down from the Hyuuga estate. Not many people knew that. He wasn't sure why. The young medic herself seemed surprised at their proximity most of the time, looking decidedly startled when he happened to catch her gaze on the sidewalk or step in line behind her at the local bakery for breakfast. Aside from looking surprised, she usually looked a shade nervous, as if he might take a sudden dislike to her excruciatingly slow method of counting change – one coin at the time, dammit! – and Juuken the back of her head one morning.
Point was the girl barely spoke to him most of the time.
After the sun rose it tucked up behind the clouds to vanish into the dark dreary blanket. Casting the world into shades of gray and blue, cold iced breath into a visible puff of silvery smoke. The streets were still quiet with the sluggish morning stupor that came with the dawn and Neji wondered pragmatically if his target would even be up at this hour. She seemed like a late sleeper. A couple people passed him as he made his way there but no one ventured to ask him about the bundle of cloth wound tight in his arms or why he was headed away from mission HQ. In perfect honestly he couldn't say exactly why he felt compelled to ask her, to at least risk a request. He hadn't spoken more than a handful of words to her.
But for some reason something like a mild panic had usurped his ability to form a cognitive thought beyond the thin plan he had in motion. The strange, shuddering anxiety had winged around inside his chest like a riot of starlings before finally roosting uncomfortably in his belly. There they proceeded to make the boy physically ill, clawing and pecking up the inside of his gut, wringing his insides round in wretched knots. Tenten and Lee would be up. They were always up with him, but the idea of running into either of them this morning pumped his system with a toxic dread.
'They'd make a scene,' he thought scathingly, stomach lurching at the very idea. 'They'd get indignant and loud and righteous and – I can not do that. Not now. No. I don't need it'
His hands were shaking even while wrapped around the parcel in his arms, shivers assailing him so fiercely his teeth were chattering gently, causing his head to pound ferociously. Everything hurt, but he was long since beyond letting something like a little physical aftermath unfocus him. He was a jounin now, dammit. Whining and whimpering about Hyuuga politics now – even two years after what his family referred to at 'The Exam' – was superfluous at best, but it was just such…an unbelievably wretched piece of bad timing, of flagrant spite.
He had a mission today. It was an unwritten taboo: You don't activate a curse seal on a shinobi's mission day.
Neji shoved that thought out of his head, blinking at the door in front of him and wondering for how long he'd been standing there staring at it while his brain chased itself in circles. He raked a hand through his hair angrily, scouring his mind for any last minute ideas better than this one. In the end he rang the doorbell and waited.
If Sakura looked nervously surprised spotting him in the street it was a damn sight nearer to terrified astonishment when she opened the door to a cold, slightly disheveled looking Hyuuga prodigy. For a moment the two Leaf-nin stared at one another, each taking in the state of the other, having neither seen the other so…previously out of sorts.
Her peculiar pinkish hair hadn't been combed yet, sticking up in that familiar way Hanabi's did before brushing, her shocked sea-green eyes slightly round under long pale strands. Arduous training routines and crash-dieting inherent in all teenage girls had stripped her down to a lean, deceptive figure. Possessing a strange, disproportioned kind of appeal – there was something cute about the forehead – she could successfully convince any enemy of her frail delicacy.
Then she usually broke their jaw in with a roundhouse.
For a moment she stammered silently, mouth falling open and closed in noiseless mimicry of protest or of question or of curiosity. Neji was honestly too tired to translate the words from her miming lips, certain they weren't anything he wanted to understand. He just sighed and stilled her words with a couple of his own.
"Can I ask you a favor?" he asked quietly.
She blinked. "Ah…umm…sure?" she stammered, backing ungracefully from the door. "Come in. I think my parents are gone already, so…uh…"
The ellipses floating off the back of her half-finished thought and were left to hang there like little banners of uncertainty. Flushed slightly, the girl waved quickly down the hall and began leading him toward the living room…or so he presumed. She seemed prone to help him, though her reply didn't inspire confidence, but growing up on the Hyuuga estate had taught him at least one thing useful to a ninja: reading people.
And every inch of Sakura's face was throwing down against itself.
Every nuance of expression fought to maintain a generous smile for a guest, the brash brassy glare of a veteran kunoichi, a sliver of dislike on principle of who he was, and some nameless random fury at being bothered before she had time to brush her teeth. It was almost fun to watch. Neji carefully sidestepped a crooked coat rack to give his impromptu hostess required breathing room to gather her wits from where they'd scattered all across the hallway. If he knew anything about the medical chuunin, then she would get over being surprised and start getting aggressive quite soon.
Sakura led him into the family room before the aggression set in. Her hands jumped up suddenly, spread wide and disarmed before she pivoted hard on her foot to face him, a kind of grim, sarcastic smile pulled across her mouth.
"Umm, Neji-san. Sorry if I'm come off kind of blunt, but why are you here?" she articulated the last part with slow, succinct consonants, biting them neatly off at each end. "I know Hinata well enough, but I never got the impression we were on casual-conversation-terms, much less visits-at-four-AM-terms."
It wasn't four AM, but she had a point. Neji took a seat on the couch and laid his parcel in his lap, staring down at it for a moment before he slid his shoulder bag down his arm to the floor. He repressed the sudden need to sigh enormously and massage some of the unwanted pressure building up under his forehead. His face was prickling uncomfortably, like a hot and cold pins and needles mixture crawling across his skin into his brain, numbing his tongue until he almost forgot what it was his fellow shinobi had asked him. He leaned forward, placing the wrapped thing on the low table and started to tug the cloth loose.
"You medical training included some level of cell reconstruction, correct?" he asked somewhat tiredly.
"Of course." The pinked-haired medic stopped in the door, one shoulder braced against the frame, a hand at her hip. "Tsunade-sama taught me. She has high standards."
"Of course," he murmured. Neji paused on the last fold. "Can you revive recently dead animals?"
Her eyes bounced to the cloth, then back to him. Her lips pursed very slightly. "To some level, yes."
He pulled the last part loose and let the flap fall open on the table. Temari's dead messenger hawk lay on the table. Neji sat back with an uncharacteristic lack of grace, falling into the couch cushions with a 'whoof' and he sank back, exhausted, relieved. There. Done. He'd come, he'd asked, his contract of responsibility as Temari's friend – at least for this God-given minute – had expired. Neji squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled, tilting his head back and resisting the urge to make some kind of unsightly moan or sigh. Instead he thought, 'I fucking hate that woman.' and felt better.
For a moment Sakura just stared at the dead bird carcass lying on her coffee table. Her expression was a split between disgust and another softer sympathetic expression. After another moment she made a soft noise, again, indistinguishable between disgust and sympathy and moved into the room, circling the table to take a seat opposite the Hyuuga. She chewed her lip, then reached a hand out to touch the still feathers.
"What happened?" she murmured, fingers smoothing rumpled down.
"There was an accident this morning," he replied dully, reaching up to rub his aching face with one hand and not caring if the girl saw him do it. "One of my clan…thought the bird was a threat. It belongs to a friend and I…"
He felt his voice start to strain and swallowed it before the word could crack. Sakura looked up at him, the green in her eyes suddenly oceans of suspicion and concern. The dark beads of pupil shifted quickly across his face, searching like black spotlights for something amiss. He fought down a wave of illogical irritation with her, with himself, with this aching sense of ridiculous failure. Like he'd strangled the stupid animal himself.
"I can't stand to tell her what happened. I thought you might…"
Sakura hunched over with a loud sigh and ran a hand through her bed-rumpled hair. Neji cut himself off, feeling himself get rigid at her reaction. Thoughts snapped through the fore of his mind: This was a bad idea, ridiculous even to consider in the general ballpark of success. Why was he here? He would have liked nothing better than to get up, apologize for being a bother and leave as fast as humanly possible. However, the vision of Temari's raging face in his near future – and the stabbing pain in the forefront of his brain – prevented him from doing either. He just bit the inside of his cheek and waited tensely.
Meanwhile the kunoichi had begun rubbing her fingers together in a recognizable tic, thinking. "Was this done with Juuken?
Neji grimaced inwardly. "Yes."
A sigh.
The Hyuuga looked away.
"I can try," she said softly. She chewed her lip lightly, studying an arc of ceiling as she her mind fluttered through the myriad of medical procedures. "But…Juuken destroys internal organs and, intentionally or not, chakra paths. It'll take some time and I can't guarantee the bird will be the same afterward. Unless your friend is retarded, they're not going to miss there's something wrong with it." Her hands came together again, pressing her palms together lightly. Neji waited for her to finish. Sakura rolled her eyes, sighing heavily, as if disgusted with herself. "But I can do it. Just give me a couple days, alright."
He lowered his voice. "Thank you."
"It's nothing."
"No. It's more than nothing. I'll find a way to repay you."
The girl waved a hand in feminine dismissal. "Consider us even. You got two giant holes slugged through you two years ago for…" Her eyes ticked every so slightly, the infinitesimal pulse of her heart-rate in her throat suddenly jumping. She forced an excruciating smile. "…my teammate. The least I can do is heal your bird Neji-kun." The 'kun' had an invisible question mark tagged to the end, asking permission.
He nodded. "Then we're even."
A genuine smile ghosted through her expression and she covered the bird, standing up. "Good," said Sakura. She cast him a worrisome smile and – to his utter horror – came around to sit on the floor near him. Folding her hands on the table she pursed her lips, a habit he'd only observed in teachers, mothers, and occasionally Tsunade. "You…don't look good, Neji-kun. I'll be honest. You almost look sick."
"It's a headache," he managed far too quickly.
Sakura's eyes jumped, startled, brows bouncing upward. "Oh…" she said slowly. 'Really?' her eyebrows continued.
No not really. The entire inside of his skull was trying to push its way out of his head, his eyes were aching, his ears would stop ringing (wouldn't stop ringing for another hour at least). 'Sick' didn't quite cover it. Sudden blind fury and frustration blitzed briefly through him, eviscerating his calm. Within the hour he'd be meeting with the Hokage for his briefing, then winging off to God-knows where for who-knows how long to do heaven-knows what under a guise of secrecy and general sneakiness. It wouldn't be easy. He didn't need this, any of this. All this shit. He didn't need it.
He managed to keep his inflection even-tempered. "Stress," he expanded. "I'm sorry, but I have to go." She was sitting uncomfortably near, almost touching his knee. He imagined sourly that personal space was not something a doctor was overly encouraged to respect and tried to forgive her for being so incredibly…Sakura. He shifted his leg away from her, hiding the move by reaching for his travel bag, irritated by his own acute awareness of the kunoichi's proximity. "Thank you Sakura-san. I'm grateful."
She stood quickly, stepping fast to cut him off and keep him sitting. "Tsunade-sama was called in late for an emergency meeting. She'll be a little late with the jounin briefings," she said curtly. The student of the Godaime smiled thinly, hands falling to her hips. "So you don't have to run off so quickly." Neji sat back, too shocked to think of a reply. Sakura sat on the edge of the table across from him, hands pressed together between her knees. "Ten-chan told me you're taking on special assignments. Not that it's any of my business, but she worries about you. You know that right?"
"Of course I do," Neji muttered.
"She think's you're trying to get into ANBU." She frowned. "You'd cause a big fuss if you did. First Hyuuga in decades, youngest ANBU since…" Her eyes flickered. "She's right to be worried."
"I don't want to join ANBU."
"Tsunade-sama indicates otherwise. I overhear a lot of stuff between her and Shizune and your name comes up pretty often."
Neji repressed a mild tic at the corner of his mouth. "I don't want to join ANBU," he reiterated.
"That's not what everyone seems to think," she said pleasantly.
"Everyone seems to think wrong then," replied Neji unpleasantly. He was suddenly very eager to be gone now. Being incessantly pestered by various kunoichi he was only barely acquainted with was something he tolerated a total of never. "How long do you suppose the Hokage will be held up for? I might drop by the training grounds to find Shino or Lee."
Sakura frowned. "Shino?"
Neji skipped over the potential drama there and moved hastily on. "Have any idea?"
She shrugged. "Can't say. It was just a memo from Shizune to cancel my morning training." There was a pause. "Aburame Shino? Are you two…friends?" Said with the same horror as 'a couple?' Neji tried to contemplate just why the thought of him and the Aburame being in the same company terrified so many people. Sakura was waiting for him to answer when the phone rang.
The kunoichi looked over at the phone in disapproval, as if perturbed that it should interrupt her interrogation practice. Neji wished very much to tell her that – despite not going into ANBU – he'd had ANBU level Torture Resistance Training. (He was too young, once again, for the course, but after he started taking on missions that could not only get him captured, but effectively dissected, they made an exception.) He wasn't afraid of a little ninja girl with pink hair, no matter how alarming her disregard for personal space. She got up to answer it, leaving Neji with a warning not to go anywhere.
He watched her pick it up, leaning up against the counter, one arm tucked at her middle.
"Hello? This is her." She shifted a little. "Oh they are. What was it about?" Neji could hear someone speaking quickly, meaningless burble from a distance. "What? She isn't? Have they contacted–? They did. What did he–?" She shot Neji a sudden, furtive look. "Actually don't bother. I can pass on the message. He's sitting right here." Surprise jolted the young Hyuuga and he stared openly at the girl who was considering him grimly. She jerked. "What? No! He has a bird he wanted me to –" She turned brilliantly scarlet. "Good-bye, Shizune."
The girl hung up and Neji was already getting to his feet. "They're looking for me," he said conclusively.
"The meeting's over," Sakura said, her expression void of all previous mischief. Her gaze was a chill aquamarine as she looked on. "Tsunade wants you. Details are classified so…you know."
Neji slung his bag over his shoulder and moved toward the door. "I'll let myself out. Thank you, Sakura-san."
"No problem," she said pensively. "Be careful out there."
It started raining on the way to mission HQ, heavy sheets of thick, temperate downpour that saturated his clothes and his hair into a slick symbiosis with his skin. The streets seemed absolutely desolate, or perhaps they always had been. The only sound was the resonating ping and patter of drops as they plinked and bounced off the rooftops, the muttering metallic melody whirring persistently in his ears. He knew already that something awful waited for him when he got to that giant central building, the same something that made every line in Sakura's face flinch while Shizune spoke.
People remarked that he seemed precognitive to bad news. That wasn't true. He was just good at reading people.
By the time he pushed his way into the lobby, the same medic-nin was waiting for him, expression one of consternation and trained detachment inherent in all jounin. Neji knew he was wearing the same expression. They nodded to one another, one polite acknowledgement and she turned her back on him to lead the way. He listened intently to the sound of their footsteps falling in and out of rhythm with one another, to the buzzing of the overhead lights.
"There's been a kidnapping." Shizune didn't look at him while she spoke. The muscles in her shoulders were taut. "You've been personally requested."
"Mission class?" he murmured.
She hesitated. "A-class." Then after a moment, "This will hit very close to home, Neji-san."
There was a terrible cold settling in his stomach that he couldn't decipher. He felt something horrific was about to happen, this kidnapping…a wretched thought was forming in his mind, had been forming all the long walk here, but he refused to let it surface. Quietly, he closed his eyes and let the thought come forward; swamp him in the coldness of it, the lonely and delicious treachery of it. He opened his eyes again and they were in front of Tsunade's office.
Shizune was looking at him. "Are you ready?" She seemed to understand exactly was Neji was doing.
"Since I was born," he murmured.
The woman's expression didn't change, but there was a distant sadness in her eyes. She opened the door and Neji walked past her into the familiar organized chaos of Hokage Tsunade's office.
She was wearing her favorite green over-robe with the soft jade under garment, seated behind her desk looking all of thirty-five. Her real age was something like fifty three, but studying her long blonde hair as it hung about the harsh lines of her severely lovely face he couldn't catch a trace of gray. If he didn't see it, it meant there wasn't any. The color of her gaze was a shockingly plain mud brown, but so intense, so elegantly shaped it was hard to degrade it so. Her soft rose-colored mouth was pursed sternly, her fingers knitted over her nose so her eyes were leveled over them.
He gave her a very mellow look, masking the chaos with calm.
"You called me, Hokage-sama?" he said quietly, curtly. He pointedly ignored the presence standing on the wall to his right. He couldn't stop himself from swallowing convulsively. "Shizune-san said there was a kidnapping."
Tsunade did not look away. "Yes, there was a kidnapping."
Neji felt like he was being strangled slowly, but breathing evenly, calmly. He knew he looked mild and unconcerned, professional and unshaken. "When?"
"Today. A three-man scouting party of chuunin was attacked five miles inland from the borders of the Sound Country. They were not supposed to be that far north but it's suspected one of their more sensitive members detected something and they went to investigate. They were attacked by a man in an ANBU mask. Takeda Takeshi was killed, the most seasoned in the group. Most of Tamashi Maori made back together. He had a message…"
"'I have kidnapped your daughter and heir,'" someone new cited grimly, voice taunt like he might be talking through a lump in his throat. Neji closed his eyes, recognizing the voice immediately, having already recognized the chakra, having already recognized the man despite not looking. "In two days comply with our demands and she will be returned to you unharmed and untouched. If you do not, she will die. If you concede then send the payment to the Shoumai River by sunset two days from now. A single escort only. This is our single warning… '"
The head of the Hyuuga Clan looked up at him, his face expressionless now.
"She is in the Hidden Village of Sound, being held hostage." His eyes hardened. "They want you in exchange for her, Neji."
Silence deafened them all.
Tsunade was watching him carefully, her dark eyes taking in his reaction, gauging it as she always did before giving him his missions. Neji took a slow breath, carefully organizing himself, steadying his thoughts even as they raged against his senses, fury, betrayal, fear, and doubt. Neji closed his eyes, but such a simple gesture brought no relief. He furled his hand briefly, clenched it then released it. He opened his eyes and forced himself to reason, but the only words getting through were a gleeful, macabre singsong: You're gonna diiiiie! You're gonna diiiiiiie!
The teenager couldn't stop the strange stillness that fell over him. All he could do was look at his uncle and listen to the thrum of his blood racing frantically through his veins, the panicked, erratic pulsing that didn't reach his face, didn't make it to his features. For some reason, through the acrid sulfur chemical cocktail inside his gut, there was a sudden twittering need to laugh. Like desperate butterflies swarming his belly he needed to double up on his knees and start laughing.
After all this waiting, all the angsting, all the hemming and hawing and it was finally, finally unequivically here; that thing, that one master fear that plagued every member of his domesticated branch of the Hyuuga family tree. That, in the end, every single one of them was nothing more than a substitute meant to take the blow for their more fortunate relatives. Nothing but a human shield. A strange disconnection part of him kept ticking off facts, kept making observations – 'Why would the Sound want me specifically?', 'Is it a ploy?', 'Will Tsunade want me to infiltrate?' – and other useless nonsense.
In the fore of his mind the same unwanted impulse over and over and over. He wanted to jump up on the table, kick the paper work off Tsunade's desk and scream.
But he didn't. Just like every other psychotic, erratic, unspeakable compulsion that riddled him and every other member of the Branch family, he didn't do it. He just nodded.
"I'll do what I have to."
"I have every confidence," said Hiashi, his expression unreadable, "that you will."
Author's Note:
Honestly, this is a slow moving fic as far as most of my Naruto musings go. And thank you to the readers leaving their thoughts behind in that little review box. It gets no love these days. This fic has been oodles of fun to write so far, let's hope my inspiration lasts. Next chapter: fear of opening your eyes.