June 1, Summer, year 36

Popi and Kai are here this year! Rick's going to throw a fit, he wanted them at Mineral Town so that Popi could answer the phone of Chicken Lil's the way she used to.

Not that I can really blame him, but May's more than old enough to take over Barley's ranch, and then he could do the phone answering instead of Lillia. Or, May could work the phone if he really grew attached to the farm…

Bah, Rick's still an idiot after fifteen years. He constantly harasses Popuri about her lack of children.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love the girl, she's sweet and kind, but wheat sort of life is that for a child? A nomad's life isn't one I would wish on any of mine, that's for dang sure! It's probably one of the more intelligent things she's ever decided, and sticking by it has to be hard with Rick around.

Thank goodness he only drops by here rarely, she'll be free of the harassment. At least until the Cow festival, I think…

Oh, right, Alan got his cast off two weeks ago! He's been… surprisingly helpful since then. I guess whatever Skye said to him took. With the way he's been acting and behaving, I might give him back his net soon after all.

Maybe before the Vegetable festival… Mmm, I'll have to think on it.

I've been having… odd dreams lately. Winny says I could be getting prophetic dreams, since I've been exposed to so much magic for such a long period of time. By which, I think she means not only Skye but carrying my kids. Considering half their genetics came from him and all, it does make sense that I would get some lingering effects after that.

She thinks that they're telling me about something in the future, but I have to admit that a jumble of images of a place I don't recognize, hardly counts as a dream for me.

It's such a beautiful place though… in my dreams I'm usually walking through a floral garden… surrounded by roses that not only glow white, but gold! Which leads me to wonder if there isn't a Sun Rose to go along with the Moon Rose, but asking that question would mean trying to explain my dreams to Skye, and… I'm not ready to do that yet. I want to be able to make sense of them first.

Anyways, as I'm walking along this path, I have to admit that I feel… cold. There's people there, but they all seem to be ignoring me, as if I simply don't register in their attention. Like I'm a bug or something else utterly negligible.

What really gets me is that Skye is a part of them… It makes my heart hurt to think he might do something like that. Maybe the old him, the one who was PoM before he came here, but not now.

He's the only one I recognize though, and after being ignored for a bit I decide to wander the paths. There's something… pushing me on, pushing me forward, to a place at the center of this place, but I always wake up before I get there.

It's so… sad. And I don't know why I'm the one getting these dreams. If it deals with the PoM, you'd think Skye would be the one waking abruptly with sweat on his forehead, not me!

I do wonder what I'm supposed to be shown. Blinding light obscures it, and… fear, yes, that's it… fear flings me out of my sleep. Rather abruptly at that too. I've fallen out of the bed at least twice now. The floor is not a comfortable landing spot, not to mention it tends to wake Skye up.

Though admittedly it's not too hard to wake him now. In the beginning he took a long time to get used to being awake during the day as opposed to the nighttime. Pretty much kicking him out of bed at six every morning did help him adjust, but boy was he a slug in the mornings.

It's amusing, compared to now. Now he's up either with me, or slightly before, since he makes the breakfast that we all come in to after dawn chores, and he helps me with all the off-the-farm crops, no mean feat.

Expanding Mom and Dad's fruit tree forest was fun, planting crazy loads of grass was worth all the effort, and all of this… This life, this work.. is ours. Mine, his, and our kids.

You know, some days I never want it to end. I want it to go on and on for all of eternity.

Most of the time though, I know the truth or my own mortality. I don't have forever, and I don't want forever… Not even for Skye. I know he doesn't understand. I know that other people, given the same choice, might choose to take what he's been offering me for the past sixteen years.

But not me. I am part of time's river, and building a dam would.. well, it wouldn't let me be myself anymore. I'm mortal, I know what this means and how I can be. I don't want immortality.

It's so… sad. Having to watch loved ones die and fade until the only thing keeping them alive is the memories you have of them. And even memories fade over time. Outlive my sister? My cousins, my children?

I wouldn't be able to take it. I would break and I know this.

So I refuse him, again and again. I love him, with every piece of my heart, every fiber of my being, but this one thing… I cannot do.

And I need to stop or I'll start crying and then he'll wake and worry…

Let's go back to the dreams. Even if they scare me, they don't depress me, which is a sight better.

…Actually, I think I feel like a midnight snack. Maybe some milk and cookies.