June 17, Summer, year 36

I won the Veggie fest! Mwahahaha! It took me near seventeen years but I finally did it!

Ironically, with last years pineapple. But I don't think I should tell Vesta that… the woman's scary enough as it is! I mean, she took her defeat okay, since I'm the only other 'serious' farmer, but still…

Being told your freshest of the fresh veggies lost to last years fruits would definitely be a painful blow. Probably to my back, all things considered. Vesta is not known for her temper control.

Though I'll admit she has gotten better about it. I don't think Marlin would let her hang around his kids if she couldn't control herself, sister or not. So she's got some, but not really a lot.

Hah… None of us are very good at losing, though I seem to do it the most often. Though I did manage to win big where it matters the most…

My dreams are getting odder. I was holding a knife in the last one, only it was a knife that any normal person would recognize. It almost… seemed to be made of glass. But not.

It's hard to describe, even in my dreams…

I'm not me anymore, that much I know. So whatever is happening it's not me that's doing this. It almost feels like Skye, but it's not him either, and I know that for certain cause I still see him in the dreams.

Hmm…

The knife, it's… not decorative, it's made for killing. Killing someone important too, I know that much. But I can't see who's being killed or who's doing the killing, just the knife and a whole lot of red.

It's… frightening. Like the one dealing the death is doing it for a bigger, more important reason than just this first kill. This first kill is just a… a stepping stone to a later, more important kill.

One that will earn prestige and honor, as long as the killing can be pinned to someone else.

It's scary to have thoughts like that, when I have a hard time killing livestock for food. It's how I know that it's not me who's doing this. I could never… I have almost too much reverence for life and living.

I… I think I should tell Skye about these soon. The intensity of them is… there's not a word strong enough for it. It's more than terror, more than anything I've ever felt. I want it to stop! I want my dreams to be oddly vivid but full of random, harmless images again, like they're supposed to be.

I want to be able to relax into sleep and not wonder if I'm going to wake with blood on my hands…

It's that pushing feeling again too… Whatever my dreams are trying to tell me about, it's going to happen here soon, and it'll have repercussions that are felt all the way here on Earth.

I've finished all but Melissa's dress, and that's in its final stages as well… I hope that whatever happens it turns out to be nothing and passes me by. I don't want to be responsible for trying to change the world.