A/N: I was originally going to have a lemon between Tanya and Edward in this chapter, but I just couldn't do it. It is implied, but I don't go into detail. I didn't like Tanya in the books very much, and I cringed when I tried to do the lemon. I could only ever write a lemon for Edward if Bella is involved. I hope you all understand…and somehow, I think you all are in agreement. :-)

Also, just to warn you – there is drug use in this chapter. I do not condone it, but it did fit in with the story. Also, language.

This chapter is huge. I was going to break it up, but I kind of just want to get past all of this revisiting and move on! Exciting stuff ahead.

A/N at the bottom.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns it all. And Rob definitely owns me after that striptease in Italy. *fans self*

-oo-

Ch. 9

EPOV

Five years earlier…

September 2004

I had just finished up football practice for the day when I saw her.

Tall, slender and curly blonde hair that went to the middle of her back.

She was almost as stunning as Rosalie.

As I walked by her (she was talking to a few of the cheerleaders), I caught her eye. She had ice blue eyes that seemed to capture me. She noticed the immediate effect she had on me because she gave me a sly smirk.

I shook my head a little bit and tried to remember my name.

"I don't believe we have met. I am Edward Cullen," I held out my hand to her.

"I am new here. Nice to meet you Edward, I'm Tanya Henderson," she said shaking my hand.

-oo-

Late October 2004

I made my way to Chemistry anxiously. I knew that Bella would already be sitting there. I had made the decision the night before to ask her to the homecoming dance.

I was definitely attracted to Tanya, but I couldn't deny that I felt something for Bella. I always have if I was being completely honest with myself.

When I got into the classroom, my eyes immediately went to the lab table that I shared with her. She had her hair up in a messy bun and her eyes were downcast to the notebook she was currently scribbling furiously in.

I made my way over to my seat beside her and plopped down. "What has you writing like that?"

She startled a little bit at the sound of my voice, which caused me to chuckle.

In response to my chuckle I received what appeared to be glare from her. "I forgot to log my dream into my dream log. Mrs. Johnson is adamant that my English class keep one for the semester."

"Dreams? Have any good ones lately?" I question her. "Can I see?" I grabbed at the notebook.

"No! I-I mean…no, they are supposed to remain private. And some of mine are a bit embarrassing…" she was blushing furiously at this point.

"Oh alright. I won't force you to share. Good thing it's me and not Emmett sitting next you," I nudged her shoulder. I could have sworn I heard a soft whimper come from her at the contact.

"So…um…I was wondering if you wanted-" I was quickly cut off by the arrival of James. He was a fellow football player and a bit of an ass. He seemed to have been smitten with Bella since the beginning of the year and took every chance he could get to talk to her.

"Bella! Good, I caught you before class," he slid to an abrupt stop in front of the table. He must have run clear across campus because he had to hunch over and catch his breath.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, patting him lightly on the back.

"Ugh, yeah. Sorry. I ran here hoping to beat the bell. Varner kept us after because someone was spitting paper balls at the back of his head." This caused the surrounding vicinity of students to break into laughter.

"Yeah…it was pretty great. But it cut into my time…" James continued.

"Time for what?" Bella asked curiously.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go to Homecoming with me? That is if you were planning on going and if you didn't already have a date," he said a bit shyly. What an act! I almost pounced on him for beating me to it.

"Well, uh, that is really sweet James. But I don't know. I'm not much of a dancer…" Bella mumbled.

"Please Bella. I don't want to take anyone else, and I promise not to let you step on my toes," he said with a wink.

This got Bella blushing almost as bad as when I questioned her about the dream journal.

"Okay." She whispered quietly.

"What?" both James and I asked at the same time. Did I just hear what I think I heard?

"I said yes, I will go with you James. Nobody has asked me yet."

What?

"Thanks Bella! How about I pick you up around 7? I would like to take you to dinner first."

"Sounds great. Be ready to meet Charlie though," she warned with a smile.

This made James go a little green in the face.

"Don't worry, I wont let him bite." She gave a soft chuckle.

At that point, Mr. Banner had arrived and called the class to take their seats.

I couldn't concentrate at all throughout the lesson. I had wanted to ask her. Now James was going to have the beauty to my right on his arm. I wanted her on mine…

Bella said something about needing to stop by the library before her Calculus class, so she abruptly left before I could even say anything.

I made it out into the hall and the first thing I saw was Tanya. She had on a dark mini-skirt that usually isn't seen in Forks this late in the year along with a fitted black sweater. Her back was to me but I couldn't help but make my way over to her.

"Hey Tanya."

She turned around to look at me, giving me that familiar sly smile. I always thought of a lioness when it came to that grin. She was definitely a predator, and it was kind of hot if I do say so myself.

"Hey Edward," she purred. I took an involuntary gulp as I watched her slither her way towards me.

"Nice outfit," I simply said, taking in her appearance.

"Thanks. Wanna know a secret?" she whispered in my ear.

"Sure."

"I wore it with you in mind," and with that I felt her hot breath on my ear and soon after her teeth grazed the lobe.

"Do you want to go to the homecoming dance with me?" I blurted out.

She gave a girly giggle and nodded.

"Pick me up at 8, tiger" she said as she sashayed away from me.

I stood there for a good minute before rational thought came back to me. Wait, did I just ask Tanya to the dance? I didn't even mean to. How did she do that?

-oo-

The dance came later that week with much excitement. I was still pissed that James beat me to asking Bella, but I also couldn't complain about my date.

I picked Tanya up at her house at 8 p.m. on the dot. She wore this tight red halter top dress that landed at her knees. It definitely wasn't the normal homecoming dress; most of the girls tended to wear less provocative things.

We made it to the dance about an hour into it. Heads turned at our entrance as if we were worth any attention. I mean, I guess she did, but I never really got used to my popularity.

We quickly joined my sister, Jasper, Bella and James at a circular table. Bella gave Tanya a glare before turning her attention back to James

Hmm…I wonder what that was about.

The rest of the dance went by without too much incident. I noticed that Bella wasn't looking very happy as the night went on, even though James was showering her with attention.

About a half hour before the dance was supposed to end, the music was lowered and Eric Yorkie hopped up on the stage to announce the King and Queen of Homecoming.

"Hey guys. Having a good time?" Eric said through the microphone.

There was a collective yell throughout the gym.

"Excellent. I am here to announce 2004's Homecoming King and Queen," he said, pulling out an envelope.

"This years King is Edward Cullen!" there was a round of applause as I was pushed up to the stage. A corny plastic crown was smashed onto my messy hair.

"And this years Queen is…wow…Tanya Henderson!"

There was a collective gasp throughout the gym as Tanya made her way to the stage.

After the dance, I drove Tanya back to her house. It was passed midnight by the time we pulled into her driveway and I noticed that all the lights were off in the house.

Once I put the car in park Tanya practically jumped into my lap. Her mouth was on mine before I could even register the move. The shock quickly wore off and I reciprocated into her mouth. Her butt was sitting in my lap while her legs were still thrown over the center console. I pushed her back into the steering wheel causing her to moan into my mouth. She traced her tongue along my bottom lip before gently biting down on it. I quickly opened my mouth to allow her tongue to tangle with mine.

We pulled away at the same time, both heavily breathing.

"Want to come inside?" she asked.

I simply nodded and pulled her out of my side of the car. We somehow managed to make it into the house and up to her bedroom without too much incident.

Once the door was closed, Tanya quickly dropped to her knees. She unbuckled my pants and began to shimmy them down my legs.

I gulped, "Tanya, I don't think we should do this now."

She looked up through her eyelashes, making her look like a sexy vixen. "I know. But I want to show you how thankful I am to you for showing me a good time tonight."

Any protests that I had before quickly left as the bulge in my pants continued to grow. I wasn't a virgin. Irina Denali had taken care of that last year at an after-game party thrown at Mike Newton's house. It wasn't anything meaningful; to be totally honest, we were both plastered. It was an almost get drunk and screw agreement.

Coming back to the present, I looked down at Tanya who finally had my pants down to my ankles. The only thing left were my black boxers. She took her long fingernails and looped them into the waistband, slowly bringing them down to join my pants.

She quickly looked up at me before she dived in. (A/N: They don't have sex. Just to make it clear.)

-oo-

November 2004

About a month had passed since the night of the dance. Tanya and I had grown closer; she was definitely a force to be reckoned with. It almost felt like I was under her spell, I just couldn't help but be near her whenever we were in the same vicinity.

The regular group was gathered at our lunch table, excluding Bella. According to Alice she was sick at home with the flu.

Tanya had taken to eating with us. A lull in conversation gave me the perfect timing to ask Tanya what had been on my mind since that memorable night a month prior.

I turned to her and took her hand in mine. She gave me a curious smile. "Tanya, I was wondering if you would like to start dating exclusively?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she replied before placing a loud kiss on my lips.

A loud huff came from across the table and I pulled away to notice Alice storming out of the cafeteria. I gave Jasper a confused look.

"She is just worried about Bella," he said quietly. I simply nodded before turning back to my girlfriend.

-oo-

January 2005

Tanya and I had been dating for a little over a month and a half. I was still enthralled by her; she was so different from the rest of the girls in Forks. I noticed that none of my friends seemed to feel the same way. I couldn't quite wrap my mind around why that was, she seemed perfectly fine to me.

Only one thing was off with her though. She would sometimes get into these moods that were almost depressed. I couldn't quite figure out why.

I had no idea that I was about to find out.

About two weeks after we returned from winter break, Tanya called me up to meet her at her house. This wasn't unheard of, especially since her parents seemed to not care that she had a teenage boy up in her room or they weren't home.

So I got in my car and drove over there. When she opened the door, I had to take a step back. She had dark circles under her eyes and she looked utterly exhausted. I couldn't fathom why since I had seen her only a few hours before and she seemed fine then.

"Are you okay?" I said, stepping into the entryway.

"I am now. Thanks for coming. I want to show you something," she said taking my hand and pulling me towards the stairs.

I willingly followed, wanting to find out why she looked like she did.

Once we got into her room, she quickly shut the door and locked it. I gave her a confused look.

She motioned towards her bed, which had a brown paper bag and a mirror sitting in the middle of it.

She sat indian-style near the items. I sat a little farther back, wondering why she had these things out and what they had to do with me.

"Edward. I am going to be honest with you. I have been doing cocaine for the past two years," she said suddenly.

My jaw immediately dropped, "What? But…how?"

"It isn't hard to hide it. I just can't go too long between takes or I start feeling withdrawals. That might be why you think I act sad sometimes. I wanted you to be here when I take it next, hence my look." she motioned to herself as she said this.

"Why do you want me here?" I asked quietly.

"I want you to give it a try. It's hard dating someone who doesn't do it too. You're the first guy that I have dated that wasn't doing it since I picked up the habit."

"I am not doing it Tanya."

"Fine. Then we are ending this here and now," she said harshly.

"I don't want to break-up."

"Then you're going to have to do a row for me. Don't you want me to be happy?" she said, pouting.

I couldn't believe I was actually considering it. Me, Edward Cullen. Dr. Carlisle Cullen's son and protégé.

I simply nodded as she took out a small Ziploc bag full of white powder. She set up four neat rows on the mirror and handed me a straw.

I watched as she took two of the rows into her nose, sniffing after each snort.

I looked at her for a long second, hoping that she would tell me not to.

When that didn't come, I leaned forward towards the mirror.

-oo-

March 2005

It was a sick habit, but now I had grown hooked to coke. Tanya taught me to hide it well, not even Alice noticed any change.

For some reason the habit bonded me to Tanya. Probably in an unhealthy way. I quickly felt like my life was spinning out of control. My friends hated my girlfriend, I felt insecure for the first time in my life. The latter one usually happened when I was coming off of the effects of the drug.

Bella and I barely talked anymore, and knew that she felt the same way about Tanya as the rest of them. Perhaps it was my addiction talking, but I felt the need to fight to keep it a secret. And Tanya was a part of my secret, she could not go anywhere.

I knew that Tanya and Alice had a falling out, but neither would tell me what it was about. All I know is that Alice quit making an effort, and this pissed me off. Naturally Jasper took his girlfriend's side, which pissed me off even more. Never in the history of our friendship had we fought like this. I honestly felt like I was losing a part of myself right then and there with them.

One day at school, Tanya came storming out of the gym with…green hair. She looked really upset. It was one of those days where I was feeling really grouchy from going so long without snorting, and that is probably why I had jumped to conclusions.

She mumbled that she thought it might have been one of my friends that slipped dye into her shampoo. Before she could finish the sentence, I was storming towards the parking lot.

I saw Bella and Alice sitting in the bed of Jasper's truck, most likely waiting for him to meet them to head out.

"Which one of you girls placed that shit in her shampoo?" I spit at them.

"What are you talking about?" Bella said, sounding taken aback.

"Don't tell me you didn't notice her hair is now a nice green color. I know one of you was behind it."

"No Edward, I did not notice. I attempt to ignore that she even exists. How dare you accuse us, your family for most of your life. I am sick and tired of you defending her to us. What happened to you?" Bella spit back at me.

Drugs, Bella. Drugs are what happened to me, I thought sadly.

"Me? What happened to me? What happened to you Bella? And not just you, all of you!" I couldn't let her find out anything. She was too innocent and perfect to deal with me, a monster.

It was then that I noticed Jasper's arrival. I ignored him and continued to glare at Bella.

I decided to walk away before things got out of hand. I didn't want to punch him. "I can't do this anymore. You all need to accept that Tanya is staying in the picture. She means a lot to me and today was the last straw. Just stay out of my way from now on"

Bella's broken voice came from behind me, "We had nothing to do with what happened to her Edward. I promise you. Who are you going to believe? Her or me?"

This caused me to stop dead in my tracks. The tone in her voice about killed me. I met her eyes, "I am sorry Bella. But I am taking her side this time." I'm sorry Bella. I am no good for you. I am a broken piece of shit now.

When I got back into the campus, Tanya looked oddly more cheerful. I just sighed because she had too many mood swings. This should have been the first clue to what her true nature was.

-oo-

Later that day after I had gotten another row into my system, I started thinking of all the stupid things I had said to Bella that afternoon.

I made my way over to her house and climbed the familiar tree to her bedroom window. I looked in and noticed that she was fast asleep. She honestly looked like an angel at that moment; it took my breath away.

I slowly lifted the window up and crawled in. I found a piece of blank paper sitting near her laptop and I quickly jotted down my apology. I placed it next to her where I had laid so many times the summer before. I just shook my head of the thought and quickly made my way to the window.

-oo-

Tanya's 18th birthday was a week after the fight. We decided to have our own little party. We locked ourselves in her room with a full bottle of Patron (a gift from her father's cabinet) and a baggy full of cocaine.

Later I would regret the events of the night. Mixing alcohol with drugs was the dumbest thing I could have ever done.

At the time though, I thought it was the best idea. We were both feeling the numbing effects that the coke brought to our systems along with the warming sensation in our stomach's from the alcohol.

Before I knew it, I was laying on top of a shirtless Tanya.

Our mouths collided in a steamy, drug-induced kiss. One moment we were fully clothed and the next we were skin on skin.

"Fuck me Edward" she whispered harshly.

And I did just that, not even thinking of the consequences.

-oo-

May 2005

I had gotten most of my acceptance letters. All of them letting me know that I could be a proud member of their school in the fall.

I narrowed it down to Dartmouth and University of Washington. Before Tanya, the plan was to go to the same school as the rest of my group. They had all decided on U of W since that is where Emmett and Rose were already at.

I made my way over to Tanya's house to inform her of my decision to stay in Washington for school.

When I got there, I found her sitting in her living room.

She quickly looked up at me, "Edward, I need to tell you something."

"Okay…" I said, sitting next to her.

"Edward, I am over a month and a half late. My periods are always on schedule and…well…I took a paternity test, and it was positive."

"Huh?" was my brilliant response. My brain seemed to have frozen.

"I. Am. Pregnant. With your kid. We didn't use protection on my birthday."

"Shit. Are you kidding me?" I said, abruptly standing.

"No I'm not." she said looking down at her hands.

I raked my hand through my hair in frustration. What was I supposed to do? I wasn't expecting this.

"I need to think. I will talk to you later," I said before quickly leaving.

We didn't talk for a full day before she cornered me at my car in the parking lot.

"Talk to me now. Don't keep ignoring me," she spat out.

"I don't want you to keep it. I can't be a father, especially not one to your kid."

"You want me to get an abortion?" she seethed.

"Normally I would say no, but yes. I can't deal with this now, and my family would flip if they knew."

"Listen to me now Edward. I am going to keep this baby. You're going to be a father. In fact, I will tell your family if you don't step up."

I just looked at her. Had I seriously just spent the last however many months dating her?

"Are you blackmailing me?"

"I wouldn't call it that. But I'm not doing this alone. I want to marry you Edward, before college." she said.

"Marry you? No way!" I said backing away from her.

"Fine, then daddy and mommy Cullen will know all about the drugs, alcohol and how you got me knocked up!" she yelled.

I looked around to make sure nobody had heard us. Thank god it appeared that the parking lot had emptied out.

"You wouldn't…." I whispered.

"Yes I would. If you don't want your little addiction surfacing, then I suggest you listen to me. After we are married, I want to move out of state."

"I am going to U of W in the fall."

"Didn't you say you got into Dartmouth? We are moving to New Hampshire Edward."

"You have no right to corner me like this. Why are you doing this?" I said.

"Because your mine Edward and I am not going to share you with anyone else. Good thing I have the goods on you. Now take me home," she said coldly while climbing into the passenger's side of my car.

What had I gotten myself into?

-oo-

My friends weren't thrilled when they found out I would be going across the country for school. But what was I supposed to do? My dad would kill me if he found out about all the dumb shit I pulled.

I couldn't bare the thought of them finding out that I had knocked Tanya up, and I wasn't even out of high school yet.

Tanya and I fought more then ever. I wanted nothing more then to run to Bella, but she shouldn't have to deal with me. I was tainted, dirty and broken.

-oo-

A week or so before graduation, Bella said that she was going to Jacksonville to see her mom. I couldn't be happier for her.

Apparently I showed too much attention towards her because Tanya chose that evening to pick another fight with me.

This time it was on her jealousy.

"You are with me Edward, not Miss Plain-Jane. I don't appreciate you making googly eyes at her in front of me!" she screamed.

I just rolled my eyes, not saying anything.

"I want to elope, before graduation next week," she said suddenly.

"What? I am not doing it this soon," I jumped from my seat.

She quickly pulled out her cell phone and punched in a few numbers. She held it up to me showing my dad's cell phone number.

"One call Edward will ruin your future." she said with an evil grin on her face.

I sat back down in defeat. I am no longer a man, I couldn't even own up to my mistakes. I couldn't face the look on my father's face if he ever found out. And because of that weakness, I was being controlled like a puppet.

We fought a little more about it before my phone went off. I quickly excused myself from the room and answered.

It was Bella.

She wanted me to come over to her house because she needed to talk to me.

A part of me quickly wanted to say yes, but I knew that would do no good. I was in the middle of trying to get Tanya to change her mind and I knew that I should stay away from Bella. She didn't need to be involved in this mess.

I pretty much pissed her off and she ended up hanging up on me.

Some time later, I finally left Tanya's house. She had forced me into a corner enough to get me to agree to elope. We would be leaving for Vegas this coming weekend.

Before I realized it, I found myself driving down the familiar street that Bella lived on. I parked about two houses down and made my way up the tree and into her room.

She was fast asleep.

I took the flashlight keychain from my pocket and flashed it into her eyes. It took her a minute to come around, but she finally opened her eyes, shielding them with her hand from the light.

"What's going on?" she groaned.

"It's just me," I answered

"What are you doing here?" she whispered

"I came to hear what you need to tell me."

"At two in the morning Edward? God."

"Sorry…this was the first chance I got. I didn't mean for you to get mad at me earlier, I'm sorry." I quickly sat down on the bed and felt the bed shift as she moved closer.

I noticed that she was staring at me. Before I could ask why she was doing it, she leaned across my lap and hugged me tightly. I breathed in her fresh strawberry shampoo, wishing that I could smell it everyday.

Before I could get too caught up in the moment, I pulled away. "What did you need to talk to me about Bells?"

She quickly looked down to her lap and I noticed that she was wringing her hands in the comforter, a nervous habit that she picked up from me.

"Um, I need to tell you how I have been feeling for awhile…" she said with difficulty.

I just looked at her confused.

She continued "You see…um…I haven't been completely honest with you on my feelings."

"Okay, then what has been going through the lovely head of yours?" I asked.

"Edward, for the past four years, or maybe even longer, I have had feelings for you. As more then a friend. And I am not talking just some crush. I am in love with you. I know that you are going out with Tanya. But I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I was going to tell you around the time you asked her out, but I was too afraid that it would change our friendship."

I froze in the spot. Bella loved me?

She kept going, "I don't think Tanya is right for you. You are too good for her. I am not saying that I am good enough for you, but I think we could have something. I miss you so much. You are my best friend. I have been so lonely…"

She began to tear up and I couldn't help myself, I moved closer. I was so overwhelmed with her confession. She loved me? She loved me!

I quickly wiped the tears from under her eyes, not tearing my own from her deep browns. That is when I felt it. The electrical charge. It had always been there between us when we got too close. I slowly started to lean in, Bella copying my moves.

Kiss her you idiot. You love her too.

But should I? I did not deserve her. She would hate me if she knew my secrets.

When we were mere inches apart, my stupid phone forced me back into rational thought. I jumped off the bed and quickly reached into my phone to silence the ringtone. One look at the Caller ID informed me it was my puppeteer.

I knew I had to leave Bella now.

I gave her a pained look, not wanting to leave without confessing my feelings too. But I couldn't do that to her, not when I had to leave anyways.

"I'm sorry Bella. I am so sorry. I can't do this right now." I quickly turned towards the window and was outside before she could even say anything else.

-oo-

The rest of the week was nerve wrecking. My friends had finally stopped fighting with me about Tanya. I knew they were right about her now, but I didn't need it shoved back in my face. At least we were on talking terms again.

The one that I barely talked to was Bella. After that night, we would only share stealed glances at one another.

I signed myself off for skipping graduation. I asked the school to just send my diploma to my parents later on in the summer and to not say anything to them. Being a legal adult helped make these arrangements.

Friday I was freaking out inside. I had planned to get Bella alone to at least hug her, but I forgot she was leaving that morning. By the time I got to her house at seven in the morning, she was gone.

I was so depressed on Saturday. Tanya told me to meet her at her house by 6 a.m. We were going to get out of town before our parents noticed we were gone. I left them a note, apologizing for everything.

I knew I would have to tell them about the baby, but Tanya wanted to be married before we did.

I made my way over to Tanya's with my mind full of Bella. I was such a stupid fuck-up, listening to Tanya. I ruined my life because of her.

So with a heavy heart, half of my closet in my trunk, a manipulative bitch in my passenger seat, we passed the Forks town sign on our way out, heading towards Last Vegas. Sin City. The perfect place to waste my beginnings in the real world. My marriage would be a lie, which was a huge sin.

-oo-

A/N: Wow…everyone still with me? Now you know partly why Edward left like he did. He was dependent on this drug that completely took over his life. Tanya was the provider of that habit, therefore he felt the need to keep her close. When she started manipulating and blackmailing him into doing things, he had grown so weak from the lack of control over his life. Edward was a very different guy at the end of the chapter then he was at the beginning.

I hope I didn't offend anyone with the abortion part of the chapter. This does not reflect my personal view on the matter, it was just necessary for the storyline. Please don't flame me for it.

I hope you liked it. This isn't all of the answers, they will all be revealed next chapter. Are Tanya and Edward still together? What about the baby? How will Bella react? Is he still on drugs? All will be answered.

Now go review! This was a huge chapter, I would appreciate it! :-)