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Chapter Seven

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start

-Second hand serenade 'fall for you'

Lily found James sitting by a large oak tree watching the lake. She stood motionless taking in his handsome beauty in the sun kissed light. Without another thought she ran towards him. 'James.' He looked up, caught in a daze and found her running towards him. He stood, a hand rising to his hair, ruffling his fingers through it, messing it about.

'Lily, what are you doing here? Are you okay?'

She reached him and took in a gasp of breath before replying. Then she looked into his hazel eyes. 'I'm fine. I have to tell you something.' He searched her, watching as she looked around in a panic. 'I have to go.'

'Huh? You just got here?' He puzzled at her panicked state. She looked around herself nervously and then back at him.

'I love you'.

He laughed. 'No you don't. You can't love me Lily.' He took a step closer, closing the space between them. 'You like me as a friend, that's all. You're just trying to make me feel better because I am in love with you. Thank you, but I know you don't really feel that way.'

'You don't love me. You love Sarah.' She raised her voice defiantly. 'Okay maybe it's not love. But I keep thinking of you. I want you.'

He held her cheek in his palm and smiled, sending several of her muscles to tense in delight. 'Maybe it's just a faze, or you have a little crush. Nothing more then that.' Lily shook her head, but James just continued smiling, that hearty laugh smile. 'Open your eyes Lily.'

She looked at him confused. 'They are open?' Wasn't that obvious?

'Open them properly'.

Lily opened her eyes and jumped. Christina yawned beside her, a handful of robes in her arms. 'I was just about to wake you.'

Lily rubbed her eyes and took in her surroundings. 'Morning.' She dressed and followed the girls into the Great hall for breakfast. Lily's heart fluttered as she spotted James and Sarah hand in hand, talking fast. Lily caught some of the words that she was saying as they passed.

'Why were you out there at night with-'

Lily flushed as they looked at her. She put her head down and kept on walking slightly ashamed. If it hadn't of been for James helping her, he wouldn't be in a fight with his girlfriend now. And what was with that dream!?

__

The next day Lily took a seat in the library and opened a book. James walked in after her and took a seat beside her. 'Hello.' She said facing him. 'What's going on?'

'Dumbledore wanted the head of houses to patrol nightly shifts again.'

'Oh okay. When did you hear this?' and why haven't I yet?

'There was a meeting at lunch.' Lily's face lit scarlet. James who knew Lily well added, 'Dumbledore didn't think you'd be up for it. So tonight at nine we meet in the common room?'

He watched as her facials changed, an obvious fight for calmness brewing over. 'Sure' she replied adding a controlled smile on the end.

He smiled back, standing 'Cya later then.' He left as Victoria entered. She took James seat and looked lily straight in the eyes with a what-are-you-doing face.

'Yes'. Lily asked her friend curious of this sudden eruption.

'What are you doing having a private meeting with James?'

Yes, defiantly a what-are-you-doing. 'I'm not having secret meetings?' What the ruddy hell?

'Sarah's really upset in the common room. She was telling us James has been going for walks and having little meetings while classes are going on. Then I come to find you and see this. Lily, don't get yourself into this…'

Lily taken aback scowled at her friend. 'James came here to deliver a message from Dumbledore and his been helping me out. I've had problems lately and James has been the only one that's been able to help!'

'What problems?' Victoria asked baffled.

'I wish not to repeat it.' Lily pouted.

Victoria stared at her friend. 'And why not?'

'Because it hurts, I'm trying to be strong and happy, and the more who knows the less I can keep it hidden in my little locket.'

Victoria wasn't giving in so easily. 'I'm your best friend. Let me help you move on through this.'

'I am NOT moving on. I'll never move on. It's not something I'm going to leave behind.' Lily said angrily standing. 'I'm sorry.' She walked away to the dormitory. She entered still feeling angry and annoyed. She walked in towards a table and noticed Sarah with a group of girls eyeing her off. Sarah had tears down her face. Lily feeling the biggest guilt walked towards them. Before she inched two steps in there direction they walked in the opposite direction. Lily who felt so fed up she could scream walked to her dormitory and slammed the door shut flinging herself onto her bed. She started crying, images running through her mind. She grasped her pillow tighter trying to rid her parent's bodies and angry faces out of her head.

Soon enough it was nine o-clocks. She walked down into the common room and found James sitting by the fire. He noticed her and stood. 'Lily'. He started, looking pretty pissed off himself. 'Don't listen to the rumors.'

'Rumors?' She could feel the pump of blood rush through her. What rumors?

'People are going around saying I'm cheating on Sarah with you. Others are saying I can't keep a relationship, and that I move on one to the other-basically the things you use to say to me. Don't get offended by any of it.'

'I'm sorry I have caused this upon you.' She sighed.

'No you didn't, Sarah just got a little carried away and told the whole school I was still in love with you.' Lily's heart stopped. 'Don't worry Lily. I'm not trying to crack onto you again. I just want to be your friend.' Lily's heart went back to normal. Why the flutters? She was glad how things have turned out. But somewhere in her heart it didn't. He wasn't in love with her anymore and she had just started liking him. 'You okay Lily'. He asked as she had fallen silent. She looked up at him and nodded. 'I'll take the lower corridors again, while you take the top.'

'Sure'. How could I fall for someone who is taken by someone else? Sarah has all rights to hate me.

He walked out, she watched him for a moment then followed. The hours went by fast. Lily hadn't seen anything like usual. She stood by the window and watched the grounds. Her eyes pondered to where she and James had laid last night. It crept into her head. She knew she was falling for him. He was only trying to help her and be her friend. She didn't deserve his kindness after everything she had done to him, yet still he took time out of his own life to help her and now it's her fault that all the girls in the dormitory snob him. She turned angrily hitting a solid object.

'Lily!'

She gave a scream as the object came into focus grabbing her. It only took her a moment later to realize it was James. 'James, sorry. I didn't hear you coming.'

'You looked lost in thought.'

'Yeah' she replied, 'I guess I was. You find anything?'

'Yeah, Henry and Chelsea from Hufflepuff making out in a broom cupboard.'

Lily yawned. 'Ready for bed?'

'Hmm,' she sighed 'We've got another hour to patrol.'

'I'll take over both corridors if you'd like.'

She crossed her head. 'No. I'm staying.'

'Then come for a break.' He asked. She nodded and they both headed towards the common rooms portrait hole.

'Drink?' he asked as they got inside.

'No thank you'. Lily sat on the couch in front of the fire as James helped himself to a drink. He took off his cloak and took a seat on the ground before lily. 'How are you going?' He asked his voice awkward in every way.

'Better.' She replied after thought. 'And you?'

'I'm fine.'

'And Sarah?'

'Not so good.' It went silent for a few minutes before he spoke again. 'She knew I really liked you. She had asked me out before and I couldn't. She could tell that I wouldn't because of my feelings for you. Everyone knew. Then you told me to get out of your life and in time I accepted it and moved on. That's why she's gone all haywire. She still believes I'm in love with you.'

Lily took in every word and looked over at him. His back glowed from the small fire. 'Did you have a talk with her?'

'Yeah… an unsuccessful one. She is starting to think you like me as well. I told her she was delirious, Lily Evans falling for Potter-impossible. But she still believes it.'

Lily moved next to him, letting the heat of the fire touch the bare of her skin. 'It's not impossible.' She told him.

He laughed. A rush of déjà vu hit her 'You made it quite clear a few months ago.'

'Yeah well. That was then.' She replied. He looked over at her.

'So you don't think I'm a sleazebag anymore? Or a big headed bullying toe rag?

'No. Well maybe a little bit big headed.'

He pushed her. She lost her balance and fell backwards. She sat back up and retaliated, giving him a nudge. The effect did nothing. He still sat there laughing at her. Lily watched him. His face was alit with joy. His beautiful eyes were dazzling. She could feel herself being drawn to him, his broad shoulders a nice place to wrap her arms- 'The fires just about out. Should we start a new one?' She asked hiding a half chocked breath.

'Nah, let it be. We won't be here for long.' Lily leaned on her knees and yawned. 'Go to bed.'

'You gunna make me?' she asked playfully. Playfully? I am flirting with him. Lily stop this.

He gave a coil smile and sprung up, grabbing her up into his arms. Her reflex was a little off and she lay vulnerable for a few seconds in his arms, before twisting her way out. 'Settle petal.' He said, finally getting a better grip. The fire dimmed out and the common room fell dark, besides the lightly moon lit windows. James stood with Lily in his arms and waited for his eyes to adjust.

'I have a feeling you'll step into something.' Lily told him as he attempted to walk her towards the stairs.

'Yeah so do I.' He replied truthfully, yet the adventurous side came through his voice.

She got a hold of his arms and pushed them down. He, not expecting this sudden movement felt his arms give way. In result she fell with them. He tried to reach out to stop her from hitting the floor, but she had grabbed hold of his elbows, forcing him down with her. They hit the ground with a thud. 'You okay?' He asked after recovering from the floor.

'Not yet.' She sprung towards him reaching for his arms.

'What are you doing?' He asked amused.

'Trying to pin you.'

'Need help?' He laughed.

'No!' She said finding them. She pushed his arms beside him and leant over, having complete control.

'This is kinda kinky Evans.'

'Get your mind out of the gutter Potter.' She flushed, her body tingling with the sight of there position. He laughed, throwing himself over her, pinning her to the floor instead.

'Not very strong are we.' He laughed harder.

'Yeah I am, I just need a breather. Give me a sec' she attempted to get him off balance but failed miserably.

'Told ya.' He smiled.

She could only just see it through the darkness. She leaned her head up towards him and threatened 'I'll head butt you.'

'And what, make a dint on your pretty forehead.' She felt his warm breath on her face. His scent was intoxicating her, welcoming. His hands released around her own, enough for her to move them. She let herself drag them from her sides slightly. He hesitated with his grip, but let her. She put her hands over his and held them against the floor. His body fell an inch closer to her in effect.' Lily' He whispered slowly.

'Hmm… 'She hummed. The closeness between them was melting all thoughts but her desirable ache for him.

'I… have to move.'

'Why?' She asked confused, more dazed than anything.

'Because if I don't. I'll do something I'll terribly regret.'

'Regret.' She repeated in a hushed voice. His head was just inches away, she was well aware his lips were not far from her own. He put his head abruptly beside hers and leaned on her shoulder with a slow breath. A sigh?

'You need sleep.' His soft voice against her neck sent chills down her spine. She turned to his neck with out another thought and kissed it lightly. She could feel his pulse quicken under the pressure of her lips. Her heart raced as her lips departed with his warm skin. By the thump of James chest he was too. She let her lips drift up his neck and kissed him once more. The urge to grasp him tight erupted. She held onto her self control and gave him a third kiss on his check. She felt his lips near hers. She could almost feel the soft touch of them graze against the corners of her own.

He turned away, grabbing his hands back. 'I'm sorry for doing that to you Lily.'

Lily inhaled a deep breath, her mind coming back to her. What was I doing? 'You didn't. I did. I don't know why… I'm extremely sorry.'

'No, it was me. You can go to bed if you like; I'll patrol your corridor for you.' He walked out and headed for his corridors. Lily looked into the darkness, angry with herself.