March 5th 1997

"What?" She had been silent for a few minutes, smirking at him from across the table in a small, dimly lit restaurant in the East Village. He loved it, because it was easy for him to lock eyes, to lose himself in the gorgeous hazel across from him. But he was dying to know what she was thinking about, and he had finally gotten the courage to break this silence that he would have easily kept going, had it not been for curiosity.

Karen shook her head. "I'm just trying to figure you out."

"What do you mean?"

"What I told you last night, about my mom? I've never told anyone that before, not even Stan. My husband," she said quickly, realizing that she never gave Will his name before. "So why did I find it so easy to tell you?"

He took her palm into his grasp, weaving his fingers with hers. "Maybe because you realized that I'm not like anyone else in your life." He stopped, giving her a moment to speak, but when she didn't, he continued. "Do you remember what I said to you the night we met? About how I thought you wanted a change?" She nodded. "Would you honestly have come out last night if you didn't?"

She was taken aback. He was so blunt in that moment, straight to the point, like nothing she had ever known with anyone else. He didn't dance around the issue like so many others. But he was right; as much as she didn't want to admit it before, Karen was in desperate need of a change. And Will was that change, she was sure of it. She found her voice again before responding.

"Is that what you're looking for, too?"

Will took a deep breath. "I guess you could say that. I've spent my entire life looking for someone to love me as much as I do them. I thought I had it so many times, but they all grow bored with me. It's how it always goes, I guess."

"No," she replied, immediately. She could have sworn she only thought that, but the look on his face confirmed that she was wrong. She wanted to be the one to prove him wrong, while at the same time, she was beginning to realize this very thing. Stan was once so passionate, so unpredictable, that she couldn't bear to be apart from him; she wanted to see what he would do next. But now, she's lucky if he does the slightest thing that goes against the routine. Karen stood up, tugged on his hand to make him do the same, before taking him in her arms.

"It doesn't always have to be like that," she whispered. "We can be different. We can break the cycle and prove ourselves wrong." She looked at him, ran her fingers through his hair. "I know we've got a lot going against us. But I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't think we could make this work. I just want to be with you."

"What if you get bored with me?" he asked, his voice small like a young boy's.

She pressed her lips against his cheek, remembered what he said to her last night.

"That's never going to happen," she replied. "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." And the conviction in her voice made him believe it.

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"Karen?"

Damn it, he was up; he went to bed early when she left. She made too much noise. The last thing she wanted was his voice coming from the bedroom, the indication that she had woken him up when she did her best to remain silent. Karen was drenched. She and Will had emerged from the subway station only to be met with a downpour. Hand in hand, they ran back to the restaurant they met at and stopped to kiss goodbye in the rain before going their separate ways. She never thought to hail a cab, and opted to pick up her pace to return to her home. But it slipped her mind that Stan would actually be at home, questioning what she was doing out so late.

"Karen?" he asked again. "Where are you?"

"I'll be there in a minute, honey," she called out before scrambling to the bathroom. She remembered leaving her nightgown in there this morning after getting ready for the day. She turned the water on to make it sound like she was showering, changed into the nightgown she found folded on top of a stack of towels. Looking in the mirror, she sighed at the panda eyes her smeared makeup created; the combination of the rainfall and Karen rubbing her eyes when a few drops got in them was not a friendly one to her. She cleaned her face the best she could and once she was done, she turned the water off, standing there a few moments to make sure that her lie was going to be a believable one.

As the last drops of water slid down the drain, Karen thought about what she said to Will. She truly did believe that they could break the cycle. But with Stan still in the picture, she wondered what lengths she had to go to in making sure that she and Will did just that. And as much as she hated the thought of lying to the one who had been in her life for so long, she knew that she would have to if she wanted to keep her little secret.

The sight of Stan in the dark like that, his back turned to her, made her want to cry. It made her want to confess everything, where she'd been, who she was with, what they were doing. It made her want to apologize for it all, to crawl into his arms and forget it ever happened. But when he turned in bed to face her, when she was not met with a smile and "I missed you" but a "Why did it take you so long?" she knew why she ran to Will in the first place.

She felt her hair; it was still damp from the rain outside. "I just wanted to hop in the shower before bed. No big deal," she replied, pulling back the sheets to get into bed.

"You never shower right before bed," he said. He was skeptical, she could tell, but there wasn't any suspicion in his voice. It had been wiped away by the heaviness of sleep.

"I just decided to do it this time. Turning over a new leaf," she said, not willing to give a further explanation, feeling that one was not needed. She placed her hand on his shoulder, wanting to feel his skin. She used to feel like the only person in the world who mattered to him when she did that. She could touch him, and all of his feelings, his beliefs, could find their way to her. But now, she felt absolutely nothing.

No, that wasn't true. She felt longing. For Will.

Stan turned his back to her once again, and she wondered what Will was doing. If he was thinking of her. She touched her hair to feel what the rain had done to it, remembering their night together, wanting so desperately to be in his arms again, instead of laying down next to a man she was beginning to know less and less. She tried to pinpoint the moment when they started to drift apart. But the mere thought of that started to bring tears to her eyes.

She turned her mind to Will.

To his touch.

To their secret.

And because of him, she was able to be at peace once again.