Guardian Knight

Chapter Twelve

The next few days went rather fast. Lily had walked out in rain or shine to see if Harry was by the forest. She had seen him twice since the first encounter, both at night by the moonlit lake. She would sit with the stag stroking him whilst talking about anything that came to her mind. She never mentioned her parents or James after the first night.

When she couldn't find the stag she would sit waiting, hoping he would show. Other then the time spent outside the castle she was found in the library studying, or in the common room.

James often purposely walked passed the library just to catch a glimpse of her. He would stare out the common room window and see if Lily was waiting for his stag form. He regretted being in her presence without her knowing who he really was, but he couldn't resist being able to see her or feel her warmth. Lily gave no sign of James existing in her life and to James being a stag was the only way he was able to be near her. He hadn't stopped loving her. Not at the least. Lily on the other hand had given no sign of anything. She hadn't told anyone of her feelings.

It wasn't long until the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months. James almost found this distance unbearable to the point he couldn't let his eyes drift to her without aching. He had managed to avoid watching her or finding himself in the same room. He would only let himself be of eye sight when he was in his animal form.

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Remus walked up to Lily after their last lesson of Herbology and asked her for a private talk in the owlery. She agreed and followed him to the highest tower. Remus reached the landing and walked inside and sighed looking upon her. 'How are you feeling Lily?'

Lily stood beside the only large window and gazed at the view. 'I'm good and yourself?'

'Don't lie to me.'

Lily turned, shocked with the coldness in his voice. 'I'm sorry?' She said, watching him with caution.

'You're not alright. You haven't been alright for awhile now. You know that, I know that, the whole school basically knows that. But what we don't know is what!? What is it, and why?

Lily gaped at him 'I think I should go.'

'And run away like you have been doing since your parents died. James was there for you. But you left him too.'

Lily cringed. 'Look, I have assig-'

'Lily. I'm trying to help you since your not doing it yourself. I see you're not letting anyone in… why? Why are you ignoring James? What did he do?'

Lily crossed her head angrily.

'I'm sorry I'm saying this in a harsh way but I feel it's the only way to get through to you. Why are you destroying your life by pushing everyone away?'

'You don't understand.' Lily muttered.

'Understand what Lily? The fact that those who are there for you, to make you smile, to laugh are now nothing to you.'

'There not nothing.'

'Well that's how they feel. People are worried they think you're on a nervous break down. They think you and James had a fight. But I know better then that. Your doing this because you have lost your parents, that's very sad and then on top that your closest friend kisses you.'

'How'd you-'

'I was the only person he told. His worried for you. He thinks you hate him from the kiss and can't trust him ever again.' Remus started to pace.

'It's not like that.'

'I know. Because you kissed him back. What do you think of James? Deep down before your thoughts of pushing him away. What did you think of him?'

'The same as I do now.' She said honestly.

'Which is?'

'None of your business. This has been a great conversation, but I should go.'

'He helped you when you needed someone Lily. It hurt him like you wouldn't believe. But he was there for you while fighting off all his feelings for you. Now he's fighting of the same thing you were. Of course you don't know that. No one knows but Sirius and I. But I'm telling you because I believe you're the only one that can help.'

'Look your confusing me Remus?'

'James parents were murdered a week ago.' Lily dropped silent. 'Ever noticed why James hasn't been around you like usual. Why he hasn't been coming to dinner? No because you're too wrapped up in your own problems with pretending he doesn't exist. No one can go through things alone. Believe me I've tried. But now I am asking you to help.'

Lily had her eyes transfixed at the sight of him. He started to walk towards the door. 'You know what, through all of this do you know what James has been doing?' Lily didn't move. 'He has been looking after you. But of course you don't know that either because he can only do it by a distance since you won't let him any closer. He really cares about you…' Remus crossed his head restlessly and walked out. Lily stood there silent for a few minutes not sure how to feel. A tear trickled down her face and she wiped it away, turning to watch the sun set over the heels in the distance and for the sky to grow dark.

There was a noise from the entry. Lily jerked back from her half consciousness wondering how long she had stood there watching out at the grounds. The interruption of human life snapped her from her daze. James had walked in. She gave a little gasp as there eyes met. They stood confused and surprised at seeing one another. He broke the mood and found an owl to tie a letter to its foot. Lily turned back to the window ignoring the shaking in her body.

James peered over at her back. He finished tying the letter to the owl and took a step towards Lily in direction for the window. He stopped behind her and took in a breath. He could smell her perfume, slowly he went to reach out his hand to her, but stopped in regret. He walked past her and let the owl into the night. He watched waiting for it to disappear before walking back passed Lily towards the door. He stopped in his tracks and turned back to her. He went to open his mouth.

Lily could feel his presence still lingering. She wanted to hold him and apologize for everything she has done, to ask how he was and to explain to him of her behavior and finally to tell him the truth. 'James…' She turned to face the room. But it was empty. Her heart sunk and she gave one more look out the castle window before walking through the corridors to the Entrance hall. When she made it through the oak doors she ran to the far side of the lake and surprisingly found the stag already there. She ran up to him. It flung up in surprise. Lily kneeled down and put her arms around him. He stood there solid as she wrapped herself around him. She let go touching his cheek.' Your cheek is wet.' She said shocked. The creature looked away towards the lake. Lily gave him a pat and looked towards the water as well. 'Harry, I'm confused… I've been running from something that I've tried to pretend didn't exist. Because of that, I've lost a great friend. I didn't want to but I knew it was the only way that I could get rid of the feeling I was running from. But I still have it and I'm still running. I want to stop running but if I do I'll hurt him. If I do he'll know that...' She sighed. The stag looked up at her and she hid her face in his fur. He sat by her and leaned his neck in her lap. She looked up at the moon. 'I wish James were here.' The stag jerked his head suddenly. 'You okay?' Lily asked. The stag stayed still and she gave him another pat.

James sat by the window in Transfiguration the next day. He was talking with Sirius. Lily watched them surprised that James gave no sign of loss in his life. He was immune to sadness it seemed. He would have been a good roll model for her if she had seen this when she had broken down.

'Wanna go to the defense club in the Great hall tonight?' Christina whispered over McGonagall's screams at Peter Pettigrew.

'What defense club?' Lily asked puzzled.

'It was in the common room notices. It's just a defense skills class the teachers are showing us. So you in?'

'Properly not.'

'Suit yourself. It's time for lunch.' They picked up there books and left for the great hall. They met up with Victoria and took a seat around the middle of the Gryffindor table.

'Charms next.'

'Yup, good old Charms.'

'Remus, James, Sirius.' Sarah called. 'Come here for a second.'

'What?' Sirius asked walking up to them.

'You going to the defense thing?'

'Yeah why?'

'Because you're going to be my partner so I can kick your arse!'

'You can try!' Sirius lifted his arms to show his muscles. 'These babies aren't going down.'

'What ever mate' James said patting him on the back.

'Hey you can be partnered with Lily and Remus you can be with Victoria. Christina you can have Peter.'

'As if Sarah.' Christina said offended.

'I probably won't be going anyway.' James said. 'Meet you all in Charms, I've got to study.'

'Oh come on Prongs that's boring.' Sirius blustered.

'Yea, but I need to do it.'

'Eat first.' Remus told him.

'Nah, no time.'

Lily grabbed a bun and thrust it towards him. He looked at it hesitantly.

'Yeah, eat on the go.' Sarah nodded.

James put his hand over Lily's and took the bun. He gave her a small nod and left. Remus gave a little smile towards Lily. The groups left half an hour later to Charms and took there normal seats, waiting for the teacher to arrive. James came in a minute later and took a seat as Professor Dumbledore entered the room. Everyone watched as he made his way to the front of the room. 'Good Afternoon. I believe Professor Flitwick is setting up tonight's defense meeting along with a few others. Now we have a choice to make. We can study over what you have previously learnt in class or you could do it in your own time and have a free period?'

Most of the class stood wanting a free period.

'Well then that is the majority, you are free to go. Anyone who wishes to stay can do so. Good day.' He left out the door and everyone cheered running off to do something enjoyable.

Victoria and Sarah had linked arms with Lily and made there way to the common room. They walked in and took the lounge in front of the fire. The marauders came in after them and set up a game of Wizard chess. They called the girls over for a game. Lily watched as James denied a game and headed up to the dormitory. Victoria screamed in delight as she won the first game.

'Round eight.' Sirius bellowed.

They ended up playing all afternoon. More students joined the game. Lily found herself by the fire watching the flames and keeping her preverbal eyes towards the stairs hoping he would return. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to see if he was okay.

Christina gave a laugh as Remus lost for the hundredth time. 'It's six o'clock guys. Let's head down to the Great hall.' A seventh grader called out to the room.

'But we have half an hour.' Sarah said.

'That gives us time to get good seats, come on.'

James walked into the room as everyone was pilling out. Lily saw him appear and made her way to him. She grabbed his arm and he turned noticing her through the crowd.

'Can I please speak to you?' She asked.