April 7th 1997

Oh dear god. It's only 2:30 in the morning. I wonder if he's a heavy sleeper. Maybe I could just slip out before he notices. Grab my things and head home. I'm so…I don't even know what I am anymore. Damn it, I wish he'd wake up so I didn't have to destroy myself like this.

Karen couldn't shut her mind off. As much as she had been anticipating everything that had happened thus far, she was still caught by surprise every time. She stared at the clock on Will's nightstand, willing it to speed up so the sun would rise and she could forget about all the usual things that plagued her. She didn't want to be thinking of Stan right now. She didn't want to feel guilty. And she knew that if Will were awake right now, she wouldn't think or feel any of that. Karen always hated being left alone; it meant that she had nothing better to do than highlight and analyze her insecurities, her wrongdoings, her flaws.

She looked at the floor around the bed; their clothes lay lifeless, the warmth from their bodies' heat had surely left a long time ago. Karen drew her knees up to her chin and sighed. They had made love two hours ago. She knew it was two hours ago; she had glanced at the clock for a quick second while he was unzipping her jeans, saw little red numbers glowing. 12:30 AM. Afterwards, they lay in comfortable silence until Will fell asleep, prepared to pick everything up off the floor when they woke up. But as hard as she tried, Karen couldn't close her eyes and drift off in his arms like she so desperately wanted to.

At 12:30 AM she was so concerned with his fingers on her skin that she didn't have the energy to think of all the things that she probably should have been. The things that she was thinking about now. She wondered what Stan was doing at 12:30 in the morning. She wondered if he was asleep then, if he thought about calling her. If he did call her and she wasn't there to take his call. Oh, god. She didn't even think about that. He had to have it all figured out, if he tried to call. How could she be so stupid not to think of that? He always called at least once when he was away on business, even if it was just to say he got there safely.

She would have to tell Stan. He would have to be heartbroken. She would have to end it with Will. He would have to be heartbroken. She would have to be alone.

It just couldn't go on like this much longer. Could it?

Karen heard the rustling of the sheets next to her. Will. She felt his fingers crawling up her bare spine as she hugged her knees tighter. She closed her eyes; she wanted to feel this one thing before it came crashing down. Even weak with sleep, he was the strongest person she ever knew. Even weak with sleep, his voice was the only thing that could calm her, even if she was too stubborn to realize it at times.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. She didn't answer; how could she? These past few days have been completely idyllic and perfect. She didn't have the heart to ruin it so willingly. Karen looked over at him; his eyes were adjusting to the idea of being open. Even in the dark, even when he wasn't completely awake, he was able to see how troubled she was. How could he do that? She had never met anyone else who could do that. She had never met anyone so in tune with her that he could just take one look at her and know that something's wrong, something's bothering her, something needs to be said.

He rested his weight onto his elbow, caressed her arm with his free hand. "Talk to me."

She took a breath, tried to speak. It couldn't come out. She shook her head and buried her face into her knees. After a moment, she turned her head to peek at him before whispering. Too soft, but it was the best she could do right now.

"How long do we really have?"

"Oh, Karen." There it was. The way he always smiled when he said her name. The way the smile brightened up the syllables, even in the most dismal of situations. He led her to him, and once she was resting against his body, he kissed the crown of her head. "I will never let anyone come between us. I promise you."

"We can tell each other that as much as we want. It's not that easy. What if I let something slip to Stan when I get home? How am I supposed to go back home when I don't want to leave you here?"

He took her hand in his, brushed his lips against her palm. "If you let something slip to Stan when you got home, you could come back here, and you wouldn't have to leave me again."

She laughed a small, breathless, helpless laugh. "You know what I mean," she said a bit louder than she wanted to. She never meant to raise her voice at him. "Okay, fine, let's just say that once this week's over, I go back home and go on with my jaded little life with my husband and I don't let on about you. Where do we go from there? Just back to our downtown secrecy?"

"We could. Or you could start coming here. Karen, you don't need to worry about it nearly as much as you are. We'll figure it out along the way."

Karen sighed and looked at him. "How can you be so sure of that?"

"Because when I look into your eyes, I see someone I can't live without, and I know that I would do anything to keep you in my life."

She was silent for a moment, rested her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat, studied its song. It amazed her how much love Will already had for her. She tried to remember how quickly Stan fell for her. She tried to pinpoint the moment she realized that he was in love with her. But then she realized that she never knew the exact moment that happened, and wondered if it even did in the first place.

"I just…" she started to say it, but didn't know how to word it without hurting him. Will had so easily told her how he felt, and she wanted to give him the same, but… "If I knew how to do this without worrying about Stan ever finding out, I would fall completely in a second, but I don't know how to live in both worlds without them interfering, and because of that, I've been holding back."

"Wow."

"What?"

Will motioned to their naked bodies, covered with his sheets. "If this is what you call holding back, then I'm not sure if I'm prepared for what happens when you fall completely." He gave her a grin.

Karen laughed. As much as she didn't want to have this conversation, she welcomed his joke and took it as a sign that he wasn't hurt by what she just said. The last thing she wanted to do was cause him any pain. He didn't deserve it. If anyone did, it was she. Karen was the one to bring him into this mess. She could have easily stayed home that night, instead of walking to the restaurant to see if he was waiting for her.

"One more thing, though?"

"Yeah. What is it?"

He rested his lips on the crown of her head for a moment, just wanting to feel the weight of her in his arms. He understood why she was so worried; if the roles were reversed, he would feel the same way. He didn't blame her for anything; he never could do that.

"Just to let you know, so you're aware of it when you finally fall. It's actually the best feeling in the world when you hit the ground."