December 1999

"What do you want from me?" God, that was too harsh. But to tell the truth, you surprised me. I was so completely absorbed in my thoughts of you—placing blame on you, on Grace, on myself, trying to pinpoint the exact moment when things started to crack—and when I heard your voice, I was almost certain it was my own mind tricking me. But there you were. This was real.

"I want you to change my night. Don't you want to sit down first?" Not exactly what I expected you to say, but at this point, I'll take anything you give me. Small talk is good. It will give me time to get my bearings, to prepare myself. But then again, have I ever been prepared for anything that happened during our time together?

"I'm fine."

Silence.

"I didn't know Grace was going to come out here that night. I didn't know what she was going to do. If I did, I would have stopped her. I know that we've faced some big obstacles together, but we always got through them. And if I didn't think you were worth it, I wouldn't have tried at all. She was trying to put it in my head that because you were married, you could leave me at any time. And I have to admit, I worried that I didn't have the hold on you I thought I did. But I would rather love you for as long as I can than end it early and spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened."

"You could have stopped by the office; you could have made an effort to see me, Will." I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm trying to defend myself like this. I shouldn't have to defend myself at all; I know what you're doing.

"I know. Believe me, Karen, I've been kicking myself because I didn't do that. But you weren't answering my calls and I thought that you wouldn't give me a chance to talk to you."

"You're probably right." Well, you are.

"What about now?"

"I'm listening." I give you a small smile. "I'm sorry I never picked up the phone. If I had, we'd probably be wrapped in each other instead of awkwardly trying to reconnect." You laugh; god, I missed that so much. To hear that sound now brings back everything I haven't already dug up, and all I want to do right now is get us back to that. I want to make it seem like nothing happened. But I know it's not that easy. "I miss you."

It was faint, barely audible, but I know you just heard that.

Slowly but surely, my voice begins to build up confidence. "I would have come to the apartment, instead of freezing my ass off out here, but I didn't have the key. And I didn't know if you would have wanted me there in the first place."

"I would have let you in."

I take a deep breath. "The truth is, I've been miserable all this time. And when Grace told me what she did…well, I was pissed, but then I thought that maybe there was still a chance. But it's been so long since you stopped calling, and I just figured you gave up and started to forget about me."

You bring me closer to your warmth for the first time in over a year. I didn't realize how much I actually missed. But to feel your hands gracing my waist, the comfort of your skin, makes me understand how badly I longed for it all. It was slight, but I could swear I just felt your lips brush against my cheek, and I hope that I didn't just imagine that.

"Karen, I couldn't get through my days without thinking about you. I told you early on how hard I fell for you. I knew I couldn't recover from that; I didn't want to. This time without you only proved to me how far I actually fell."

It's taking all that I have right now not to take you in, not to press my lips against yours. I lost your taste so long ago; I've been craving it ever since the last time I saw you. But I don't know how you would react if I just went for it. I don't know if you're looking for me to ease my way back into your life, or if we should merely pick up where we left off.

Luckily, I don't have to make that decision.

You kiss me, and the reconnection, after all this time, is something so full of sheer bliss. It kills me that we lost a year with each other. It kills me that I didn't pick up the phone, that I didn't just walk over to your apartment and talk to you after that horrible night in Washington Square. It kills me that I made you give up in March. But at least we have now. We can make up for everything we so foolishly gave up. We can start over. After all of my wishing, and all of my regret, we can finally start over again.

How many people can say they have that opportunity?

"I love you." Before I could stop myself, it slipped out. You're not like Stan; I've always known this. You notice what makes me laugh and what makes me cringe. You're eager to learn what I like and don't like. You can tell when I'm feeling a certain way, and you cater to that emotion without skipping a beat. When I tell you that I love you, you say it back, like you did just now. When I smile, you return it with that grin that I've come to know and love.

"What do you want to do now?" you ask me.

"I want to go home," I tell you with a smile.

Suddenly your eyes go dark. You're still smiling, but I can tell it's not genuine anymore. I couldn't have disappointed you so soon. Please tell me I didn't disappoint you so soon. "You were always saying how you didn't want to go back to him. You used to tell me that you felt more at home with me in my apartment. I thought that that's why you were out so late tonight. I thought you couldn't take it anymore."

I laugh and hope you don't take it the wrong way. "Okay," I begin, "let me rephrase." I dig into my pocket and pull out the crinkled ball of paper that's been living there for over a year. The letter I had written for Stan, that I was hoping to use the night Grace told me it was over. I took it apart, hoping to salvage as much as the letter as I could. It was creased, but you could still read what I had written, and right now, that's all that matters. "I meant it when I took you up on your offer, about the living situation. I'll figure out how to talk to the kids about it. I'll figure out how to handle him. I'll figure out if I should give this letter to him, or if I can actually say all of that to his face. But right now, I was thinking that instead of going to Stan's, I could spend the night at home. With you."

There. That light in your eyes. It's back in full force. I look back to the apartment I used to live in when I was a child. My mother told me that Washington Square Park was the most dangerous of places. But Washington Square Park is a place of love, a place of beauty, a place where second chances are given. A place where I feel like I am truly alive. You can see that. You have made me open my eyes to that. I was so scared that I lost you, Will. You saved me from myself tonight. I was throwing blame around like a child and you saved me from myself.

You start to move towards the subway, towards uptown Manhattan, towards home. You hold your hand out for me. "What are we waiting for?" you ask with a smile. I grab your hand and let you lead me home. Take me where you will.

I'm with you now. Nothing else matters.