Chapter 15 – The Aftermath
Brian came running when he heard me crying. He's a really nice guy. I mean that. He gets confused sort of easy but other then that he's pretty nice.
"Ah Letty. Don't cry. It's gonna be fine." Brian sat beside me and put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side.
I'm not happy with myself for being so weak about this whole thing but lord help me I wrapped my arms around his neck and grabbed him back as I sobbed.
"He never loved me Bri." I wailed. "He was always just using me."
"Letty that's not true. I saw how he acted around you. He was always looking out for you, watching to make sure you were ok. He loves you. He bothered to call you didn't he."
"Yeah, to yell at me." I sniffled and looked up at Brian. I guess I knew Dom had loved me at one point but it sure didn't feel like he did right at that moment. And I really wondered to myself if he had in the last long time. I know he did when I was 16 and he bought me my car.
Back when things were simpler.
Back when his father was still alive.
I don't know when things started to go south but they did and I just don't personally think that Dom has really loved me for a long time.
Ok, and that's not totally fair either. He really loves me but I don't think he's been in love with me for a long time. If he had he wouldn't have hurt me the way he has for the last year or so.
"To be worried about you. He called because he was worried about you. What did he say?" Brian asked gently.
"He wanted to know if I was ok. Then when he found out I was racing he flipped out. He says I shouldn't be doing it without him around."
"See, he's worried about you."
"No he's not. He thinks I'm not smart enough to know if I should race some guy or not without his help to figure if I can beat the guy or not. And you know what? I'm not him. I don't have to win every race. I might, because I'm really good. But you'd never know that from how Dom treats me when it comes to racing. I'm not the one who thinks the world would end if I lost a race or two."
"But it is dangerous Letty. See, he's just worried about you. He loves you."
"When did loving someone become trying to run their life and tell them what to do for every aspect of it? He's fine with me being around races as long as I act like Racer Chaser Barbie and just stand against my car and look good. If I want to really race he's always got a reason why I can't."
Brian sighed.
"Maybe because he wants to keep you safe and not see you be disappointed if you lose."
"I'm a big girl Brian. I don't need him to keep me safe. And he sees me disappointed all the time when his sorry ass does something else stupid."
"No, you don't need anyone to keep you safe, I know that. And you're proving that to him now. Give it time Letty. You know what they say about not knowing what you had till it's gone. It won't be long now till Dom realizes the mistakes he's made have driven you away and he'll tell you he's sorry."
"He's said he's sorry so many times. It's just that I don't feel he really means it. It's just lip service to me so that I'll leave him alone. If he could just really mean it Brian, I think everything would be ok if he ever told me he was sorry and meant it."
"The day is coming. He's gonna realize what he lost when you walked out of his life Letty. Plus he seemed worried about you when he found out you were living with a guy."
"He seemed jealous is what he seemed."
"Well, guys don't get jealous unless they really don't want to share what they're jealous over. If he really didn't care about you he'd never get jealous over you living with another guy. He'd just be happy you had someone watching over you."
"You think?" I asked hopefully. That would be a light at the end of the tunnel. A small little light, but a light none the less.
"For sure. I've dated girls I didn't really feel for and when they all got smart and dumped my ass for other guys I never felt a minute of jealousy."
Brian's eyes got sad.
"But ever since I left L.A. every time I thought of Mia and wondered if she'd found someone else I got so jealous."
Brian looked down at me, meeting me eyes.
"See, I really care about her so the thought of her with another guy kills me every time I think about it. I wonder if she's moved on, maybe she fell for Vince. You know how she loves to take care of people and he'd surely need someone to take care of him after his accident. Or maybe some other blonde idiot walked into that silly little café and sat down with his car magazine and ordered her tuna sandwich with no crusts and she decided he needed someone. It bugs the hell out of me Lett. And that is why I know I still love her. If Dom's jealous of you over some guy he doesn't even know then he still loves you Letty. I couldn't care less if Monica is dating 10 other guys. I mean, I hope she's happy but I'm sure not jealous of her finding a new man."
Yay! Brian still loves Mia. I was fairly sure but not totally. But now I know for sure. It's a great weight off my shoulders.
"Mia never so much as dated another guy since everything happened. So I think when I'm ready to go back it'll be a good thing for you to Bri. You sound almost like a bitter old woman." I laughed and it felt good.
"Bitter old woman?" Brian asked then laughed too. It was nice.
And the more we thought about it the more we laughed. We laughed till tears ran down our faces and then we laughed some more. I think the two of us realized silly both of us had been acting and how bitter we both really were.
"Oh Brian. It's good to get that stuff out in the open. And thanks for trying to make me feel better."
"Thanks for listening to me blabber on my bitter way and thanks for trying to make me feel better too."
"You're welcome. I'm going to bed." I stood up and offered a hand to Brian to help him up.
"That sounds good. So, you and Rome are going exploring Miami tomorrow huh?"
Brian took my hand and stood.
"I guess so, if he still wants to take me."
"Rome, want to take a pretty girl out in Miami alone in his convertible? Never. Letty, if you forgot he'd be down here to remind you pretty quick."
"Why?"
"He's just the good time guy. He likes doing stuff like that."
I nodded. Sounded like just the tour guide I needed.
"Letty?"
"Yeah Bri?"
"Just be careful ok?"
"How so?"
"Well, I know you're mad at Dom for acting like an ass, and I know that you're looking to have a good time and forget about some stuff, but I don't want to see you get hurt. I just want you to think about what you want sort of long term." He sighed, like he was scared I was going to be mad.
I pulled a chair out at the table for him and gestured for him to sit down, going to bed forgotten for the moment. I think Brian and I had to talk about the Rome situation because it was clearly on Brian's mind.
"Sit down Brian. I guess I've known this is bothering you for a while now so we may as well talk about it now."
With a look my way Brian sat.
"What's bothering you Brian?"
"It's just that you know if Dom finds out you saw another guy seriously while you were gone he's gonna flip out."
"Maybe but he did also pretty much give away his right to say much about it when he told me we were on a break."
"But he's not gonna see it that way."
"His problem."
Brian nodded I was correct then continued.
"Plus Rome is the good time guy. I just don't want to see you fall for him and then find out the hard way he's not looking for a long term commitment. He's always been the guy who just dates. He's really not the girlfriend type."
"But I'm not looking for a new boyfriend, remember? I'm just looking for a few good times."
"I know you say that Letty but the thing is he's about as different from Dom as you could get. What if you fall for his easy going attitude and the fact that he doesn't care what you do? Then he moves on to another girl, like he likely will and you're left without a boyfriend again. I know I'm not good at saying this stuff but I just don't want to see him hurt you because he thinks your fair game. Like he figures your just playing at being single for awhile and you're going to go running back to Dom someday so he can just flirt and play with you for now because there's no chance of it going anywhere."
"But I'm not looking for a boyfriend and I figure I will go back to L.A. someday. Whether I get back with Dom or not is anyone's guess but I'm not going to fall head over heals in love with Rome Brian. He's not really my type anyway. I just think he's fun and nice and since he offered to show me around I'm going to let him. I promise I'll keep in mind that nothing about Miami is permanent ok?"
"Ok. I forget how together you have it sometimes Reina. I never met another girl who's got herself as together as you."
"How do you figure?"
I'm the together one? The one who was just sobbing on his kitchen floor. That's his idea of together? Damn.
"You kept the garage running. You think I didn't see how if it wasn't for you Dom would just get into making race cars. You're the one who thought of costs and volumes and stuff. I saw that. You and Mia. But when it came to the garage it was mostly you. You know yourself so well. You know what you want out of life. Sometimes getting it is hard but you still know what it is you want. You're confident and you know yourself pretty well too."
"Yeah I was running the garage a lot, but I was also mad at Dom half the time, yelled at him about just talking to other girls in front of a whole crowd of people, and well, I tend to be a very angry person. Not totally my idea of together."
"Yeah, you can be that way. Kinda angry. But it's not like you don't have reasons. Maybe when you go back you'll have figured out a way around that."
"You're right, maybe it's time I stopped making excuses for why I'm angry so I can just stay angry and looked at why I feel that way all the time and worked on a solution."
"That's probably true Letty. But for that to happen you need to go home and face up to Dominic."
"Yeah I do. And I will. Just not right away. I think I have some growing up to do first. I can see that I do need to go have it out with him once and for all to his face and hope when the dust settles we can build a relationship where we're equals instead of me being second to him. I mean, I really became dependant on him and Vince too and I think I need to learn to take care of myself for a while. Not to mention how dependant on Mia I was. How dependant she was on me. She's the one I really worry about."
"Why?" Brian asked.
I watched as he stood up and started to pace.
"Is something wrong with her?" He asked as he turned to face me.
"She's always been the fragile one Bri. Never been as strong as the rest of us. That's one of the reasons why Vince didn't want to see you around. I mean, sure he was in love with her. May still be. But mostly he had just seen one too many guys break her. Then the rest of us had to be there to pick up the pieces. Vince'd never hurt her like the other have. And I know you didn't do it on purpose, or at least you couldn't help it. But the fact still remains that ever since grade school she's been the girl that got picked on for various things and she never learned how to deal with it so it didn't hurt her. I learned fast and then it was my job to stand up for her."
"Mia got picked on in school? Why?"
"For being too pretty. For having Dominic as a brother. He's always been sort of the wild badass type. But since Mia was the opposite it didn't help her much. Girls always see her as some sort of threat because she's so pretty. And she's like the perfect woman. She cooks, she cleans, she sings, she'll be an awesome mom. She's pretty and smart. If she was just one or the other then she'd likely have gotten off easier then she did."
"What about you? Did you get picked on too?"
"Not as much because people learned quick that I had the right hook to back up my threats. I got in trouble a lot at school. I can't count how many times Van had to come collect me from the principal's office."
"Van?"
"Dom and Mia's father. He practically raised me too. It's not like the school could ever get a hold of my parents. So when they found out I was practically living at the Toretto's house anyway they just started calling Van."
"Was he mad about it?"
"Naw, not Van. He was the nicest guy on earth. And he knew I was just sticking up for Mia half the time anyway. He'd just take me home for the rest of the day and let me help him work on his car or in the garage. Dom hated it. He always treated me like a pest. Till I turned 16 and he decided it was ok to like me then."
I laughed with the memory of how it almost was just like a light switch. One day I was too young to really notice the next I was 16 and everything was fine.
"Decided it was ok to like you?"
"Yeah, he didn't think a 'man of his age' should be interested in a 'girl of my age' till I turned 16 then he figured I was old enough to make up my own mind. I think it helped that his dad really approved. Van wanted to see us together. I know we're letting him down with how we've been treating each other lately."
"You're not letting anyone down. Maybe you've been together so long it was really time for a break to try and remember why you got together in the first place."
I nodded.
"So how did you end up officially together?"
I told Brian the story of the purple Silvia. He sat quietly through the whole thing. It seemed to touch him in some way though. Then he suggested we really go to bed.
Being dead tired myself I agreed and we did so.
Brian came running when he heard me crying. He's a really nice guy. I mean that. He gets confused sort of easy but other then that he's pretty nice.
"Ah Letty. Don't cry. It's gonna be fine." Brian sat beside me and put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side.
I'm not happy with myself for being so weak about this whole thing but lord help me I wrapped my arms around his neck and grabbed him back as I sobbed.
"He never loved me Bri." I wailed. "He was always just using me."
"Letty that's not true. I saw how he acted around you. He was always looking out for you, watching to make sure you were ok. He loves you. He bothered to call you didn't he."
"Yeah, to yell at me." I sniffled and looked up at Brian. I guess I knew Dom had loved me at one point but it sure didn't feel like he did right at that moment. And I really wondered to myself if he had in the last long time. I know he did when I was 16 and he bought me my car.
Back when things were simpler.
Back when his father was still alive.
I don't know when things started to go south but they did and I just don't personally think that Dom has really loved me for a long time.
Ok, and that's not totally fair either. He really loves me but I don't think he's been in love with me for a long time. If he had he wouldn't have hurt me the way he has for the last year or so.
"To be worried about you. He called because he was worried about you. What did he say?" Brian asked gently.
"He wanted to know if I was ok. Then when he found out I was racing he flipped out. He says I shouldn't be doing it without him around."
"See, he's worried about you."
"No he's not. He thinks I'm not smart enough to know if I should race some guy or not without his help to figure if I can beat the guy or not. And you know what? I'm not him. I don't have to win every race. I might, because I'm really good. But you'd never know that from how Dom treats me when it comes to racing. I'm not the one who thinks the world would end if I lost a race or two."
"But it is dangerous Letty. See, he's just worried about you. He loves you."
"When did loving someone become trying to run their life and tell them what to do for every aspect of it? He's fine with me being around races as long as I act like Racer Chaser Barbie and just stand against my car and look good. If I want to really race he's always got a reason why I can't."
Brian sighed.
"Maybe because he wants to keep you safe and not see you be disappointed if you lose."
"I'm a big girl Brian. I don't need him to keep me safe. And he sees me disappointed all the time when his sorry ass does something else stupid."
"No, you don't need anyone to keep you safe, I know that. And you're proving that to him now. Give it time Letty. You know what they say about not knowing what you had till it's gone. It won't be long now till Dom realizes the mistakes he's made have driven you away and he'll tell you he's sorry."
"He's said he's sorry so many times. It's just that I don't feel he really means it. It's just lip service to me so that I'll leave him alone. If he could just really mean it Brian, I think everything would be ok if he ever told me he was sorry and meant it."
"The day is coming. He's gonna realize what he lost when you walked out of his life Letty. Plus he seemed worried about you when he found out you were living with a guy."
"He seemed jealous is what he seemed."
"Well, guys don't get jealous unless they really don't want to share what they're jealous over. If he really didn't care about you he'd never get jealous over you living with another guy. He'd just be happy you had someone watching over you."
"You think?" I asked hopefully. That would be a light at the end of the tunnel. A small little light, but a light none the less.
"For sure. I've dated girls I didn't really feel for and when they all got smart and dumped my ass for other guys I never felt a minute of jealousy."
Brian's eyes got sad.
"But ever since I left L.A. every time I thought of Mia and wondered if she'd found someone else I got so jealous."
Brian looked down at me, meeting me eyes.
"See, I really care about her so the thought of her with another guy kills me every time I think about it. I wonder if she's moved on, maybe she fell for Vince. You know how she loves to take care of people and he'd surely need someone to take care of him after his accident. Or maybe some other blonde idiot walked into that silly little café and sat down with his car magazine and ordered her tuna sandwich with no crusts and she decided he needed someone. It bugs the hell out of me Lett. And that is why I know I still love her. If Dom's jealous of you over some guy he doesn't even know then he still loves you Letty. I couldn't care less if Monica is dating 10 other guys. I mean, I hope she's happy but I'm sure not jealous of her finding a new man."
Yay! Brian still loves Mia. I was fairly sure but not totally. But now I know for sure. It's a great weight off my shoulders.
"Mia never so much as dated another guy since everything happened. So I think when I'm ready to go back it'll be a good thing for you to Bri. You sound almost like a bitter old woman." I laughed and it felt good.
"Bitter old woman?" Brian asked then laughed too. It was nice.
And the more we thought about it the more we laughed. We laughed till tears ran down our faces and then we laughed some more. I think the two of us realized silly both of us had been acting and how bitter we both really were.
"Oh Brian. It's good to get that stuff out in the open. And thanks for trying to make me feel better."
"Thanks for listening to me blabber on my bitter way and thanks for trying to make me feel better too."
"You're welcome. I'm going to bed." I stood up and offered a hand to Brian to help him up.
"That sounds good. So, you and Rome are going exploring Miami tomorrow huh?"
Brian took my hand and stood.
"I guess so, if he still wants to take me."
"Rome, want to take a pretty girl out in Miami alone in his convertible? Never. Letty, if you forgot he'd be down here to remind you pretty quick."
"Why?"
"He's just the good time guy. He likes doing stuff like that."
I nodded. Sounded like just the tour guide I needed.
"Letty?"
"Yeah Bri?"
"Just be careful ok?"
"How so?"
"Well, I know you're mad at Dom for acting like an ass, and I know that you're looking to have a good time and forget about some stuff, but I don't want to see you get hurt. I just want you to think about what you want sort of long term." He sighed, like he was scared I was going to be mad.
I pulled a chair out at the table for him and gestured for him to sit down, going to bed forgotten for the moment. I think Brian and I had to talk about the Rome situation because it was clearly on Brian's mind.
"Sit down Brian. I guess I've known this is bothering you for a while now so we may as well talk about it now."
With a look my way Brian sat.
"What's bothering you Brian?"
"It's just that you know if Dom finds out you saw another guy seriously while you were gone he's gonna flip out."
"Maybe but he did also pretty much give away his right to say much about it when he told me we were on a break."
"But he's not gonna see it that way."
"His problem."
Brian nodded I was correct then continued.
"Plus Rome is the good time guy. I just don't want to see you fall for him and then find out the hard way he's not looking for a long term commitment. He's always been the guy who just dates. He's really not the girlfriend type."
"But I'm not looking for a new boyfriend, remember? I'm just looking for a few good times."
"I know you say that Letty but the thing is he's about as different from Dom as you could get. What if you fall for his easy going attitude and the fact that he doesn't care what you do? Then he moves on to another girl, like he likely will and you're left without a boyfriend again. I know I'm not good at saying this stuff but I just don't want to see him hurt you because he thinks your fair game. Like he figures your just playing at being single for awhile and you're going to go running back to Dom someday so he can just flirt and play with you for now because there's no chance of it going anywhere."
"But I'm not looking for a boyfriend and I figure I will go back to L.A. someday. Whether I get back with Dom or not is anyone's guess but I'm not going to fall head over heals in love with Rome Brian. He's not really my type anyway. I just think he's fun and nice and since he offered to show me around I'm going to let him. I promise I'll keep in mind that nothing about Miami is permanent ok?"
"Ok. I forget how together you have it sometimes Reina. I never met another girl who's got herself as together as you."
"How do you figure?"
I'm the together one? The one who was just sobbing on his kitchen floor. That's his idea of together? Damn.
"You kept the garage running. You think I didn't see how if it wasn't for you Dom would just get into making race cars. You're the one who thought of costs and volumes and stuff. I saw that. You and Mia. But when it came to the garage it was mostly you. You know yourself so well. You know what you want out of life. Sometimes getting it is hard but you still know what it is you want. You're confident and you know yourself pretty well too."
"Yeah I was running the garage a lot, but I was also mad at Dom half the time, yelled at him about just talking to other girls in front of a whole crowd of people, and well, I tend to be a very angry person. Not totally my idea of together."
"Yeah, you can be that way. Kinda angry. But it's not like you don't have reasons. Maybe when you go back you'll have figured out a way around that."
"You're right, maybe it's time I stopped making excuses for why I'm angry so I can just stay angry and looked at why I feel that way all the time and worked on a solution."
"That's probably true Letty. But for that to happen you need to go home and face up to Dominic."
"Yeah I do. And I will. Just not right away. I think I have some growing up to do first. I can see that I do need to go have it out with him once and for all to his face and hope when the dust settles we can build a relationship where we're equals instead of me being second to him. I mean, I really became dependant on him and Vince too and I think I need to learn to take care of myself for a while. Not to mention how dependant on Mia I was. How dependant she was on me. She's the one I really worry about."
"Why?" Brian asked.
I watched as he stood up and started to pace.
"Is something wrong with her?" He asked as he turned to face me.
"She's always been the fragile one Bri. Never been as strong as the rest of us. That's one of the reasons why Vince didn't want to see you around. I mean, sure he was in love with her. May still be. But mostly he had just seen one too many guys break her. Then the rest of us had to be there to pick up the pieces. Vince'd never hurt her like the other have. And I know you didn't do it on purpose, or at least you couldn't help it. But the fact still remains that ever since grade school she's been the girl that got picked on for various things and she never learned how to deal with it so it didn't hurt her. I learned fast and then it was my job to stand up for her."
"Mia got picked on in school? Why?"
"For being too pretty. For having Dominic as a brother. He's always been sort of the wild badass type. But since Mia was the opposite it didn't help her much. Girls always see her as some sort of threat because she's so pretty. And she's like the perfect woman. She cooks, she cleans, she sings, she'll be an awesome mom. She's pretty and smart. If she was just one or the other then she'd likely have gotten off easier then she did."
"What about you? Did you get picked on too?"
"Not as much because people learned quick that I had the right hook to back up my threats. I got in trouble a lot at school. I can't count how many times Van had to come collect me from the principal's office."
"Van?"
"Dom and Mia's father. He practically raised me too. It's not like the school could ever get a hold of my parents. So when they found out I was practically living at the Toretto's house anyway they just started calling Van."
"Was he mad about it?"
"Naw, not Van. He was the nicest guy on earth. And he knew I was just sticking up for Mia half the time anyway. He'd just take me home for the rest of the day and let me help him work on his car or in the garage. Dom hated it. He always treated me like a pest. Till I turned 16 and he decided it was ok to like me then."
I laughed with the memory of how it almost was just like a light switch. One day I was too young to really notice the next I was 16 and everything was fine.
"Decided it was ok to like you?"
"Yeah, he didn't think a 'man of his age' should be interested in a 'girl of my age' till I turned 16 then he figured I was old enough to make up my own mind. I think it helped that his dad really approved. Van wanted to see us together. I know we're letting him down with how we've been treating each other lately."
"You're not letting anyone down. Maybe you've been together so long it was really time for a break to try and remember why you got together in the first place."
I nodded.
"So how did you end up officially together?"
I told Brian the story of the purple Silvia. He sat quietly through the whole thing. It seemed to touch him in some way though. Then he suggested we really go to bed.
Being dead tired myself I agreed and we did so.