Chapter 21 – The Real You
Oh man, 7 am comes early when you didn't go to bed till 12 am. When my alarm went off I wanted to cry. I was stiff from being bent over the rear hatch of the Acura for so much of yesterday. Not to mention my knuckle hurt like a mother fucker.
With a groan I silenced the alarm and snuck into the bathroom. I didn't know when Brian had gotten back but I'd be willing to bet this was going to be one of those days that he didn't get started at Tej's till late. I hadn't heard him come home and he wasn't making any noise now.
I wanted to be up there working by 8 so I had to get a move on. After a quick shower I chucked on a pair of boxers, realizing they were Dom's after I had them on and decided it wasn't worth changing over, than I added a pair of stained shop cargos and a similarly marked wife beater. I stopped in the kitchen long enough to have a bowl of lucky charms and then I was off to the garage.
I used the key that Brian had made sure I got for the side door to get into the garage and headed to what I had dubbed my exam car. Damn thing hadn't fixed itself over night either. I'd had such high hopes for that happening. I set about removing the rear glass first so it wouldn't get broken by mistake and then went back to prepping the engine for removal. I was making a mental list of what I had to order as I went. I really hope Tej has as much money as he seems to because this thing needs a lot of parts and parts for this car aren't cheap.
I looked it up and an engine for the car costs 40,000 to buy new. The pistons are worth close to a thousand bucks each. You know, I think in this car I could beat Dom. When I'm done with it it'll be better then it ever was and fast enough to snap necks when it leaves the line. But its gonna cost Tej quite a bit to get it that way. Since he told me to go nuts I'm going to. I'm ordering the best of everything and doing this car up with one intent, to kill on the street and track. It'll be pretty close to untouchable. I bet Brian's skyline might keep up with it for a while but in the end this Acura would be able to edge him out.
I really want to design the paint job so bad. That's another reason why I really want to get the car done. I get to design the paint if I finish it. It'll be my most ambitious design yet if I get to do it. You know, I use to think all the time that I'd love to go back to school and learn body work? Dom would never hear of it of course. He had lots of reasons, all bull shit and all not fair.
He needed me there as a mechanic. We hardly got all the work done as it was, let alone if I left for a year to go to school. We didn't have the money. Mia's school already cost too much. I loved being a mechanic and why would I want to change it?
He didn't seem to get the fact that I could be both a mechanic and do auto body repair. And he didn't seem to care it was what I wanted to do. But of course Mia had to do what she wanted to do. Heaven forbid the perfect little sister didn't get all the opportunities. And that's not even really fair. Dom did dote on Mia more then he did on me, but he'd pretty much forced her to go his way.
Med school wasn't even what she wanted to do. It was what Dom wanted her to do. And she was smart enough for med school. And she even liked helping people and so I think she'll do ok as a doctor. But she felt forced into it too. She didn't ultimately want to do it. It was what Dom wanted for her. And Mia, unlike myself, pretty much always does what Dom wants to avoid the inevitable fights they'll have if she doesn't.
Mia wanted to be a fashion designer. She's got a great sense of style. She was forever trying to get me to dress more fashionably. Poor girl just didn't get the fact that I really didn't care what I looked like most of the time. All I wanted was to have Dom's attention and be comfortable. Mia wanted to look like she belonged in 'Vogue' more often then not. She succeeded most of the time.
Dom just does what he thinks is good for us. I know that. But we know what's good for us too. We don't really need him to decide for us all the time. But he mostly gets his way and as such Mia's in med school and I'm just a mechanic. But you know, I could change that while I'm out here. I could try to get into a body work school out here. Dom's not here to say anything.
I wonder how Jesse's doing at home without me. I finally convinced him to get into adult education classes on his computer to try and get his GED. He's too smart to go around thinking he's stupid just because he dropped out of high school. If he had his GED at least it might make him feel better. Might convince him finally he's not stupid. He knows he's good at engines and math and he thinks that's it.
I think if he has the time and the right person to help him he can pass his English and Science too. But he didn't want anyone to know he was trying so it was just me and him. I was helping him in the evenings. But now I'm not around.
Poor Jesse. He's such a good kid. He's been through a lot and I don't even know about all of it. I know about more of it then the rest of the team though. Except Leon. Leon and Jesse tell each other everything. But Jesse and I got close too. I'm sort of surprised that he didn't latch onto Mia, since she's like the mother figure of the team and I think that's what Jesse was looking for. But maybe a tough older sister suited him better.
It scares me to note he's older then I am. I claim that mental years count and say I'm the older one but based on year of birth he's 23 and I'm 22 so he's older. I know that Jesse has a job doing what he loves for Dom so he doesn't really need to go to school to prove anything to us, but I think he has to prove it to himself more then anything. Maybe he'll tell Leon what he's up to and get Leon to help him. I hope so.
I went to get the cherry picker to lift the engine at that point because I was about ready to remove the motor mounts.
I hooked up the engine chain to support the weight of the motor and then jacked up the transmission to hold it in place. I crawled under the car and started to unbolt the engine from the transmission in preparation to yank the engine out of the car.
Then I stood up again and just started unhooking things again. It was sort of boring but it had to be done.
About an hour later I stood up and stretched. I checked the clock and it was 9am. I wondered where everyone was. I figured they'd all be in by 9. That's why I'd shown up so early. I wanted to get a start on the car while I was with it alone. Well, I guess Rome did say that sometime if they had late nights they didn't start work right at 9.
I'm kind of happy about that anyway because it gives me more time to just work at this alone. I work better alone. I can talk things out to myself and listen to my own music as loud as I want. But I needed a quick Pepsi break. I stopped working and walked back to the cooler Tej kept stocked for us in the back.
I grabbed the bottle of cola, twisted the cap off and started to chug it. I contemplated the ugly paintjob on what was left of the Acura as I stood there. It was hideous. It was brown and yellow and it had little things all over the brown parts in the same yellow as the rest of it. I know I'm not doing the ugliness justice so you'll just have to take my word for it. But ugly didn't begin to explain how hideous this car was. I wondered if it was a Suki design cattily. Such a nice car, but done up so ugly. I have a few ideas kickin around in my head for how it'll look when I get to design it. And I will get to.
I chugged down the last of my drink and got back to work. I got the engine out of the car inside another hour and half then mounted it on a stand. Then I started to clean up the engine compartment. I got lost into my world of music and engines, full of touches and sounds.
Around lunch time the others started to flow in. I was under the car at the time trying to get something free. I don't think they knew I was under the car.
"Holy shit, she got the engine out." Tej stated.
"So?" Rome asked.
"She's already farther along then I thought she would be and she's going a lot faster then I thought she would too." Tej continued.
"Wonder if that's why she's not here." Suki said, and I could hear the sneer in her voice.
"I told you my Reina was the shit Tej, and you doubted me." Brian added. I could hear the almost paternal look of pride that would be on his face. It was nice to be something someone was proud of for once. "And damn Suki, she left to come up here at like 7:30. If she takes a lunch break she definitely deserves one."
"She's gonna have the car done on time at this rate." I wasn't sure if Tej sounded happy about that.
I realized I was in a bit of a bind. They'd been talking about me and only Brian and Rome hadn't said anything they wouldn't want me to hear. The other two were liable to be mad I'd just listened to them speak without letting on I was still there. I had to let them know I was still there but somehow make them think I hadn't heard anything else they'd said.
I didn't want to look too hard at why I wanted to keep quiet. It was sort of cowardly after all. There was one time that I would have just rolled out from under that car and started talking trash about how dare they say things about me, implying I wasn't as good a mechanic as I let on. I'd have wanted to know what the fuck their problem with me was back in L.A. But for some reason I didn't want them to know I'd heard their slurs. Didn't want them to know they'd managed to hurt my feelings. I'm out of my element here and it's colouring how I react to situations. I don't like it. Plus I'm relying on Tej for a job and to catch races.
I figured it out after a moment of thinking on it. I yawned loudly, stretched so that my arm showed out from under the car and then rolled out with what I hoped was a sleepy look in my eyes.
I really do wonder what the hell the problem is. It was sort of obvious that Tej and Suki had one. Not Brian or Rome obviously, and Jimmy was pretty indifferent. I sure wasn't use to having my mechanical skills doubted.
"Hey guys. I musta fallen asleep for a few there once I'd gotten that mount free finally." I said, holding up the offending piece of the car in my left hand. "You guys been here long?"
Suki and Tej looked incredibly relieved when they thought I didn't hear them. Brian came up to me and gave me a quick hug, leaving his arm draped over my shoulders.
"Girl, you don't need to be up here this early. You're ahead of schedule."
"I know. You know me Bri, I have to keep busy."
"True, true. Just remember there are other things to do in Miami that don't involve working yourself to death."
"It's only for two weeks. I'll be fine. But I'm gonna go get some lunch. Anyone want anything?"
A chorus of 'I'm fines' went up around the room. Then Rome answered.
"I could eat."
Everyone laughed because Rome could always eat.
"That's cool. You can show me where else is good to eat in this town."
"Deal. Let's go. We taken your car?" Rome looked a bit green.
"If you don't mind." I answered and headed for the door.
"Of course not." Rome answered. I could tell he was forcing indifference. I found that really funny for some reason. I'd scared big bad Rome with my driving. That was sort of funny wasn't it? Brian had told me he use to do crash derbies but I'd managed to scare him with my driving.
"Ok, let's go then." If he wanted to play the big tough guy then I'd let him.
We drove to another restaurant he knew of and I did my best to make him freak out and tell me to slow down or stop acting crazy but he never did. He just sat in his seat clearly scared and sucked it up. No matter how hard I pushed he wouldn't crack. My respect for him went up a few notches.
We ate, chatted about nothing for the first age. Then on the way back Rome looked at me.
"Why'd you let on you been asleep through Tej and Suki talking about you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I know you were awake the whole time. Why'd you let them think you didn't hear them?"
"How'd you know I was awake?"
"The look in your eyes when you stood up from under the car. I could tell you heard the whole thing."
That was scary. No one knows me that well. This guy's known me for all of a week or so but he already knows when I'm hiding stuff. Dom doesn't know when I'm hiding stuff half the time. I find it hard to lie to Dom but easy to hide stuff from him. Rome knew already that I'd been pretending and I'd thought I'd done a good job of hiding it.
"I guess I just didn't want to get in a big fight with them."
"But that's not your style."
"How would you know?" I asked a bit defensively.
I was a bit on edge to find out there was someone who could see right through me. How was I supposed to hide when I was hurting if Rome would always know? No one was supposed to know when I was putting on a tough act. Everyone was supposed to think I was just tough. They weren't supposed to know half the time it was just an act.
"Because Brian talked about you so much. I mean he never came right out and told me who he was talking about. He always just said a girl from L.A. But I could tell when he was talking about Mia and when it was you. You're the girl who never backs down. I don't think you know how much Brian admires you. He was always talking about how you never stepped back, never let things get out of your control. How you always knew what you wanted and how you wanted it and just went out and got it."
"But everything got out of my control. I had no control. It was all a big act. Something I had to keep up for appearances. I tried to hold on to the threads but they all slipped through my fingers. I tried to keep everyone safe and I couldn't. I tried to keep it together and I couldn't. I failed at it so bad. That's why I didn't say anything. I can't fail here too and if I start mouthing off I'm going to because I'm not going to get the job here and I'm not going to get to race. It's not my style but my style wasn't working out so well for me anyway."
"Your style is your style girl. You shouldn't try to change it for Tej, not for anyone. I mean, Brian's a pretty good judge of character. He had to be to make a good cop. And he liked you the way you were. He admired you. And you shouldn't be taking shit all of a sudden just for Tej. He'd get over it if you stood up for yourself."
"I guess. I'm just so unsure of myself here and I don't like it at all." I don't know why I felt the need to talk to Rome, to confess this stuff to him. I'd never had anyone but Mia I could admit weaknesses to before. I always had to be the girl who didn't have any discernible weaknesses.
It has a lot to do with how I was as a kid and a lot to do with how things were with Dom. I was scared if people knew I had weaknesses they'd know how to hurt me and I couldn't have that. I had to have the walls to protect me. I know that those very walls are why so many people think I'm the world's biggest bitch. But I'd rather be a bitch then have people know just how weak I am inside.
"You're new here girl. It's ok to be unsure about how you fit in here. It'll be obvious how you fit in with us in a little while. It's gotta work itself out on its own. But how's it gonna do that if you try to be something you're not to fit in? You'll fit in the way you really are but if you let us get to know a fake you then you'll fit in but you won't because it won't be the real you who we all got to know. Everyone will like the real you, you don't have to put on an act. Hell, you already got Brian wrapped around your little finger and you're half way there with me too." Rome admitted with a smirk.
"Really?" I asked Rome with the same sarcastic tone I'd used on Dom when he'd told me he'd had a dream about me and him on a beach in Mexico. That dream had never materialized and I think this line that Rome's feeding me about being in the palm of my hand is a big line of bull too.
"Yeah. You're the coolest girl I know other then Suki."
"Now you're just trying to make me feel better."
"Well, it's true and I'm trying to make you feel better. Is it working?"
"Yeah." I admitted with a reluctant smile.
We arrived back at the garage and headed in. I stopped Rome at the door.
"Thanks."
"No problem. Remember, no more pretending to be something you're not. You're not Mary sunshine so don't front on it."
"Aiight, but I hope you know what you're asking for."
Oh man, 7 am comes early when you didn't go to bed till 12 am. When my alarm went off I wanted to cry. I was stiff from being bent over the rear hatch of the Acura for so much of yesterday. Not to mention my knuckle hurt like a mother fucker.
With a groan I silenced the alarm and snuck into the bathroom. I didn't know when Brian had gotten back but I'd be willing to bet this was going to be one of those days that he didn't get started at Tej's till late. I hadn't heard him come home and he wasn't making any noise now.
I wanted to be up there working by 8 so I had to get a move on. After a quick shower I chucked on a pair of boxers, realizing they were Dom's after I had them on and decided it wasn't worth changing over, than I added a pair of stained shop cargos and a similarly marked wife beater. I stopped in the kitchen long enough to have a bowl of lucky charms and then I was off to the garage.
I used the key that Brian had made sure I got for the side door to get into the garage and headed to what I had dubbed my exam car. Damn thing hadn't fixed itself over night either. I'd had such high hopes for that happening. I set about removing the rear glass first so it wouldn't get broken by mistake and then went back to prepping the engine for removal. I was making a mental list of what I had to order as I went. I really hope Tej has as much money as he seems to because this thing needs a lot of parts and parts for this car aren't cheap.
I looked it up and an engine for the car costs 40,000 to buy new. The pistons are worth close to a thousand bucks each. You know, I think in this car I could beat Dom. When I'm done with it it'll be better then it ever was and fast enough to snap necks when it leaves the line. But its gonna cost Tej quite a bit to get it that way. Since he told me to go nuts I'm going to. I'm ordering the best of everything and doing this car up with one intent, to kill on the street and track. It'll be pretty close to untouchable. I bet Brian's skyline might keep up with it for a while but in the end this Acura would be able to edge him out.
I really want to design the paint job so bad. That's another reason why I really want to get the car done. I get to design the paint if I finish it. It'll be my most ambitious design yet if I get to do it. You know, I use to think all the time that I'd love to go back to school and learn body work? Dom would never hear of it of course. He had lots of reasons, all bull shit and all not fair.
He needed me there as a mechanic. We hardly got all the work done as it was, let alone if I left for a year to go to school. We didn't have the money. Mia's school already cost too much. I loved being a mechanic and why would I want to change it?
He didn't seem to get the fact that I could be both a mechanic and do auto body repair. And he didn't seem to care it was what I wanted to do. But of course Mia had to do what she wanted to do. Heaven forbid the perfect little sister didn't get all the opportunities. And that's not even really fair. Dom did dote on Mia more then he did on me, but he'd pretty much forced her to go his way.
Med school wasn't even what she wanted to do. It was what Dom wanted her to do. And she was smart enough for med school. And she even liked helping people and so I think she'll do ok as a doctor. But she felt forced into it too. She didn't ultimately want to do it. It was what Dom wanted for her. And Mia, unlike myself, pretty much always does what Dom wants to avoid the inevitable fights they'll have if she doesn't.
Mia wanted to be a fashion designer. She's got a great sense of style. She was forever trying to get me to dress more fashionably. Poor girl just didn't get the fact that I really didn't care what I looked like most of the time. All I wanted was to have Dom's attention and be comfortable. Mia wanted to look like she belonged in 'Vogue' more often then not. She succeeded most of the time.
Dom just does what he thinks is good for us. I know that. But we know what's good for us too. We don't really need him to decide for us all the time. But he mostly gets his way and as such Mia's in med school and I'm just a mechanic. But you know, I could change that while I'm out here. I could try to get into a body work school out here. Dom's not here to say anything.
I wonder how Jesse's doing at home without me. I finally convinced him to get into adult education classes on his computer to try and get his GED. He's too smart to go around thinking he's stupid just because he dropped out of high school. If he had his GED at least it might make him feel better. Might convince him finally he's not stupid. He knows he's good at engines and math and he thinks that's it.
I think if he has the time and the right person to help him he can pass his English and Science too. But he didn't want anyone to know he was trying so it was just me and him. I was helping him in the evenings. But now I'm not around.
Poor Jesse. He's such a good kid. He's been through a lot and I don't even know about all of it. I know about more of it then the rest of the team though. Except Leon. Leon and Jesse tell each other everything. But Jesse and I got close too. I'm sort of surprised that he didn't latch onto Mia, since she's like the mother figure of the team and I think that's what Jesse was looking for. But maybe a tough older sister suited him better.
It scares me to note he's older then I am. I claim that mental years count and say I'm the older one but based on year of birth he's 23 and I'm 22 so he's older. I know that Jesse has a job doing what he loves for Dom so he doesn't really need to go to school to prove anything to us, but I think he has to prove it to himself more then anything. Maybe he'll tell Leon what he's up to and get Leon to help him. I hope so.
I went to get the cherry picker to lift the engine at that point because I was about ready to remove the motor mounts.
I hooked up the engine chain to support the weight of the motor and then jacked up the transmission to hold it in place. I crawled under the car and started to unbolt the engine from the transmission in preparation to yank the engine out of the car.
Then I stood up again and just started unhooking things again. It was sort of boring but it had to be done.
About an hour later I stood up and stretched. I checked the clock and it was 9am. I wondered where everyone was. I figured they'd all be in by 9. That's why I'd shown up so early. I wanted to get a start on the car while I was with it alone. Well, I guess Rome did say that sometime if they had late nights they didn't start work right at 9.
I'm kind of happy about that anyway because it gives me more time to just work at this alone. I work better alone. I can talk things out to myself and listen to my own music as loud as I want. But I needed a quick Pepsi break. I stopped working and walked back to the cooler Tej kept stocked for us in the back.
I grabbed the bottle of cola, twisted the cap off and started to chug it. I contemplated the ugly paintjob on what was left of the Acura as I stood there. It was hideous. It was brown and yellow and it had little things all over the brown parts in the same yellow as the rest of it. I know I'm not doing the ugliness justice so you'll just have to take my word for it. But ugly didn't begin to explain how hideous this car was. I wondered if it was a Suki design cattily. Such a nice car, but done up so ugly. I have a few ideas kickin around in my head for how it'll look when I get to design it. And I will get to.
I chugged down the last of my drink and got back to work. I got the engine out of the car inside another hour and half then mounted it on a stand. Then I started to clean up the engine compartment. I got lost into my world of music and engines, full of touches and sounds.
Around lunch time the others started to flow in. I was under the car at the time trying to get something free. I don't think they knew I was under the car.
"Holy shit, she got the engine out." Tej stated.
"So?" Rome asked.
"She's already farther along then I thought she would be and she's going a lot faster then I thought she would too." Tej continued.
"Wonder if that's why she's not here." Suki said, and I could hear the sneer in her voice.
"I told you my Reina was the shit Tej, and you doubted me." Brian added. I could hear the almost paternal look of pride that would be on his face. It was nice to be something someone was proud of for once. "And damn Suki, she left to come up here at like 7:30. If she takes a lunch break she definitely deserves one."
"She's gonna have the car done on time at this rate." I wasn't sure if Tej sounded happy about that.
I realized I was in a bit of a bind. They'd been talking about me and only Brian and Rome hadn't said anything they wouldn't want me to hear. The other two were liable to be mad I'd just listened to them speak without letting on I was still there. I had to let them know I was still there but somehow make them think I hadn't heard anything else they'd said.
I didn't want to look too hard at why I wanted to keep quiet. It was sort of cowardly after all. There was one time that I would have just rolled out from under that car and started talking trash about how dare they say things about me, implying I wasn't as good a mechanic as I let on. I'd have wanted to know what the fuck their problem with me was back in L.A. But for some reason I didn't want them to know I'd heard their slurs. Didn't want them to know they'd managed to hurt my feelings. I'm out of my element here and it's colouring how I react to situations. I don't like it. Plus I'm relying on Tej for a job and to catch races.
I figured it out after a moment of thinking on it. I yawned loudly, stretched so that my arm showed out from under the car and then rolled out with what I hoped was a sleepy look in my eyes.
I really do wonder what the hell the problem is. It was sort of obvious that Tej and Suki had one. Not Brian or Rome obviously, and Jimmy was pretty indifferent. I sure wasn't use to having my mechanical skills doubted.
"Hey guys. I musta fallen asleep for a few there once I'd gotten that mount free finally." I said, holding up the offending piece of the car in my left hand. "You guys been here long?"
Suki and Tej looked incredibly relieved when they thought I didn't hear them. Brian came up to me and gave me a quick hug, leaving his arm draped over my shoulders.
"Girl, you don't need to be up here this early. You're ahead of schedule."
"I know. You know me Bri, I have to keep busy."
"True, true. Just remember there are other things to do in Miami that don't involve working yourself to death."
"It's only for two weeks. I'll be fine. But I'm gonna go get some lunch. Anyone want anything?"
A chorus of 'I'm fines' went up around the room. Then Rome answered.
"I could eat."
Everyone laughed because Rome could always eat.
"That's cool. You can show me where else is good to eat in this town."
"Deal. Let's go. We taken your car?" Rome looked a bit green.
"If you don't mind." I answered and headed for the door.
"Of course not." Rome answered. I could tell he was forcing indifference. I found that really funny for some reason. I'd scared big bad Rome with my driving. That was sort of funny wasn't it? Brian had told me he use to do crash derbies but I'd managed to scare him with my driving.
"Ok, let's go then." If he wanted to play the big tough guy then I'd let him.
We drove to another restaurant he knew of and I did my best to make him freak out and tell me to slow down or stop acting crazy but he never did. He just sat in his seat clearly scared and sucked it up. No matter how hard I pushed he wouldn't crack. My respect for him went up a few notches.
We ate, chatted about nothing for the first age. Then on the way back Rome looked at me.
"Why'd you let on you been asleep through Tej and Suki talking about you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I know you were awake the whole time. Why'd you let them think you didn't hear them?"
"How'd you know I was awake?"
"The look in your eyes when you stood up from under the car. I could tell you heard the whole thing."
That was scary. No one knows me that well. This guy's known me for all of a week or so but he already knows when I'm hiding stuff. Dom doesn't know when I'm hiding stuff half the time. I find it hard to lie to Dom but easy to hide stuff from him. Rome knew already that I'd been pretending and I'd thought I'd done a good job of hiding it.
"I guess I just didn't want to get in a big fight with them."
"But that's not your style."
"How would you know?" I asked a bit defensively.
I was a bit on edge to find out there was someone who could see right through me. How was I supposed to hide when I was hurting if Rome would always know? No one was supposed to know when I was putting on a tough act. Everyone was supposed to think I was just tough. They weren't supposed to know half the time it was just an act.
"Because Brian talked about you so much. I mean he never came right out and told me who he was talking about. He always just said a girl from L.A. But I could tell when he was talking about Mia and when it was you. You're the girl who never backs down. I don't think you know how much Brian admires you. He was always talking about how you never stepped back, never let things get out of your control. How you always knew what you wanted and how you wanted it and just went out and got it."
"But everything got out of my control. I had no control. It was all a big act. Something I had to keep up for appearances. I tried to hold on to the threads but they all slipped through my fingers. I tried to keep everyone safe and I couldn't. I tried to keep it together and I couldn't. I failed at it so bad. That's why I didn't say anything. I can't fail here too and if I start mouthing off I'm going to because I'm not going to get the job here and I'm not going to get to race. It's not my style but my style wasn't working out so well for me anyway."
"Your style is your style girl. You shouldn't try to change it for Tej, not for anyone. I mean, Brian's a pretty good judge of character. He had to be to make a good cop. And he liked you the way you were. He admired you. And you shouldn't be taking shit all of a sudden just for Tej. He'd get over it if you stood up for yourself."
"I guess. I'm just so unsure of myself here and I don't like it at all." I don't know why I felt the need to talk to Rome, to confess this stuff to him. I'd never had anyone but Mia I could admit weaknesses to before. I always had to be the girl who didn't have any discernible weaknesses.
It has a lot to do with how I was as a kid and a lot to do with how things were with Dom. I was scared if people knew I had weaknesses they'd know how to hurt me and I couldn't have that. I had to have the walls to protect me. I know that those very walls are why so many people think I'm the world's biggest bitch. But I'd rather be a bitch then have people know just how weak I am inside.
"You're new here girl. It's ok to be unsure about how you fit in here. It'll be obvious how you fit in with us in a little while. It's gotta work itself out on its own. But how's it gonna do that if you try to be something you're not to fit in? You'll fit in the way you really are but if you let us get to know a fake you then you'll fit in but you won't because it won't be the real you who we all got to know. Everyone will like the real you, you don't have to put on an act. Hell, you already got Brian wrapped around your little finger and you're half way there with me too." Rome admitted with a smirk.
"Really?" I asked Rome with the same sarcastic tone I'd used on Dom when he'd told me he'd had a dream about me and him on a beach in Mexico. That dream had never materialized and I think this line that Rome's feeding me about being in the palm of my hand is a big line of bull too.
"Yeah. You're the coolest girl I know other then Suki."
"Now you're just trying to make me feel better."
"Well, it's true and I'm trying to make you feel better. Is it working?"
"Yeah." I admitted with a reluctant smile.
We arrived back at the garage and headed in. I stopped Rome at the door.
"Thanks."
"No problem. Remember, no more pretending to be something you're not. You're not Mary sunshine so don't front on it."
"Aiight, but I hope you know what you're asking for."