Author's Notes: Hmm. I love chocolate. Unfortunately, my mum banned me from eating it for... I don't know how long. So I'm writing to let off steam. (Oh, and because I love that too, but that's beside the point.)
Soo sorry to reviewers, haven't been able to reply yet. :(
Disclaimer: Believe me, I would be very happy if Neon Genesis Evangelion was mine... but it isn't. Likewise, with the quotes. (Though not as much.)
.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
.
~ d o l l ~
-
part II
-
And so we meet again.
Let's continue the story, shall we?
It has not ended. Yet, we do not know when it truly ends.
So let's begin.
-
vi. My sister thinks her dolls look best, when dressed in pinks and reds… I think my sister's dolls look best, when they no longer have any heads.
-
SHE was jealous, and she didn't deny it.
She was hurt, and she hid it under the façade of anger and rage.
(How come everything that I want-
- is hers instead?
Just how is it fair?)
Her reddish hair covered her eyes for a second. Then she looked up. Her eyes were blazing.
She screamed at him. She yelled at him. She slapped him across the face.
Yet she knew that she could never take her away from him – if he never saw her again, that blue-haired doll, he still had memories of her.
How come that so-called Wondergirl always beat her at everything?-
- She raged. She sulked. She threw tantrums.
Yet she knew it would never change.
He (he – that detested Third Child who she could never actually hate, who she's come to love) would always remember that enigmatic blue-haired girl, that girl by the name of Rei Ayanami.
-
vii. She was only made of cloth, a rather simple work of art… but you could see where someone had carefully embroidered her a heart
-
HE stares at her retreating form, like a slap has been delivered to his face. He grimaces to himself in disgust. He had brought this on to himself, hadn't he?
Even if it was in other circumstances, wouldn't anyone, witnessing a kiss, do that?
(No.)
Then he notices the tear drop down.
He closes his eyes briefly.
And reopens them to the knowledge that (the mysterious girl named-) Rei Ayanami was capable of expressing emotion.
And as they (the perfect 'couple', the 'married couple', the Second Child and Third Child-) pulled away from their kiss-
(he frowns to himself – this isn't love, he thinks… this is sweetness and tenderness and lust and passion…
… but not love.)
- he gives a small smile.
-
viii. I once had a sweet little doll, dears, the prettiest doll ever; but I lost my poor little doll, dears, I cried for what seemed forever.
-
"WHERE's Rei?" Maya Ibuki asks. "We have a test in Unit-00 scheduled this morning, but she still hasn't turned up yet."
"Move the test to the afternoon, then," Ritsuko says. "It's strange. Rei doesn't normally go off without permission…"
(There was only one time she did, and that was with Shinji.)
-hours later-
"Has Rei turned up yet?" Ritsuko inquires.
Misato frowns. "Talking about it, I don't think anyone's seen her since yesterday."
"So she's… gone missing?" Ritsuko grimaced. "Is that something we need to worry about?"
"I don't know," Misato says. "I mean, I personally think Rei can take care of herself, but she's never disappeared on us."
"Very well," Ritsuko nods. "Something might have happened to her, right?
"Everyone," she orders. "Everyone, drop your work now. All priorities go to finding Rei Ayanami, First Child. This is of vital importance. Thank you."
-hours later-
"No sign of the girl, head scientist."
"She isn't here."
"Are you sure she's in Tokyo-3?"
"Could she have been kidnapped?"
"Why would she be?" Ritsuko demands, and her glare silences them all, even though they cannot see it. Her tone is enough.
(Why am I so desperate to find Rei? she wonders. I've always hated her… I think. I've always lost to her. So… why?
She knows why.
She can't bear the thought of losing Rei again, having Rei's disappearance on her is a constant painful reminder of her mother's anger, her mother's anger which killed the first Rei.
She's not like her mother. She knows that.)
-hours later-
"They still haven't found Ayanami yet?" Shinji asks incredulously. "That's weird. When I ran away- " at this, Misato gives a cough to signify her disapproval "- the Nerv agents found me just a few hours later. Or maybe it was even less."
"Which just shows how you suck at hiding, doesn't it?" Asuka smirks.
"Yeah, but it's… weird," mutters Shinji, downcast eyes staring at the floor.
-hours later-
Perhaps it's time to give up the game, she thinks to herself. Maybe she should just go back to the Nerv headquarters, and pretend nothing had ever happened.
After all, what was wrong with her? If it was a few months before, before she had tangled herself in all this mess, (before she had met him, before the Second Child had come-) she would never have dreamed of running away.
Silently, she sits down on a bench at a park. She glances at the bright full moon, shining so bright-
(with the moon as the pearl, and stars as the diamonds, the endless sky as the velvet-
-the dark velvet spread out, the pearl tossed carelessly on top, with diamonds scattered randomly)
- and she gives an inward smile at the thought.
She vaguely wonders why she hadn't already been found and marched back to the headquarters yet; she pinpoints it to the fact that she had never been here before, and since her daily activity is probably monitored (maybe not her every movement – but her general whereabouts-).
She curls up on the bench and wraps her slim pale arms around her legs-
- and falls into a light dreamless sleep.
-
ix. Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size.
-
SHE was different.
(he couldn't help but notice-)
She was the same… but something about her seemed different.
Maybe her smile was too cold. Maybe her voice was too quiet. Maybe her face was too emotionless.
(But wasn't this how she's always been? he thinks to himself)
Ever since she had appeared back at the headquarters at sunrise the next morning, the day after she disappeared-
(Misato insisted Shinji and Asuka stay at headquarters, and they were half-asleep when they saw Rei's silhouette against the first rays of the rising sun.-)
- she seems to have changed, as though it were a different person posing as Rei Ayanami, but getting her characteristics and personality slightly wrong.
He was happy that she came back… but…
She never talked to him anymore, never really paid any attention to him. It was as though he was just another classmate, just another pilot to her to work together with, now…
… and it bugged him.
-
x. I found my poor little doll, dears, though folks say she is terribly changed; her hair is not the least bit curled, her paint is all washed away.
Yet for old sake's sake, she is still, dears, the prettiest doll in the world.
-
He knew something was going happen. He just knew it.
But he didn't trust his gut instinct. As he jumped into his Eva Unit-01, he thought that it was just the jittery nerves before battle. After all, this was the most powerful Angel they'd come across.
Right?
Wrong.
-in combat-
And he had just stood there, staring, shell-shocked, as the angel penetrated Unit-00's armour-
-before getting into action himself, pointing his positron rifle at the Angel, and firing.
But… he misses the shot. All the anger and all the feelings of regret had done its damage.
The Angel snakes towards his Eva, and he feels panic pass through him.
Then… it stops… and retreats. As if being pulled back… to Unit-00.
"Ayanami!" he gasps.
"The A.T. field around Unit-00 is being pressed in from all sides!"
"Does she plan to immobilize the Angel?"
"Rei! You'll die!"
"Rei! Get out of the Eva NOW!!"
"No… I can't… if I leave, then the A.T. field will disappear…"
"REI!"
"AYANAMI!!" yells Shinji frantically, watching as Unit-00 collapses onto the ground.
-minutes later-
"Shinji, kill the angel, now!"
"But Ayanami…"
"Kill it! This is an order!"
"I- I can't!" Shinji gasps. "Ayanami's in the Eva too… I can't… do that…"
"She's not in it anymore – her entry plug has been ejected."
"But… then how come Unit-00 is still moving?"
"It's the Dummyplug System."
"But…"
"This is an order, Shinji – is there any question to your loyalty to Nerv?"
"Do not worry about him. Send the Second Child in."
"But Unit-02…"
"There's nothing else we can do."
-minutes later-
He watches as Unit-02 effortlessly defeats the Angel. As the Angel explodes, so does Unit-00.
Shinji wonders what Asuka is thinking, right now.
(Is she thinking about Ayanami?
Is she happy she defeated the Angel…
When both Ayanami and I couldn't?)
"It's dead!" he hears Misato cry happily on the screen. Likewise, the other members of Nerv were smiling.
But where's Ayanami…?!
He sees the end of the Unit-00 entry plug in the smoky haze. He jumps out from his own entry plug, and runs towards it-
-it tumbles down on the slight slope of the land, and nearly crushes him. He could see the opening of the plug…
… and it was half-destroyed.
"Ayanami!" he cries out in horror.
As if in reply to his cry, a body comes tumbling out.
"Aya… nami…?" he gapes as he catches her in his arms.
Her eyes flutter open.
"Ikari…" she whispers, and falls limp as the rest of her strength leaves her.
"Ayanami! Don't go!!" he stares at her, willing for her to wake up again. Please, please don't let her die, he pleads with the gods, or whoever was in charge of destiny. Don't let her go, don't let her leave me…
He leans down and presses his lips against hers-
(-a kiss of hope, a kiss of desperation, a kiss of passion-)
(-a kiss of love with the girl who had truly stolen his heart-)
- and as he drew away, she – in her unconsciousness – put her hand over his…
… and she smiles.
-
finale-
He only kissed you so you'll want to stay here.
He doesn't really love you.
Because he loves the Second Child.
He'll never fall in love with a doll like you.
You know that, don't you?
You're too… different.
(Her fingers tremble, on the hyacinth flower-)
Yes… but… I want to stay…
(- and then she drops it.)
-
and then…
She cried like she hadn't ever, tears streaming down like a waterfall, her heart she froze (the only way to keep it from bleeding dry).
She was the doll, the puppet, the marionette of melancholy and sorrow, with her happiness now at his mercy.
-
And, so now-
When does a story end?
We do not know.
One says, it's when the problems end. Another argues, it's the moment just aftere the problem ends, like the calm after a storm, when the sky clears up and the rainbow appears. Yet another explains it's when the objects of the problem dies, much, much later on.
One does not truly know.
But, for now, let's end it here.
-
.FIN.
.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
.