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Chapter 17: The Gloves Come Off

BPOV

So, yeah.

About those five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

I thought that I had skipped the first three stages and moved straight to depression, so that now I was here in my studio purging, finally moving to acceptance mode.

And then Edward reappeared.

I'd often told him that I wasn't like other people. Time and time again, I'd proven it.

I was about to prove it again. I was going to go backward on this 'stages of grief' thing…

My anger was about to rear its very ugly head.

~#~

I wasn't prepared for the sight of Edward in my imagination as the medley transitioned to "Afterglow". When I had originally imagined this production while taking my dance classes at Dartmouth, I had no boyfriend or real love interest and so I never had a clear image of my partner in the dance. The guy was faceless… just the person my stage character had met once she was out of captivity, fell in love with and then lost when she realized it was all a dream.

How ironic. The dance I'd first imagined when I was in college was a foreshadowing of my life five years later. Someone who freed me through his love, only to put me back in my own cage when he left me.

Luckily, he left me with this strange gift. I'd always wanted to have The Force ever since the first time I saw Yoda pick up that X-wing out of the swamp, and unbeknownst to me, I had it. I could shatter glass just by thinking about it. I guessed that his blood once again mingling with mine after our last night together had done this. I wondered what else I could do. I guessed I'd have to work on it when I returned to Chicago.

My emotions felt like they were on the worst roller coaster ride imaginable. I went from real anger as Phil Collins shouted of breaking free of his bonds to unadulterated joy when I realized I had this new ability to utmost despair at the sight of my partner in the dance. My heart felt like it was smashed in little pieces along with the glass as I watched my imaginary Edward kiss my hand and back away from me, disappearing from the image in my head. I desperately fought back tears, my throat tight as I listened to the words of "Afterglow". I continued through the song; I needed to cleanse my aura, my brain and my soul of him, despite the pain it brought me at that moment. It was such a sad song: whenever my dad used to play it, I swear I saw him tear up - I think it reminded him of losing my mom.

As I'd told Edward on the plane to Vegas, it was a song of real loss. Someone died, I had thought. Yes, that someone was me. Actually, it was us. We died. Our love died.

I tried to keep moving, holding on to a pole with one hand and spinning around it, releasing and moving on to the next pole. Finally, the last stanza came, the one with the most force behind Phil's voice. I went to the mirror and allowed my mind to see Edward once more. I reached out to him, put a hand against the mirror and imagined his hand touching mine. Then I realized I needed more movement to finish out the piece. I needed to spin. I needed to be dizzy. I needed to wear myself out so that maybe I would finally sleep a night without seeing his face.

And so I began to climb the rope as Phil continued singing the last lines. I reached the loop and hooked my wrist tightly into it just as he sang the last words before the finale transitioned to just the music. Using my other hand to reach about three feet below the loop, I started rocking myself until I began to spin. I spun myself as fast as I could, knowing I'd be dizzy when I was finished. The speed made my heated face cool. I was tired. My body was being driven by adrenaline only. I was exhilarated.

I slowed only to switch wrists in the loop and change the spinning direction as the music continued. And I realized then, as I spun so high in the air in my beautiful studio, that Angela had been right. Someday I'd dance and fly again. That time was now… and I knew that I was going to be okay. I'd make it through eventually. I felt myself letting go.

As the music slowed to the final beats, I slowed as well and pulled my hand out of the knot so that I could climb down the rope. With the last beats of the drums, I crumpled at the bottom of the rope, gaining back my equilibrium, breathing heavily, my body and my soul both physically spent and emotionally tired. I listened to the crowd cheer as the live song started to fade. And then abruptly the cheering stopped. I had barely registered the fact that it should have been ongoing when I heard the voice.

"Hello Bella."

My head snapped up to look over my shoulder. After all this time, there he was.

Edward.

Fuck. This shitty day will never end.

~#~#~

Have you ever broken up with someone and hoped that the next time you ran into him or her, if ever again, that you were looking impossibly stunning and they were looking crappy?

Yeah. Not happening here.

I was sitting on the floor in workout clothes, my body flushed from the exercise and my neck and face glistening with perspiration. And he was looking like his usual GQ self. Shit. I closed my eyes and swiveled my head on my neck from one side to the other. "That's nice," I said in my sweet Bella-really-isn't-happy-with-this-situation voice.

Man, at that moment I wished I was Marion Ravenwood in Raiders of the Lost Ark. She took a look at Indiana Jones reappearing so many years after he left her, gave him a huge smile and then clocked him one in the chin, watching him stagger back from the punch. That would be awesome. If I did that to Edward, however, I'd probably break my hand.

So here it was, the moment at last I had been both dreading and secretly waiting for all these months… and I was at a loss for words.

I stood up and faced him. "What are you doing here?" I blurted out. Great opener. Should have clocked him instead and risked the injury.

"I could ask the same of you. This is our house," he said calmly. Interestingly, the tone was calm but I could sense that he was masking a pile of other emotions.

My eyes narrowed. "Our what?" I asked.

"Excuse me?"

"You said it is "our" house. Clarify 'our.'"

His brow furrowed. "Ours. Yours, mine, the whole Cullen family."

I was beginning to get pissed off at how impassive he was. Clearly he didn't care enough for me given his actions – leaving in the middle of the night with a crappy note, never getting in touch with me to see how I was, not even after I was once again almost killed. I mean, I had known that he hadn't cared all of this time but hearing and seeing him speak to me with such little emotion... GRRR! I could feel my blood starting to boil. I tried to keep it in check.

"Not quite, pal. Yeah, your family built it so that we could stay somewhere when we visited Charlie after we were married, complete with a studio for your little wife," I said, gesturing around me. "But the house is actually in my name. Therefore it is MY house. And I decided to visit MY studio. So, again, what are YOU doing here?"

My energy was up enough now for me to hear him… and this information about the house was clearly new to him.

"I was looking for you," he said, his voice huskier than I think he intended. I realized that I could feel him. I could feel... lust? Yes, it was lust, desire. It was tangible, like a wave shooting toward me, wrapping me in a second skin. For a second, I wondered if Jasper experienced other people's emotions the way I was feeling his… and then I froze. Jasper… his blood. Ah, no wonder I could feel Jacob... Oh no... I exhaled.

I looked at the mirror behind him and then back at him. "Are they all here?" He just stared at me with his deep green eyes, his hands in his pockets. He was busying his mind, purposely trying to block me. So I asked again. "Are they?"

"Leave them out of it."

"Leave them out of it?" I spat. "If they hadn't been IN it, I wouldn't be standing here right now, as I'm sure you know. So, no, I don't think I'll be listening to you right now. I'm alive thanks to THEM."

I walked to the corner of the room where there were a pile of towels and grabbed one. I poured some water from the bottle sitting there and used it to wipe my face and neck. Taking a swig from the bottle, I put the towel behind my neck, walked over to the mirror and looked at myself in it, standing about ten feet away. Absolutely positive that they were behind it watching, I waved. "Hi," I said. "I think it would be best if you left now."

I waited. And I knew they probably hadn't moved. I looked at Edward in the reflection. He was standing in the same spot but had shifted his body to follow my movement and he was still staring at me. I could feel him. He was holding back… but why? What was driving it? Anger? Guilt? Knowing he would be able to hear them if they were outside of the property by now, I asked him, "Are they still there?" He stayed silent in word and thought.

I looked back at the mirror and continued staring, knowing they wouldn't do it without incentive. "Please, I beg of you, just go. You have until the count of five, and I know you can move faster than that." I began counting. "Five… four… three… two… one." Ok, how's this for incentive?

"LEAVE US!" I screamed and I mentally imagined the mirror cracking and falling down to the ground in shards.

Which is exactly what it did.

There they were, at first ducking from the shards, until they realized how I'd made the glass fall as to avoid hitting anyone. As they straightened up to stare at me, their collective sets of eyes looked at me with a mixture of sadness and shock. Worse yet, I could feel their pity and sorrow. And I could still feel Edward's desire.

"I need to talk to Edward alone. Please leave us."

I could feel it getting calm but I cut that off immediately. "No Jasper!" I shouted, my left hand shooting out in his direction. Mentally, I imagined pushing him away from me. Jasper staggered back and the calming waves ceased. "Don't you dare! I don't know how the Tin Man over there," gesturing at Edward, "is doing… but anger is the only thing holding me together right now. If you make me calm, I'll go nuts."

I could hear them thinking at Edward.

Holy shit, Edward, she has your power alright! Emmett thought.

I turned to Emmett. "Yes, I do." Then I looked at Jasper. "And apparently I have some of yours too now, Jazz. Lucky me: I'm a Mutant," I said sarcastically. I looked at Alice. "Come on over Alice and let me have a taste of you too. Maybe I'll be able to see how this ends and spare myself all of the getting there part."

I took a deep breath and tried to tone it down, even though I was still pissed off. "I'm sorry for pushing you, Jasper," I said, looking him in the eyes. "I just don't want you to interfere."

And then I made eye contact with each of them. "I do need for you to go. This is between me and Edward, and I can feel that you're worried for him. There's no need. I won't hurt him." I paused to look at him over my shoulder and then back at them. "At least not any worse than he's done to me."

Carlisle tried to speak. I held out my hand to stop him. "Please no. I'm serious. I won't physically harm him. You know that I can't. He's still more powerful than I am."

Rosalie spoke. "No matter how this ends up, we love you Bella. And so does he," she said, gesturing to Edward with her head, "despite his asinine behavior to date."

Edward hissed at her, "Rose!"

I could hear her thoughts in his head. Screw you Edward. We all know it's true, so we might as well get it out there. That's why we're here.

I nodded at her and looked at them with eyes as gentle as I could muster in my livid state. "Thank you all... for everything."

Carlisle reached for Esme's hand. "Let's go," he said gently. "We'll be at the house." Esme's eyes were soft as she blew a kiss toward me and turned away with Carlisle.

Rosalie grabbed Emmett's hand and said, "We will always be your family, Bella, no matter what decision you two come to tonight." "See ya, kid," Emmett said, winking at me as they made their way toward the door.

And finally Alice smiled widely as she spoke. "You say whatever you want and need to say, Bella," she said. "Don't hold back."

I could hear Edward's thoughts as he tried to figure out what she meant by that and he was frustrated that Alice seemed to know something else that he didn't.

Jasper smiled a gentle smile too as he put his hand in the Vulcan salute to me and nodded. Then he and Alice turned and left.

I couldn't help but smile back as I watched them turn from me and exit the surveillance room.

And then happy time was over.

I turned to face him. "Why are you here, Edward?"

"I came to see you." He took a step toward me but paused when I held out my palm indicating for him to stop. "Rosalie spoke the truth. I won't hide it. I love you, Bella," he said softly.

"You have a funny way of showing it," I answered quickly.

"The bond is permanent."

My blood started boiling again. I was emotionally and physically tired and yet I could feel my anger rising and my energy surging. "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means," I said doing my best Inigo Montoya imitation. But then I started getting louder and spoke slowly, enunciating each word. I walked toward him as I spoke. "See, PERMANENT to me means never changing. FIXED. Not RUNS AWAY from the woman he claimed he'd love forever."

I was up in Edward's face now. He was holding his breath but I could feel his attraction. Christ, Bella, please… you smell so good… your sweat, your scent… "Are you turned on right now?" I asked. YES… "I know how much you loove my anger…" His face was stone, his eyes following mine, but I heard him and felt him… he was radiating desire.

I backed away from him with my palms splayed outward toward him, my fingers toward the floor. My head was shaking. Well, pal, hold on to your hat. You ain't seen nothing yet.

"I almost killed you," he said.

"You were going to take my human life anyway!"

"I lost control. I didn't know if I could do it… and the fact that I couldn't be sure: I had to go."

"Yeah, you explained that so well in the note."

"I was distraught! I didn't know what to say. I left for your own good..."

"For my own good. Ah, I can see that," I nodded. "And not contacting me over the past few months to explain, that was for my own good as well?"

"I thought a clean break would be best for you," he said softly.

"Best for me." I repeated. I crossed my arms in front of me. "So then why are you back?"

"I love you, Bella. I couldn't stay away any longer. I was wrong to..."

I, I, I. This was all bullshit. I cut him off. "Did you know that Jacob works in the Chicago office now, Edward?"

He seemed surprised by the question. "Yes. I went to see you and I found him there."

"He's been a good friend over the last few months. I'm pretty sure he still loves me. Would you believe that? He hasn't said it. I just know like I've always known."

"I know that he does," he said quietly. "He told me."

"Is he part of your 'what's good for Bella' plan? Do you want me to be with him?"

"No, I don't want you to be with him. But if that is your choice, I must accept it."

I blinked. "Huh." He must accept it. Asshole. "Wow, I meant that much to you? To give up so easily. Reaally, so you're good at that – giving up. Glad to hear it."

I felt Edward's reaction immediately; he was stung... and then I became aware of an undercurrent of another emotion below Edward's poker faced exterior when I mentioned Jacob. Interesting. His words were saying one thing but his feelings were telling me something else.

I moved to the iPod and started flipping through songs. I went back to my "Pissed Off" playlist and continued where I left off. The next song was loud and would be good for the punching bag. Moreover, it was appropriate for where I planned to take this conversation... it was going to be ugly; I was not going to hold back. Given Edward's emotional state and the desire he was radiating, I knew then what buttons I needed to push. I turned it on and went over to put on the gloves. I talked over the words. The Killers – "Mr. Brightside".

I started punching the bag. "So if I go back to Chicago and renew my past physical relationship with Jacob, it doesn't matter to you. I find that funny." I stopped punching the bag and looked at him. "A year ago, you hit the roof when you found out I'd seen his dick… I didn't know that you'd be okay with it actually inside of me."

His eyes flashed anger before he closed them. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides. "Bella, don't talk like that! That's not you..."

"What do you know about me?" He opened his eyes. They were rapidly showing anger as they stared furiously into mine. "Apparently not much, considering your actions." I did side kicks at the bag as the lead singer sang about the scene he was imagining of his girl with another man. I let that image flow through my head. My anger was escalating rapidly. I'd be above eight very soon, and then he'd get a show…

I turned around and walked toward him again, removing the gloves and throwing them to the ground. "Anyway, why do you care if another man touches me? If Jacob touches me? That's what you want for me, isn't it? For me to move on?" I walked past him and moved over to a pole that was directly across from him and leaned against it so that it was squarely between my shoulder blades. I stared into his eyes. They were darkening by the second.

I knew that Edward could hear me and see what I was thinking now. I conjured up images of any other guy that had ever kissed or touched me. Mike Newton at the formal. Air Force Sam and his minty kiss. Embry at my birthday party. Octopus Andy from my dorm. Edward's eyes were furious as he stared at me. I could hear see, hear and feel his anger, his jealousy and his lust… and I was absorbing it with my new Jasper power… which only served to feed the fire.

Watching him get angry thrilled me. I hoped he could feel just one-tenth of my hurt. And I was so pissed off. Vulcan Bella was nowhere to be found that night. I'm not sure if I'd ever allowed myself to feel this way… it was pouring out of me and I was losing control. It made me bolder than I'd ever been. "Jacob is so close now. I see him every day. I'm really glad that you've given me permission to be with him. Just think about it Edward. Jacob's hands and mouth right here." I said, arching my back and gently touching my breasts. "Jacob's face right here," I said, gesturing at my crotch, rubbing myself on the outside of my pants. Then I moved my hand up to the edge of my pants and then back down inside of them, touching myself inside. "Jacob, in all of his glory, right here... right inside of me."

And then I gave him some old images of Jacob, when I used to be attracted to him in a physical way. The few times we'd messed around. Our Sunday night dinners together. His hands moving over my body… starting off innocently and getting a little heated as he started touching my breasts or kissing my lips. I didn't have much to go on with Jacob since our truly intimate past was so brief, but it would be enough… and I just let my imagination go.

FUCK JACOB! I heard him mutter in his brain. "Bella, cut that out!" he shouted. And he ghosted to me standing about three feet away.

"No Edward. You left me. You don't get to tell me what to do." I stepped closer to him, looking him in the eyes, my anger the only thing holding me together with his wonderful smell so close to me. "That's what you want for me? For my own good, no?" I whispered.

He looked at me furiously. "You're mine…" he hissed. He flooded his head with images of me, him, us. His mouth and tongue working my body - on my breasts, down my stomach, down lower sucking and licking at my folds. His naked body on mine entering me slowly, our bodies rocking together.

God damn him! "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I screamed.

A/N: Oooh, there is a lot of rage in that room. I wonder what will happen??? Um, well, actually, I'm kind of like Alice: I already know...

But I don't know what you're thinking... Please leave some feedback… I mean it! (anybody want a peanut?... sorry, more The Princess Bride humor)

Post A/N: A gold star to GabrielsDoubt for being the only one to publicly wonder about the effect of other vampire blood in her system after Ch 11. Bella is special.

Also, I have never trained on the Spanish Web. Flying trapeze, yes. Spanish Web, no. Tried it once. So I made that up and I have no idea if I described it accurately... Sounded plausible for someone who has the Force too. LOL.