DISCLAIMER: Still don't own Twilight.
A/N: Longest chapter ever for you guys! A special treat before I leave to go to Summer Madness tonight. It's a massive festival in Belfast, and I'm camping in the King's Hall with 5000 other smelly teens for 5 days. I doubt you care though, so here we are. 4, 596 words.
EPOV
"Bella?" I smoothed some hair away from her sweaty forehead, attempting to rouse her.
Nothing.
"Bella." More urgent now. No response.
I looked at her for a moment longer, willing something to happen, but nothing ever did. I was scared to death. I shook her lightly, then more forcefully, and just stared as her head lolled from side to side. And that's when it hit me that something was really wrong.
"Shit." I cursed, as Alice flew out of the room and down the stairs to find her parents.
Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella...
The hum inside my head had intensified now. It was as if everything was centred on the unconscious girl lying in my arms now. I couldn't register anything that was happening outside of the rise and fall of her chest that assured me she was still alive and breathing. I just sat on the floor beside her bed where she'd fallen, rocking her from side to side and staring into her closed eyes.
I have never felt so useless.
And all the while, I felt so...attached to her. And not in the sense that I was holding her against my chest as she lay almost lifelessly on my lap, rubbing soothing circles in her back. No. It wasn't like that.
It was inside me.
Like there were hundreds of strings coming from somewhere deep inside me that were connected to her.
It felt weird, but at the same time it reassured me. Helped me remember she was still there. Still okay.
Alice had returned back up the stairs a minute or so later, her mother close behind. She was pointing and waving her hands wildly, probably trying to explain hat had happened, I couldn't tell. I wasn't there; mentally at least. They were standing at the doorway, so I could see them in my peripheral vision, but I never looked up. I was still rocking Bella, still willing her to wake up, as Mrs. Brandon nodded quickly to her daughter. She glanced my way and smiled slightly, before giving her daughter a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and scurrying out of the room.
Bella, Bella, Bella...
"Shut up..." I muttered to myself, and Bella whimpered lightly.
Bella, Be- wait. What?
I ignored the voice this time, even though I was surprised it was saying something other than her name for once. "Bella?"
Immediately, her face crumpled into a frown pulling her delicate eyebrows together harshly, her eyes still tightly shut. "He had a gun. Mum..."
"What?"
"He shot the window, didn't you see? Is daddy okay mum...?" She mumbled again, a single tear welling up in her eye.
The strings tugged at me painfully as I watched it brim over and trail down the side of her rosy cheeks.
I vaguely noticed that Alice was sitting on Bella's other side now, and her face was showing the same confusion I felt. She lifted her hand from where it had been resting in her lap. Tentatively - as if the slightest movement of air would break something - she moved it to hover over Bella's face, like she was going to wipe the tear away. She stayed like that for a while, unsure. Hesitant.
She looked up at me, and I tore my gaze from Bella to be able to see her properly. She had one eyebrow raised, questioning me. "I don't know." I mouthed to her silently. I shrugged. "Try." It was more of a question than a command, but I couldn't say it out loud. I was worried it would do something to Bella again, she seemed to be responding to what I said. But it was wrong. Like she was somewhere else.
Alice nodded, and carefully wiped the wetness from Bella's cheek.
"Mummy..." her hand flew backwards swiftly - she held it tight to her chest now - as Bella turned her face away sharply. "No. I-I didn't..."
And as a tall, blond haired man hurried into the room, Bella jolted upright. Her eyes were wide, her hair was plastered to her face with sticky sweat, and she panted heavily. She searched the room for a moment, twitching and spooked looking, and staring intently into everyone's faces. Her brows furrowed as she saw the blond man, who was now watching her as if making mental notes on everything she did or didn't do as Mrs. Brandon watched worriedly from behind him. She looked to her right, staring blankly as Alice gave her a reassuring smile and mouthed to her, "Hey...". A blink was all she got in reply however, as Bella finally locked eyes with me.
So many questions bubbled up in my mind at that moment, threatening to boil over. Are you okay? What happened? Why didn't you talk to me the past week? Are you okay? What did I do wrong? Are you okay?
Instead, all that came out was a strangled and very relieved, "Bella..."
Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella...
And great. The voice was back. Fantastic...
She blinked at me then, slowly, deliberately. Her head tipped to one side slightly and she...studied me.
I saw her eyes trail all over my face, then again, and again, until she frowned.
What? Why are you frowning? Stop it, make her smile boy! Do something! Fix it!
I shook my head and closed my eyes, attempting to shut the voice out of my head. It didn't stop, but it certainly quieted, grumbling at me all the while. Stupid kid...listen to me once in a while...idiot...
Hey, hold on, you're me. Then you're calling yourself an idiot, right?
Hah, nope.
What? But you're my subconscious or something...
I wear many hats Edward.
That doesn't even make sense.
That's what you think.
But you are what I think so...ugh. Whatever, just shut up.
"Um..."
My eyes snapped open at the sound of her voice and locked with the brown ones I'd been missing for so long. I grinned at her, willing her to continue.
"Yeah Bella?"
And... a-Bella, Bella-
Shut up!
Sheesh, easy tiger...
"Who are you?"
And with that, I swear part of me died, all the strings snapping and falling pitifully to the floor between us.
BPOV
"Who are you?" I managed.
The boy, I couldn't remember his name, he just looked at me. Like I was something that made him want to cry and laugh all at once. The corner of his lips twitched as if he was about to smile, but his eyes...
His beautiful emerald eyes were so pained.
They started glistening as his lips broke into a crooked smile, and then I felt extremely confused. Happiness and sadness mixed on his face, and it looked so wrong.
"W-" He swallowed loudly, looking away from me at nothing in particular and blinking rapidly. He laughed humourlessly as he continued. "What?"
"I don't know who you are." I clarified, guilt raking through me like wildfire. I didn't like how his face distorted immediately into misery, and knowing that it was my fault.
I leaned over so that my face was in front of his again, but as I did a sharp pain shot through my thigh. I looked down to see that his knee was digging into it.
Huh.
"And I'm sitting on you." It sounded more like a question as I raised my eyes to his again, lifting an eyebrow. Why was I sitting on this strange boy? I noticed he was slightly familiar to me, but couldn't pin point exactly why. The vivid green of his eyes? The beautifully messy bronze locks on his head?
I swear I swooned inside.
I found myself staring at him then, and as soon as I realised I jumped to my feet away from him.
"Sorry." I giggled lightly, standing up off of him and dusting off the imaginary dirt on my knees.
Shock overtook his features abruptly, before his face went completely and utterly blank. and I inwardly cringed. I never even meant to upset him, but I did. Without even trying, that's fantastic...
"Isabella?"
Only then did I remember the other people in the room, and as I turned and looked up to see them I frowned at the realisation that they were all staring at me. I hated attention.
And right now I was at the centre of it.
I looked worriedly at the woman who had spoken.
"Did I..? Um. Did I do something wrong Mrs. Brandon?"
My foster mother's amber eyes widened as a hand shot up to cover her mouth. She made a strange choking sound, before tears started rolling down her round face.
She shook her head forcefully - no - reaching her other hand out to me before choking again, and snapping it on top of her mouth along with the first.
My brow furrowed in confusion, more so than before. Heck, I'd never been so confused before in my life.
"Bella...?"
I swivelled on my toes where I stood to look at a pixie-girl sitting cross-legged on the floor across from strange-boy. (That was my name for him, since no-one would tell me who he was) She eyed me carefully, almost seeming as baffled as I felt. I tilted my head to encourage her to go on.
"You, you do know me...right?"
I scoffed, and nodded swiftly. How could I forget Alice? She'd been locking me up most of this last week, only to dress me up or plait my hair or put make-up on me. 'Bella-Barbie' she'd called it. I tried to avoid her after she did it the first time, but she was armed with an extremely dangerous and terrifying weapon.
A pout.
Of course, if she even flashed that at me I had to oblige. She was way too persuasive than was probably healthy.
We talked too, I can't remember what about though.
A boy?
Maybe it was strange-boy over there. I honestly didn't know.
"Of course I know you Alice. How couldn't I? You attacked me often enough this week." I laughed nervously.
"Hmm." A deep voice began.
Swivelling again, I noticed the blond man again.
He was very beautiful. Tall and muscular, but not bulky. I found myself smiling at him without meaning to.
"I don't know you though."
I decided to skip the whole, 'do you know me' thing this time around.
"Oh," he chuckled, "You shouldn't do Bella. I'm doctor Cullen." A small smile appeared on his face and I felt at ease and safe immediately.
"Mrs. Brandon?" He looked over to her as he spoke, questioning her.
"Esme, please." Her gaze never left me as she corrected him.
"Esme." His smile grew wider, but she couldn't see it. "Did she know Edward before this happened?"
Edward.
I almost sighed at the mention of the name. It held something for me. Familiarity.
But his next words had bewildered me. How much more confused could I get?
This?
What was this?
"What was this?" I repeated.
The two of them ignored me though, and I folded my arms in frustration as they continued their conversation as if I had never spoken.
"Yes." She replied, her voice breaking and quivering slightly.
I didn't understand any of this.
Why was Mrs. Brandon crying?
Why was I expected not to remember everyone?
Why was there a doctor?
So many questions, but none of them mattered. Strange-boy mattered, even if I didn't know him. I turned my head to be able to see him then. He mattered, because I felt like I should have known him. Because I had hurt him somehow and I wanted to fix it. And because, I have to say, he was really pretty.
And he was silent.
Completely still and quiet as he stared back at me.
And although everyone in the room was watching me, he was doing so differently. With emotion.
He looked at me like I killed him.
"She talked," Alice mumbled. "when she was unconscious."
I couldn't look away from strange-boy this time, even as I got some new information about this. His eyes were wet and shimmering again, and I found mine copying his.
"What did she say?" The doctor questioned.
"Something about a gun; someone was shot."
I flinched. A tear trekked down my face.
"Ah. Was she acting strangely before she became unconscious?"
"Screaming." Alice laughed, "Screaming like a bloody banshee."
Strange-boy huffed out a small laugh, but sill he stared unblinking and unmoving into my eyes. He was waiting for something, and that confused me.
Why was I so damn confused today?
"Language," Esme whispered.
"Sorry." Alice and I mumbled together. I looked over to her and she raised an eyebrow and shot me a small grin, but it wasn't reaching her eyes. She was trying to reassure me whilst she was the one needing reassured.
"Esme," Carlisle lowered his voice probably in an attempt to make sure I couldn't hear, but he was wrong if he thought that. "Bella seems to be showing signs of severe emotional trauma-"
I shot my eyes up to them. Emotional trauma?
Severe emotional trauma?
That sounded very far from being anything normal. A shaky but quiet sob shook Esme's small body.
"-and I'm not sure if she'll ever be able to fully recover. It seems her mind has tried to block out the memories of whatever happened to her, but missed and blocked out memories of Edward instead." He sighed heavily, lowering his voice even further. I strained my ears to hear him. "I'm not an expert in this field, but I can get her in contact with someone who is if you feel that's the right decision. I know a lot of good child therapists who can try to help her."
My eyes widened. Help? Therapists?
"No." My voice was shaky, but full of resolve and determination.
They turned to me then, and Carlisle raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not going, I'm not." I ran a quivering hand through my hair, tangling it slightly. "I won't see anyone! You can't make me!"
"Bella, calm down." Carlisle raised his hands in front of him, and took a step towards me. I could feel Strange-boy drilling holes in my head with his eyes, but I dared not look away to see him. They wouldn't send me anywhere. I wouldn't let them.
My mother had been sent to a 'therapist' for 'help'.
She didn't come back.
"No!" I all but screamed, tears spilling freely from my eyes. I hissed in a breath and attempted to blink the tears away, but they were still flowing out of my eyes like a river despite my effort to quell them. My hands tangled in my hair again.
And then I was pressed tightly against someone's chest, one of their hands rubbing soothing patterns into my back whilst the other held my head. I pressed my head into the crook of their neck.
"Shhh..." was all they said, and I smiled slightly.
I was safe in their arms.
I awoke from the same dream, yet again, a huge and bright grin plastered on my face. The same dream that I'd been having for years on end, yet I still wasn't tired of. How long was it now?
The grin was immediately replaced as I frowned against my pillow. Thirteen years.
Thirteen long and shitty years.
Although, if I was to be pedantic, it wasn't really a dream. It was a reality. A memory. And it had been replayed in my mind almost every night in the form of a dream, for all of those thirteen years. It always had me waking up far too soon, but I was happy at least.
And I was fairly happy with what I had made my life now. I got through the crap that was twenty-something foster homes in nine years. I got through the rejection I felt every time the newest family passed me on to someone else, like I was some sort of unwanted hand-me-down. I toughened up through all those years, and I'm glad for it.
I left foster care on my eighteenth birthday. I just had to get out. I couldn't stand the people any more, and it was obvious they couldn't stand me. If they didn't want me, I'd just have to find someone who did, so that's exactly what I went out to do.
I raided the bank then, and the money my parents had left me was enough to live off and get a deposit on a house. I got a job in a local library close to the tiny bungalow I'd bought in La Push, Washington. It had two bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen and a living room, and I loved it. I still do. It was home, my home, and I loved that for the first time in far too many years I had something that I could truly say was mine.
But now I have another thing to call mine. Or rather, not a thing, but a person.
Said person chose that exact moment to reach a muscular, russet coloured arm around my waist, humming contentedly. "Morning," he purred.
I smiled again, and rolled over to face him. "Morning Jake." I sighed as he reached up to tuck some hair behind my ear, and leaned over to peck me lightly on the lips before swiftly rolling off the bed and standing up. I watched intently as he stretched his arms above his head, the muscles in his back rippling impressively. He turned and ran his finger down my nose quickly, pecked me on the forehead, and wandered off to the bathroom.
The first time I met him had been in the grocery store, normally enough. I'd been living in La Push for a few weeks by then, but this was the first time he'd been on shift while I was there. He worked at the tills, and said a casual "Hey there," as I set all my shopping on the conveyor belt. I blushed, looking down and continuing with my task.
The next week he was on again, and said another casual "Hiya," when I approached. I looked up this time, and smiled at him, before loading up my shopping.
We carried on like this, and eventually got into small talk about the weather and some other crap one day. We became really great friends, and he'd come over to mine for a beer and a chat every Wednesday night. It was a year until he asked me out.
But we'd been dating ever since.
I heard the shower turn on, and decided I really couldn't sleep in much longer. I threw the covers off me, and instantly shivered. God, it was cold. That's what March did in La Push mind you, sleet and rain and cloud - I shivered again - and cold!
I jumped off the bed, pulling my top over my head and grabbing the first bra and t-shirt I came across, swiftly throwing them on. I grabbed a pair of plain jeans off of the floor and replaced my pyjama bottoms with them, appraising myself in the mirror on my wardrobe door once I finished.
My hair looked like a bird had nested in it overnight. Maybe a family of birds actually...at least three generations.
I huffed out a sigh, grabbing a brush and attempting to tame the curly, frizzy brown mass sitting atop my head. When that didn't work, I tied it all up in a ponytail at the base of my neck and stuffed on a hair band. It still looked like shit, but at least it was out of my face.
I wandered into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of bread, the butter, and a jar of strawberry jam. I managed to toast the bread without much smoke pouring out of the toaster, and spread the butter and jam on it hastily. I was a horrible cook, so I avoided anything that produced heat like the plague. The toaster was as close as I got to cooking, and even then almost always burnt the toast.
I finished my make-shift breakfast, and checked the time absent-mindedly.
8:56, it flashed at me.
I was supposed to be at Forks library at 9am. Crap! Crap, crap, crap... I shouted mentally. I didn't even have time to brush my teeth, and that made me cringe.
"Jake! I'm away to work, 'kay?" I shouted to him, as I ran past the bathroom down the hallway into the bedroom, and started rummaging through the pile of clothes I had beside my bed for my purse.
I loathed cleaning with a fiery passion. So did Jake though, so the house stayed a mess as long as no-one was visiting.
"Sure sure," He replied over the noise of the shower as I finally found my purse. "See ya'," I shouted again, and stepped out the front door.
And the scene that met my eyes probably ruined my day.
"Oh, God..." I whimpered.
Snow.
There was fucking snow.
I walked down the three small steps to the driveway without much trouble, and did a mental happy dance. I was clumsy as hell, so this was a massive achievement. Feeling more confident, I sped up my walk to to old red Chevy truck, only to slip on some snow covered ice. I went flying forward and stuck my hands out in front of me, managing to dent the hood of my beloved car as I used it to stop myself hitting the ground.
Fantastic.
I'd not been awake for more than half an hour and I'd already destroyed my car.
I managed to climb into the now very beaten-up looking truck, drive to work, and get inside the library without killing anyone, but that was probably all my luck used up. Jessica decided to emerge from her office as soon as I set my purse on my desk beside Angela.
"You're late." She hissed at me, checking her watch. "Twenty minutes late."
"Sorry Jess, there's snow and-"
"Angela and I got to work on time!" She finished, practically screeching at me.
Jessica was my boss. Angela and I both hated Jess, she really was a horrible boss, but we stuck with the job because we both loved the books. Any time a kid's eyes lit up when they found a book they liked, or when someone was able to let me know they enjoyed a book or learnt something from it, it made my day. So, despite my better judgement, I stayed.
"Yeah," I mumbled to her.
"Make sure it doesn't happen again," she threatened, her voice menacing. She never went any further than that warning, probably because I did all the paperwork she was meant to do. She might own the library, but she didn't care much for it.
I nodded hastily, and she stormed off to her office again, clack clack-ing in her heels. God knows at she does in there all day, because it certainly doesn't resemble work.
"She didn't get here on time. She arrived two minutes before you turned up." Ang muttered beside me.
I grinned. Ang was always able to cheer me up on days like this. "How's you?" I asked her, logging on to my computer.
"Fair enough, you know me. Ben wants to visit his parents for a week, and he knows how I can't stand them." She swivelled to face me in her chair, and smiled.
Ben was her husband, and they were perfect for each other. They were high school sweethearts, and although they'd had their ups and downs since then, they loved each other and stuck through it. There was something about them though that was just heart-warming. The way they looked at each other. How he kissed her, like she was fragile and breakable. Jake wasn't like that...
I shook my head to rid myself of the thought "Oh, I thought you loved them." I remarked sarcastically.
"Yeah," she scoffed, "About as much as I absolutely love Jess."
We laughed together for a while, chatting about the weekend and our other half's. It was never too busy on a Monday morning, and I was glad for that today. It meant I could talk with Angela and not have to worry about my luck getting any worse when mixed with customers.
And just like that, the automatic doors slid open.
"C'mon, I'm bored!" The black haired girl drew out the last word, as if to emphasise her point. She was tiny, with bright amber eyes, and I thought she looked familiar, but that was stupid. I didn't know anyone who lived in Forks apart from Angela.
One look at the person she dragged into my library however, and I nearly collapsed.
A/N: Hit? Miss?
-nervously wrings hands-
I'm not sure about this chapter honestly, I changed it about so much. =/
But, no more chapters until I get at least 15 more reviews. You have 5 days to get there, so...
GO! =D