"They're not mine." Emmett protested. "I bought them for Edward." he added, as he dodged the Tiffany Lotus lamp Rosalie hurled in his direction.

"No, you didn't!" BANG. The lamp smashed against the wall in a spray of vintage stained glass.

"Baby, I did." CRUNCH went the Presidential MP3 player. "For his bachelor party!"

"Then why--" she demanded as she shredded his favorite, custom-made, Earnest Sewn jeans-- "are they here?"

"He didn't want 'em. You shoulda seen him." he said, chuckling at the memory despite the wholesale destruction going on around him. "First his eyes bugged out, then he shook himself and went all Mr. Spock on us. Raised an eyebrow and said, "I can't help hearing you and Rose when you two go at it, but I don't think sex is, or should be, a spectator sport. Turn it off.' And Jazz backed him."

"He didn't want them. But you did!"

"Thought I'd take a look." Emmett muttered. "They didn't have this back in '35."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Trust me, honey-- they didn't." he said fervently.

"But you kept them!" she wailed.

"For inspiration!"

"You don't NEED inspiration, Em-- you have ME."

"It's just for fun..." he protested.

"Get rid of them."

"C'mon, Rose!"

"I mean it."

"They're not hurting anything."

"I don't want to be in the same room with them." she hissed.

"Don't you think you're getting a bit carried away?"

"Get rid of them, Em. Or else."

"Or else … what?"

"This." She walked over to the display cabinet where Emmett kept his collection of sports memorabilia and picked up a baseball.

"Rose, please-- that's not just any baseball..." he said, horrified.

"The Bonds one, right?" She said sweetly. "The one he hit in '06? " She caressed it. "The one that broke Hank Aaron's career home run record?"

"Yes."

"You know, I've always wondered what's inside a baseball." she said innocently, eyeing the relic as if it were a succulent orange, and slowly brought it to her lips......

On the whole, Emmett wasn't afraid of anything, up to and especially including grizzly bears. But the sight of Rose's luscious mouth coming closer and closer to one of his most prized possessions, the way her lips pulled tantalizingly back from her razor sharp teeth as they hovered with surgical precision over the venerable –autographed---cowhide......

Emmett caved.