Okay, I'm sorry is a little shorter and took me forever to update, is just I live a life outside here... and well, is not like there were big spectations or tons of review for me so yeah...
Is sort of dissapointing to not recieve fed back, but I feel awful to ask for it... but guess my little ego needs to be put back on place and remember to be humble when it comes to this.
Thanks abunch to S.H. Nina, my lovely beta reader who is being really helpful in the process. Thanks a lot!!! Hope the moving went okay.
So here it is... completely gone out of my hands so don't know how much longer will it be hehehe
°!"#$%&/()=?¡|1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=?¡°!"#$%&/()=?¡1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=?¡1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=?¡|1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=?¡|1234567890'¿!"#$%&/()=?¡|1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=?¡|1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=
One of Naruto's favorite songs was playing through the speakers while he walked around the packed gallery, greeting and chatting with several people.
He mouthed the lyrics as he absentmindedly waved for a group of friends near one of the collages, actually the one about the scars, and he found himself smiling at the memories it brought back.
Sakura had allowed him – and why, oh why did that sounded like Sakura was his boss? – to chose his own playlist for the night, and he was more than glad about it. The music gave the whole atmosphere a sort of relaxed air to the interactions, more like a party than a closing of an exhibition and the opening of his new "responsible life".
It's a night of many frightening things to take in
It's not the way we please ourselves or our friends
It's what we won't accept
It's what will scare us now
Is ourselves, it's ourselves
He stopped dead in his tracks, realizing how well these lyrics fit him right now. Sure, he had thought about a lot of things: the consequences of his decision and words were always something very present to him, because he knew how much a word or the lack of it could change everything: end it or start it, stop it or put it in motion.
So, as it was, what was he not accepting of himself?
He had always feared that feeling would come back, not liking himself, not liking the fake smile that everyone bought, the fear of not one single person noticing his lack of sincerity, ending up dying alone in his cold small apartment.
-"You okay?"- he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and turned around to find worried emerald eyes looking at him, seeking the true emotions where nobody else could.
He knew Sakura knew, and he couldn't quite lie to her about his real feelings.
Yet were they both ready to tell each other what was really going on?
Naruto could also feel it, there was something off about Sakura's behavior since yesterday; and he had wanted to avoid thinking about it, for fear of what it might mean to him. But now, as he saw her fragile – was she really still fragile? Or it was just him trying to keep that image of her, as if by doing so she would always depend on him and he could always protect her? Was he that selfish? – expression and posture, reached out his hand to her and placed it on her shoulder.
It felt so thin, so small.
-"Yeah. Spacing out I guess"- he answered giving her a reassuring smile, one that she answered with what immediately Naruto recognized as a fake smile.
Again his fear at pointing it out and opening a Pandora box he was not really ready to face stopped him from dwelling on it any further.
Ace Enders's voice was drifting to and end and he didn't know why he felt a pressure in his chest, somewhere near his heart, but let it be for now.
He felt a hand on his lower back and surprised himself at the fact of not having flinched in the slightest.
-"Hey! That's not one of my songs! That's one of your emo songs!"- yelled Naruto at the black eyes that appeared from behind him, the hand on his back resilient to let go, but finally doing so after a few more than necessary minutes.
-"Yeah, I thought you should have a better taste in music"- added Sasuke and turned around to give Sakura a sincere playful smile, one that Sakura had rarely seen on the raven, but that suited him so well.
-"But they don even sing! They just scream!"- countered the blond, looking to Sakura for support in his argument, but she just smiled innocently as if agreeing to what Sasuke had said.
-"You two always gang up on me…"- said Naruto pouting.
Time stopped.
Or at least that's what Naruto would have liked.
This moment, this exact second of time would be one of those memories to secretly treasure in the future.
Just the three of them, in the way it had all started. No complications, no concerns for the world, not having extra hours at the hospital or the law firm, no secrets standing in between them, settling as if they were going to be staying forever.
The smiles on all of their faces seemed sincere and happy in a way they hadn't looked in a very long time… Naruto wanted to believe that, to fool himself into believing tomorrow things would go back to how they used to be… well, maybe a little different, taking into account their newfound "pastime", but things would go back to normal, it had to…
The tune of the song varied from high to low and the blond found he didn't like it.
-"This music irks me. Is just so… depressing"- he said, listening to the piano and guitar mixing into the verse, the female´s voice making it even sadder.
-"People do have the ability to feel something else besides happiness, dobe"- answered Sasuke with a sarcastic comment, yet his voice didn't sound in the least offending and Sakura could easily tell the understanding glance both males had shared.
-"I'm not happy all the time…"- said the blond, but his grin said otherwise.
-"I know you, your laid-back attitude towards life is otherwise known as being happy you know?"- retorted the Uchiha and still Naruto didn't seem at all offended by the comment.
But Sakura did…
-"Naruto is not always happy Sasuke. He's a human being, you know? He's capable of feeling sadness, maybe even more so than you and me"- she intervened into the conversation having felt left out.
The three of them shared a shocked expression, but each for a different reason, unknown to the others, and it would remain as such: a secret never to be told.
-"Naruto! Congratulation! This is just great!"- the three of them heard the voice that brought them out of their reverie.
Naruto turned around for the umpteenth time this night to find an old friend.
-"Kiba, man! Long time no see!"- he said greeting the new comer.
After that the three of them parted ways, going in different directions to greet other acquaintances.
Yet the feeling lingered for the rest of the night.
The conversations he had during the night were all blurry in his memory as the end of it drew near, cut down words, praises being thrown at him as he made his way through the room… And he could only see Sakura's green eyes, eyes that had always reminded him of green fields in the summer; and Sasuke's inky eyes that always made him think of the winter nights he spent under all those blankets, finding in them the warmth he could not have from a paternal embrace.
All his thoughts were brought to an end when he was asked to give his final speech.
Another song from one of his favorite groups was playing, and the volume was lowered, but he could still hear it clearly.
-"Well, I've never been good with speeches"- started the blond scratching the back of his head on that goofiest way of his: -"But I do know some good jokes. So there's a…"- he started saying but Iruka appeared behind him, whacking him in the head.
The room broke into laughter.
-"Be serious"- mumbled the older male, giving him one of his warning parental stares.
-"Okay, I'll be serious"- added Naruto jokingly while again his hand moved to the back of his blond head: -"To be completely honest, and I know this is gonna sound so cliché, but this could not have been done without your help. Many of your offered to pose for me and helped me out with ideas"- he said turning to look at Iruka, whom smile at the gesture, and then blue and black eyes collided for the briefest of moments, saying without anyone else noticing, what they had wanted to tell each other.
Naruto's eyes searched in between the small mass of people gathered in the gallery for light hair, one that almost looked pink, and emerald green eyes, eyes of the spring, but as he jumped from eyes to eyes, he was surprised to see he couldn't find her.
He stood there in silence longer than necessary; but something in his heart told him he was not gonna be able to continue until he saw her reassuring smile and comforting sparkling eyes.
She was in the bathroom; he had to believe that as Sasuke's midnight inky eyes fell on his.
-"What I'm trying to say is thank you!"- he finally said, giving the brightest smile he could muster from the very bottom of his heart.
Everybody then surrounded him to congratulate him, asking him about upcoming projects and such.
And so neither Sasuke, nor Naruto were able to notice the woman leaving the place, following a suspicious looking man.
Now walk through the door, the same one you came in, so we can go back, to how things used to be,
And just walk through the door, the same one, you came in, so we can go back, to how things used to be
That night, when only the two of them went back to the apartment, they waited for Sakura's returned.
She arrived at 7am the next morning to find both males lying on the living room couch, again the comforter and cushions in disarray.
When had it become so complicated? Naruto asked himself as he contemplated the cracks on his bedroom sealing, the earplugs of his iPod blaring music he wasn't even really listening.
It wasn't really his forte to brood and be emo, that's what Sasuke did best.
Yet, on second thought, he might be even more emo than the Uchiha if he really tried hard.
The echoing of his laughter was the only sound making him company at this moment, and he felt so at ease to be able to laugh it off, to make fun of his past mistakes and learn from them.
But did it all have to look so hard? When had it transformed into a complicated thing?
He liked things simple in his life. He liked his coffee dark, he liked orange juice, he liked scrambled eggs, he liked plain patterns, simple ideas of love and hate, sad and happy, black and white; but then all of the sudden the rest of the colors had found their way into his vision and he wasn't sure if he should push them away or keep them.
And was he using colors as a metaphor? Who did that? That was lame! He was no fucking philosopher! He was a simple-minded man that had wanted to wake up to the same things for the rest of his life.
But he couldn't deny he liked this newfound thing to wake up to.
Sasuke's warmth encircling him was something he could definitely get used to.
Why did people make life complicated?
He had always promised himself to make his life as easy and honest as he could. He would speak his mind, expose his feelings and thoughts out in the open for people to see them, he would never go back to that dark room that could be his cold lonely mind, he would let people know when he was feeling something, he would...
Yet he knew he had not been really doing so.
He was always thinking of others, of not imposing his issues onto others, resulting in him shutting himself down again.
Yes, he was definitely more emo than Sasuke had ever been.
Well, that is, as far as he knew.
He still had to figure out what other secrets there might be in between them; he had to believe there were at least one or two on Sasuke's behalf, that way he wouldn't feel as exposed when his turn to open to the Uchiha might come.
Because he was going to do it, he had already decided, to push himself to take one last breath and take the plunge into dark unknown waters, that he hopped weren't as cold and lonely as his own mind.
He was afraid and confused, or at least he wanted to convince himself that he was...
Yet if he really saw inside himself, he would find out he really wasn't that much, he was actually rather... how to say it? Comfortable? Happy? Joyful? Enthralled? by the turn of the recent events. And sure, who wouldn't be, the raven was one hell of a great kisser - and he was sure to tell him just that next time they made out, he had decided - and had an amazing ability with his hands.
And still, that nagging in his head, kept telling him he shouldn't be feeling such at ease, so comfortable to be able to fall so easily asleep on Sasuke's warm embrace. But he was honestly against hearing that voice at the moment.
One of Smashing Pumpkins' songs was now playing, actually one of Sasuke's personal favorite, one he had been forced to hear for the majority of the road trip they had taken on their senior year at high school.
Those were good memories.
They had had to promise Sakura's mother to take good care of her and had even been forced to bring along Sakura's annoying neighbor, Ino - another one of Sasuke's fan girls - but at the end it had all been so worth it.
Why had Sasuke suggested the trip? Well, it was a mystery that was to remain unsolved to Naruto, since it seemed to have been arranged by the raven and his other best friend Sakura, and had been put together by the two in less than two weeks.
It had looked to him as if they were in a rush to leave the city - not like he himself was very eager to stay for the long boring summer after their graduation - but who was he to question good luck?
They had all been in such a good mood, laughing, exchanging secrets and funny anecdotes; it was one of the best memories he could cherish in his heart.
But the best part of the trip had been the silences, the moments in which nobody felt like they had to say anything, because what else was there to be said?
They had said too much to each other and yet so little, there would always be something to learn from the other, but while in those silences it felt like it was okay not to know everything, like it was great to be able to have secrets only for oneself, something that would be great to find out with time and some preying.
When the last string of the guitar ended, so did the reminiscence...
Naruto sighed and made to stand from his laying position on his bed.
Again, last night he had spent it at the couch and the blond often wondered to himself why was it that Sasuke hadn't offered his bed or asked to be taken to Naruto's, his neck was hurting and his back aching, yet the feeling of waking up to Sasuke next to him was worth the trouble.
As he made his way to the kitchen in search of something to eat, his mind wandered to another concern: Sakura.
People always believed him to be just not very attentive; but he had somehow seen it, sensed it in a way. Something was going on with Sakura and neither she nor Sasuke wanted to tell him about it.
He didn't blame them, he just couldn't; he had his own secrets. But still it made it feel somehow left out… Like back in the day…
Hushed voices could be heard at the end of the hallway and Naruto could easily recognize them as being his two best friends.
Yet, there seemed to be an air of secrecy going on about them for the last couple of weeks.
Sasuke would disappear for a day or two and so would Sakura; and when they came back, they exchanged this knowing looks between the two, and it just irked him!
-"You haven't told Naruto about it, have you?"- he hard Sakura's voice ask in that conspiratorial tone he had come so accustomed to.
-"Of course no!!!"- came the outraged reply on the raven's behalf.
Something on Naruto's stomach dropped, but made him unable to move.
-"Great then! Let's keep it our little secret"- she said and to the blond her voice sounded disgustingly seductive.
-"Yeah… I don't want him to know… just yet… He'll freak out on me"- added Sasuke with a chuckle and Naruto found it sort of dark and cynical.
-"No… he doesn't ever need to know…"- said Sakura after a long moment of silence that was followed by the infinite sound of footsteps retreating.
The next two days the two of them missed school.
Naruto wasn't one that liked to think of only bad memories – at least he was not anymore – and so he tried to shake it away, taking a long swig of his orange juice; as if the citrus would help him flush down his throat that uncomfortable feeling of being left out.
It didn't…
How had it all started? It was like an avalanche was coming his way. He had never been good with changes; he just didn't cope well when he felt tense.
He feared he might get into old habits again…
But in a way he had been the cause of such a big change. He had been the one to blame for Sakura's new strange behavior; he was to blame for Sasuke's constant distraction at work, forcing him to do extra hours.
He hated wallowing in self-pity…but it was something he could not help doing… everybody has their own weakness, always tripping with the same stone.
And so he walked to the bathroom.
It was all so complicated and at the same time it wasn't; it could be as easy as to ignore it. Yet he couldn't
Sasuke kept razors in his drawer at the dresser in the room…
Sasuke was downing his third cup of coffee of the day and it was only midday.
He saw the blinking green light of his closed cell phone and felt tempted to phone Naruto and call it a day; but he knew that wasn't do-able. He had sort of neglected his work for the better part of the week and now that it was drawing to and end, he realized how much work had piled up and had to be finished before Friday.
He sensed more than saw the person entering the meeting room, where he was currently working, surrounded by several piles of folders and loose pieces of paper. An ashtray lay next to him and was overflowing with cigarette butts, that surprisingly enough had all been smoked by him; he had quit a few years ago, back at the beginning of college.
-"Give it a rest Sasuke, you've done more than a week's worth of work already"- said the blond woman that entered.
-"I'll just finish this up"- he mumbled flipping through some of archives on their more recent case; an entire building was suing a young man, whom they claimed was a junkie and a mugger, they had no proof but their twisted morals and their intense dislike for the boy had driven them to seek a lawyer.
He, personally, thought the guy was innocent, but he was just paid to do his job, not to voice his own opinion.
When the light sound of the door clicking shut was heard, he let himself fall back on his chair and look at the side to find that she had set a muffin for him at the far end of the desk. He smiled and reached for the bread, munching on it while going back to his work.
He absent mindedly reach out for the pack of cigarettes that lay near by the ashtray and fishing one out, lit it up and brought it to his.
He had smoked too much over the past two weeks, more than he had done so over the past years.
Yet he knew it would never as much as he smoked back in the day.
The smell reminded him of so many things; some of them, he was more than willing to forget while others he wanted to have them very present as if not to make the same mistake again…
-"Sasuke…?"- he heard the well-known female's voice on his back and turned around to find something completely different to what he had come to associate with the voice.
-"Sa-Sakura? Is that you?"- he felt himself stuttered, but couldn't help it. This woman resemblance nothing to the innocent looking girl he hanged out with at the school.
-"Guess we all have our secrets…"- she said cryptically while a shady looking guy snuck up a hand through her slim waist. A fake smile plastered on her lips, she was pulled away to the section of the club that was know for been the favorite hideout for junkies.
He should have stopped her, he should have said something, anything, back then; but he hadn't and that would be something he was doomed to carry around for the rest of his life.
He put out his cigarette, not having finished it even. He knew that when he got home Naruto would call him on the smell, but he just needed a break from all the tension that had building up during the past week.
Sure, happy-go-lucky Naruto hadn't noticed yet – or so he hopped, because after all he had promised he would take this particular secret to the grave if he had to, and an Uchiha is a man of honor – but there was something odd going on with Sakura's behavior as of late and he feared to know the reason as to why.
For the first time in his life he really strongly desired that none of his suspicious were real. But all the signs were there and it would unwise to not do anything about it.
But he would keep it a secret, no matter what, he at least owed her that much.
The room was hot, after all it was the beginning of June by now, so the weather had take a turning to the higher temperatures; yet Sakura would not open the window nor draw the curtains open to let a little light into the stuffy room, she just couldn't.
Her little motel room with private bathroom smelled like all kinds of things, alcohol mixed with tobacco, as well as the smell she had come to associate with colors and happiness; though at this time it didn't necessarily meant that.
She could hear the speeding cars on the highway just outside the motel parking lot, but that somehow didn't register in her doped up mind.
She made to stand from her laying position on the broken bed; the sheets were all crumpled and the pillows had been thrown all over the room and the TV was on, not like she was really watching, but she used it as a background noise, to somehow scare away the empty noises of the lavender walls.
The faint sounds of moaning and grunting came from one of the rooms besides hers, probably a horny teenaged couple that had made their way here in the middle of the day and couldn't even wait for the shelter of the night.
There were lines of cocaine waiting for her on the crystal table by the room's entrance; she had also gotten her hands on a crack stash.
She wasn't even sure why she was doing this anymore; in the past it had had a lot to do with her family situation, her father had died and her mother had somehow lost it a little bit in the process and so she ended up alone to handle with broken shards and unable to come up with a way to glue them back together.
She had never liked gloating on self-pity, but how can you expect for a twelve year old to make everything okay again? Her mother had set a very high standard, one that soon enough she realized it was impossible to reach… And maybe that was why her mother had set it high, so she could never reach it, so she could never be fully happy…
She chuckled darkly at her own musings, finally standing and stretching before making her way to the table. Kneeling in front of it she grabbed one of the straws at the side of the table and made to inhale some of the drug.
The couple on the room next door was now getting more vocal, but she wasn't even listening anymore, she was already traveling to happier places, places that were darker and reeked of toxic fumes, alcohol and sex.
There was a girl half naked near the entrance, laying on the floor mumbling to herself some memory of her own… Sakura knew how that felt.
The whole scene should have somehow bothered her, yet she was already very used to it; Sakura knew she would be that same girl in just a couple more hours.
-"What can I get you my princess?"- asked the male she was coming with; he was known in this underworld territories with the name of Sai, but she was pretty sure that couldn't be his real name.
Sai simply didn't existed; he could only be found when he wanted to be found, contacted when he felt like it, talked to when addressed to.
He also had a large entourage making it almost impossible for people to reach him.
But she had…
It didn't matter that he used her and treated her like crap, it did not matter either he had lots of fishy business going on.
What mattered was that people was looking at her! She was the "princess" of this made up palace of lust and ruin.
She couldn't recognize the white ceiling she was currently staring at, not that it would make any big difference anyways; as she was right now nothing really mattered…
Her mother was right; you could find happiness in a pill…
Or in her case, in a line of cocaine.
Sakura saw blue eyes looking at her, not reproaching anything, not asking anything; just looking at her, really looking at her. And as if reading her soul, they would smile- because in her drugged mind, eyes smile – and tell her how beautiful she was, how perfect she was.
Then those beautiful blue eyes would turn into the summer skies, would turn into the sea, and would turn into a tan blond man telling her how much he loved her.
She laughed hysterically at her own fantasies; apparently it didn't matter how high you were, you just couldn't lie to yourself…
She was in love with Naruto and he was in love with Sasuke… not her…
-"Not me…"- she mumbled and at hearing her own voice, broken and husky she couldn't stop the tears from escaping her emerald eyes.
She was just a complete monster!
She had an amazing man, one that truly loved her, not only for her personality but her as a whole; she was worshiped by Lee… And still, she wanted to open her eyes and clash with blue ones staring at her with loving passion.
Instead, those eyes would wake up to meet dark ones and smile – like she had always dreamt he would look at her – and lean in to kiss pale lips.
She didn't want to hate Sasuke… But she did…
-"I'm a horrible person!"- she yelled and strength she didn't know she had she grabbed one of the near by chairs and threw it at the door.
She knew she could tell Naruto what kind of person the Uchiha had been back in the day… The kind of perversions Sasuke had been involved in and how she had been a witness to them all.
Yet, then she would have to explain why she had also been there to begin with…
She wanted to be happy for the two of them, she really did.
She had come to accept the fact that Naruto would never see her as anything else but a sister, the best of friends, and nothing more…
And so the only thing she could do was just go back to running away… that, she knew how to do.
She heard a light knock on the door, maybe the manager.
She made to stand with a tired grunt; she wouldn't be able to come back to this motel, she would need to find a new one.
The clock on the nightstand read a quarter to one. Maybe she would make it back in time for a quick shower at the hospital and the start of her shift.
The knock on the door got more insistent as she quietly packed her junk trying to clear her mind of that foggy feeling the drugs left her.
-"I'm coming!"- she shouted exasperated, shoving on her pack a few clothing items she had brought with her sending a glare to the door wishing her eyes could stop the banging, it was irritating.
-"If you broke something you're gonna have to pay for it!"- yelled the male's voice outside the door while he repeatedly continue to bang the door.
-"Yeah I will, damn it! Now leave me alone!"- she yelled angry, the banging stopped for a second or two, to start again with more intent and desperation.
When she finally managed to pack all her stuff, the loud banging never once ceasing, she stood storming to the door, opening it angrily.
-"I fucking told you I was gonna pay…!"- but she stopped in the middle of her tirade.
Dark eyes stood in front of her.
°!"#$%&/()=?¡|1234567890¿°!"#$%/&()=?¡|1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=?¡|1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=?|1234567890'°!"#$%&/()=?¡|1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=?¡|1234567890'¿°!"#$%&/()=?|1234567890'°!"#$%&/()=?|1234567890'
If you liked it, please tell me.
And if not,please tell me too so I don't waste more time with this fic...