chapter o4. cowardice

gracie.

I couldn't stand the silence any longer; it just made me worry more and more about the impending storm. I hated thunderstorms more than anything. Back in Pittsburgh, I would hide literally behind my mother's legs when they happened. Until I was fifteen. Then I couldn't. I'm still terrified. I cry and hide when I even hear the word "thunder" mentioned. I was surprised that I had been able to hold out that long, but being with Embry made me feel safe. My mouth wouldn't work. I needed to say something to him. Ask him to protect me and keep me safe from the storm. Anything to break the silence and cover the sound of thunder outside.

I thought I had something to say when I turned to look at Embry. I was going to bring up some silly topic that we could spend hours talking about; I got the vibe that he was about as witty as I was. Instead, I froze when his eyes met mine. I know I sound like a pathetic little kid right now, and that's exactly how I felt. I don't know why, but right now I was helpless. I know thunderstorms are usually the same everywhere but this one felt different. Maybe it was because I was so close to the coast, I don't know. I just felt the fear coursing through my veins and needed to be sheltered.

"I'm sorry. I should stop being so silly," I said, quickly looking away. "God, I'm just such a baby. Can you believe it? Shaking like this at a little rumbling and flashing lights." I smiled, trying to make this as not-awkward as possible.

"You're fine, Gracie. I'm scared of the dark, but don't tell anyone," Embry teased, placing his hand on my shoulder. Normally I'd freak out if anyone touched me, but with him it was different. It's not like I'm some skittish little mouse…Well, that's a lie. I am pretty mousy. I guess I just don't like it when people are in my space, you know? Embry was the exception. I hadn't noticed before, but his hand was really warm; maybe it was just cold in the Clearwater's house…

"Um. Listen, Gracie. It looks like it might be getting kind of nasty out there," Embry said, peering through the curtains. Almost instantaneously, the radio sounded with one of those horrible Emergency Broadcast noises. The man on the radio stopped droning about the happenings around Forks to tell us that a severe thunderstorm warning was under effect. "Maybe we should head down to the basement. You know, just in case."

I nodded, feeling slightly sick. I tend to over analyze everything and my immediate thought was "Oh God, I'm going to die". Standing up slowly, I noticed that Embry had grabbed a lantern and a blanket.

"Do you want any snacks or anything? Sue makes really amazing cookies…We might be down there for a while. Storms tend to dwell in La Push for a little while…Sorry you got stuck here," he said, raiding the kitchen.

I shook my head; there was no way I could eat anything right now. Not with doom looming over my head like this. I wanted to cry. I wanted my mom. I started to shake again and it was all I could do to contain the tears. Look at me; I'm eighteen and can't even handle a pathetic little squall. How was I ever going to survive college in the fall? I looked over at Embry again, who was carrying two zipper bags of cookies and two bottles of water. He must've seen me shaking because he instantly flew to my side. My heart fluttered; he was closer than he had ever been before. I wanted to tell him to just hold me close until this storm passed. Embry must've noticed the closeness too, because he instantly hopped back a few inches. He motioned to a door; I assumed it was the way to the basement. I took cautious steps and opened it, fleeing down into the darkness. The Clearwater's house was pretty old so I wasn't surprised to find unfinished brick and a concrete floor with no light. Also, there were no windows; a good thing for my nerves.

I took a seat against the cool bricks, on the dusty floor. Good thing I was dressed appropriately; I'd almost worn a skirt this morning. Instead my jeans took the brunt of the dirt and coal as I shivered on the floor. Embry sat next to me and covered my shoulders with the blanket. I smiled for the first time since I saw the clouds rolling in. He was so sweet. I couldn't help but want to snuggle up next to him and forget about everything. How could I have fallen so quickly? Irrationality had gotten the better of me again. There was never anyone else before Embry, not even back at home with Mom. So how was I so enamored after just a half an hour?

Half an hour? That meant that it was six'o'clock…Crap. I was dead. Julianne was going to kill me when I got home; one less mouth to feed. My dread of returning home was overshadowed when another clap of thunder shook the house. I practically jumped out of my skin and landed right next to Embry. I couldn't be that obvious, though. No, that would just be like some stereotypical scene out of a cheap C movie. Instead I merely excused myself and huddled back underneath the blankets, red burning in my cheeks.

I hated myself. Why couldn't I make a move? Why couldn't I be less pathetic? Why did I suck? As I sat in the darkness cursing my existence, the storm passed over us. In my fit of self-loathing, I didn't notice the rolls of thunder slowly fade away and instead was content passing the time being mopey. I must've appeared ridiculous to Embry. He'd probably never want to see me again if we ever got the opportunity. Because as soon as I got home, I'd be dead meat.

"I think the worst is over…We're probably safe to leave now," Embry said, standing up. He dusted off the backside of his jeans and offered me a hand. I took it gladly, hopping off of the dirty floor. I was still wrapped in Mrs. Clearwater's afghan and I folded it neatly before handing it back to the boy next to me. He looked so much taller inside; I was a shrimp but still…He must've been around six foot seven! Compared to my five feet even, that was kind of intimidating.

"Thanks for putting up with me. I would've just run for the hills if I were you," I said sheepishly. Shuffling up the stairs, I couldn't help but want to stall for more time. By now it was at least 6:45; I was in enough trouble as it was so being a few more minutes late wouldn't hurt anything. Good thing I didn't have a cell phone; it would've been ringing uncontrollably right now.
"I suppose I should get going. Thanks again…I really appreciate you staying with me. I'll see you around, right?"

"Oh, absolutely. Anytime Seth isn't around to let you in, just come find me. I'm usually hanging around with Jake and our other friend Quil. Just look for the surly one and the brawny one and you'll usually find me," Embry said, looking a little bit embarrassed. He looked like he wanted to ask me something but was too afraid. By this time, we had made it out onto the rain-soaked front porch. It was still raining pretty heavily and Embry held up a finger and ran back inside.
"Don't want you catching a cold or anything. Let me walk you to your car. You might want to hold on; the mud's pretty slippery."
He popped open an umbrella and I shyly latched onto his coppery arm. It must've gotten colder; he still felt like fire. We walked slowly to my now mud-stained hybrid and I unlocked my door. I looked up at Embry and waved with my free hand.
"G'bye," I mumbled, not wanting to let go.

"Wait…There's something I want to ask you."