The closer they got to M.O.D. Jail, the more nervous Carlisle grew. He was not looking forward to meeting Smokey the Bear. He had heard a lot about the warden's fetishes, and he knew that his gorgeous unicorn form would be irresistible to the bear. As M.O.D. Jail loomed ahead of them, he shivered.
Edward, on the other hand, was eager to get to the jail. Though he would never admit it to anyone (least of all Carlisle), he was secretly a furfag. He was looking forward to get to what Carlisle had described as a "furry harem".
As they neared the door to the jail, a large bear walked out to meet them. It was Smokey, a fact made obvious by the name tag. Carlisle inclined his head politely while Edward salivated.
Smokey gave Edward an odd look, shrugged, and turned to look at Carlisle. Carlisle shivered at the look he saw in Smokey's eyes. "Hello, Mr. Warden," he said, "We are looking to bail out a friend of ours. We understand that you locked him up here, but we would like him back now."
Smokey rubbed his chin, pondering Carlisle's words. "Well, I would be more than happy to give him to you, but I'm afraid that may be impossible."
"What?" Edward asked, aghast.
"Well, the hax0r found a way out. But he wasn't too successful, if I do say so myself."
"What do you mean? He got out of your furfag hell," Carlisle asked, confused.
"Well, the cheat code backfired, and turned him into a her."
"Oh. That is unfortunate."
"Well, I guess I'll send you on your way now," Smokey said, "Unless, of course, you want to stay?"
Carlisle, who the question was directed at, shivered. "No thank you, we'll be fine."
"Very well. Good day." The bear lumbered back into his furry fortress. Carlisle sighed in relief, though Edward looked a bit disappointed.
Before stepping onto the Troll Bridge, Carlisle made sure to tape Edward's mouth shut with some duct-tape he found lying around M.O.D. Jail. Edward protested the rough treatment, but Carlisle ignored him. What could a pussy fairy do to a manly vampire unicorn, anyway?
They crossed the bridge in silence, unhindered by trolls. Carlisle prodded Edward along with the tip of his horn, making the fairy squeak in an amusing way. Just as they were about to reach hte edge, a form struggled over the side of the bridge and stood in front of them.
The girl looked familiar, though Carlisle was sure he would remember someone as sexy as the shapely woman standing before him. She looked to be of Native American descent, with long dark hair and dark skin.
While Carlisle was distracted, Edward ripped the tape off of his face. "Jacob!" he shouted. "Why do you have bewbs?!"
Jacob squeezed his new assets, grinning. "Well, when I haxed the M.O.D. Jail system, I added this nifty code that would change my gender!"
Edward reached forward. "Can I touch them?"
"Sure!"
Carlisle was disgusted that he had been daydreaming about this tranny, and also that Edward had outwitted him. He snorted and shoved past the two onto stable land.
"Come on, homos, we've got to get back. Bella's already been left to her own devices for a couple of hours, only Smeyer knows WHAT she's done."
Edward and Jacob composed themselves and followed Carlisle into the spooky forest. The chatterboxites were sleeping in their dens, so the journey was safe.
"Why is Carlisle a unicorn?" Jacob's feminine voice was disturbing. It sent shivers down Carlisle's spine.
"His wife turned him into one."
"Esme?"
"No, the other one."
"Which other one?"
"Do you think I can tell them apart?"
"Would you guys shut up?" Carlisle yelled over his shoulder. He instantly regretted it. The chatterboxites were irate about being woken up, and they swarmed the trio. Edward jumped onto Carlisle's back, helping Jacob up behind him.
"Edward, do that fairy-dust-barf thing!" Carlisle yelled.
Edward was already on it, thinking of all kinds of disgusting scenarios. It didn't work. Edward then visualized Bella in his mind.
Needless to say, it sufficed. Edward spewed fairy dust all over Carlisle, who rose into the air. They flew over the Spooky Forest, back to their house in Forks.