A/N: A summary of Katara's thoughts in "The Avatar State" through "The Chase."
Chapter 4: My Burden
As spring came in, Aang and Sokka and I had more experiences. The Earth Kingdom General who tried to force Aang into the Avatar State was quite a brilliant man, although he was evil. He tried to manipulate Aang by using me. Helpless in his grasp, saying that I was scared would be an understatement. I was terrified. Things didn't really get out of control until Aang went into the Avatar State. Then the General took me out of the rock and Aang went back to normal.
After destroying most of the courtyard, that is.
None of us had any desire to help the despicable General now, but we knew he still had the power over us. His troops were probably too scared of him to disobey his orders, and he could probably beat us with his earth bending and theirs combined. Sokka intervened just in time, unexpectedly whacking the General over the head. We all escaped with no problem.
One of the weirdest adventures we had was traveling with those nomadic hippies through the cave of two lovers. Something strange happened when Aang and I were in the cave…we kissed. I had only recently started thinking of Aang as a young man rather than as a goofy kid. I didn't really know if I loved Aang in a romantic way yet, but I knew I cared about his wellbeing. As we continued our travels, I began to sense something that might be of the same nature as Sokka's love for Yue. I just barely began to detect a feeling of affection not only for how Aang could make me feel…but for his own special, unique existence.
Another interesting experience for me was the Swamp. It was so vast and so creepy. I really don't like remembering that experience because of what the Swamp made me see. As I was wandering around the swamp looking for Sokka and Aang, I thought I saw someone. I called out, "Hey, can you help me?" The person did not answer, so I came closer. I could hardly believe my eyes. The woman standing just a hundred yards away looked exactly like my mother from the back.
All sense of logic left me. I ran to her. Mother—the person whose untimely death had nearly destroyed me. After she died, I became a different person. I had always been expressive and confident, but my healthy assertiveness was suddenly changed into fearful manipulation and controlling behavior. Because of my mother died, I am the person I am today.
But now…she was back! Wild hopes filled my heart and tears filled my eyes. "Mom?" I asked, running. Tears flew from my face as I ran. I reached out my hand to touch her shoulder, exclaiming, "Mom! I can't believe—"
But it wasn't her. It was just a vision. Immediately a sense of hopelessness and pressure threw itself against me. It was like my wave attack I described earlier—but emotional, an attack that forced everything out of me. Despairing, I fell down on my knees in the muck and sobbed. I have never cried so much in my life.
We managed to get out of the swamp in the end, with the help of the Swamp Benders. The old man said we were all connected and we were all branches of the same tree. While trees, animals, and humans are completely different, we do have a common factor or connector. The bender also told us that time and death are illusions—or the way I understood it, there is an eternity that works with us and through us, and that eternity will probably link everyone from every time together in some far-off reunion. But his words were unclear, because he didn't tell us what that common factor was. What was the force that binds us together? Did it even exist? …Would I have to answer to it? I hoped not. When I left the Swamp, I had a heavy heart.
Meeting Toph? That was an…interesting incident. I'll just go ahead and say it: I didn't like her. In the first place, I never really got into the whole earth bending thing. Earth bending is rough and in your face, not smooth and flexible like water. Rock won't budge, whereas you can do whatever you want with water. If Sokka could bend, I think he would be an earth bender because he's so stubborn, solid, and hard to ignore.
And Toph is even worse! Sokka holds to his beliefs, but he usually won't get involved in petty fights. Toph made a petty fight out of everything; she would never back down. I can't control Toph and to this day I haven't found a lasting manipulative hold on her. I don't understand how she can live without worrying about making people like her. I have to help and appease people, or I crack. Toph doesn't appease anyone!
When we were chased by Azula, that genius Fire Nation Princess, Toph and I argued a lot. It was mostly because were tired, but the fact that Toph openly insulted me and refused to let me dominate her probably had something to with it too. Despite our disagreements, Toph and I tolerated each other and helped beat Azula. Zuko and his Uncle were there too. I both hated and loved Azula's ability to curve any situation into the way she wanted it. There was an obvious difference between us, though—Azula manipulated things to get power and reputation, but I manipulate to protect people against their own mistakes. That's not wrong, is it?
Azula pretended to accept defeat, but as soon as our guard was down she used her one shot to take down two formidable threats. She burned Zuko's Unlce, and immediately Zuko was at his side. Both fire benders were down and Sokka and I were too surprised to make a move. Aang came close to catching Azula as she slipped away, but she was too fast.
I looked at Iroh who was unconscious on the ground. I looked at Zuko, expecting him to inflict the same fear on me that he always had. Strangely, there was no threat in his eyes, his voice, or his manner. He was on his knees beside Iroh, too upset to speak. He rocked back and forth, growling and clenching his fists as if trying to hold back the intensity of the emotional pain he felt.
I cannot resist people who need my help. Though I was not aware of it, I was acting like I could rescue the whole world from all their problems. Zuko's Uncle was injured; I could heal him. I could do anything, and that made me feel like my life was under control.
"Zuko, I can help," I told him.
"Leave me!" he cried furiously.
I drew back, surprised and angry. Why was he telling me to leave when I could make his life better? It was illogical. Aang, Sokka, Toph, and I respected Zuko's wish and left. We knew we had to put distance between ourselves and Azula. But I felt confused as we flew away.