Chapter 19: My Failure

Just when I thought I lost everything…I was about to lose more.

Of course, Zuko would not comply. A full-fledged, bloody war ensued; a gory feud began between the upper and lower, between my side and Zuko's. It would be a relatively short war, not lasting a full year, but it would be one of the most savage in history. I can't begin to put it all down into words—all the battles, the struggles, the carnage; for about half the battles, I wasn't even present. I worked behind the scenes, directing the course of the war as it grew more and more violent.

Initially, things seemed simple. The armies of the upper class rallied around Ang and I, making us the leaders. Everyone else was Zuko's side. It had been a full three years since Ozai's defeat, and still the world was a mess. Our war was not helped by good relations with other counties, for we had none. The Earth Kingdom's savage takeover of the Colonies caused the upper class Fire Nation citizens there to rebel, making friendliness with the Earth Kingdom impossible. Affable connections between the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribes were strained now too; the Earth Kingdom believed that since I was advocating the upper class, so must all water benders. The progress of the Water Tribes was halted, and I could summon no help from home. The world was in a vicious circle of hatred and misunderstanding.

I felt it was my job to fix it.

"We'll have this civil war wrapped up by mid-fall," I assured myself. However, one week rolled into the next and with the fall there was no sign that the war would end.

For the first one or two weeks, it had been a matter of gathering armies and locating the deposed Fire Lord. There were skirmishes breaking out all over the country. Then Zuko made himself known by starting the first real battle. The next week there was a long and fierce struggle for control of the palace. During this time, Aang and I joined in the open combat, mostly pitted against brutal fire benders. There were times, though, when I came face to face with Toph or Sokka.

"Where you hiding him?" I demanded while blocking attacks from Toph. (At that point we did not know where Zuko's base of operations was.)

"You're off your nut, sugar queen," she answered, creating a landslide under my feet.

I got battered and bruised, but managed to shoot out of the rubble with water. When I gave the signal a newly made dam was broken, letting tons of seawater flow into a trench which led to the battlefield. Aang and I used the water to wipe the enemies clean out of the city. The destruction was disturbing.

We had secured the palace, and now the only logical thing for Zuko to do was surrender. Being Zuko, however, he did not act logical. So the next few days he spent making hideouts and bases on the unsettled parts of the Fire Nation Coast. The large battles that followed took place in a rocky badland rather than in the thick of the city; however, the civil war was not limited to this area. Everywhere in the Fire Nation, armies were organized or thrown together and there was vicious fighting. Even in the Earth Kingdom there were revolts and violent uprisings as a result. Still, I was making progress.

Or so I thought.

The next week Zuko surprised everyone by acquiring an army of warships and cutting off the trade routes. Led by Sokka, the ships commandeered every supply ship and attempt to cut off any help. It was a hard time for our ships, but not a crushing blow to my supply line; after all, the Fire Nation had survived without trade industry for a century and could do it again.

"How far are you going to take this?" Aang asked gloomily.

"Farther," I replied.

Despite my hopes that the war would be over by now, I pressed on. I sent out hundreds of battleships to defeat Zuko's. He was playing a game he couldn't win—my army was made up of Admirals with years of naval experience. Still, Zuko's side managed to hold out. Almost a month of raging battles on the high sea followed. Time passed painfully slow as more lives were lost. Aang was in solitude almost all the time while I made battle plans. He grew thinner instead of bigger and the gorgeous laugh which once rang in the walls was silenced.

I was sitting with Aang on the city wall, looking out over the bay and the gates of Azulon. "You know it's a year since the peasants first attacked," he told me.

"Yes, I remember. The day Freda was hurt." I looked at Aang thoughtfully, still wondering whether Freda and her small people were descendants of air benders. Freda mentioned the Great Forces, and she didn't look like anybody else. Her hair was almost yellow, and she was so tall. Then there was the knife her people left in my room. "Aang, did all the air benders look like you?" I asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," Aang answered.

So his people had more of Asian look, dark-haired, pale-skinned, with smaller eyes; while my people were more Eskimo. The Fire Nation citizens had darker skin and larger eyes than the citizens of the Earth Kingdom, who were all tall and pale with dark air.

"Do you think Freda's people are from another country?" I wondered listlessly. "Some place that's not on the map? No, of course not!" I told myself. "That kind of place would have to be really far away and isolated; and what kind of craft could carry people over that kind of distance?"

"Maybe something like that!" Aang exclaimed, pointing at the bay.

I looked out and saw something huge on the horizon—an island? A moving island! "It—it's the Lion Turtle," I realized. "Is it on our side?"

"I don't think so," said Aang, pointing to a line of battleships in dread. "I think this is what Zuko's been holding out for!"

My head spun with stress and anxiety. This was a strategic blow. Even with the entire naval force of the Fire Nation, could I win? Of course, I told myself fiercely—I am the greatest water bender in the world! Aang is the Avatar. Even if we do still suffer from the Bedner's Plague, we can still beat an ancient blob of reptile. (During the months of war, we hadn't had time to look for a cure for what was now referred to as the "Chi Crisis." Many benders were experiencing it, and it was a well-known malady.)

A force of six hundred battleships was soon pouring into the bay. The Lion Turtle was a little ways to the right, but straight ahead Zuko's force, less than half of mine, was gathering. This would be an easy battle if not for that Lion Turtle, which could easily make up for fifteen score vessels.

There were one or two nights of anxious waiting; each side preparing for the greatest sea battle in ages. During the wait a message came to me by hawk, from the Earth Kingdom. They were begging me to stop the war, having heard of Zuko's newest strategy. They knew as well as I that this battle would be horrendous, and they wanted to prevent it.

"What are you going to do?" Aang asked, voice barely above a squeak.

But I had already made my mind. "I know it's terrible, Aang, but we need to win. This battle will be our victory." I tore up the message from the Earth King, disregarded all thoughts of guilt and moral condemnation, and geared up for battle.

The evening of the clash was underway. Aang and I were aboard the foremost craft of our line of ships. Zuko's force started flinging fireballs as soon as we were in range. "Aang," I shouted, "get on Appa and concentrate on blocking those shots! Formation charge in," I ordered the other ships, "and board the enemies!"

This was a blood bath waiting to happen. Two lines of ships were charging straight toward each other, both flinging fireballs so that it seemed impossible for any craft to stay afloat. The foremost of my nettle ships got within yards of theirs, and boarders poured over like an army of ants on the move. The battle was going my way so far. I kept an eye on the Lion Turtle, anticipating his troika, but most of my attention was on the small water tribe sail ship which was mingling with my own. It had snuck up and now, if anyone tried to shoot it, the blast would crash into a companion craft. I knew that Sokka was driving the ship and that Toph was in the shrouds, waiting to jump onto one of my battleships. She actually jumped onto many of them and metal bended them to destruction. I cursed under my breath, knowing that her continued success could wipe out a good fourth of my force in a few hours.

I focused a bombardment of ice onto the little vessel, shredding the sails to pieces. It kept moving thanks to rowers hard at work with oars. I caused mist to come around it and tried to turn it over with waves, but somehow the hellish little boat survived. It was almost totaled when it crashed into my ship. Instantly Toph, Sokka, and the Kyoshi warriors were aboard.

"Katara, surrender!" Sokka shouted, pointing a fine steel sword at me.

I laughed. "Either you surrender right now or I'll be forced to come to blows with my own brother!"

"Bring it," Toph sneered. "Sokka, you take the controls. I don't want you hurting your own flesh and blood. And speaking of blood," she said, turning to me savagely, "the deck'll be slippery with it when I'm done with you."

I conjured a massive wave of water, but before I got far there was a creaking noise and the metal underfoot wrapped around my ankles. I screamed as the cruel steel bit and bruised into my feet. Stuck in place, every attempt move pained me greatly. Retaliating, I brought up the wave of water again and tried to knock Toph off her feet. She held her ground, building a very loose metal suit over her legs to keep her upright. Furious, I turned the water back in my direction. She had just stepped out of her protective metal, not anticipating the backward flow, and dragged within feet on me. I breathed a sword of ice into my hand and struck.

Toph gave a cry and reeled back. I'd stabbed her shoulder, and it was beginning to bleed. I tried to strike again, but the earth bender grabbed my wrist. Her free hand reached for the deck railing and tore off a long scrap of metal, while I tugged ferociously for possession of my weapon. We were at each other with ice and shrapnel when a deafening roar shook all the ships and rumbled along the coast for miles.

It was the Lion Turtle. He had moved quicker than I thought possible, sending great waves in his wake. Now he was floating between my ships and Zuko's.

"Damn turtle's stopping the battle!" Toph shrieked. "I thought he was supposed to help us!"

I managed to tear my feet out of their metal prison and without warning pounce on Toph. I thwacked her on the back of the head as hard as I could, stunning her. Sokka had control of my ship and was leading it straight toward the enemy ranks; but the huge bulk of the Lion Turtle blocked us.

"Shoot that animal down!" I yelled behind at my confused fleet. But just as I looked towards the great beast, it turned its frightening bronze lion's head and stared at me. Its eyes, which had looked solid and wooden before, now took on a life of their own, glowing with power and feeling.

I heard a voice in my head, the deepest voice I'd ever heard. "Halt the ships," it said, "Stop this battle, Katara of the Southern Water Tribe!"

"Get out of my head!" I screamed, staggering. "I'm about to win this war! Just let me finish this and the carnage will end, I promise."

A roar ripped form the beast's mouth, and his voice crippled my brain as it rang deep and loud, "How dare you defile so many lives! You have defiled the coast and the ocean with your proud machines, and you have defiled your friendships with your proud heart!"

"Aang!" I shouted desperately. "Make him understand! We need to win!"

My Avatar, who had swooped low on Appa when the Lion Turtle roared, now soared back to face the giant beast. To my surprise, the Lion turtle raised a huge claw out of the water, and Aang jumped off Appa to smoothly alight on it. The battle came to a standstill; Aang and the Turtle were deep in conversation. In a minute Aang looked over at me. His voice carried over the water, "No, Katara! This has to stop!"

"No!" I turned and ordered my battleships, "Fire!"

Zuko's line of crafts did the same. Volleys of fire balls and bombs were careening toward the Lion Turtle from both directions. Aang was on Appa, not getting any of the fire but lingering, I thought, a little too close for my comfort. I knew he didn't agree with me; but surely he wouldn't do something silly to try and prove a point.

I thought the Lion Turtle was brute-strong. I thought he would fight back. But he just floated there in the water, taking hit after destructive hit. The trees atop his back were on fire. Then the creature began to roar in pain and create waves with its massive claws. The combination of the flinging fire and the roaring deluge had catastrophic effects on everyone. In minutes, close to five hundred combined ships of mine and Zuko's were destroyed. They had been overturned, set on fire, exploded, or collided into the ship net to it. Almost three hundred ships remained, but the battle was getting more chaotic by the second.

I realized wit ha shock that Aang was in the Avatar State. Being too busy fending off fire balls, I could not see the details. What I did see was Aang getting ready to do something drastic in his most powerful state, when, as if pulled by invisible cords, he suddenly turned toward the Lion Turtle. The giant claws grabbed Aang right out of the air.

"Aang!" I screamed.

From behind, Ty Lee and the kyoshi warriors attacked. They blocked my chi and I could not bend, but I was too worried about Aang to be scared for myself. I kept shrieking his name, wondering what was happening to him, if he was being mauled to death— Scrambling over to the deck railing despite Ty Lee's grabs at me, I was able to see the Lion Turtle throw Aang roughly onto his back amid the flaming trees before sinking underwater. The great beast was sinking, having finally stopped flailing, and blood was running all over him; he was dead. His body slowly submerged, taking Aang with him. Aang would die if I didn't save him.

And I couldn't. Even if I had my bending, I would drown before I got close enough. Or I would be scorched by fire, killed by a bomb, crushed between crowded, rocking ships, or sliced by floating shrapnel.

I was willing to do all those things for Aang, even thought I would most certainly die and it would do no good. But suddenly the ship was knocked backward by one last swell and grounded wit ha jerk and crunch. I was thrown on all fours, and the Kyoshi warriors seized me again. Sokka hoisted the flag of victory over the ship, declaring that my fleets had lost the chaotic battle. With my hands tied behind my back, I was dragged kicking and screaming onto shore.

"Let me go!" I screeched.

Sokka looked in my direction and saw my wild state. I was struggling like a madwoman. "Hey!" my idiot brother called, signaling with his hand. "Let her go."

"But—" Ty Lee began.

"We've got the city now. We don't need prisoners." Sokka walked up close and very gently cut the ties from around my wrists. "When you're ready, Katara," he said softly, "you're welcome here. I won't make you a prisoner."

My hands now free, I slugged Sokka in the jaw and took off running. He had no idea what was happening at that moment. My bleeding feet were agony as I ran, but I hardly noticed. I went to the crest of the hill that the warriors had just dragged me down and looked at the bay. The Lion turtle was gone, sunk completely under and barely visible as deep shadow in the deeper bay. Soon he would be washed out to sea. Nobody could recover his body or the body of the dead naval soldiers; all would be carried away or eaten by the elephant-sharks and jelly-vultures.

Aang did not resurface. In vain I stared. A lot of small lifeboats were already coasting around one of them bearing Zuko, looking for the sunken Avatar.

By this time the sun was setting, bathing everything in ethereal and surreal orange light. The waves reflected the luminosity, mixing colors of flame into the grayish waves, while above the sky was vivid tangerine, bespattered with crimson-tipped clouds. Alone on my solitary hilltop, with the burning, blood-red sun reflecting all the violence that happened that day, I fell on my knees. I fell on my knees and cried. I did not yell or sob, but let steaming tears pour down my pain-twisted face in silence.

Little did I know, little could I see—somewhere under the water, shielded by a bubble of precious air…my Avatar was still alive. He was drifting away from all contact, just like a hundred years ago. To me, Aang was dead. I had failed; I had failed miserably. I could not protect anyone. Worst, infinitely worst of all, I could not protect Aang.

Under a blood-red sun, I lost the one I loved.