Chapter 21: Trusting Snakes

I was stiff and sore, but reasonably warm. I could have easily frozen to death out here, if not for my mysterious help. Before I really got down to wondering who had covered me and lighted the fire, I saw a scout moving toward me. He must have left those things, intending to come back for me shortly.

"Good morning. Lady Katara," said the young scout. There was deep dread in his voice. "Everyone's been wondering where you are. Our spies in the palace just informed us that General Toph is planning to come after us. By order of the Fire Lord, our assassinations have gone too long without correction."

I sat up, not really alarmed or excited. What happened to my revolutionary team didn't seem to matter. "Does Toph know where we are?" I asked, pretending to be interested.

"No, not exactly," the scout answered. "But it won't take her long to search this area of the coast and find our caves. And there's more—Azula has been captured. Somehow he guards found her at the palace wall last evening."

I swallowed nervously. Azula's capture was clearly my fault. I froze her to the wall. "Well," I said, standing up, "We'd better get to the caves." I wanted something to eat, and I wanted shelter from the snow that I felt sure was on the way. So the scout and I began a long trek back to the caves.

Southeast of the capitol city there were dry, brittle hills and valleys leading right up to the coast, where a maze of natural caverns, treacherous saltwater creeks, and scattered ravines prevented any Imperial ship from getting within a mile of us. Three thousand soldiers, assassins, and rebels were now dispersed among the caves, the other half having resigned their service under Azula.

It was noon when we arrived. Unprotected by Azula, I got many cold glances and death-looks from the soldiers. They crowded far back in the cave, letting their lanterns give off some decent warmth while they sat anxiously on the edge of their hammocks and built-into-the-wall bunks. We passed around fish and some rather sickly cabbage and tried to enjoy it. Everywhere questions were circling: "How many men will the Fire Lord Send," "Will Toph be able to find us," "Can we hold our own," and will the Fire Lord come himself?" For once in my life I repressed my desire to comfort them. Anything I said would be a lie.

I barely managed to wolf down some fish before I heard the inevitable news: the Fire Lord's own personal warship had been spotted two miles north of our position. The craft had stopped and soldiers were seen pouring onto the land to walk the rest of the way. It would be a treacherous trek for them, I thought, until I remembered that Toph's earth bending could make any road stable.

In half an hour the invaders had arrived, and the revolutionaries were panicking. Not wishing to engage Toph in battle again—for her sake and mine—I found a back exit and crept out. Behind, I could hear Toph demanded surrender; many soldiers would comply, I knew, but some small bands of ardent aristos would fight to the death. In a few minutes I could hear the sounds of battle and, I realized in growing dread, the sounds of pursuit. I had just topped a rocky ridge and descended down onto a dry space which led straight to the edge of a deep ravine. All around me were cliffs, and I could no longer see over the hilltop down which I had come, and from over which the noises of chasers came.

These cliffs and rocks were prefect material for easy earth bending; I had to find a way of fighting back. There was no water source in sight, but the clouds were low and laden, ready to give snow and ice at any minute. At least I could bend the elements the weather provided. Depending on nature wasn't a sure way to win, but it would have to do. Hiding among the rocks would be useless since Toph could easily sense the vibrations that even my breathing gave off.

The teenage girl, "General" Toph, came rolling over the hill literally locked in combat with Admiral Tai. Two or three soldiers on Toph's side also came, pursuing a fleeing band of former noblemen. The close-range fighting was so intense that I wasn't even being noticed. I shrank back against the wall of rock on my right, willing myself to blend in like a chameleon-spider.

Then I noticed two things at once. First, that one of the people on Toph's side was Fire Lord Zuko himself; second, that he had just turned his head and spotted me! Now he was moving toward me quickly, ready to bend fire. At this point dark clouds had gathered all around and a frigid wind had picked up; it would be hard for Zuko's fire to reach me. I strained and strove to bend the moisture in the air, creating a weak shield around my whole body.

The wind blew Zuko's fire right back at him, so he gave up and charged for a physical attack. He jumped right through my shield, soaking, but hesitated before striking. In that instant I redirected the water from my shield and sent it all crashing against him, throwing me backward from the pure force of it. Before either Zuko or I could get up, another figure darted over the hilltop, using blue fire to propel herself: Azula. I cringed away, wondering how she escaped and whether I should run or fight.

Azula tackled me in my moment of indecision and had her arm my neck in an instant. I struggled to get free, but her other arm socked me in the gut.

"You filthy little peasant," she hissed venomously. "I almost had to spend even more years in that cell because of you! Traitor!"

"I'm—not…a traitor," I choked the words out.

"Whatever you are," she growled, tightening her grip, "your little soap opera ends now!"

Just then Zuko's fist smashed into Azula's face. She fell backward, letting go and leaving me gasping on the rocks while she spit blood. Her hands were in formation for a lightning bolt already, but her aim was wild and the voltage missed Zuko and I. Zuko roared and punched out an explosion of vivid scarlet flame; Azula crab-walked backwards as swiftly as a spider. Then she propelled herself up in the air, spurting jets of blue combustion from her clenched white hands. I realized just then that the snow was really coming down. Between the savage wind and the torrent of ice and snow, Azula could not keep her elevation. She was pushed over the edge of the deep ravine to my left, falling with a bloodcurdling scream.

Regaining my breath, I got ready to defend myself. The effort was unnecessary—I could not be protected from the force of nature, which coerced me over the edge of the cliff as well. I hadn't known I was standing so close to my own doom.

The ravine was deep, but not nearly as deep as I'd feared. I hit the ground and looked up to see sheer, rocky walls about fifty feet high. I'd created a shield of water to soften my fall, or else I would probably be lying with broken bones instead of just bruises. It was unnaturally dark down here, and while the wind died down a little the snow came down and blinded me. I could make out few details except the gradual realization that my own shivering breath was not the only sound present. Somebody else was close to me.

It had to be Azula. I kicked frantically heard a yelp, but it was a masculine voice. "Z-Zuko?" I asked.

"Is this how you and Azula identify people now?" he snapped. I could make out his shape as he moved closer, but his expression was hidden by the shadows and the thickly falling flurry. "Come one—we need to light a fire and keep warm."

"What about getting out of here?" I demanded, temporarily forgetting that Zuko was my mortal enemy. "There's a blizzard on up there! We have to help whoever's out there find shelter."

"And break out necks, lose our way, and get frozen in the process," The young Fire Lord plopped down on the ground and began to fire bend. The wind picked up again, driving the snow right over the top of the ravine and causing more visibility. There was also less moisture to interfere with his fire now. "As it is," he said, "these walls protect us from the storm."

"But what about them?" I exclaimed in exasperation. "Darn it, Zuko—they're your soldiers!"

"I'm no good to them stumbling blindly in a blizzard," he answered irritably. "Can't you ever just sit down and stop worrying?"

Ha! Stop worrying—the very thought! My whole life I'd been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I was worried right now too; not just about the helpless soldiers, but also about myself. Could I trust Zuko not to turn on me? I remembered the way he had ganged up against me with Sokka and Toph, favoring the exact political decisions I hated. Then again, he had saved me from Azula just now. "Why?" I asked, curious.

"Why what?" inquired Zuko, finally managing to get a real fire going.

"Why did you save me?"

He grumbled. "I wasn't saving you. I was attacking Azula because I hate her."

"You hate your own sister?"

He only rolled his eyes.

I folded my arms and tried to let my pushy anger get the better of me. Zuko's lack of any familial love did not inspire confidence at all. "I don't think I trust you," I stated darkly.

At thus, the Fire Lord laughed hoarsely. "Don't tell me—you're looking to trust me again? That won't take long, will it? You'd trust a tiger-snake and treat it like a puppy!"

"I would not!" I argued fiercely. Besides, what was so wrong with being a naturally credulous person?

Zuko's eyes sparkled with mocking amusement. "Wouldn't you? We'll see about that. Puppy, or snake?" His hand propped up my chin and his face moved closer to mine.

What was he doing?! Outraged, I slapped him before his lips met mine. "SNAKE!" I snapped.

Zuko withdrew, apparently pleased. "Well maybe you've learned something after all, worry-wart. Never kiss a viper."

I struggled with the reply, remembering painful occurrences in the past. "Sometimes…they wear masks. They're not who I think they are."

"Not sometimes. All the time. That's why you can't trust anyone until you see the face behind."

I warmed my hands over the fire, not liking the hard truth in the Fire Lord's words. "Not you, Zuko," I stated bitterly. "You hardly ever…wear masks. You're blunt, almost explosive, like Toph."

He shrugged. "Well, maybe I'm not such a tiger snake after all."

"You certainly have a bite," I said, standing up restlessly.

"Well, not at all snakes are poisonous."

Tired of the touchy and hypothetical conversation, I started walking away. "Looks like the flurry is letting up a little. Let's see if there's an easy way out of this ravine."

"Okay, worry-wart."

We walked in silence for a long time. A few lonely trees and shrubs dotted the rocks and moss around us. We soon met another cleft, this one perpendicular to ours. A freshwater creek ran through it, flowing in tiny trickles toward the salty sea which would be its home. Parts of it were coated with ice and every stone was treacherous. I was glad that I had time to drape a fur coat and some boots over my tattered gown before leaving the caves. Even so, I was shivering a great deal.

Zuko lit a torch and handed it to me. "Here."

I reached for it, but suddenly he swung it as if to strike my arm. I had quick reflexes and was able to block it with water. I knew what he was about—testing me.

"Just checking," he said.

I looked at him darkly for a few minutes and he did at last give me the torch. But he had been successful in making me aware of my vulnerable gullibility. Again we walked on, following the icy creek downstream in hopes of meeting the ship at the ocean. But I couldn't help thinking about Zuko and all the bitterness between us. Evidently he was thinking the same, because he came to a stop and said,

"There's an elephant-whale in the room."

I didn't get it. "Huh?"

"Means there's something we're not saying. You know why you bug me, Katara? You're too much like somebody else I know."

"Who?" I asked, more than slightly petulant.

He frowned. "Azula."

I kept walking, speeding up the pace. Even still my fury at his words stomped yards ahead of me. "Azula controls people out of fear," I told Zuko heatedly. "I control people out of love. It's for their own good."

"Theirs, or yours?" Zuko bit back. "You want to keep them in check so their lives fit your purposes."

"My purposes are better for them!" I could hardly believe how harsh my words were, but for me they rang with truth.

"No, Katara. They're better for you!" Zuko was arguing almost savagely. "You're not God, you know! People need to make their own choices."

Red flags flew up in my mind. "You're pretty bold to talk about making choices," I said snappily. "What about all the bad choices you made? What you did to Aang and your own Uncle during the war?"

Zuko almost cringed at the memories, but he didn't let my hold stay on him. "You're right," he admitted; "I've made some bad choices. But you know what? If hadn't suffered through all those trials I wouldn't have learned anything. I'd still be the selfish hurt prince I used to be. But there's such a thing as beauty from pain."

I gritted my teeth furiously, not willing to accept his words. Memories from a few years ago came back in full force. Since the first time Zuko captured me, he had rubbed me the wrong way up—even terrified me. There was something in his eyes even then that screamed for me to more, something that reached behind my mask and tore down my most stubborn defenses. I couldn't let myself get close enough to understand that something, because Zuko was just too unpredictable. Later he had tried to make it up to me, to be my friend, but after the war ended, we drifted apart. I erected new defenses that came with my host of new, stressful duties. Not even Zuko's sacrificial act of saving my life had yet broken those defenses.

"If I'm so disgusting to you," I asked him coldly, "then why did you save my life from Azula?"

"I told you. Because I hate her."

"Not just now," I corrected, realizing that I owed him my life twice over. "The last day of the hundred years war, when you dueled with Azula. Now don't you think jumping in to save me was a little, uh, codependent? I could turn your own words back at you—maybe it would have been better to let me die."

"Ha!" Zuko said loudly. "You don't save people's lives so they can fit your definition of order and spout out the kind of love you think they should have. Don't you think my purposes would have been better suited if my life wasn't in danger?!" Zuko had been shouting and his already red cheeks grew darker in frustration. Then he calmed down enough to say, "Saving you had nothing to do with control. If it did, it would have involved my own peace of mind. It only had to do with your life. At that moment I valued your life enough to give my own; to protect you from something you couldn't have learned from."

He stopped again. He faced me. "Katara, there's another you in there somewhere. I saw it three years ago when you could have killed that Southern Raider only you didn't. That part of you isn't dead, Katara. I see it in you all the time."

With that, Zuko sprinted to the ravine wall, low enough at this point for him to climb it. "I see my ship," he said in a low voice. "Are you coming home, Katara?"

"Home?" I repeated with an embittered laugh. "My home died in the Fall. It was drowned by a giant Lion Turtle and eaten by beasts." Tears flowed anew. I turned and ran the way I had come, visions of Aang's young and gentle face haunting every step.