AN: Oh LAWL, I never realized I was suggesting Kirk should be "chipped like a puppy" until you guys pointed it out. I'll be giggling about that for days. Mostly because puppy!Kirk is in keeping with my current Reboot continuum theories and aids in the defense of most of the Liberties Taken during the creation of this and other Star Trek fics.

Anyway! We're approaching the finish line, folks, where we have every intention of tripping with both dignity and panache. More Kirk/Spock interactions! Hurray! And hey, it's the shortest chapter yet. That's some sort of record. …I have a soft spot for the title. Did this ever happen in an actual TOS episode? Because I really feel like I'm channeling the series.

Soon, this note shall be longer than the actual chapter. At that point, I'm pretty sure someone owes me a trophy.

Act 4

In which Nature's Best

Is Slightly Better than the Captain's

When Lieutenant Uhura ran from the woods of an alien planet soaked and alone, Spock had to fight against an illogical impulse to shut his eyes.

"Oh god," Bones moaned, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "What the hell's happened now?"

"We're all here," Sulu pointed out stubbornly. "The captain hasn't been allowed to go planet-side without all of us or the whole security team since last time, and he didn't this time, so nothing happened."

"There was an earthquake," Uhura panted, doubled over with her hands braced on her knees as she fought for breath. "The cliff we were on crumbled, and we fell into a small gorge. Captain Kirk's left leg was completely trapped in the landslide. Several of his bones are probably broken. My communicator was damaged beyond use, and his is stuck in the pocket under the rubble."

"Of course it is," Bones growled.

"We—" Uhura sucked in a deep breath, coughing violently for a moment before regaining control. "The quake damaged a naturally occurring dam upstream, and when the water started to rise, the captain pushed me in. I wanted to stay with him, but the water was rising too quickly and he said one of us had to get back to Enterprise—"

Spock took the captain's location from Uhura with a quick brush of telepathy, racing for the woods with Bones and Sulu on his heels. Chekov yanked out his communicator, shouting for Scotty and rescue.

By the time they found Kirk, he was chin-deep in swirling whitewater, fighting for each breath. Somehow, he still managed to recognize the arrival of his officers. "Hey, guys!" he called over the roar of the river. "Don't bother coming in, the water's not that great for swimming. It's a little cold."

"Hypothermia," Dr. McCoy diagnosed, squinting at the blue tinge of Jim's lips. "Probably augmented by the shock of a crushed leg. We have to get him out of there now."

Spock was already stripping off his uniform shirt.

"Don't you dare, Mr. Spock!" Kirk shouted angrily. "This river might kill you, and the Enterprise needs a commanding officer! It isn't logical!"

"Will all due respect, Captain," Spock called back mildly, gauging the distance between the bank and Jim, "shut up." He dove into the water, swimming over with all the speed and grace of a deeply concerned Vulcan.

Kirk reached for him, catching both his hands to haul him close. "You're an idiot," he spluttered, turning his head to spit out the water that filled his mouth. "I'm completely stuck, and the water will be over my head soon. Spock, go back, the crew needs—"

"The crew needs their captain," Spock barked. He wrapped one arm around Kirk's waist to free the other hand. "Mr. Sulu," he shouted, twisting in the water so the men on shore were within his line of sight again. "Kindly throw me a rope so we might anchor Captain Kirk to the bank. It would be most unfortunate if he floated away once freed."

"Spock—"

The Vulcan ignored his captain. Sulu tied his length of rope, brought along for climbing expeditions on the newly discovered world, to a sturdy tree, tossing the other end to Spock, who wound it around Jim's torso with quick efficiency.

The last thing Jim gasped before he became fully immersed was, "Spock, please—"

Despite being cut short, Spock knew the rest of the plea would not have been "—get me out of here." It would have been something along the lines of "—it isn't safe. Go back." James Kirk was a singularly annoying man.

So Spock dove, fast and determined, locating the source of Jim's predicament with no difficulty. It took three more dives to shift enough rock to free the captain. By then, Jim was limp and pliant, deadweight in his first officer's arms. Jim was half towed, half dragged back to shore, where Bones immediately laid him out on the ground, tilting his head back to listen for breath.

But of course, there was none, just as there wasn't a heartbeat. "Hail the Enterprise," McCoy snapped at Sulu, who was already busy doing just that. Bones started an age-old life-saving technique called CPR, trying to be Jim's heart for him. "Don't you dare, James Kirk," he chanted as he worked. "Don't you dare."

Just when hope seemed futile, Jim spasmed, choking on the water his lungs fought to expel. Bones rolled him onto his side in the recovery position, careful of his badly broken leg, patting his back firmly to encourage the purge. Spock, dripping and cold, sat back on his heels, pondering the rush of pure relief that filled him at the sight of those blue eyes opening weakly.

"New rule," Sulu said shakily as transportation energy gathered around them. "The captain isn't allowed off the Enterprise, period."

Kirk choked a laugh, which turned into a violent cough that shook his body and aggravated his leg. He groaned, pressing his pale face into the dirt, and shuddered violently.

"Oh great," Bones snapped. "Illness on top of everything else. That's just perfect!"

They were transported back onboard Enterprise before anyone could respond, which was probably for the best.