Michelle asked, "So can I look out the door while we travel? Or will we get sucked out into space and die?"

The Doctor scoffed. "Surely you don't think I would be flying without shielding, do you? Give it a try."

She protested, "Well, how am I supposed to know all this techno-crap? It's not like we have the capability for something like this in 2008. This is all very Star Trek."

The Doctor grinned. "Oh, I'm much better than Star Trek. Much."

Michelle said drolly, "No, skinny white boy. You just wish that you were like Captain Kirk and wish that you got to nail all the sexy space broads who come along. Am I right or am I right?"

The Doctor flushed a bright red. "Erm...well...uh...it's a bit hard to explain..." After a second he piped up, "Though I have to admit, this incarnation of me is rather attractive, isn't it? I suppose I understand why they all want to..." He then seemed to remember what he was talking about, and busily set himself to work.

She folded her arms and looked at him, a sly smile on her face. "'Be with you?' I'm not a little kid, DW. No need to be embarrassed. Go on."

The Doctor pretended to be fussing with some connections. "I don't really have relationships. I, uh, tend to outlast everyone that comes in contact with me."

"Ah. Afraid to commit. I get it." Michelle was feeling thirsty, and noted a cup of water conveniently sitting on the console. That's odd. I just thought about it and it appeared.

The Doctor exhaled, "Uh, that's not exactly it, sadly. Just because I look like I'm in my 30's doesn't mean I am. Over 900, actually."

Michelle did a spit take from her cup of water. "You're how old? Incarnation? What the hell does it mean?"

The Doctor sighed, as if having explained this all before hundreds of times. "I'm a Time Lord. I don't stay the same, I get to a certain point and then regenerate into someone new."

"Oh, so you don't get to be hot forever. Poor you!" she said sarcastically. "No more seducing all the girls then."

Michelle placed her hand on the wall of the TARDIS, leaning against it for support, and suddenly it was like there was a faint green glow in her eye. She spoke in a strange, metallic tone. "Rose Tyler, requited and satisfied. Martha Jones, unrequited, unsatisfied. River Song, not accomplished due to temporal complications. Donna Noble, platonic. Michelle Reynolds, not yet known to system."

The Doctor's head snapped around. "What?"

"Relationship log since Earth term 1996...Rose Tyler, requited and satisfied..."

"Stop touching the wall!!"

The shouting brought Michelle back to reality. She wobbled, and fell to her knees. "That was lame..."

The Doctor did not come to her side this time. "All right then?"

Michelle rubbed her temples. "Oww...yeah, I think so. What happened?"

"Oh, sometimes humans link with the TARDIS. Telepathically, I mean. Usually they tend to be people of high psionic skill. I wouldn't put too much into it, though, you probably just have some residual effects from the Jewel of Kedron. Might want to sit down for a few minutes."

Michelle was annoyed. "You're not that special either. And I don't feel like sitting down." She was starting to fume internally. "I was just kidding around, Doctor. I didn't ask to know about your conquests, I wasn't even interested, you don't need to make your computer go bragging about who you've been with."

"They're not conquests, they were companions! If you'd let me explain, I don't keep track of this stuff, it's the TARDIS that..."

"I don't care, okay? I just want to go back to the 80's and get away from this crap. As if you've got any clue about what it's like to be alone, with that roster I just rattled off!"

The Doctor just looked at her, a sad expression in his eyes.

"What?" she snapped. "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing."

Agitated, Michelle announced, "I'm going to go hang out by the...door for a while."

"Suit yourself. Might want to take some Dramamine first, though?"

"Psssh. Dramamine. I don't have motion sickness, you know. I'm sure I can handle it." She brusquely shoved the door open, saw the wormhole...and threw up.

*****

"Oh damn...I'm going to need a rag or something. Sorry!"

"No need," said the Doctor cheerfully. "It will take care of itself." With an orange colored light and zapping noise, the mess was ejected into space.

Michelle just looked at him.

"It's a tidy TARDIS. It doesn't like to be dirty."

She pointed at his feet. "So how come your ship lets you get away with those ratty old Converse? You need some new ones."

"Oh, but the worn ones are the best kind!"

There was a slight "thump", which jarred Michelle. "Oof."

The Doctor ran to the door, opened it and announced brightly, "We're heeeeeeere!"

Michelle brushed imaginary dirt off her clothes. "Where is here?"

"I told you earlier, Phanto. The Performance Planet."

"And why is it called that?"

"Ah! It's because they are famous for one particular sport...karaoke!"

*****

Michelle marched quickly across the red, rocky soil, toward a giant structure that looked like a stadium. Spotlights shone back and forth, and a large crowd of various aliens were streaming in through the entrance. Ships of multiple classes flew through the sky, landing and parking. She now had on a pair of jeans and Converse of her own, which had appeared out of nowhere on the console when she remarked about how much she wanted to change out of the mini-skirt and boots. She had been hoping for some different shoes, but it seemed that the only thing the TARDIS was capable of producing were Converse, at least when it came to footwear.

Several feet behind was the Doctor, who was attempting to catch up. "Not talking to me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you're an ass."

"Oh, come on! Put a smile on your face, and make the world a better place! Have some fun for a change!"

Michelle rolled her eyes. "Hope you've got money for admission. I'm not paying our way in."

The Doctor laughed. "Who needs money when you've got psychic paper?" They stopped at the entrance and the Doctor flashed what looked like a blank passport. "I'm Doctor No, this is Ms. Michelle Schmeckel. We're guests of the main act this evening."

The elf-like creature looked incredibly bored. "Please proceed to your left."

*****

Michelle and the Doctor headed quickly to the left side of the stadium, where on stage, something that looked like an eel with hands and feet was hissing and clicking out some sort of bizarre music.

The Doctor smiled and said, "I just love it when Anguilliformes sing their interpretation of 'Rock Me Gently, Rock Me Slowly.' It's so fresh and creative!"

Michelle pursed her lips and folded her arms. "So who's the main act this evening?"

"You are, of course."

She looked at him blankly. "Me?"

"Sure! No human has been in a Phantosian karaoke contest for over 500 years. It will be fun for the locals to watch! I went ahead and entered you by subspace transmission."

Michelle said icily, "You what?"

"Oh, relax, you'll have a great time. What song are you going to sing?"

"I'm not going to sing!"

"But you have to! There's over 400 grebleks and a trophy riding on it! Besides, I think that Octopoid over there has a crush on you." He pointed to a tentacled thing in the audience which typed something out on what looked like a Blackberry, and it beamed a message into the air, which appeared in pink letters.

'How much for big-bosomed female? She is attractive, good breeding stock.'

The Doctor called back some weird gurgling noises.

"What did you just tell him???"

"Oh, I told him that you were not for sale, that I already own you."

Michelle snapped, "What?" Before she could say anything else, two frog-like creatures came up and stated, "You perform now. It is time." They picked her up and bodily carried her off to the stage.

Michelle screeched out after the Doctor, "You suck! I want it to be known that you, regardless of anything else, completely, utterly and totally suck!!"

"Break a leg," he called out after her.

"I'll break your skull!"

*****

Michelle was placed upon the stage, and a microphone that seemed to be made out of rock was pushed into her hand. "Now presenting, hew-mahn fee-mayle. Begin singing."

"Uh...uh..." She helplessly looked at the band behind her of frog-like creatures. "Hello...Cleveland?" The microphone made a horrible screeching noise.

"Pssst!" Someone whispered to her right. Michelle looked over and the Doctor was standing in the wings. He added, "Go to the guitar player and think of a song. They'll telepathically pick it up from you."

"Ergh..." Michelle nervously shuffled to the guitar player and stated, "I'm ready." The frog creature slapped a suction-cupped hand onto the side of her head. "Song received," it croaked. Michelle had guessed by now that the frog creatures were the Phantosians.

A Phantosian picked up a harmonica and began the opening riffs of the song. Before Michelle could say, "5...6...7...8..." the guitar had begun.

And so she sang, fearful at first, but throwing her hips into it as the song went along.

Journey - Raised On Radio

Stagger Lee, can you Do The Locomotion
Lucille I hear you knocking but you can't come in
Rockin' Robin, C.C Rider,
A Rama Lama Ding Dong
Let the Good Times Roll
My Sweet Sixteen
I'm Maybelline

The Great Pretender
Returned To Sender
I wonder Why Fools Fall in Love
Yeah, Louie, Louie, loves drive-in movies.
Johnny Angel Rocks Around the Clock

Mister D.J. make a dedication
Cause I'm All Shook Up over Peggy Sue
I'm Mister Blue,
The hits keep rockin' station to station
In the Midnight Hour in the Sea of Love
My Turtle Dove.
When I Found my Thrill, On Blue Berry Hill,
We wrote Love Letters in the Sand.
Be Bop a Lu La,
She Loved Me Tender.
Jungle Lion Sleeps Tonight

Radio, radio
We're all raised on radio, radio
I love my radio
Radio, Radio,
Radio, Radio.

The Phantosian guitar player went into the last jam, and Michelle waved at the audience. "Everybody, put your hands together...or various other appendages...one more time!" She dashed to the right, grabbed the Doctor by the coat, and pulled him out on stage with her.

"What are you doing? I can't dance!" he spluttered.

"Too freaking bad! You put me out here, and if I have to suffer, so do you! Just feel the music!"

And they began to dance together, and surprisingly, during the last chorus, the choreography wasn't half bad.

*****

At the end of the song, the Doctor and Michelle held hands and took a bow. Several varieties of flowers were thrown, as well as different kinds of gel and goo that appeared on the stage in appreciation. She wiped a purple slick from her face and waved again. "Thank you, good night!"

"Don't go just yet...I think you won!" A large pile of coins and a silver star were thrust into her hands.

****

Michelle stood outside the stadium, waving goodbye to the last bear-like creature that held up an electronic writing pad and stylus for an autograph. "Thanks for coming, you guys were great!"

The Doctor stood with his hands in his pockets. "So, what are you going to spend your money on?"

"I don't know...what's the shopping like on Phanto?"

"Practically anything you could ever want."

"Well, let's go tomorrow." She itched her sticky scalp gingerly. "I need to go back to the TARDIS...kind of need a shower."

They walked back across the rocky soil together. "Michelle? I just want to say, I think you were brilliant. Fantastic."

"Yeah, I was pretty good," she said dismissively. "But you still suck."