Two Lonely Souls

Chapter 20

Tommy carefully woke a sleeping and pale Isabella. She had fallen deeply asleep on the leather sofa in her private box at Staples Stadium. Ian had gone on to help with the search leaving her alone in the box which helped her to sleep. Her shirt had ridden up slightly and those bothersome bruises were clearly showing on both her arms and her upper hips. Fortunately the ones down her legs and bottom were not able to be seen.

Tommy said quietly, "Hey baby, you need to wake up. Some of the teams are heading back to the Penthouse. Most of the place is covered. Don is going to get some sleep. You and Ian need to as well so you are good for tomorrow. Colby, David and a few others are staying to shut the place down tight before tomorrow night." Isabella stretched slowly, all the aches and pains she felt from the morning were back and her stretch exposed even more bruising. She inadvertantly moaned at the pain she felt. Tommy looked at the pain in her face and back down to the bruises. "Jesus Bella, how could you let him do this to you? How hurt are you really? Tell me the truth."

"Tommy, you don't need to know. I'm afraid if I tell you something bad will happen. It could ruin your career, and I won't be responsible for that. Let me handle this baby. Trust me to handle it."

"That sounds like the words of every abused woman… 'let me handle it,' 'don't get involved….'" The irritation and frustration showing in Tommy's voice and on his face.

"First of all, I am not abused. Secondly, if it happens again, he is out of my life permanently. There are no second chances. Thirdly, you know I can kill him with my bare hands if I had to. I can take care of myself Tommy. I don't need a white knight riding in to save me. Particularly when I don't need saving. Your need to be my white knight is appreciated, and I love you for it, but in this case it is unwarranted."

"He is not the honorable man I thought he was." Tommy said simply.

"No, he is not."

"You deserve better, Bella."

"I probably do. But I want to give this another shot. We'll see if he really does love me or if he disappoints again." Wishing to change the subject, Isabella asked, "Are you going home as well?"

"No, unfortunately, I'll be staying to supervise the lock down of the facility. I'll be home in a few hours."

"Tommy, you'll be here with Colby. Please don't start anything ok? Promise me Tommy. If you promise me, I know you won't break your word."

Tommy sighed, clearly not wanting to promise her knowing once he did he was committed, and right now, he wanted to punch Colby's face to the back of his head. But he could never say no to his Bella. "I promise, baby. I will not do anything right now."

"Not do anything ever, Tommy."

"That I cannot promise."

"Ok, I understand and I appreciate you honesty. You, Tommy Gifford, are an honorable man. The most I have ever known."

"Then why won't you tell me the whole story. I know you are holding back."

"Because if I did, you might have to break your promise to me, and that I couldn't take. Let's go downstairs so I can go home. I need to be home and away from all this. If I have to pick Waldo out of a crowd tomorrow, I need some rest and no distractions, ok?"

"I love that analogy. It is so accurate. If only he was wearing a red and white striped shirt and funny hat. It would be so much easier." Tommy pulled her gently from the couch and led her downstairs to where Don was waiting. Everyone else had left.

Isabella smiled at Tommy, her eyes reminding him of his promise, and walked away with Don to his car.

Don and Isabella drove in silence for some time before she spoke up. "Don, can I ask you something? Something you can't share with anyone?"

Don looked over at her briefly. "Isa, I'm not so good with relationships. Maybe I'm not the person to ask."

She smiled sadly. "Is it that obvious?"

"I think one would have to be blind and deaf not to see what was going on."

"I think you are a wise man Don. I trust your judgment. And by choosing to work at your relationship with Robin you might be the best person to talk to. Can I talk to you before we get back to the Penthouse?"

"What's on your mind?" Don offered.

"Colby and I were really happy for a while. A few days after the miscarriage, he left the Penthouse secretly and went to an old girlfriend and had sex with her. He claims it was because while I was getting all the sympathy for the miscarriage and all, he was getting nothing. So he went to her for sympathy sex. And it isn't like I turned him away. When I was feeling better and not bleeding anymore I asked him if he wanted to…you know. He acted strangely and wanted me to beg for it. I refused. That night he went out, had sex with someone else, came home drunk and passed out in our bed smelling of booze. I cried half the night."

Isabella continued, "A couple days later, after the raid and shooting, we finally had sex. Instead of making love to me, or even just plain old fucking, it was more like rape. He hurt me terribly, banging my head against the marble of the shower, leaving several goose egg sized bumps on the back of my head, bruising my legs and hips, even my arms. My whole body aches from the violence of it all. We've had rough sex before, but he always protected my head, and while I might be somewhat bruised it was nothing like the bruises I carry now."

Isabella's voice got soft. "I've told Tommy nothing of this, although he did see some of the bruises when he woke me up a few minutes ago. He has promised me he won't do anything about it, and he is honorable enough and loves me enough to keep his promise."

Don't knuckles were white on the steering wheel, his face a grimace of anger and disappointment at Colby. "What is it you want from me?" he said softly, trying to contain his anger.

"I don't know what to do. This morning we did have makeup sex. But now, I am having second thoughts. We aren't even married yet and he has cheated on me and practically raped me within a few days. He doesn't seem to be the guy I fell in love with. Colby was always gentle with me. How do I trust him again? He clearly regrets what he has done, both things he has done. But doesn't that happen often? Men who abuse often apologize and then it happens again. Could it really be about the miscarriage? Or is it all the testosterone in the Penthouse? Or maybe it is just having Tommy around? While we were at the hospital with Cole, he proposed that Tommy and I go away together for several days so that I could have all the "information" I needed to make up my mind. Is that the sign of a man who truly loves his fiancée and wants to marry her without doubt or is that the sign of a guilty man who wants to make the score even? At the time, while I found the idea intriguing, I also found it uncomfortable. And I know that once Tommy crosses that line with me, he will not give me up. That is why we have been so careful. We may come right up to the line, but we have done nothing to cross it. I just don't know. I don't want to marry Colby if he is going to cheat on me whenever there is trouble, or hurt me whenever he is troubled or angry. It is one thing to lay claim to another. It is something else entirely to do so by pain."

Don was silent for a long time, clearly thinking over what he had heard. Since they were getting close to the Penthouse, he pulled over to MacArthur Park so they could continue talking.

"I'm sorry about what Colby has done to you. You are easily the best thing that has entered his life. Even when he went through the Chinese double agent thing and torture, I know you know about it, he never behaved anything less than truthful. While we all felt betrayed, especially David, he was doing a very patriotic and dangerous thing that might have very well cost him his life. He downplays his heroism, just as he downplays everything else. He does love you. Have you forgiven him? What would you do if you can't forgive him after all?"

"I thought this morning I had forgiven him. While I am not ready to make love with him again, my body is too violated and his cheating has left my mind raw, I did talk to him about the Arrow of Time, and how we can only move forward from here. And he has certainly done nothing today that would cause me to change my mind about forgiving him. It's just I am not sure I can trust him again. If something else happens, he will be out of my life for good. I'll make sure the pre-nup is iron-clad and he won't get a dime. And then of course, there is Tommy Gifford. We have been in love since Afghanistan even if we have never had even a romantic kiss. Our relationship is deep and was forged in fire in Afghanistan as well as other places. It will never go away as long as we live. And he will never marry another. He will always be in the shadows of my relationship with Colby."

"He won't let you go Isabella. I can see that. And you don't want him too. Why are you not marrying him?"

"Tommy is fast-tracked and may one day very well be reporting to the President or even be the President. He is that good, his reputation is stellar and there his name is already floating in the appropriate circles. His life is dangerous now, but eventually, very soon he will be taken out of the line of fire and promoted into the higher echelon of service. I lived the life of beltway politics and parties and balls. I don't think I can do it again. Colby offers me a quieter life. I am in love with two different men. Both are dangerous. Both have served their country extraordinarily well. Tommy is more of an intellectual equal than Colby, but Colby is wise in his own way. One is an amazing lover, and one I have never kissed romantically. Tommy and I slept in a double sleeping bag every night for months supposedly for warmth but also so I could sleep without fear. We never made love, never touched romantically. He's my 'what might have been' while Colby is my 'what is and might not be what I want.'"

"Isabella, maybe you should use that Arrow of Time concept… move forward from here. You have something rare with Colby, and maybe he screwed it up, but at least he is trying and you did tell him you'd give him another chance. You keep trying to take that arrow backwards to when it was just Gifford and you wrapped in your very intimate and not very platonic relationship, however much you want to declare otherwise. You know the concept, and you know you can't go back. But maybe Colby's idea of letting you figure it out is a good thing. Letting you spend time with Tommy so you have the chance to really know what it is you want. Given you are in love with them both, it does make sense. Actually it is very wise on both their parts to give you that opportunity. No one wants to be with someone who is never sure they shouldn't have taken the other fork in the road."

Isabella stared at him, listening intently. "You are indeed a wise man Don Eppes. Maybe you have always been so, and maybe you are becoming even more so by returning to your faith. Thank you. I think we are probably being missed so let's go back. And promise me Don, you will get some sleep. I have something that can help you sleep if you want."

"I just might take you up on that Isa." He turned on the car and they drove the few blocks away to her home in silence.