Disclaimer-ness: CLAMP pwns all, thus owns all.

Author's Note: I'm warnin' now, I try my best to keep me in-fanfiction timelines straight for days of weeks and all, but it won't always turn out good. I also shy away from larger sized paragraphs; mainly because they sorta tired out the eye meaning a key piece of info could be missed.

As a fanfiction writer for the works of CLAMP I feel it is my duty to inform my dear readers that there will be shounen-ai in this fic as that is a major part of many of the CLAMP-doms here. Never fear most will only be the canon ones and vague implications; but, like all of this fanfic, it will be humorous. And if you haven't figured out by now, as I've included it throughout every chapter, get ready to flex your vocabulary, people!

Onward!

~Sibling Rivalry~

At the end of the day, they gathered around Fai as he read out the week's earnings. "Okay, this is Yukito's paycheck," he handed it to him. "This is his majesty's" he held it up but didn't give it to Touya, "There is also money I owe Sakura for helping me out. If you do not give it to her, I will know." The king felt a sense of foreboding, "And you will not be the only one to profit from your tips."

Touya nodded and left, muttering under his breath what sounded like "Jekyll… Hyde…no way in…meet…and stormy night." which was accompanied by a few shivers. (1)

Fai smiled brightly at the remaining vict-, workers, and then looked back down at the earnings list. "Now, after countless years of on-and-off jobs with bad pay, Kuro-kunkun is officially halfway debt-free!"

He grinned at him, but Kurogane felt a definite 'you will still belong to me for a long time to come, debtor' air from the blonde. He was seriously worried his boss was part-demon.

Looking back at paper, Fai continued, "The indentured servants earned just enough money to for a new barstool; however, nothing towards the mahogany furniture or flooring. There will be more expenses added for the damage done to the oak countertop when Seishirou pulled that stunt with the knife to scare off a customer. As well as the replacement of the mahogany chair Kamui dug his claws into just now when I mentioned the tables."

Behind him, Kamui stiffened and carefully extracted his nails from the wood.

The words 'All knowing', 'All seeing', and 'All demon' passed through each of the heads of Seishirou, Kamui, and Kurogane respectively.

They simultaneously felt their freedom dissolve and disperse throughout the air. To be breathed in by the malicious deity taken human form who lured them and caught them in his inescapable trap for all of time.

Fai looked up after skimming down the sheet, "You three still here? Do you want overtime or something?"

The employees' shadows lingered for a moment or two, too slow to accompany their masters, as the three, erm, exited at the mention of staying in a dark, deserted café in the middle of the night with their merciless overseer of a boss.

Fai shrugged and flipped the 'open' sign to 'closed'.

On Monday morning, Touya had told Sakura that she and the brat should come with him and Yukito to work. His reason was that they could earn a buck or two setting up shop. It had absolutely nothing to do with the term 'safety in numbers'.

When the four had entered, and after five minutes no screams were heard, the debtors also reported in. It was about mid-day when someone finally asked Kurogane about the owner.

"Oh yes, I've wondered as to the credibility of those rumors." Clow Reed amended to Watanuki's attempted comparison to his own boss.

"Ooh, definitely. Does he really have deep black eyes that steal your soul and devours the flesh of those who defy him?" Himawari asked.

Kurogane opened his mouth to say that wasn't far from the truth, when Fai appeared from nowhere and said, "Goody! Kuro-pan storytime! So, what do you think of the boss?" The 'choose your words carefully' gleam in his eye would send shivers down the spine of the most hardened of men.

"Bah. Like I care."

Fai's mouth may had said, "Aww, you're no fun Kuro-kii!" but his eyes spoke something else altogether; before Kurogane could depict exactly what, there was a bit of commotion from inside the kitchen that soon made itself apparent.

Seishirou backed out of its door with his hands held up in front of him, waving them slightly as Kamui followed glaring and poking him in the chest with a slightly-longer-than-normal nail.

"Do you know how much that coffee machine was worth? Do you wonder the cost of repairing or even replacing that stove?" Seishirou gulped and glanced in the general direction of Fai, who was looking interestedly at them.

The patrons, however, had other ideas.

"I've never seen that one before. Hey Shougo, you think that's the man-eating shop owner?" the pop star Primera asked her boyfriend.

"Must be; I mean, his eyes are gold and slit-pupiled. See, his nails are even lengthening into claws." He answered. (2)

That Kamui was owner was a perfectly logical assumption. That was until, "This is entirely your fault! If you had not come into this place we, I, would have not been enslaved to an evil overlord for all eternity!"

"…Guess not." Shougo amended wondering who could invoke such a reaction from such a tough-looking guy.

"Huh, 'enslaved to an evil overlord for all eternity', that's a new one. Don't you think your majesty?" Yukito asked Touya.

"Nah. Too close to the 'indentured forevermore under a demonic overseer' from last week."

"Yes, I suppose so." All the nearby customers sweatdropped.

"Hey, it wasn't completely my fault."

"Don't you go pinning this on me!" the aristocrat's claws grew longer.

"Now, now, you know violence is prohibited by the owner."

"I do not care." Kamui said raising his right hand above his head, "Even if I must work here for a hundred years to come, it shall be made all worthwhile by the feeling of your flesh ripping beneath my fingers."

His claws swooped downward but were halted in their descent an inch above Seishirou's forehead by a pair of arms wrapping around Kamui's body and pulling him against their owner's chest, a man with small orange-tinged oval sunglasses, "That's not very nice Kamu-chan, please don't kill my nii-san."

Kamui struggled in his captor's grip, "Let me go! Fuuma, you worthless jerk! Release me!"

"Now why would I want to do that?" he said hugging the vampire closer, "Out of all the priceless items I've searched for, you're the only true treasure."

"Was that suppose to be some screwed-up pick-up line, you twisted creep?!"

At a nearby table Yuuko said without even turning to Clow, "If you are going to say anything with the words 'first meeting' or any form of the word 'dear', don't even bother opening your mouth." He only laughed.

A person who looked strikingly similar to Kamui walked over to where the, ahem, 'struggle for dominance' was taking place. "Hello Subaru-kun, I haven't seen you for a while. How've you been?" Seishirou greeted.

"I am doing well; and you?"

Seishirou grinned, "Same as ever."

Subaru laughed lightly, "So it seems. Always getting into trouble, what misfortune have you brought upon yourself this time?"

"I've been-"

"Oi! Barkeep! Get the heck away from Subaru and extract your annoying little brother from my person!"

"No, I think I prefer you like this. Much less dangerous."

"Why you- when I get free, I shall cut you down where you stand!"

"I have no intention of letting you to escape, Kamu-chan."

"Do not call me that!"

Now, as a bouncer at a restaurant with a law against violence that's enforced from a distance, this was as close to a fight Kurogane was going to get. However, it was far too entertaining and the assessing look in Fai's eyes discouraged him from taking a single step closer to the blonde.

Though it turned out he needn't do a thing, because Fai had decided to emerge from the shadows to give his two workers a heart attack. "May I help you gentlemen?"

"Oh, we heard that our older brothers were in the area, so Subaru and myself decided to see if they were nearby." Fuuma said squeezing Kamui closer.

"Oh, then I assume you know of their situations?"

Seishirou made a frantic slashing motion across his throat with his hand, but it was too late, Fuuma had asked the fateful question, "Situations?"

~~A Brother's Love~~

Fuuma should have never opened his mouth. Of course he had no way of knowing why that was; however Fai had said he'd tell them the details a bit later, as they were a tad busy at the moment. He again grumbled about expanding and clairvoyant doggies, and then smiled brightly, "Please stay awhile. I'm sure you'll love Chi's coffee."

"But I don't have any money. I'm broke."

"Indeed, I too, possess no means to reimburse you for your services. I fear I spent all I had on my person for my train ticket."

"Then how are you getting back?" Seishirou asked, wondering if he could give Subaru a ride if it proved true he did not have a quicker way home than walking.

"Do not fret, Seishirou-san, it is for a round-trip."

"Good, I don't want you out alone at night with all the demon-angel hybrids around." The barkeeper muttered under his breath.

"Huh?"

"Oh don't worry; we'll put it on a tab." Fai said.

Seishirou's eyes widened when Fuuma replied happily, "Perfect!"

Kamui, however, tried to head his twin off before Subaru could do something irreversible, "No, wait-"

"Yes... I suppose that is agreeable." Subaru said somewhat uncomfortable; it was against his nature not to pay when he should.

"Excellent, now if you would step this way," Fai said leading them to a corner table, "I'm sorry, this is the only place left. I hope you don't mind a bit of seclusion. Again, you have my apologies."

"There is no need, this location is quite satisfactory. I understand we came at a busy time." Subaru now addressed Seishirou, "Would it be too much of a bother if I borrow your brother for a moment or two? I assure you, it shall not take long."

"Go ahead, Kamui and I have other matters to attend to anyways."

"Yes, rid me of him."

"That's not very nice, Kamu-chan."

"Oi, hands to yourself!"

Seishirou smiled at Subaru, "I think those two are fun to watch, don't you?"

"I suppose so."

Seishirou sighed, "You're so introverted, you need to speak up more;" he placed a hand on Subaru's shoulder, "you can't just quietly agree with everyone you know. You're far too humble for your heritage."

"Hey, same with you! Keep your mitts off my brother, creep!"

"I guess we should go, have fun with Fuu-doo."

"Nii-san~, don't call me that!"

Seishirou smirked, "What? You used to love when I called you that."

"When I was five! I'm way older now!"

"Ah, but you'll always be my cute baby brother."

Kamui twisted free of his captor's arms while Fuuma was distracted and put an extremely sizable distance between himself and the treasure hunter.

"Ah man," Fuuma groaned, "this is all your fault, nii-san!" he said pouting.

"This is one of the reasons why I act like you're five, because you act like you're five."

"That's a low blow! Just because I like apple juice-"

Kamui walked sulkily back to the kitchen, hoping Chi's ordering him around would distract him long enough to calm down, at least to not disembowel Seishirou. She had that strange effect on people; that is probably why his boss did not become psychotic when she was present.

He just hoped she did not let her maniacal brother know about the exact extent of the damage inflicted upon the kitchenware. The vampire shivered at the thought and entered the domain of Chi Fluorite.

"You forgot your…fondness for jumbo glue sticks."

Fuuma blushed indignantly, "T-That isn't relevant-!"

"Yes it is."

"Whatever. Go away;" he said sulkily, "apparently I have matters to discuss with your boyfriend."

Seishirou and Subaru both turned an immaculate shade of red.

"What?!"

"Pardon?!"

Fuuma smirked, but then also blushed embarrassedly when his brother slyly said, "Okay, I'll go. I might even stop by the kitchen to speak with your boyfriend as well." He let out a foreboding cackle as he walked away.

"S-Seishirou-san!" Subaru called at the retreating back of his lov-very close friend, "Are you not going to deny the claim of your brother?" However, Seishirou seemed to not have heard; though Fuuma could swear up, down, and in a loop that he saw a mischievous smile on his older brother's face.

Now that the older siblings were out of earshot, and range of vision, given their dim location, Subaru stood and walked around the table to stand in front of the seated Fuuma.

"Now," somehow Subaru's current aura reminded Fuuma of when Seishirou had told him Subaru can be pretty scary when he truly wanted to be so. Talk about a mood swing. "I have observed of late that you employ actions upon my brother similar to that of displays of affection."

His eyes changed and his nails on his right hand grew into long, curved, deadly spears, "I shall not question why you choose to enact those particular methods and shall only ask but one answer of you. However," he reached out with a single lethally sharp claw, its point threatening to pierce the vulnerable underside of Fuuma's chin.

The treasure hunter leaned away slightly, back hitting the wall beside his chair. No wonder Subaru called this place 'quite satisfactory'. "My inquiry is to be replied to with the upmost honesty. Pray that you give the correct response. For if you do not, or I detect you speak a falsehood, the consequences shall be," he scratched a small line of along the junction of Fuuma's head and throat, "severe."

Fuuma wondered how one could speak in such a sophisticated manner with the aura of a deranged butcher.

"Do you understand?" Fuuma noted the irony he knew was somewhere in this and nodded; though thoroughly regretting it when the menacing tip of Subaru's nail dug into his chin. (3)

"Very good. Tell me, do you have feelings that are more than platonic towards my brother?"

Fuuma couldn't resist saying, "And here I thought I was the one who has to protect my brother from one of you twins."

This was a Bad Idea.

Claws flew to his neck and pressed slightly into his jugulars, causing a small bead of blood drip down on each side. "Thin ice is best not trampled upon." The vampire warned in a dangerous voice. "It is in the greatest interest of your well-being if the next words spoken from your lips are the answer to my question."

Fuuma uneasily glanced to the left side of his throat when he felt the remainder of the younger twin's lethal knives came to rest on the perilously exposed area of his neck. The treasure hunter gulped nervously and turned his gaze back onto the feral aristocrat, realizing where the irony was.

Subaru narrowed his catlike eyes and continued, "Less you desire the result of this encounter to be the granting of my twin's wish to rip out your throat, carve out your heart, and place your head upon a stake. In that order."

Fuuma couldn't help but hope that such a violent threat wasn't the elder vampire's Wish; he blinked, where did that come from? However, his thoughts returned quite quickly to the quite frightening matter at hand. "This is the final time I shall say this. Are you in any way attracted to Kamui?"

Fuuma was so close to commenting that it was just like Kamui to have such creative plans for killing, but his sense of self-preservation forced him to instead say, "Absolutely, your brother is hot and fun to tease."

Fuuma's sense of self-preservation happens to be rather hypocritical.

So of course he fully expected Subaru to send his nails straight through his neck for putting it that way. However, the deadly spears retracted from his throat; and though his neck wasn't in immediate danger, Subaru's eyes remained golden and slit-pupiled.

"I wish you the best of luck in your pursuit of my brother's affection. Nevertheless, if you happen to succeed in your attempt and then so choose to break Kamui's heart, without hesitation I shall rip out your own. Do we have an understanding, Fuuma?"

Fuuma gulped, "Indeed."

Subaru's eyes turned back from sinister gold to the original vibrant green. He then said in a tone far more happy than one should possess after having the World's Scariest Brother-Complex Episode, "Let us go see what the others are doing."

Fuuma sweatdropped but took it all in stride. Though not before briefly lamenting about he and his brother's choice in attractive nobles and resolving to shop for diamond-plated turtlenecks. "Yeah, I've been wondering why Kamu-chan called nii-san 'barkeep'."

Apparently the reason Kamui had called Seishirou this name was quite literal. "Wow nii-san, you have truly exceeded my expectations. Bartender, eh?"

Seishirou glared at his smirking little brother, "Shut up." He growled cleaning a glass cup.

"I might become a regular, if only to see you like this."

"I repeat. Shut up."

"Seishirou-san, would you happen to possess insight upon the whereabouts of my brother? I have searched the café's entirety, but I have yet to see him."

"In fact, I do. Kamui's job is in the kitchen."

Subaru chuckled, "Yes, I suppose he is not a people-person, is he? Not like you, Seishirou-san."

"Oh my- dear all matters of luck and fate, are you flirting with that imbecile?!" Kamui stood staring at the two incredulously.

"What brings you out, Kamu-chan?"

Kamui scowled "If you must know, I was here to tell you" he directed towards the barkeeper, "that the Royal Court is having a, quote, 'get-together' so a good many customers left soon after."

"It makes one wonder how popular they really are." Seishirou commented distractedly under his breath, sounding like he was merely thinking aloud.

"And the…owner" Kamui said this particular part cautiously, carefully choosing his words so not to arouse any suspicion of the horrific truth occurring behind the scenes of the café. He did not want Fai to hire an assassin if it comes to the bipolar demon's attention that there was a leak; he had no desire to see Subaru near-death or worst in a hospital. Though neither of the younger brothers seemed to have noticed, "said we are to close early."

Then Kamui sneered at Fuuma, "However, if I had known this idiot was here, I would asked Chi to come in my stead. Then I would not have had the utter misfortune to witness my only brother flirt with a creep like Seishirou."

Aforementioned creep looked over his glasses at the vampire, "I'm right here you know."

"That is precisely why I said it."

Subaru had blinked at the term 'Royal Court' and Fuuma asked, "Who's Chi?"

"My little sister." Fai said, yet again, spontaneously emerging from the shadows.

Kamui clutched his heart and the counter he was now flattened against the edge of, as Fai had chosen to appear to his immediate right. When he had loosened his grip Seishirou inspected the wood carefully, hoping to find some repair damage to pin on Kamui, but sadly found none.

"She's the chef, while Kamui helps as her assistant. I'm the head waiter, by the way." Fai waved vaguely in the general direction of Kurogane. "Kuro-pu's the janitor." He added in afterthought.

The aforementioned man angrily stomped over to growl "I resent that."

Subaru looked between them all, "May I inquire upon the basis of your employment at this establishment? My motive of query being your actions present quite evident your blatant aversion to being in such a position. In addition, I am somewhat puzzled by an aspect of my brother's previous words. What is the nature of your interactions with this 'Royal Court'?"

"That's easy!" Fai said happily, "They're paying off debts."

"Why? What'd they do? Nii-san didn't deflagrate your lovely lodgings, did he?"

"That was once, and it was only a small house fire!"

"Yeah, in our parents' room conveniently two hours after mom caught you lying about choppin' down the cherry blossom tree. It made lovely firewood, by the way."

"It very well deserved it and you know it! If I hadn't, you would."

"That's true, but mom had really liked its flowers."

"Tch, she'd called them pretty, I called them creepy. Remember how it bloomed year-round? Normal plants do not do that!"

"Ha, you were just freaked-out at what that girl Hokuto said about body-sucking sakura trees."

"Who could blame me? The petals were crimson half the time. And you have no room to talk; you wouldn't get within a seven meter radius of the thing."

"I was five."

"And I was eight."

"Yeah, how did you decapitate it with those skinny little kid arms you have?"

"That, my dear baby brother, I intend to take to the grave."

"You about did, Mom looked set to kill."

"Yeah, well she got over it. She'd always cared more about her camellias more."

"Ah, but she wasn't so quick to forget the fire."

"I was eight."

Fai laughed at the two brothers'…recollections and said, "No, they merely damaged and destroyed some of the furniture and a few appliances. The expensive ones."

Subaru smiled faintly, "Yes, it is not difficult to imagine Kamui doing such a thing." But then his eyebrows furrowed, "You say my brother accumulated a rather heavy debt, correct?"

Kamui, knowing his twin's personality, tried to halt the conversation from reaching its destination, especially when he saw the Owner Look in Fai's eyes when the blonde had nodded; however it was not meant to be, "N-!"

"If even the slightest possibility exists for me to assist in the reduction of his payment, I shall be delighted to do so."

"Excellent, I'll inform the owner. We're planning on expanding and we'll need a bit more staff." Luckily Fai had decided to stay Fai and had not revealed the man-eating slave driver that was his true self.

"Well, have fun with that." Fuuma said, standing up to leave; intending on taunting his enslaved sibling later. That was until two hands belonging to Kurogane and Seishirou shot out and latched onto each of his arms.

"Now where do you think you're going, dear little brother?" Seishirou asked softly with a sugary smile.

"Yes," Kurogane agreed, "don't you want to help out your family?"

"Sure he does!" Fai said happily.

"I do?"

"Yes, you do." The bipolar café owner said sinisterly with a menacingly foreboding smile.

Fuuma could now officially join the 'Scary Demon-Angel Hybrid Controlling My Life' club.

~~~What You Cannot Choose~~~

Subaru, who was blissfully ignorant of the blonde's malevolent intentions, said, "I am afraid you did not respond to my inquiry pertaining to the 'Royal Court'."

"That's right, my apologies. Yukito, the waiter with whitish hair, calls Touya, the dark-haired one, 'your majesty' and himself the advisor due to a previous job experience working at a diner. We were so taken by it, his family and their close friends were bestowed titles as well. As long as you take it in stride, you'll be fine."

"What odd employees." Subaru then realized how negative and a bit insulting that sounded and promptly started turning slightly red and said flustered, "I-I mean-"

"Our customers are even stranger." Fai said grinning, "And don't worry, we know you meant no offense by it."

"I, however, do, when I say I absolutely agree with the courtier-kid. This place is completely screwed-up."

"Aww, Kuro-kun, that's not very nice!"

"You do know that you're calling yourself that too." Fuuma said lifting an eyebrow which the janitor returned.

"I leveled three-quarters of the You-ou estate and put fourteen people in the hospital in the space of nine minutes, unassisted, when I was eight. No amount of pride can deny I'm not in the least average. Though the longer I work here, the more I think I'm normal." He finished grumbling.

Subaru had a confused look on his face, "Excuse me, 'Kuro-san', correct?"

Kurogane shot an acid glare at Fai, who could barely stifle his laughs, for leading the naïve vampire to the conclusion that 'Kuro-something' was his name, "It's Kurogane, actually."

"My apologies, Kurogane; be it as it may, I am quite curious as to why you referred to me as, I believe it was, 'courtier-kid'. May I inquire the purpose behind your choice of words?'

"Huh? Oh, I guess it's because you give off a very aristocratic vibe. You act in a refined way and you have really sophisticated way of speaking. It reminds me of my grandmother," The bouncer shivered, "except without the 'death or obedience' aura she has when she's challenged."

Fuuma scoffed.

"She's the reason I took a job so far from home." Kurogane then grumbled, "Could do with a few more gigaparsecs though."

Fuuma gave him a weird look, "Giga-whats?"

"Astronomical unit of measurement, biggest one there is; 3.262 billion light-years; one-fourteenth the distance to the observable edge of the universe; no matter how you say it, it's still not far enough."

"Ah."

"Forgive me then, Kurogane, it appears I was mistaken."

Kurogane gave him a questioning look, "About what?"

A smile slowly spread across Seishirou's lips, "Ah, Subaru-kun must be referring to the twins being-" In an uncharacteristic move, Kamui rushed over to cover the barkeeper's mouth, nearly knocking Seishirou's glasses clear off his face.

"-nobility." Fuuma finished for him. The eldest vampire sent a glare that could vaporize at the smirking man.

"That would explain some things."

"However we are lords in title alone, nothing more. So don't get any ideas, you bipol-blonde idiot."

The ever-foreboding gleam had risen in Fai's eyes and he said in a deceptively cheerful way, "The titles are still there though. So for now on you are His Most Honorable Marquess Kamui and-"

"Oi! Don't demote me! We are dukes, if you must pull this kind of thing, at least do it right!"

"-His Grace Duke Subaru-kun." Seishirou finished smirking while cleaning the smudges off his lenses; replacing them he added, "Sorry, your lordship, you spoke too late."

"Hey! You already knew my rank, do not call me that!"

"Huh, well it seems to me he took to his lessons only half as badly as me." Kurogane commented.

This prompted Fuuma to ask, "What do you m-?"

"My apologies, Lord Sumeragi." Seishirou said slyly, the light reflecting off his glasses.

The barkeeper smirked when Kamui blinked, mouth open, frozen mid-rant. "Wha?"

The janitor smiled a little at the irony, "That would definitely explain some things."

Fai let some confusion show slightly, "Kuro-chan, could you shed light upon this for me?"

The janitor crossed his arms and leaned back against the back of a chair, closing his eyes as if trying to recall long-forgotten facts, "The Sumeragi are well-known ancient nobility among those of high upbringing; very rich, very mysterious. The vampire thing clears up that up quite a bit. They're said to be rather pretty." He opened his eyes, "They prefer to remain as mysterious as possible as well. Kamui has good reason to be surprised."

Though from the look in the eyes of Fuuma and Seishirou, they'd known since the first time they saw the twins. "How did you know that?!" Kamui asked astonished.

Seishirou ignored it and instead said, "If we're handing out titles, then what am I?"

"A lowly peasant." The vampire hissed acidly.

Kurogane eyebrows furrowed, "But the only other ones who would have a vague idea what a member of the Sumeragi looks like…"

The bouncer facepalmed, "Why is it always like this here?!"

"What do you mean? Who are 'the only other ones that know what a Sumeragi looks like'?"

Kurogane huffed, "The Sakurazuka; not nobility, but equally rich, equally mysterious, and thought to be equally attractive. They must have incredible luck; they love to gamble; betting left and right. They probably cheat. "

"What's so bad about them being together? And if they're so rich, why didn't pay up front?" the owner asked, though he sounded a bit sulky by the end of his sentence.

"They may have a, to put it lightly, bitter rivalry, but both families, like every high-class family south of Jade, were brought up to not believe in paying off the owner of property they themselves damaged. We have to work it off." He said the last part a little grumpily.

"Aww, Kamu-chan, you think I'm a lowly peasant."

"No, you are worse. You are a-"

Subaru covered his brother's mouth before he said something that would expand a few vocabularies.

Kurogane didn't seem to notice the youngest twin had started to pay attention to his words, "As for what's so bad about it, there was some long ago love tragedy. I once read a story written about it, I think it began 'Two houses, both alike in dignity, in fair Tokyo, where we lay our scene' or something."

"You seem well-versed in a history you say is exclusive to ancient nobility, Kuro-poo."

"Tch, common knowledge if you chose to hide out in the library over attending Grandma's insomnia-curing lectures." Then he smiled smugly, "Last place they'd think to look."

A mischievous grin split Fai's face, "I didn't know you had noble heritage. What's your title?"

Kurogane looked thoughtfully at the ceiling, trying to recall the half-heard family history lessons of long ago, "Okay, Dad's a margrave, so that gets me the rank of…an earl, right?"

He looked at Subaru for confirmation, who nodded and said, "Yes, I believe that is accurate (4). I knew the name You-ou sounded familiar, you are from Nihon, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, half the staff is really high-bred."

"Nii-san, you make it sound like we're dogs." Fuuma commented bluntly, then said "Hey, isn't Fluorite the name of the Celestial roya-" Seishirou shut his brother up with an acute look.

"That's not something I would like to find out too soon," he whispered sharply, "Do you really want to know if he's descended from some draconian tyrant of ancient times or something?"

Subaru, this having gone completely over his cute little head, said, "When you think about it, everyone probably possess someone of high-standing in their family."

Fai smiled, "You're absolutely correct, I bet even his majesty had a king on his tree somewhere down the line. Anyways, since we're expanding I need you as a waiter. Plus, I'm sure the patrons will love you."

"I bet they will." Seishirou muttered darkly under his breath.

Kamui got a strong feeling that their boss had planned on this the second he laid eyes on his gullible, defenseless brother. (Unless you are Fuuma) Of course that demon would single-out and manipulate the youngest of their midst into working at this elaborate trap of a restaurant. Fai knew Subaru would not turn a blind eye to Kamui's indentured state; he was far too polite and kind. (Unless you are Fuuma)

"Fuuma can help his lordship in the kitchen as Chi will most likely be scoping out a new site for the Cat's Eye in my place."

Subaru momentarily considered questioning why Fai would send the chef to search for a new café location in the stead of the head waiter. Was not that the owner's job? However, he merely dismissed it as insignificant.

"What?!" Kamui exclaimed, "you are leaving us in an isolated room so he can molest me?!"

"You will start tomorrow." Fai replied smiling.

A/N: Kamui's dialect is rather hard to express, it's a mixture of Subaru and Kurogane. Think aristocratic upbringing plus short temper. Like stated in chapter two, he was raised as a gentleman but disregards most of his teachings, basically all that remains is the morals and some of the way of speaking. Without the crude language, Kamui is just as polite as Subaru……in theory. Plus, I love writing eminent speech and hot-tempered dialogue.

1: For anyone who's wondering, Touya had said "He's like Jekyll and Hyde, no way in hell I'd want to meet him in an alley on a dark and stormy night."

2: Don't you just love how none of the customers freak-out at Kamui's appearance? Yeah…let's pretend everyone just takes it in stride. After all, I'm sure with all the countries in one place, it's not that strange.

3: You would think more people would mention the dangers of nodding with a sharp object of any kind pointed at their throat. Speaking of throat, I apologize for the long period of alternating use of 'neck' and 'throat'; despite the practical slaughter of my thesaurus through overuse working on the story, I was at loss for synonyms for those two words that fit the context.

4: The exact workings of this status thing are something you'll have to wiki. Basically a duke is a rank higher than a marquess and two ranks above a margrave; Kurogane is still an heir-apparent as his father's not dead in here, so he gets the next highest rank to his father's title, which is earl; everything after duke can be addressed as 'my lord' or 'your lordship', but a duke is addressed to as 'your grace', thus Kamui reaction to being called 'lordship' by Seishirou.

Many things written here are deeply connected to the canon; some so much so, it is n00b-ish to leave them out; but seem strange or awkward in context. Like Subaru and Seishirou's use of honorifics in reference to each other alone and that mention of wish-granting to Fuuma. Just think of those out of place stuff as allusions, 'cause they usually are.