Vale of Avalon
Chapter Three
The Chairman seated across from me was an exact replica of the man who had been denying my offer to join the Disciplinary Committee only twenty-four hours ago, down to the very last forlorn shadow aging his face by ten years.
That's right: twenty-four hours. It was only twenty-four hours ago that I had first been hit with the brilliant realization that there was something suspicious going on on the grounds of Kurosu Academy. Twenty-four hours ago was when I had come up with the resolve to find out what that mystery was and ignore the warnings to stay away. Twenty-four hours since I had been living without a shadow of debauchery crushing down on my shoulders, compressing my ribcage with a throttling force that bashed the breath from my lungs.
Within twenty-four hours, my life had been turned into some sort of horror movie: complete with mythical beasts out for my very flesh.
Kurosu Kaien sighed, a groaning edge to his tone as he slumped in his seat, fingers pressing the space above his brow to fight off an offending ache. I had to figure this was a particularly stressful conundrum for him to be caught up in; He would have probably rather me be in a situation where drugs or alcohol were involved on his campus.
Were drugs involved? Was blood (even in my mind, the word was hard to swallow, as if it was a mouthful of some type of poison itself) some form of drug to those Night Class students? An addictive substance that they would go so far as to kill for?
Was blood the heroin of a vampire?
But blood was food. Why would food cause such an extreme reaction? Sure, I loved chocolate almost more than anything in the world, but I would never resort to lethal measures to obtain it. What was it about those vampires that made them lose their minds over a meal? Were all animals so brutal? A wolf on the hunt would, of course, tear a deer limb from limb - but did their eyes turn that horrible, demonic shade of scarlet and their brains lose any thought that didn't focus directly on the gush of flesh between their jaws?
Was I thinking too much about all of this too soon? Too casually? Why was I wondering about it, anyway? It was none of my business to debate. They were evil, those night-crawling leaches. Fantastic predators that had no reason to be among humans and wearing their skin. I didn't have to think about it - they were the enemy. They were bad. It was understood at a seconds notice. Instinct.
They were vampires. Did I even need to try and defend them at all? There was no such thing as a gentle man-eater. They were all beasts with no distinguishing individuality among them. They may have looked different on the outside, but their actions were all controlled by the same internal function that desired blood above all else. They could act all they wanted, but their eyes would all turn a burning red to match their much-needed meal.
My joints locked. Every mouthful of air I managed to gulp down brought up another quivering breath at an unhealthily rapid rate. My senses were acute, painstakingly aware of my every gasp, chalked-white feature, and trembling membrane of skin.
They couldn't be trusted. What was the Chairman thinking letting them intermingle with humans? Was he just running some stupid little experiment? 'What Happens When You Put a Snake in a Mouse Cage?' Did he not care about the risks?! Look what had almost happened tonight! How many times had it happened before?! Did he just move on with a brief period of regret before simply 'modifying' the human's memories and giving this another shot?! Had my mind already been altered in sich a way? How many times had I found out this secret through a series of unfortunate meetings that had afterwards been 'removed?'
I wasn't some computer document, damn it! People can't be forced into files and be reset to start from the beginning if things didn't turn out the right way!
Chairman Kurosu lifted his head, golden eyes staring unblinkingly at a point just beyond my shoulder, lackluster and unfocused.
"Eden-san, we must discuss -"
"Who the hell do you think you are?!"
The initial jolts of angst sparking against my nerves was gone, my body now left numb. I wasn't sure if I was still trembling or stricken: there was no feeling. What was once a terrifying whirl of passionate wails was now an epoch of silence. There was no more naive school girl playing around. I understood it all perfectly.
"Do you even realize what you doing?"
That voice didn't belong to me; it wasn't that same innocent, care-free me. It was cold, sharp and in control: foreign. I felt my jaw forming the words before my brain was able to process them. It was the hearts possession of the mind.
"This is twisted," my conscious spoke aloud. "Like some Battle Royale. Are you waiting for all of us to get picked off?" [1]
Did he gain something once the creatures had their fill? Was his saving his own life by sacrificing all of us children?
"That," the Chairman whipped briskly. "...is exactly what I'm trying to avoid."
I didn't believe him. "You've got an ironic way of showing it."
Kurosu sighed. It was apparent that things weren't working out as smoothly as he had hoped; both my involvement and reaction had made a bad situation disastrous. Had it been just a day before I might have felt guilty about being the source of his stress. Here and now, my sympathy was at an all time low.
The Chairman's resolved seemed to drift away in minuscule pieces right in front me. He was breaking down steadily and desperate for a release. "Please, let me explain, Enrai-san."
I would grant him that much - I wanted answers.
He took my silence for the compliance that it was and began his narration, weary and to the point.
"The first thing that you must understand is that tonight's incident was a grave accident on all of our parts. The after-dark curfew was put into effect to prevent this very situation from happening. However, we cannot ignore the fact that the Night Class had rules of their own that they, too, chose to disregard."
Damn straight the Night Class deserved some of the blame. Most of it - nearly all. Sneaking out and murdering were two completely different crimes on opposite ends of the spectrum. Why was he comparing them like they were somehow balanced?
"But my place isn't in punishing them," the Chairman's hawk-like gaze flashed before me. "I only have the power to deal with you."
So, what, that golem Aido would skip off to sink his fangs into another defenceless and uninformed young girl while I was reprimanded for not being in bed? It was my fault for getting in his way?
"But I wouldn't worry about the others coming out unscathed; Kuran-san's castigation will be much worse than anything I would do."
So Kaname was the ring leader. And he was abusive. How morbidly fitting.
Chairman Kurosu let a moment pass for what little information he had told me to sink in. I made it clear with a stubborn scowl that I was impatient for him to get on with it and not be so suspenseful. His frown deepened.
"You might have been wondering why Kuran Kaname is obviously of an abnormally high esteem with the others, and the answer is simple: he is a pure-blood, the upper most level of vampire. The rest of the Night Class population look up to him as their superior and are obligated to both respect and obey him. While he may not be able to entirely influence the Noble's actions - or, rather, he chooses not to enforce that type of control a majority of the time - his command is still law among the lesser vampires."
He said it. There it was, admitted straight from the Chairman's mouth. Vampires. They were all vampires. I had known it all along - I know I knew it. So why did it coming from this bespectacled man's mouth send a wooden stake through my heart?
"Eden," Kurosu began boldly. His tone had lost the solemn coolness that had been webbed in hitherto, now both genuinely pleading and passionate. It was only than that I realized that there was a dull chill on my cheeks, a product of the slim rivulets making their way towards my chin. "This school is not trying to create an unstable environment for any vain reason - we're attempting to prove that humans and vampires can live together peacefully."
I stooped, hastily swiping my knuckles under my eyes to get rid of any remaining tears. All of the hostility had left me by now: the only thing I needed was someone to be honest with me before I could go back to my state of reason. Now was the time of me to have my collapse. Everything was bursting out into the open and ricocheting around too fast for me to grasp.
I attempted to wrap my senses around the truth I had just heard. As hard as I tried, I just couldn't get things to click. I shook my head, pulling a mighty sniff in through my nose and lifting my head. A new batch of tears sprung up before I could even part my lips. "I-I don't get it! You say you're tr-trying to get some symbiotic relationship going on, but it's impossible! Look what just happened! Does that seem peaceful to you?!"
I hated to throw all the evidence out in the open like that, but Kurosu Kaien was clearly not as brilliant as I had thought him to be. There was no way -no way- that people and mutated behemoths could live together in such a way benignly. Maybe the Chairman just needed some reality shoved into his face before he saw the error of his ambitions.
"Besides," my voice cracked, physical and emotional strain taking it's toll. "...how can you expect for us to live with those...the..." I struggled with a suitable adjective, knowing it wouldn't be appreciated if I used the first insult that came to mind, "...the Night Class if none of us even know what they really are? It will only work out if their condition stays a secret - no one will ever come here if they knew the truth! What is it proving?"
"It's proving that what they are doesn't matter," was the instantaneous rebuttal. "If you kids can all get along fine without knowing the secret identity behind the vampires-" I flinched, not being able to take that word being spoken so openly, "- then their particular breed doesn't make a difference at all. If there is no hostility now, why would admitting their race make any difference? They are the same people whether the other students know they are vampires or not."
No. It didn't work. I almost hated myself for it, but I just couldn't let it be that easy. It simply wasn't natural. It wouldn't work. The entire thing was crazy and destined to end in tragedy and death. Blood, even. Did he think all of the other normal students -not to mention their parents!- would take this any differently then I was now? That they would accept it any easier? He truly was out of his mind.
"I saw them..." the tone was meek, but the sting on my vocal chords made it obvious that I was thinking orally. "I saw the way they reacted when Yuuki scraped her hand. There was barely even a wound, but... but they still came. He said he smelled it, that it was delicious..." I mustered up any dregs of courage that were still hanging on to lift my eyes to that piercing gold. "What if it happens again? What if someones not there to stop it? If they smell more blood, what if they can't hold back? It's the basic, primitive urge of the wild - you can never completely tame... animals."
It was insensitive, I knew, and maybe only a little bit out of place for me to say, as someone whom had only known about the existence of the mythical humanoids for an hour at most, but it was what I felt; what I thought was right. I couldn't just keep it introverted - this was too important. Peoples' lives were at stake. It would be wrong if I didn't speak up. I had never particularly wanted to play the hero, but I didn't think I was in any position to pass on the responsibility. If someone else were to stand up, they would have to bare witness to everything I has seen; they would have to go through it all themselves. I may not have been the most morally-driven person in the world, but I was resolute enough not to let that happen.
Time passed in the measurement of eons. Everything was still and silent, almost seeming dead.
"I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way, Enrai-san."
My lungs stiffened, nerves frozen. An arctic sweat dribbled down my spine, because the Chairman's lips hadn't moved. It wasn't his voice, anyway. It was too silken. Too growling.
Too Godly. Too Satanic.
Too inhuman.
I knew I couldn't turn around - I wouldn't allow myself to. It would only confirm everything that the Chairman and I had been debating. I couldn't face a vampire, not after what had just happened. Not even the 'pureblood'. I had no reason to worship him. I had all the reason to fear him.
"Chairman," the nocturnal Dorm Leader addressed. By Kaname's tone, it seemed almost as if he thought himself above even Kurosu's authority and was merely humoring the school's founder. "Have you decided what to do with this girl? I would assume the solution is obvious."
What I had previously thought of as intelligent and faze less (brave, even) characteristics had turned into arrogance and hubris at a lethal level. Kaname wasn't so much as a sternly responisble senior in my eyes, but a young monster looking to conquer by whatever persuasive means possible.
"I have dealt with both Aidou and Kain. I brought Ichijou here with me to see how you were handling this one."
I swear I could have swallowed a rock whole and not felt such a heavy drop in my gut. No, I didn't care about Aidou and Kain being dealt with, nor about what exactly Kaname planned for me with his visit - not at all. It was the third name he had spoken, the one who was reportedly standing behind me at his master's side.
The need of confirmation was enough for my heels to pivot on their own, my hand darting up to my eye lashes to sweep the curtain of onyx tresses away.
He was still beautiful, even though I knew who he really was. Kaname, only seen from the very corner of my peripheral vision as I forced myself to ignore him out of spite, was simply terrifying. But not Takuma, my Takuma. I might have watched as his canines elongated and eyes catch fire and still thought he was deathly handsome. Maybe I wouldn't even care if he dove towards me and stabbed into my neck, so long as it was him. In my dreams, I would have died happily in his arms knowing that I had given him a bit of pleasure and comfort on my way out of this world.
But that was just it - that was the plot of my dreams, not this world. This world shouldn't have any vampires. I shouldn't have to deal with vampires. It wasn't fair! My me? Why was it me who had to go through all of this? Why did I have to come to Kurosu Academy at all? Why did I have to meet Takuma? Why did I have to fall in love with a man who would only turn out to be the ultimate death of me in the end? Why did it have to be Takuma? Why did I have to have ever met him? Why did he have to be the one I noticed? Why did he have to be a vampire?
Because as long as he was a vampire, I knew I could never love him in the way that I hoped. I had wanted it, more than anything, to love him and have him love me, too: but this wouldn't work. Not any more. He wasn't the man I thought he was.
Hell, I wasn't sure if he was even considered a man. He was wolf in sheep's clothing. I guess it was a good thing I had never let our relationship grow to that level at all, as the way things turned out made any development between us impossible. I needed to throw all of my previous feelings for him away and forget that I ever had them. I had to forget him.
I wanted to forget him. I wanted to forget the him that I loved. No - I wanted to forget the him that I didn't love. I wanted to go back to when things were simple and easy: normal. When he was just one of the mysterious and beauteous Night Class boys I watched at sunset. When I could fantasize about him without the inevitable scarlet gaze and devouring intent. I wanted him to be human again, if only in my mind. I wanted to believe he was a human. I didn't want to know he wasn't. I wanted a chance at us; for us to be an us.
I wanted my Takuma back, not this poser. Because my Takuma wasn't a monster; my Takuma could never make me feel fear.
But even this Takuma wasn't doing that. Making me afraid, I mean. As much as I knew I should (and as much as Kaname and all of the others of his cult did) I just couldn't find him striking even a bit of anxiety in me. I couldn't see him hunting down another living person and sinking his teeth into their bloodstream. It was incomprehensible. Takuma wouldn't do that. Takuma was an angel.
Or maybe that was my Takuma, the one that wasn't a vampire.
My Takuma, the nice human boy I so selfishly called mine when we had spoken only once. The nice human boy who didn't even know my name but I knew that I loved. The nice human boy who was capable of loving me back one day.
Not the vampire who could put on my Takuma's face so well. This Takuma, the vampire Takuma, didn't have a heart to love with. He felt no compassion, he just showed it on his face for the poor human girls' sympathy. He only felt hunger.
"Eden-san's put me in a difficult position," the Chairman announced clearly. I jumped, blinking back into the present. I had forgotten I was in this room -his office- at all. I was so caught up in day dreaming. It was only then when I realized, with a electrifying jolt of nausea, that I had been staring in the vampire Takuma's molten green orbs for all of that time. They reminded me so much of my Takuma's that it was almost calming. This Takuma displayed that sense of positivity and comfort so well, and he even managed to morph in twinges of sorrow and worry. The resemblance was uncanny.
"I admit," Kurosu continued. I hurried to snap back around to face him, forcing my gaze to tear from the vampire Takuma's. "...that I initially had plans to allow Enrai-san to keep all of her recollection of the past few hours and serve as one of the student outside of our Disciplinary Committee to know of your circumstances; she herself brought up the point of our plan of peace only being able to succeed if the truth was known..."
So that was what he was up to? He wanted me to see things his way so I could be part of the plan? Part of the experiment? A dependent variable?
The Chairman lowered his head, but his eyes remained trained on my own. I was so focused in the great amount of unadulterated disappointment in his soul that I almost felt horrible for being the source of it. But no, I wouldn't allow it: I was right. He was the one who was wrong. "But, as you can probably tell, the chances of her cooperation seems extremely bleak. It would probably be better off for all of us if one of you were simply to modify her memory and we could all go back to our regular lives."
It was the most reasonable thing he had said all night. I agreed. Go back to my life as an ignorant fool in love who was more happy not knowing the details of her Romeo's life than learning his deepest secret.
I could feel Kaname's stare, even when it wasn't directed towards me. I had to give Chairman Kurosu a huge amount of credit for not flinching in the least and holding the senior's glare strongly for that endless moment.
"Very well," was the pureblod's eventual, and almost grudging, verdict. Perhaps he had been looking forward to using me as a tool as well. "I'll do it now."
"No!"
The Chairman's eyes had snapped back to me. It was only then when I had realized the yell of protest was mine. Why had I done it? I wasn't sure. And why was I crying? Not just crying - sobbing. The room swirled with liquid, every detail blurred and fogged as if hovering below the surface of water. I coughed, sputtering on my breath and trying to keep my lip from quivering. It was a moot attempt and I knew all of the energy I was putting into forcing the tears away only made then come twice as fast, leaving my eyes bloodshot and cheeks rosy. I knew I wasn't a pretty crier - not like those cute girls in the movies. I cried like a four-year-old brat; And I was acting like one, too. Face sticky with salted tears, nose filling with mucus and a small trail of snot running down towards my chin: but I didn't care. I couldn't. Not at a time like this. My appearance was the last thing on my mind. I could only stand there, wiping my upper lip with my sleeve and paying no heed to how disgusting it was. Why?
Because I didn't want it to be Kaname. I didn't want to have his stoic and -let's just say it- scary face to be the one looming over me as he wiped out my mind with his freakish powers of the undead. I used to think he was handsome: now he was just creepy. Like a statue, or a surrealism piece of art made to show the dark side of man: the savage side. I could see those irredescent red eyes so vividly on his face that the brown wouldn't even exist. The crimson fit too well. He was just a demon. The human part of him I used to see could no longer exist when I still remembered that there was no human part of him. I couldn't be near him; it was too terrifying. I couldn't let him touch me. I couldn't let him be the one to do it.
"Takuma," I gasped, not even registering that I had just addressed him so intimately in the open. No 'sama', no 'san': just Takuma. Like I had always wished I could call him, especially in front of others. Like we were close. "Please..."
And that was my epiphany. Takuma. It was him that I wanted. It was him who needed to be the one to make all of this agonizing confusion go away. Takuma would make everything better. He would be the one to keep me relaxed while he made me forget this nightmare. I would look into his face, think of how at some distant time I though that he was just like me. He could pose as the normal, civilized, human Takuma until that reality came back. I would imagine he was the Takuma I had known for the past three years and this version of him with pointed teeth would bring thatTakuma back to me because he was some form of that very same, very different Takuma. It was a jumbled and nonsensical belief, but it just seemed so clear to me at the time. This vampire Takuma was nothing more than the evil shadow of my Takuma, the evil shadow who would bring the good side of himself back into the light. Everything would be okay then...
Rather than summoning everything in me and facing up to the others, I went on like this was all just a bad dream. I would do and not think, because none of this was real. I would just wake up tomorrow and not remember a thing. I wouldn't have to notice any details or emotions, because none of this would exist. It might as well not exist. In a few hours, all of this would be... nothing. It would have never happened. It was insignificant. Just an alternate dimension of occurrences. This wasn't my life.
"Ichijou, do it."
"But Kaname-sama, I-"
"Ichijou."
"...Hai, Kaname-sama."
I was staring at the floor. Expressionless. Unseeing. Until the shiver of cool skin ran along the underside of my chin, tilting my face upwards. My eyes took in the searing green of anothers. Just like Takuma's, but not. Because Takuma didn't dwell in the hellish plane: he was back home, safely tucked away in his classes with the rest of those curious Night students, his heart beating and blood flowing. This Takuma wasn't real. He was an imprint of the other. Not corporal. Just a fraudulent form.
"I'm sorry..."
I didn't know why he would be sorry, or why he felt the need to whisper it to me like that. It was apparent that he didn't want anyone else to hear. Why would he be sorry? Why would he be able to understand the feeling of sorrow? Why would he look so miserable? He wasn't a valid person. He wasn't Takuma. He was a stranger.
But either way, I was glad that those wide, emerald, rueful eyes of his were the things I was falling into as the world turned black all around me.
"Hey, dork, you're not dying or anything, are you? If you are just tell me so I can the janitors in here to haul your carcass out and invite one of my friends to move in."
My roommate had never been the nicest of people, but even that one was a little harsh. My face screwed together in some questionable mix of emotions - exhaustion, bewilderment, and a slight aching pain. I blinked heavily, rolling my self upright and letting the covers fall into a pool in my lap. I yawned, stretching out a kink in my shoulder as a surveyed the room dully. Usually by the time I woke up in the morning, Eira (the girl I shared this dorm with) had already applied her face, perfected his hair and clothing and sprinted out of the door like I was some kind of contagious disease she could catch if she stayed around me for too long. It was odd that we would be within ten feet of each other for more than a few minutes, excluding the time when we were unconscious in sleep. Speaking was reserved for special occasions only. It was one of the reasons my head was whirling so much - why was she here? And I could swear she had just walked into the room from the way I had heard a door slam before her voice forced me away from my slumber...
I squinted around blearily, trying to make sense of all of this. Even for me, who wasn't exactly what people would call a 'morning person', today just seemed like one of those days when thinking was impossible. I couldn't wrap my mind around anything tangible, much less try to do any detective work this early. That being figured, I merely released a lazy grunt and allowed myself to fall back into the comfort of my pillow. Eira's snort of revulsion was quick to follow.
"Jeez, you're so barbaric sometimes. First you spend the entire day rolling around in your sheets and now, after sleeping for, like, almost twenty-four hours, your still won't get out of bed? You better not have some kind of weird sickness and get me infected; Trust me, I've already been to the Chairman about getting you out of here, but he just insisted that you were fine and excused from classes today. I swear, if I wake up covered in boils or something..."
She was cut off there as I snapped upright, nose pressed against the window. The sun was low on the horizon, the sky made of brilliant fiery and midnight hues. The first thought that seemed plausible was that it was sunrise. But no, that didn't work with what Eira had been droning on about. Plus, sunrise and sunset were visual opposites - this was a clear view of the sun going to rest and introducing the night, not the other way around. The light was leaving and the dark coming.
What the hell had happened to the entire day?!
"Ergh," the blonde European-Japanese hybrid grumbled, looking down on me in disdain. I had long ago learned to ignore her snootiness. Eira was your stereotypical exotic girl from hell: that flaxen mane and navy blue eyes made her a god among insects, according to her; almost as if she belonged in the coveted Night Class of beauties. The multi-racial factor was unique and, therefore, better. "Why did I have to get roomed with such a spaz? Seriously, maybe I'll just have Daddy write to the Chairman since being in this kind of environment is obviously effecting both of our healths-"
"What time is it?!" I urged, my tone on the cutting edge of desperation. I needed to know! If it was sundown, it might have meant that I had missed the Night Class's passing. I might have missed Takuma! What if he thought I was avoiding him after our fateful conversation yesterday? When we had spoken for the first time - he had asked if I was alright. I couldn't just desert him now, at a time like this! We were just getting closer - our relationship had just set sail and began developing!
I didn't even wait for Eira's answer, but bolted straight out of bed and towards the mirror. Curiously, I was still dressed in my school uniform: I must have fallen asleep without remembering to change. Besides the slight musty smell of wearing the same cloths for two days straight, my appearance wasn't something horrendous. My hair, as boring a black as ever, was pulled back into a casual ponytail and out of the way: presentable. There was no major breakouts on my skin that I needed to rush to cover-up: I could manage without any make-up for the moment. And lastly, my eyes, the muddled swamp of a grayish-green: well, there was nothing I could do to help them anyway. They weren't ugly, per say; not at all. It was just that compared to the brilliance of Takuma's own shaded orbs, the clouded mist of my own reminded me more of a wolf's or cat's eyes than a humans. Overall, considering my press for time, there was nothing drastic that commanded my attention.
I was dashing out of the door and down the hall within the next second.
As I raced towards the gates, I could only think of how my fresh-out-of-bed looks shouldn't really matter. At least, not to Takuma, if he was as dear to me as I hoped. It shouldn't matter what I looked like or what kind of mood or condition I was in: I was still me. It was the basic rule of companionship. What's on the inside is the important thing; what kind of person you are. If Takuma couldn't accept that I wasn't the visual perfection that he was at every time of the day, then maybe he wasn't worth my time after all. If he couldn't accept me for who I was, I was better off without him.
If we couldn't be selfless and understanding with each other, then we were never meant to work out as lovers in the first place.
(A/N) I feel SO incredibly guilty about leaving you guys hanging while I was so caught up in the Drama Festival, but rest assured that there are no more plays until next school year (unless I do something for a different theatre during the summer... but I doubt it xD) and I can now go back to my pathetic life of living in my pajamas and spending twelve hours a day on the computer :D
As promised, I'm not bothering you guys with anymore questions, but please feel free to point out if I did something wrong or you think I'm heading in a direction that doesn't make sense. It might be just because I wrote this and re-read it about twenty times, but I'm really not sure if you guys were able to follow Eden's thought process. Add on the fact that I wrote the first half of this three months ago and the rest in the past week, and I'm not even sure if I understood what I was doing! I know it hasn't seemed like it lately, but all of your feedback and support really gives me the drive to get these chapters out more often! Thank you everyone who reviews/favorites/watches, and a super-special thanks to everyone who was nice enough to fill me in on the things I wasn't sure about in the last chapters.
I could have put a lot more into this and revised more, but I just really wanted to get it out ASAP! I hope it wasn't too bad xD
[1] I know most of you understand the definition of battle royal, but I was thinking more specifically of the graphic novel/manga (and now it's a live-action movie, but let's not talk about that) that follows a class of teens who are kidnapped, taken to an island and forced to kill each other off for the sake of a popular television program. It's great 8D