DISCLAIMER: I don't own any rights to Veronica Mars. This story is written as a tribute only. No celebrity endorsement is implied by product placements. All real persons' names are used in the sense of "wouldn't it be cool if this person had this gig?" The institution discussed in this fic is not a real institution.
A/N: Beta-ed by Poniesforall and Kazy. All mistakes that remain are my responsibility.
Previously on Veronica Mars: The Year of Living Dangerously Part Two:
vanessagalore•livejournal•com/42061•html
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VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Sweating the Details
A planning meeting on the Briar Hill operation.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Epstein: Scott Grimes.
Kavner: Eric Bana.
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CHAPTER FORTY-NINE: "SWEATING THE DETAILS"
Sun. 3/1/09: Mars Investigations, Neptune, CA
When Logan and Veronica walk into the office, Keith notes that they look happy and well-rested. Logan looks better every day; when he first came back, he looked haunted by his demons. Sometimes I forget that this is the same boy I threw out of the apartment three and a half years ago. And Veronica...I know how hard it was on her when he left, and then she had to deal with my situation too. It's good to see her smile.
Veronica walks over to Ryan Kavner and says hello. "Do you remember Logan Echolls? He was with me when you were protecting me last fall."
Kavner nods. "Right. The guy with the cast. You look a little different."
"Exactly the point," Logan says. He walks over to Kavner and shakes his hand. "So you're going to be undercover with Veronica? I'm depending on you to keep her safe."
Kavner shoots a glance at Keith. "Well, that's what we're here to talk about. I flew in for the day to discuss the operation." Kavner nods at Logan with a questioning look.
"It's okay to speak in front of Logan. He asked to be apprised of all the details," Veronica interrupts. She and Logan sit down together on the couch.
Keith nods and says, "So tell us what to expect. We have about a week to finalize our plans, and I'm really hoping that we won't have any surprises." He picks up a pen and prepares to take notes.
Kavner clears his throat. "When the girls get there, the process is called intake. Several of the older girls who have progressed in their program are assigned to perform a strip search and an interview."
"A strip search?" Keith asks.
"Yes, to make sure they're not carrying any illegal drugs. Most of the girls are there because they're involved with drugs. Some of them should be in prison–some really tough characters that have learned how to work the program." Kavner glances at Veronica. "It's a full body-cavity search. And it's purposely humiliating. The oldcomers–that's what they call the girls who have been in the program–the oldcomers take the opportunity to mock the newcomers. Sometimes they come up with a nickname, 'Lardass' or 'Princess' are two that I've heard. The girls learn quickly to point out other girls' flaws; the counselors are always talking about what a gift it is to learn about your weaknesses. I wrote it down because I couldn't believe it." Kavner pulls out a sheet of paper. "Here it is. 'To prod someone in their emotional sore spot is an act of love for which you should be thanked.' The headmaster, Peter Klein, is always saying that."
"Peter Klein? So the CEO is also the headmaster?" Keith asks, making a note on his pad.
"That's what he calls himself to the students. He's really the puppetmaster...an expert manipulator. About half of the staff are former graduates of the school or one of the affiliated programs, and they think Klein is a cross between Gandhi and Jesus. They worship the ground he walks on and constantly spout his aphorisms. What's that other one...here it is. 'Based on the results, you have exactly what you intended.'"
Veronica frowns. She repeats the phrase. "'Based on the results, you have exactly what you intended.' So, you have to accept personal responsibility for what happens to you?" she asks.
"Not just that. They're also saying that you can't be trusted to do the right thing. The girls are told over and over again that they need the program to survive, and will probably always need the program, because of their character flaws. 'There's no right or wrong, only what works.' In other words, the only thing that's keeping you alive and out of trouble is the program. So some of the employees are basically committing to a lifetime of the program. Then the outsider employees..." Kavner shakes his head. "They're a bunch of sadists and criminals."
"Right, they don't bother to do background checks," Keith says.
"Actually, they do background checks, so they have something to hold over the employees if they ever get out of line," Kavner responds. "The employees have to sign a nondisclosure agreement when they're hired."
"Okay, go back to the intake process. We have to figure out how to get a wire in, so we can monitor Veronica and secure the evidence to shut the school down."
"It's going to be tough. The girls are stripped naked, and then they are interviewed by the other girls, when they are at their most vulnerable. The girls are forced to sign a pledge that they voluntarily commit to staying at the school for six months."
"Forced?" Veronica echoes.
"They're told that they won't be allowed to contact their family unless they sign the pledge. But then...afterwards, they still aren't allowed to call home," Kavner explains.
"Are the girls' clothes returned to them?" Keith asks.
"Just their underwear. They all wear sweatshirt and sweatpants, so that no one can express any individuality."
Keith frowns. "So...underwear...does that include the bra?"
Kavner nods.
"If we replace the underwire in the bra–" Keith starts.
Veronica interrupts, "We can replace the underwire with the transmitting wire. But...what about the microphone itself? They would notice that."
"I can probably hand it off to you soon after you get there. I've been making myself indispensable, volunteering for tasks that other guys don't want to do," Kavner notes.
"What's the smallest bug we can use?" Veronica asks Keith.
"The problem is distance. The bug has to be powered by a battery large enough to transmit a mile away, because the grounds of the school are fairly large," Keith muses.
"What about a repeater?" Kavner suggests. "I can probably install repeater devices in all the rooms Veronica would be in that would amplify the signal enough to reach you a mile away. That way the bug could be powered by a watch battery. I can hand it off to Veronica, and she can install it in her bra. You'll be able to hear everything."
"What about video?" Logan adds worriedly. "Aren't you guys going to be doing any video? What if Veronica can't talk? We won't know what's going on."
Kavner explains, "I've already installed videocameras in a few of the rooms. They're hidden in clocks or smoke alarms." He turns to Keith. "I can put the repeaters inside light switches or outlets; I can tap into the wiring for my power supply. That would guarantee a strong signal."
Logan asks, "What's your work schedule? I mean, you can't be on duty twenty-four hours a day, right?"
Veronica squeezes his hand. "Logan, I'll be alright. Dad can get in touch with Kavner at all times."
Logan doesn't say anything, but everyone is aware that he's not happy.
Keith says, "So tell us about the average day there."
"The girls get up at six. Most days they do chores in the morning...a lot of make-work kind of jobs. The oldcomers have extra privileges and usually just supervise the newer students. Some days, they take the girls on long hikes, or make them do extreme workouts. I think the point is to wear the girls down, to make them too tired to resist. The oldcomers can ask to be excused from the hikes if they've earned enough credits."
"What do they get credits for?" Veronica asks.
"Usually for turning in other girls for infractions of the rules," Kavner replies. "The system is set up to turn all the girls against each other. But then, in group, the girls are always, 'Love you, Caroline. Love you, Jessica.'" Kavner shakes his head. "Everything's backwards there, discipline is love, love is exposing someone's faults, abusing someone is helping them."
"Group? You mean, group therapy?" Keith asks.
"Yeah. Every afternoon, for hours. The girls have to sit on hard plastic chairs, completely motionless, unless the group leader asks for volunteers. Then they wave their hands in the air like lunatics, begging to be called on. They testify about some terrible thing they did in the past; if the leader believes that they've been truthful, they can earn some points toward eventually leaving the school. Or so the girls think. I've heard the employees talk: no one ever leaves before they're eighteen, no matter how well-behaved they are or what progress they make. The school always finds a way to tack another month onto your program. Parents are told over and over again that the girls need the program. Eventually, all the girls embrace the program and begin to believe that it is the only thing keeping them alive."
"All the girls?" Veronica asks. "Surely some of them are strong enough to resist."
"No, I bet they're not. If you're in that situation, your entire psychological makeup is altered. You become the prisoner," Logan says. Veronica looks at him quizzically, and he adds, "It's like the Stanford Prison Experiment that we studied in my sociology class. If you're a prisoner, you begin to act like one. And if you're a guard? Most guards begin to treat the prisoners inhumanely, brutalizing and torturing them. The guards rationalize it by saying that the prisoners deserve it, and they begin to believe the prisoners are actually being helped by the guards' harsh treatment. It's the same thing that happened in Abu Graib."
The room is silent, as Keith and Veronica absorb the impact of Logan's statement. Finally, Veronica asks Kavner, "Is that true? Do the guards think they're helping the girls get better by brutalizing them?"
Kavner nods.
"You liked that professor, didn't you?" Veronica asks Logan.
"Dr. Kinny? Yeah, his class was alright. And...I think he'll definitely remember me," Logan smiles wryly.
Veronica asks, "Maybe he'd want to consult on the case, Dad. Maybe he'd want to help me prepare for the operation."
"I think it's a good idea," Logan adds. "He wrote a book on the psychology of prisons."
Keith nods. "So the afternoons are lectures and group therapy? When do the girls take classes?"
"After supper, the girls go to classrooms. It's crazy. The classrooms are completely silent; the girls just do worksheets over and over until they get a 100 score, then they start the next one. Anyone who talks, even to ask a question about the worksheets, gets assigned to write a long essay, or if they're really disruptive, they get 'observation placement'. That's basically being locked in a small dark room for hours on end. I've seen them use restraints on one girl. I think she's mentally ill and can't help her behavior, or she might even have Tourette's syndrome from what I saw. The second time she cursed at the group leader, she was put in restraints for twenty-four hours. She's in real danger; the school doesn't tolerate people who don't follow the rules, and the school definitely does not believe in psychiatric medications. I'm no expert, but many of the girls seem depressed."
Keith makes a few notes. "I'm not surprised. Veronica, we have to think carefully about this. We need to provoke the employees at the school enough to document their abuses, but not so much that you'll be in danger of being harmed."
Logan frowns at these words. "I–"
Keith continues, "I know we're all worried about this operation. The attorney, Epstein, is coming by later. We need to focus very carefully on exactly what our goals should be. Let's take a little break." Keith excuses himself and leaves the room.
Veronica turns to Logan. "We're still just planning. You've got to believe me; I don't want to do this either if we can't find a way to do it safely."
Logan purses his lips, holding back on what he wants to say. Finally, he says, "Who else is going to be helping your dad monitor the wire? He's going to have to sleep at some point. Is Wallace helping too?"
Veronica shakes her head 'no'. "He has basketball playoffs. Besides, he's going to be running the office while Dad and I are away. The attorney is going to help monitor. As soon as he says that we have sufficient legal evidence for the case, Dad will contact Kavner, shut the operation down, and get me out of there."
"What if I helped monitor too?" Logan suggests.
"Okay. I'm sure that would be fine with Dad, an extra pair of eyes," Veronica agrees.
And an extra pair of fists, Logan thinks. Aloud, he adds, "And I think talking to Dr. Kinny would be a really good idea. I don't think you know what you're getting into. When we ran just our short version of the prison experiment, it was pretty unbelievable the way people reacted. And you remember...Mercer and Moe. That was how that sick relationship got started."
"I agree, Logan. We'll talk to Dr. Kinny." Despite Logan's calm demeanor, Veronica is quite positive that he is very unhappy about everything's he heard today.
The attorney, James Epstein, arrives, and Keith introduces him to Kavner and to Logan. The attorney looks at Logan quizzically, and Keith explains that he's Veronica's boyfriend and has some concerns about Veronica's safety.
Epstein says, "Are you sure it's okay to discuss this..." He glances at Logan.
Veronica interrupts, "Logan has offered to help monitor the wiretap during the operation, and I would feel a lot more comfortable if he's there."
Keith nods, saying, "That sounds like an excellent idea. It'll be good to have an extra pair of eyes and ears, especially someone who knows Veronica so well."
Veronica squeezes Logan's hand and looks at him, clearly conveying the message that she's paying attention to his concerns. He nods back.
Kavner goes over the daily schedule again for the attorney's benefit, and Epstein begins grilling him about the procedures at the school. The lawyer takes copious notes and asks Kavner to go into more detail about his training or the lack of it by the school. While they talk, Keith researches some of the options for listening devices that could be concealed in Veronica's bra, and he calls her over to look at some possibilities. Logan watches at she points at the computer screen; she gesticulates as she speaks to him about the device. Logan's attention wanders a bit; he's imagining Veronica at the school, trying to fit in, and somehow managing to gather evidence and investigate. He tries to tune back in to Kavner's and Epstein's conversation; it all seems a little unreal, that Veronica is going to be there in just one week.
Keith changes the subject to the transportation details. "So I'll be heading up to Boston early on Wednesday. There's a educational consultant there who's on the Briar Hill payroll for 'services rendered'. I'll be wearing a wire and a digital videocamera to document the interview. I'll insist that my daughter needs to transfer to the school immediately, and I'll ask about arranging secure transportation. I'll ask that they come on Saturday night to the house we rented outside of Boston. Veronica, you'll take the 12:00 flight out of San Diego on Friday. That will give you a day to rest before they..." He glances at Logan, and continues, "Before they take you to the school."
"You mean before they handcuff her and drag her off?" Logan comments.
Veronica squeezes his hand. "It's okay."
He frowns at her. Nothing about this is okay. "So I'll fly out with you on Friday, too, okay?"
"Sure," Keith replies. "I'll be glad of your company, Logan. Epstein's will be joining us on Saturday as well."
"What if somebody recognizes Veronica?" Logan says. He turns to Veronica and asks her, "Didn't you talk to one of those educational consultants here in Neptune? Won't he recognize you?"
"It's pretty unlikely that he would go to the school. Most of the consultants just receive a kickback for each successful referral that they generate," Keith answers.
"Veronica was also on a national news show last fall. I think she needs some sort of disguise," Logan says persuasively. "I don't think you can take the chance that someone might remember her from the Dateline exposé or the interview we did on 20/20. And there was some national press coverage of the shooting."
Keith mulls it over. "He's right, Veronica. It can't be a wig with the strip search. Brunette or redhead?"
Veronica makes a face. "Ugh. I hate dying my hair."
"You were pretty cute as a brunette last fall. It made you look smarter," Logan snarks.
"Like, ohmigod, as if I would ever want to look smarter. Can I get a cute outfit too?" Veronica retorts in a high mocking voice.
"Redhead, for sure. Suits her temperament better anyways," Logan remarks to Keith.
"Dangerous territory you're treading, Logan," Keith laughs.
"Seriously, Dad, can I get one of those temporary tattoos? You know, the ones that fade after a few weeks. Daddy, please!" She clasps her hands and looks imploringly at her father.
"Only if it says, 'Property of Logan Echolls, Reward for Return'," Logan replies.
Keith chuckles and says, "A tattoo or two actually might be good, Veronica. It might help sell the image of a bad girl that we're trying to achieve here."
"If you're very nice, Logan, I'll let you come and pick out my tattoos," she mutters to him.
He puts his mouth to her ear and whispers, "Remember, I'm the bad boy in this relationship." She smiles back.
Kavner stands up. "I've got a 5:00 flight to catch."
"Are you leaving from San Diego?" Epstein asks. "I'll give you a ride; I still have questions I want to ask you."
After Epstein and Kavner leave, Keith asks, "You're staying tonight, right, Logan?"
"Yeah, Veronica's going to drive me to L.A. tomorrow."
"So...let's make it a family dinner tonight."
"You're on," Logan replies.
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VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Downright Testy
Veronica and Logan clash over the Briar
Hill operation.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni.
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CHAPTER FIFTY: "DOWNRIGHT TESTY"
Sun. 3/1/09 evening: Sunset Cliffs Apartment, Neptune, CA
"You know, Veronica, you don't have to literally eat your weight," Logan remarks.
She sticks out her tongue at him and continues to eat her ice cream.
"You had some good ideas at the meeting today, Logan. I was glad you were there. It would have been a disaster if someone had recognized Veronica," Keith muses. "What'dya think of the attorney? He doesn't make a good first impression, but he really knows his stuff on this case."
"He seems smart, but he's too excited about the operation. I don't like it; I think he should be more worried about Veronica's safety," Logan replies. Veronica makes a face at him and kicks him under the table. "Stop kicking me, Veronica. Frankly, Keith, I'm surprised you're going along with this."
Veronica looks incredibly pissed. "Logan!"
"Get mad at me all you want, Veronica. I don't understand how you think you're going to be able to get the evidence on the school at the same time that you're trying to investigate Hannah's time there. It sounds like the students are watched at all times. What was that that Kavner said? That for the first few months, they don't even let newcomers go to the bathroom unsupervised. There's no way you're going to be able to snoop into the files, or whatever it is you're planning to do. And if you try to do it, and get caught...what if Kavner can't get to you in time?"
Keith says, completely confused, "What?"
"Logan, shut up," Veronica says. She quickly glances at her dad, and he is finally realizing that Veronica has been holding back information once again. No one speaks, until Veronica turns to Logan and says spitefully, "You bastard."
"I bet he doesn't even know about the FBI. Or the files you got from Mike Fields. You promised me that you were telling your dad everything."
"Veronica, what the hell is he talking about?" Keith says with a worried expression.
"I didn't lie to you," Veronica replies. "There's nothing to tell. While I'm at the school, I'm hoping to find out more information about Hannah. But I'm not going to be taking any extra risks. I know it's too dangerous."
Logan scoffs. "You promised me, Veronica. Why am I not surprised? You always think you're smarter than everybody else. You're going to get killed if you do this. And I'm not going to stand by and watch you do it."
"Find out what information about Hannah?" Keith asks. "Veronica." He stares at her, and she stares back defiantly. "Veronica, tell me, or the operation is off."
She sighs. "I know that Hannah wasn't killed by the Saturday Night Slasher. There are some discrepancies in her case compared to the other victims. I think she might have been killed to cover up the abuses that were going on at the school."
"And you didn't think it was relevant to tell me that?" Keith thunders. "Logan's right. You're crazy if you think you're going to be able to investigate while you're there. Weren't you paying attention during Kavner's briefing today? The students are controlled completely. You won't have any opportunities to snoop around." He sighs again. "Veronica, we've already invested a lot in this operation. I can't believe you would jeopardize it like this. And what's this about the FBI?"
Veronica obstinately refuses to speak. Logan says, "Tell him, or I will."
Glaring at him, she admits, "The FBI kicked me out of the internship program. Either because of the exposé last fall or because of the Harmony shooting."
"And?" Logan prompts. She steadfastly refuses to continue, so Logan tells Keith, "She thinks she'll get back in the program if she solves Hannah's murder."
"Veronica, honey, I'm sorry about the FBI. Why didn't you tell me?" Keith says. "Where did you get the information about the serial killings anyway?"
She avoids his eyes, and he knows. Keith says, "You got it from that putz Mike Fields. If anybody should be kicked out of the FBI, it's him."
Veronica says to Logan, "I can't believe you. I'm doing this for you too. Weren't you paying attention today during the meeting? We're taking appropriate precautions for the operation."
Keith looks puzzled. Logan explains, "She thinks I won't ever get over Hannah's death unless the killer gets put away." He turns back to Veronica, "I'm over it. You don't need to do this. Do you know what I won't ever get over? If you get hurt or killed trying to do this."
Veronica turns her back to Logan. "Dad..." she pleads. "I'm just going to keep my eyes and ears open. If there's an opportunity, I'll take it. But if there isn't, I'm going to let it go. And...I don't really care about the FBI."
Logan scoffs again. "She's lying. Dammit, Veronica! You swore to me. You gave me veto power."
"We incorporated all of your suggestions today, Logan! What the hell! You still have veto power. Are you telling me that you're using it?" she says bitterly, staring at him angrily.
Logan pauses. Finally, he says, "I'm going to leave it up to your dad. I trust him to keep you safe."
Keith says, "Veronica, I'd like to see the files you got from Mike Fields. And I'd like to hear why you think Hannah wasn't killed by the Saturday Night Slasher."
Veronica goes to her room and gets the files; Logan walks out to the living room and turns on the television. He starts flipping through channels disinterestedly while Veronica shows the evidence to her father.
After she concludes, Keith says, "It's good work, Veronica. But...how did you get from Hannah wasn't killed by the Slasher to Hannah was killed because of the abuses at Briar Hill? That's a big leap."
"Why else would she have been killed? Someone went to a lot of trouble to cover up her murder. Someone either in the FBI or someone who had access to FBI files. You said that Briar Hill is paying off politicians to look the other way. What if Hannah witnessed something like that while she was there? Maybe that's why she was scared enough to run away. Can't high-level politicians get access to FBI files?" Veronica says persuasively.
"It's possible," Keith admits. "Veronica, Logan's right. You can't take the chance that you'll get caught snooping. You have to focus on the objective. I'm worried that you're not taking the danger seriously."
"That's exactly my point," Logan mutters, as Veronica shoots another angry glare his way.
"Let's make a deal here, Veronica," Keith says. "I have to say that I've been convinced that it's important to try to get evidence of the abuses going on at the school. Epstein showed me his research on all the tough-love schools in the country, and I'm scared for these kids. You have a unique ability to get this evidence, Veronica. You're tough and you're smart, and for your age, you have more experience undercover than another investigator would have. Here's the deal: if you agree to hold off on investigating Hannah's murder during the undercover operation, I promise I'll make it my priority once the operation's concluded. We can't take the chance that you'll be found out, Veronica. If you won't agree to stop, I'm going to halt the whole thing. And...I want you to report back to Mike Fields what you've discovered: the discrepancies, the full moon angle, everything. I never liked the guy, but I want someone in the FBI to know about this. Let him deal with it."
"But–" Veronica starts.
"No buts, Veronica." Keith sighs. "Do we have a deal?"
Veronica pouts sullenly.
"Veronica. Do we have a deal?" Keith repeats.
"All right," she says finally. "I'll talk to Mike tomorrow when I drive Logan to L.A."
"And you promise? To stick strictly to the plan while you're undercover?"
She nods.
"You swear? Veronica, I want to hear the words."
"I swear I'll stick to the plan," she acquiesces.
Sun. 3/1/09 evening: Sunset Cliffs Apartment, Neptune, CA
Throughout the evening, the tension between Logan and Veronica continues. They watch a Lakers game, and at several points Keith and Logan exchange a high-five, but Veronica sulks. Logan tries to direct some comments to her, but she pointedly ignores him.
Finally, Keith yawns and heads for bed. "I'm getting up early tomorrow, guys. I guess I'll see you in Boston, Logan."
Logan nods. After Keith goes in his bedroom, Veronica stands up and goes to the linen closet. She pulls out sheets and a pillow and walks to the couch. To Logan, she says, "Move please," in a barely polite tone.
Logan stands up and moves to the chair. "So am I banished to the couch?"
"No, I'm sleeping out here. You can have the bed."
"Come on, Veronica. You know it's better that your dad knows everything. Please don't be this way."
She doesn't respond, and he stares at her back for a few minutes as she makes up the couch. Finally, Logan shrugs and goes to bed. She turns and watches him leave, torn between wanting to punish him for betraying her and wanting to be with him on their last night together. She thinks despondently about the fun they had the night before and about waking up in his arms that morning. Then he shuts the door to the bedroom, and her heart hardens. She lays down on the couch.
About an hour later, Veronica has not slept. She keeps going over the angry words they said to each other that evening. When the door to her bedroom opens, she knows he's coming to talk to her.
Logan sits down on the couch next to her. "Veronica. Please come to bed. Don't do this on our last night together."
Veronica moves in on the couch to get away from Logan's body. He notices and moves to press against her again. She sighs loudly, then whispers, "You're such an ass. You think you can just touch me, and I'll melt and forgive you. It's not going to work."
"Really?" he says, as he begins to caress her leg.
"Stop that," she hisses. "If I yell, then Dad's going to come out here."
"Yeah, I think your dad's on my side this time," Logan replies. He continues to touch her, and she tries mightily to move away from his wandering hands. "C'mon, admit it, you can't resist me," he chuckles.
"You're a bastard," she says. Veronica sits up and glares at him, then suddenly she jumps up and runs for the bedroom, intending to lock him out. He gets to the door just in time and prevents her from closing it.
"Don't be that way," he pleads quietly and intensely. "You know it's better that your dad knows everything." He struggles against her as she tries to force the door closed. Suddenly he stops resisting, and the door slams closed. He sinks down to the ground and sits against the door, waiting in silence.
On the other side of the door, Veronica is out of breath and confused. She stands there trying to calm her heartbeat.
In the living room, Keith pokes his head out from his bedroom to see what's going on. He sees Logan seated on the floor in front of Veronica's door. Logan salutes, and Keith nods knowingly and disappears back into his bedroom.
"Logan?" Veronica whispers.
Logan doesn't answer, knowing it's driving her crazy.
"Logan, what the hell are you doing?" she tries.
Still he sits there silently, smug in the knowledge that she won't be able to hold out for long against her curiosity. He hears her move away from the door and walk around the room. Logan knows she's trying to figure out what to do, how to win this fight. But he's absolutely certain how to beat her at her own game.
After twenty minutes, he hears the lock being turned, and the door is opened. He turns his head and sees her. She extends a hand down to help him up; Logan takes her hand and stands up. She pulls him into the room and says, "You win. I can't stay mad at you." Veronica sits down on the bed, defeated.
"Well, if that's true, I'm the only person that can beat you at your own game," he replies, looking down at her. "Am I invited back in your bed?"
She sighs. "Yes. I'm still mad at you though."
He sits down next to her and laughs. "You just said you can't stay mad at me."
She sits there fuming.
Logan continues, "Look, Veronica, I don't care if you hate me. All I care about is that you're okay."
"So you don't care if I love you?" she shoots back.
"Of course I care. It's just not the most important thing. If you survive, I survive," Logan says. "Even if I have to give you up, or do something that makes you hate me forever. It's crazy, I know. But that's never going to change. You have to be alright." He sounds forlorn, lost, confused.
She lays down on the bed, and Logan lays down next to her. They both stare up at the ceiling, remembering the bitter words they threw at each other that night.
"Why do you have to be so pigheaded?" she says quietly.
"Pot, meet kettle," he replies.
"I'm not going to get hurt," she insists.
"I'm not willing to take that chance," he retorts bitterly, then reconsiders. "I don't want to fight, okay? Let's talk about it in the morning, all right?"
"Okay," she sulks.
He sighs, knowing the fight is far from over. He rubs his eyes in fatigue and frustration. Sometimes I almost wish...that I didn't love her...it's too goddamn hard. He rolls over, facing away from her.
Veronica hears him sigh. There's a quality of despair in the sound that penetrates her seething anger. She rolls over and stares at his back, wondering what he's thinking. She realizes she's missing his constant affection that she's taken for granted since she brought him home. He's walked away from me before. He's willing...to go all in, to risk everything.
Suddenly, she's terrified that she's going to lose him again. Veronica scoots over on the bed; she presses her body against his back and puts her arm over his waist. His only response is to take her hand in his. She lies quietly, expecting him to roll over and kiss her, but he just lies there, impassively. Finally, she decides to take matters in her own hand; she pulls her hand free from his and reaches down to stroke his thigh. He doesn't respond, so she becomes more bold and touches his cock through his boxers. Logan may not be paying attention, but his body is, she thinks as he begins to respond to her touch. She wriggles against him, trying to provoke a reaction, but he's still ignoring her. In desperation, she decides to go for it; she slides down and begins to draw down his boxers. All of a sudden, he rolls over, grabbing her and flipping her underneath him. He pins her beneath his body, his hands trapping her arms above her head.
"Logan..." she tries, but her voice dies when she sees his expression. The pupils of his eyes are completely dilated, black with anger or some other unfamiliar emotion.
"I'm not your stud, Veronica. I can't just turn it on five minutes after you tell me you're mad at me. I care about you. I'm worried about what you're doing," he says intensely.
"Logan, I know..."
"Let me finish. I want there to be an us in the future. I trusted you to tell your dad about everything. And I know, you didn't lie to him; but Veronica, you knew I thought you had told him everything. And you said I had veto power."
Talking fast, she says, "You do. I'm sorry I got angry with you. I promise..."
"Does your promise mean anything? You're killing me, Veronica. I can't live like this, worried about you all the time, and then I'm always apologizing for caring about you too much!...Dammit! One time last fall, Weevil told me I should just hold you down and fuck you silly until you learn to behave. Is that what you want, Veronica? Is that what I need to do?" He shifts his body, forcing her legs apart and laying between them.
"Logan! I'm sorry," she pleads desperately, shocked at his anger and forcefulness.
"Maybe it is what I need to do." Logan kisses her harshly, forcing his tongue into her mouth. He releases her mouth and pulls back to stare at her. "Is that what you want? Should I keep going?" He bends to her again, kissing her again. To his surprise, she opens her mouth to him, tonguing him back ferociously. "So this is what you want. You do want me to take you, to possess you," he mutters, half to himself. Keeping her arms pinned with his left hand, he reaches down and pulls down her shorts and his boxers; he positions himself at her opening and thrusts in. She gasps at the suddenness; he allows her barely enough time to recover before he begins to fuck her. She moans loudly enough to wake her father sleeping next door, and he takes her mouth again with his to quiet her, still trapping her hands tightly above her head. After a few strokes, he pulls out and stops.
She opens her eyes and looks up at him.
"Do you want me to keep going?"
"Yes...please..." she whimpers.
"All the times I've loved you...I've never forced myself on you. I've never done this to you." His voice is heart-rending. "I don't want to be angry with you." Almost to himself, he repeats, "I don't want to be angry with you."
"Logan...please...you do...possess me," she admits.
He pushes into her again, and she moans quietly, closing her eyes in pleasure. "Open your eyes, Veronica." Her eyes pop open, and he says intensely, "I'll fuck you until you're black and blue if I have to. You're not going to ruin us. You're going to keep your promise to me. You're. Going. To. Be. Careful." With each word, he thrusts, driving his point home. Veronica is still immobilized by his weight and his grip on her arms. When he starts to pound into her with renewed force, she groans loudly and helplessly, and again he swallows her cries with his mouth. After five minutes of intense thrusting, he feels her shudder in climax around him, but still he continues, fucking her, fucking out his anger at her, his terror that this will be the chance she takes that kills her. When he finally ejaculates, he pulls out quickly and sits on the edge of the bed, ashamed and horrified at what he's done. Veronica sits up and kneels behind him on the bed; she puts her arms around him, but he shakes her off and stands up, pacing unsteadily around the room, tearing at his hair in his distress.
Veronica untangles herself from her clothes and the bedsheets and gets out of the bed. Tentatively, she tries to touch his arm. He turns violently towards her, and she jumps in alarm. At her reaction, he drops onto the bed and begins to weep silently. Veronica is in her turn horrified at his sobbing. Uncertain what to do, she sits next to him on the side of the bed. Finally she decides to offer her hand to him. She holds her hand out to him; long seconds go by until at last he grasps her hand in mid-air.
"Did I hurt you?" he asks in a strangled tone.
"No, of course not. Actually..."
"What?" he says, turning to her.
"Actually, it was pretty exciting. You're the only person that...that can get so mad at me. Other than Dad." She pauses. "It's scary and thrilling that you care that much," she muses.
"Veronica...I have to tell you something. I'm...I've been too ashamed to tell you...When I was in Texas, after I saw you and Duncan at his press conference..." his voice trails off, his courage leaving him.
She starts to speak but realizes she should keep quiet.
"I...I tried to kill myself. I walked into the ocean. I wanted to just sink down in the water and never come back up."
She waits, but he has stopped speaking. "What happened? How did you..." Veronica wants to scream at him, tear into him, eviscerate him, but she holds back. How could he do that? And then, she despairs: What do I do? How do I make it better? She remembers her desperate visions of Logan standing high atop a bridge, preparing to leap. She forgets to breathe momentarily, waiting for his response.
His voice breaking with emotion, he explains, "I couldn't do it. I kept hearing your voice, telling me that you loved me. I don't know why I believed it. I saw you hugging Duncan on the TV. All my common sense was telling me you were back with him again. You've always chosen him over me. But..." he shrugs expressively.
She still wants to lash out at him, for trying to take the coward's way out and for not trusting her, but finally she settles for, "Nunh-uh."
"What!?" he turns to her questioningly.
"Nunh-uh!" she says more forcefully. "Did not." She waits a moment, then says more specifically, "Did not always choose Duncan."
He scoffs a little, then replies weakly, "Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too." This time he chuckles softly, and she breathes a sigh of relief. She takes a chance and leans over to kiss his cheek.
He turns to look at her. "You're sure I didn't hurt you?"
"Never," she swears. "But...I think I'd like a hug." He puts his arms around her tentatively, and she leans into him. "Logan? Are we okay?"
"I don't know," he replies truthfully. Wretchedly, he continues, "It's always so hard..."
"We said we would work on it together, right?"
He doesn't answer at first, so she repeats, more forcefully, "We said we would work on it together, right?"
"Actually, you said that. And since you had just given me a monumental blowjob, I had no choice but to agree," he mumbles.
She huffs a quiet laugh. "Monumental?"
He gestures with his hand, punctuating his words. "Okay, maybe...the blowjob of a lifetime. An epic blowjob. The Cadillac of blowjobs. The blowjob to end all blowjobs. Should I continue?"
"Not if you ever want another one."
He mimes zipping his lips shut.
"Let's get some sleep, okay?" she suggests.
"You're the one who always keeps me up all night with your frivolous sex demands," he complains.
"All right, you're off the hook for the rest of the night. Okay?" Veronica asks.
"Yes, Veronica," he replies as they lay down, her back against his front, every inch of their bodies pressed together. He breathes in the familiar scent of her hair and tries to set aside his worries for the rest of the night.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Dream On, Jump Street
Veronica's unresolved issues surface.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Mercer Hayes: Ryan Devlin.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE: "DREAM ON, JUMP STREET"
Mon. 3/2/09 morning: Sunset Cliffs Apartment, Neptune, CA
The next morning, after tossing and turning the whole night, Veronica has the dream again.
She is at Briar Hill. She has survived the transport service and the strip-search without incident, and she tries to settle into the routine of the school. But one day, a guard looks at her suspiciously, and Veronica ditches the wire. For some reason, Ryan Kavner, the other undercover operative, has disappeared, and now she's all alone. Afraid to make waves without backup, she desperately tries to blend in with the other girls. She echoes the catchphrases she hears around her. "There's no right or wrong, only what works. I need to work on my program. I know I need help to get right." She repeatedly asks to call her dad, and she is told that she hasn't earned a phone call yet. Every day, she scans the faces of the guards, expecting to see Kavner, but he's never there.
The week-long operation stretches to two weeks, then to a month, and Veronica is still not allowed to call her dad. One day, she seizes an opportunity and sneaks into an office. She dials her dad's cell phone number and gets a recording, "The number you've reached is no longer in service." She cradles the phone, puzzled; she thinks desperately who she can call for help. "Logan..." she breathes, but she remembers: she has no idea where he is, and she hangs up the phone, shaking in frustration and fear. She tries Wallace, and there's no answer; in desperation, she calls Alicia Fennel. Alicia says, pityingly, "Veronica, your dad's in prison. He pled guilty to the arson charges. Wallace is in Georgia with Candice. I'll tell him you called."
Veronica protests, but Alicia has already hung up, and Veronica realizes she needs to get out of the office before her absence is discovered. She returns to the cafeteria; two of the guards notice her arrival and have an animated discussion, looking over at her pointedly. As the day progresses, she realizes that all the staff are watching her closely.
Veronica begins to be monitored night and day and subjected to random strip searches. She tries to cooperate, but one day in frustration she protests loudly, and they drag her to an isolation room. She doesn't know how long she's in isolation; she loses track of the days and nights in the windowless room. She's hungry all the time; it seems like they are only bringing one meal a day.
Suddenly, they release her from isolation, and she returns to the 'normal' routine. Veronica fights her panic and tries to blend in with the other girls.
The headmaster of the school announces that a new teacher has come to the school. Veronica files in to the classroom with everyone else. The new teacher has his back turned to the girls and is writing on the board. 'Based on the results, you have exactly what you intended.' The teacher turns around, and Veronica gasps.
It's Mercer Hayes, and he recognizes her immediately and smiles. Veronica forces herself to sit quietly as her heart races and she begins to sweat profusely. After a long lecture, in which Mercer makes a point of meeting her eyes repeatedly, Mercer dismisses the class and walks toward her.
Veronica bolts from the classroom, the other girls staring at her curiously. She has no idea where she's running; she had memorized a floor plan of the school when she and Keith were preparing the operation, but now hallways seem to lead to sections of the school that she was unaware of. She tries some doors, but they're all locked; she struggles to open a window that refuses to budge. Glancing over her shoulder at the pursuing Mercer, she runs up a set of stairs. Mercer follows calmly, not bothering to rush after her; she realizes he knows she can't escape, and he's enjoying her panicked flight.
At the top of stairs, the door is unlocked, and she breathes a sigh of relief. She pushes it open, runs through the doorway, and closes it frantically behind her. She's on the roof, and she looks around, trying to find a way down to the ground. She hears the door open behind her, and she whirls around.
"Ve-ron-i-ca," Mercer sings out. "My very favorite chick on speed. We'll be needing some mood music, don't you think? It's gonna be good, Veronica, I'd wager your best ever." He smiles and walks toward her, and she backs away, getting closer to the end of the roof. He keeps himself between her and the doorway to the stairs. She desperately looks around for another exit, while Mercer speaks confidently and menacingly as he closes the distance between them. "I've been meaning to get you alone for some time now. It really wasn't too smart to come to this school. Don't you know I've always had a thing for you?" She backs up the last foot and stops right at the edge; she looks behind her at the ground dizzyingly far below. Mercer reaches for her face, and she flinches. He touches her hair as she struggles to hold herself away from him. "Such pretty hair. It's a shame you have to lose it." He grabs her hair viciously and tries to pull her down to the roof.
She cries out, "No! Stop! Get off me!", resisting with all her strength, pushing against him.
"Come on, Veronica, it's nothing new for you. You've been raped before; just relax and enjoy the ride. It's gonna be good, I'd wager your best ever." He laughs. "Groan if you disagree, Veronica, but I think you're on the same page."
She tries to knee him in the groin, and he slaps her hard. Veronica struggles with Mercer who forces her underneath him and rips her shirt. She fights with every ounce of her strength, but he seems to know what she's going to try before she does, and he counters her moves efficiently. She's weeping and panting with exertion, her face bruised and bloodied, her scalp aching from Mercer pulling on her hair. Finally in desperation, she shoves him with all her remaining strength and rolls away from him, rolls and rolls, and falls off the roof...
She sits up in the bed and looks around her familiar, comfortable bedroom. Her heart is still racing, and the nightmare still feels very real. Veronica reaches over to touch Logan, sleeping quietly beside her, almost as if she doesn't believe he's really there. Suddenly, she remembers their bitter fight, last night's emotional words that couldn't be taken back and couldn't be forgotten. He stirs, mumbling, and she withdraws her hand so he won't wake up. She looks at the alarm clock: 6:14 am. The alarm is set for 7:00; she's going to drive Logan to Los Angeles, where he intends to see his therapist and meet with his advisor at UCLA, hoping to resume his classes. She breathes in and out, trying to calm herself; she lies down again, hoping to sleep a few more minutes. She concentrates determinedly on the facts: Logan and Wallace are back; Dad is not going to jail; and Mac is completely safe in Witness Protection. But her nightmare images of Briar Hill persist. Combined with the turmoil of the fight last night, the nightmare feels too upsetting for her to go back to sleep, and she gives up and goes into the bathroom.
A few minutes later, Logan wakes up, suddenly aware of Veronica's absence. He listens and hears the shower running; he smiles, thinking of her, naked and soapy. He's becoming aroused, thinking about surprising her, making up with her after the rancorous words of the night before; the sound of the shower continues, and he gets out of bed. He opens the door; Keith's bedroom door is ajar, and Logan observes that Keith's keys are missing from their hook by the doorway. He smiles and decides to go for it.
He opens the door cautiously, soundlessly; the bathroom is steamy from Veronica's long shower. Logan quietly pulls back the curtain, and she screams at the top of her lungs. She's been crying; her red eyes are a dead giveaway, and Logan stares at her stunned. "Veronica...what...what's the matter?" She begins to cry in earnest, hiding her face in her hands, and he reaches over and shuts off the water. He grabs a towel and wraps her in it, gathering her into his arms. "Veronica, it's okay, it's okay, I'm here," he murmurs. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She buries her face in his chest and sobs.
Logan is terrified. He hasn't seen Veronica so upset since...since she thought her dad had died. He rocks her, trying to calm her; when her sobs quiet a little, he walks her back to the bedroom and bundles her into the bed. She protests a little, saying, "I'm all wet, Logan, don't," but he ignores her.
He gets into the bed with her, pulls the covers over them, and holds her tight, not asking questions, just holding her until she finally starts to calm down. He strokes her wet hair over and over, saying, "It's okay, Veronica, it's okay. You're okay."
Finally, she says quietly, "I'm alright. You just scared me."
He pulls back and looks at her, saying, "I don't think you're alright. What the hell's going on?" She refuses to look at him directly, and he repeats, "Veronica, what's the matter?"
She shakes her head; he strokes her cheek, and she begins to cry again.
He whispers, trying to calm her again, "Veronica, please tell me what's wrong. Are you still upset about our fight last night? I did hurt you, didn't I?" Overwhelmed by guilt about his actions the night before, he adds wretchedly, "I'm so sorry I hurt you, I don't why I was so-"
She shakes her head, interrupting him. "No, Logan, I'm not upset about last night." Realizing that the only way to reassure him is to tell him the truth, she admits, "I've been having nightmares...about Briar Hill. They started a few weeks ago, when you were gone. I'm there at the school, and the other undercover has disappeared, and I can't contact Dad. And...I try to call you, and I realize I don't know where you are, and Wallace is gone too, and...I'm at the school all alone, and I can't leave..." She can't even tell him about the newest addition to the nightmare: Mercer Hayes at the school too. Veronica realizes that yesterday's discussion of the sociology class's prison experiment triggered his inclusion in the dream. The tears flow down her cheeks, and she turns her face into the pillow.
"That's it. You're not going. It's too dangerous," he replies heatedly. "I can't believe your dad is even considering letting you do this."
"Logan, I have to go. There's no one else. It's going to be perfectly safe, and I don't want to give up," she protests.
He sighs and hugs her tighter. "We're not done talking about this...Veronica, I'm...I'm so sorry I ran away. I'm sorry about last night too. I took my frustration out on you. I promise you...I'm going to protect you. No one's going to hurt you, ever again. Especially not me. Veronica, I swear I'm going to protect you. I won't let anyone hurt you."
At his vehemence, she catches her breath in a hiccup and looks at him. The alarm suddenly goes off, startling both of them. Veronica fumbles with the switch and silences the racket. They stare at each other, and he caresses her face; he draws nearer and kisses her, with love and concern. He says quietly, "Do you want to finish showering? I'll be right outside the door. No one's going to hurt you." She nods, and they get out of bed.
He watches her obsessively as they get ready for the day. While she takes her shower, he makes a brief phone call; when she's finished, he quickly takes his own shower. When he emerges from the bathroom, she's made breakfast, and they eat it, with little conversation. She keeps catching him staring at her intently, but to her surprise, she doesn't mind his hovering for once. When they leave the house, he says seriously, "I'm going to be watching you. All the time. Nothing's going to happen to you." She looks into his eyes and nods.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Less Blood, More Emotional Distress
Wallace consults Keith; Logan and Veronica
consult a professional.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Dr. Friedman: Lorraine
Bracco. Wallace: Percy Daggs III.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO: "LESS BLOOD, MORE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS"
Mon. 3/2/09: Mars Investigations, Neptune, CA
When Wallace comes in the office, he's surprised to see Keith already there. "Yo, Keith."
"You're in early, Wallace," Keith replies.
Wallace notes the piles of files scattered around the room. Keith straightened the office a little after the break-in, but there's still plenty of paperwork that needs to be put in order after Kendall rifled through everything. "I guess I know what I'll be doing today. What happened?" Wallace asks.
Keith explains about the break-in and the identity of the burglar. He relates the tale of the interrogation at the Neptune Grand.
"I would have paid a lot of money to see that," Wallace comments. "You're sure Veronica didn't slap her?"
Keith chuckles. "Veronica was pretty restrained. Now Logan, on the other hand...I think if I hadn't been there, Logan might have taken Kendall's new face off. It's unbelievable to think that she was pursuing him on Liam's orders."
"I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse for Veronica. There was a time when Veronica really hated Kendall," Wallace remarks. "Keith, can I ask you for advice? I'm trying to investigate Candice's brother's murder, and...I think the Fitzpatricks are involved. Veronica convinced me that I can't just ask around about Shawn; she says the Fitzpatricks would kill me without a second thought."
Wallace relates to Keith everything he's learned about Shawn's murder up in Washington; Shawn cashed in his airline ticket, he was dealing a drug called Meth-X on campus, and his body was found near the Canadian border in a national forest. He shows Keith the printout of the information that was on the Blackberry.
Keith shuffles through the papers, frowning.
Wallace adds, "Logan said something about Ciaran and Padraig Fitzpatrick purposely flunking senior year repeatedly to keep dealing drugs at Neptune High. Weevil told Logan that they murdered Weevil's predecessor as head of the PCHers, Gustavio Toombs–"
Keith looks at him sharply. "The guy they called 'The Reaper'? That was when I was sheriff. Gustavio Toombs disappeared, and we never found a body. I was never able to close that case."
Wallace nods. "That's what Weevil told Logan. And the initials in the Blackberry are CF."
"Veronica's right. For once, she's thinking straight about the dangers involved," Keith comments. "You can't just ask around about the Fitzpatricks. I'd help you, but...you know I have a lot on my plate this week. There's a lot to prepare for the undercover op, and I need to get you up to speed on a few cases you're going to have to handle while Veronica and I are out of town."
"I know you're busy, Keith. This can wait," Wallace replies. "It's already been a year. You don't have to worry; I'm going to take care of everything around here."
Keith thinks for a moment. "I'll tell you what I can do. I'll give Inga a call and have her make me a copy of the file on the Gustavio Toombs murder and everything the department has on Ciaran and Padraig Fitzpatrick. And Wallace?"
"Yeah?"
"I think the person to talk to about this is Eli. He still must have some contacts in the PCH gang. And, I have to tell you, he really showed a flare for detective work when he worked here. I was sorry it didn't work out, and I've tried to throw him a few small jobs when I could."
Wallace nods, remembering that Veronica told him that, by her dad's request, Weevil was secretly guarding her last fall during the time when Keith was getting threatening letters.
Keith continues, "You know, Wallace, it's looking like Liam is going to get off scot-free on these racketeering charges and the protection scam he was running on Eli's uncle. I might be wrong about this, but I bet Eli might be interested in settling the score with the Fitzpatricks. But you didn't hear that from me."
"That's the real rap, yo," Wallace agrees.
Mon. 3/2/09: Los Angeles, CA
When they get to Los Angeles, Logan checks his watch and says, "We better head directly to Friedman's office. Get in the right lane; we'll take this exit."
Veronica parks the car, and Logan says, "You're coming up, right?"
"All right," she agrees.
When they walk into the waiting room, Dr. Friedman walks out of the treatment room. Logan nods to her, and Dr. Friedman says, "Hello, Veronica."
Veronica looks from Friedman to Logan and says, "What's going on?"
"Logan asked me to clear some time in my schedule in case you wanted to talk to me too," Dr. Friedman responds.
"You set me up?" Veronica hisses to Logan.
"Yeah, I care about you enough that I thought you might want to talk to my doctor, okay?" Logan replies. "You don't have to. It's just an option."
Veronica stares at him in disbelief.
"She's helped me a lot, Veronica," he tries. "You scared me this morning. I'm worried you're not telling me everything."
"Whatever you say to me is completely confidential. I won't repeat anything you say to Logan," the doctor confirms.
Logan puts his arm around Veronica and says quietly, "Please. I'm worried. About last night, and this morning. And...it's always so hard for us. Friedman's not on anybody's side. She just listens."
"All right, I'll talk to her. Just to prove to you that everything's okay," Veronica retorts, belligerently. She follows the doctor into the treatment room, and takes the same uncomfortable chair she sat in the last time she was here. Veronica stares at Dr. Friedman, unreasonably petrified about what will happen next.
"So...did something happen?" Dr. Friedman asks.
"Logan's just being ridiculous, as usual. He's worse than an old woman, the way he worries about me," she replies.
"Explain."
Veronica sighs. "We fought again last night because he found out I hadn't told my father a few things about the case we're working on."
"So he was mad at you?"
Veronica sits, fuming. "He's always overreacting. He doesn't understand about the FBI, how important it is to me, and he thinks I don't pay any attention to the risks I'm taking."
"Do you pay attention?"
"Of course. We've been preparing for this undercover operation for weeks."
"This is at the tough-love school you asked me about last time you were here?"
Veronica nods.
"So if you have been preparing for the risks of this operation, what was Logan upset about?"
Veronica drops her head, looking at her lap. She mumbles, "I didn't tell my dad I wanted to use the operation to also look into Hannah Griffith's murder. I think she wasn't really killed by the serial killer."
Friedman remains silent, and Veronica rushes in to explain. Defensively, she says, "I found a lot of discrepancies between the other victims and Hannah, and I think she might have been killed to keep her quiet about what was going on at the school."
"How would you want Logan to react to that? You going into a situation that you think led to the death of another girl?"
"I don't know, I guess I want him to trust me, that I know what I'm doing," Veronica answers.
"You don't want him to worry about you?" Dr. Friedman presses.
"No, that's not what I'm saying. And look at what he did this morning, shanghai-ing me into talking to you about it. It's manipulative. I can't just sit at home and be perfectly safe just to keep him happy," Veronica replies angrily.
"Is that what he wants?"
Veronica stays silent. Finally, she says, "I don't know what he wants from me. We just...always seem to have the same fight over and over. And...I love him, I want him in my life, but he can't seem to accept that I have a dangerous job."
"Job? Veronica, I thought you were still in school."
"Okay, a dangerous career," she replies, exasperated.
Dr. Friedman makes a couple notes, and Veronica seethes, wondering what she's writing. The doctor looks up, sees Veronica's expression, and explains, "I'm just taking a few notes to clarify. You can see them if you want."
Veronica catches her lower lip with her teeth, thinking that she's going to kill Logan when this is over.
Dr. Friedman changes tacks. "Tell me about the FBI. Why is it so important to you?"
"Because it's the FBI! It's the best job in my field. I was recruited for the internship program, and that means a lot. My dad was so proud of me. And it was humiliating to be kicked out."
"Did you like the internship program at the FBI?" Friedman asks.
Veronica squirms.
"Did you?" she presses.
"No," Veronica admits. "They didn't let us do anything. Some of the seminars were interesting, but a lot of the topics they covered–honestly, I've already worked cases in those areas with my dad, and I really didn't need to go over the topics again. And a lot of the rules were ridiculous. But it won't be like that when I'm an agent."
"What about the rules was ridiculous?"
"Everything's about the chain of command. And then there's the BuSpeak."
"The what?"
"Bureau Speak. The stupid acronyms for everything and bureaucratic lingo."
Dr. Friedman just waits for a moment, then says, "What would you do if you couldn't be in the FBI?"
Veronica feels as if the breath was knocked out of her. "What do you mean?"
"It's a simple question. What if you had to do something else?"
Veronica ponders. "I guess...I guess I'd work with my dad, or maybe try another government agency or police work. Maybe investigative journalism." She rushes to explain, "But that's not the point."
"What is the point?"
"If I can solve this case, Hannah's murder, I..." She realizes it sounds stupid. Lamely, she concludes, "I think I could get back in the program."
"You mean if you solved it, because the FBI wasn't able to?"
"Right. What's so bad about that?"
"You tell me."
Frustrated, Veronica blurts out, "How does anything ever get worked out here, when all you do is ask questions? This is ridiculous."
"Therapy's not a car wash. You don't just show up and magically get better when you sit through the session. You have to do the work. I'm just here to guide you."
"Therapy, huh?" Veronica answers. "So Logan said I needed therapy?"
"No, he didn't. Actually, I don't think he'll mind if I tell you what he said. His exact words were, 'I think it might be good for her to talk to a neutral party,'" Friedman responds.
"You mean..."
"I think Logan knows that he's too invested. Sometimes it helps to talk with someone who's not actually involved in the situation. He has a large stake in this, you know. He cares about you a great deal."
"And that's why he ran away from me?" Veronica blurts out.
Friedman waits.
"He told me he was afraid I would judge him for how he treated Hannah, that I would be ashamed of the way he acted. That he did a terrible thing, and caused her to be sent away. He still thinks he's responsible for her death, you know. Sometimes it's...it's obscene the way he thinks he's responsible for everything, like he's a god or something."
"What do you think about the way he acted with Hannah?"
"I was furious with him at the time. He was so transparent, using her to goad her father." Veronica tries to silence the internal voice that keeps shouting, you were jealous, jealous, jealous.
"And now?"
"I don't know how I feel about it," Veronica says wretchedly. "I guess...it's good that he's trying to take responsibility for it, but...I want him to be able to move on. And that's why I have to..."
Dr. Friedman looks at her quizzically.
"That's why I have to solve her murder, so he stops blaming himself," Veronica finishes. And stops walking into the ocean, she adds to herself.
"Let's go back to the FBI. How do you envision your personal life if you do end up working for the FBI?"
Veronica is completely stumped. "I don't understand what you're asking."
"Well, for instance, do you see yourself having a family, being in a committed relationship?"
Veronica stares at Dr. Friedman. "I've never thought about it. Besides, how can you know what will happen to you in the future?"
"Well, you may not be able to control the future, but if you don't examine what you truly want, you might not ever be able to achieve personal satisfaction. Do you want to devote your entire life to your career? Are you willing to give up children and a husband if necessary in order to achieve your career goals?"
Hesitantly, Veronica replies, "I...I really haven't thought about it." For a moment, she tries to picture herself ten years from now. She thinks about the agents she met in the program. There were very few women in the highest ranks, and many of the older men she met seemed to have gone through bitter divorces. Even Mike...Mike was separated from his wife when he met Veronica and eventually became divorced. She considers the long hours of a typical day and the frequent traveling that agents mentioned to her; frankly, most of the agents I worked with were assholes, she reflects. She tries to imagine getting married and having a family while working at the bureau; she cringes, thinking about Logan fighting with her over her hours and her dangerous job. Wait...I can't imagine...I can't even imagine a future with him not there. She has a moment of perfect clarity: seven months pregnant, and Logan leaving her, because she won't take care of herself and the baby. Veronica formulates a ridiculous mental image of herself struggling to put on a bulletproof vest over a very large baby bump, strapping on her gun holster and waddling onto a crime scene, then coming home to an empty house and surviving on a diet of pickles and chocolate ice cream.
"Are you nervous about the undercover operation?" Friedman asks, interrupting Veronica's musings.
"What?" Veronica stares back, trying to shake the image of herself pregnant and alone.
"It would be understandable if you were."
"Goddammit, he told you about the dream, didn't he? He is such a bastard," Veronica comments bitterly.
Friedman waits.
"Okay, I admit it, I've been having nightmares about being undercover. Maybe we can get this over with."
Friedman leans forward, and Veronica tells her about the dream. At one point, Veronica stops to explain who Mercer is and what happened with him.
When Veronica finishes, Friedman leans back in her chair and regards Veronica.
"So are you going to do some magical Freudian interpretation of my dream?" Veronica asks, flippantly.
"I don't think we need Freud for this. You're in a dangerous situation, and you've been abandoned by the people you care about. And it ends with you being menaced by the man who almost raped you two years ago."
Veronica swallows. Abandoned. Raped.
"Veronica, you've been through some tumultuous times the last few months. Your mother's murder, the shooting, Logan's injury, Logan running away, your dad being arrested...Are you sure you're mentally prepared for the situation you're going into? The emotional abuse you're going to be facing is not a joke."
"I know that," Veronica protests. She wipes away a tear, mentally cursing herself for revealing a weakness.
"Can you put off this operation?"
Veronica shakes her head. "I can do this. It's just a dream. Like you said, it's been a hard year. But I can do this," she repeats.
"You're a very capable young woman, and you're a survivor, Veronica."
Veronica thinks, Now why is that making me cry? She brushes away the tears.
Friedman continues, "Let's stop here. Veronica, I just wanted to assure you–I'm not going to tell Logan anything you said to me."
"Dr. Friedman?" Veronica asks.
"Yes, Veronica."
"Why...why is it always so hard for me and Logan? Why do we always fight and...I mean, we've never been able to sustain a relationship for more than a few months, but...at the same time, we always end up back together. I love him so much, but he drives me crazy."
Dr. Friedman regards Veronica. Finally, she says, "You've both been through a lot in your short lives. The external pressures on your relationship have been intense."
"But if it's so hard, why don't we just give up?" she asks despondently. "Why don't we just try to find something that's easier?"
"We can't always control our feelings," Dr. Friedman replies. "And we certainly can't control everything that happens in our lives. All we can control is how we react to our feelings and the events in our lives."
When Veronica walks out into the waiting room, Logan stands up nervously. He walks to her and hugs her. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I...sprang this on you. I was just so worried this morning, I didn't know what to do," he says quickly.
She puts her arms around him. "It's okay. I know you were worried."
He caresses her hair, trying to comfort her, hoping he did the right thing. "Veronica, I'm going to have my session. I'll be done in an hour. There's a pretty good coffeeshop in the lobby. Do you want to meet there?"
She nods, and he bends to kiss her. She sees the worry on his face, and she takes pity on him. "I love you, Logan."
When he disappears into the inner room with the doctor, looking over his shoulder at her, she realizes that, during the entire time she was talking with Dr. Friedman, she was completely aware, in an acutely physical sense, that Logan was nearby. His presence was as palpable as if she could actually see him through the walls. She wonders if he feels her presence the same way.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Toddling Steps
Mac's surreptitious activities in Witness
Protection; Duncan's supervised visitation;
Logan and Veronica come to an agreement.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Mac: Tina Majorino. Duncan 2.0: Chris Carmack.
Alan: Ned Vaughn. Mrs. Dominguez: Shelley
Morrison. Mrs. Johnson: Mare Winningham.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE: "TODDLING STEPS"
Mon. 3/2/09: San Diego RCFL, San Diego, CA
Mac puts her head on her arms and closes her eyes for a few minutes. She thought she was close to tracing the originating ISP of the flirt-bot program, but she has run into another set of barriers thrown up by the program's creators. At least I'm learning a lot. More than I'd be learning in my computer classes at school. Maybe if I took a break... She looks around. Alan is several desks away, engrossed in his work. No one is paying attention to her.
Whenever she can spare a moment and is unobserved, Mac has been using the powerful FBI computers to investigate several aspects of Hannah Griffith's murder. Veronica had shared all of her theories with Mac, who was completely intrigued. After Mac learned that the security on the case files of the investigation was relatively porous, she began trying to determine who exactly had access. Mac has begun to compile a list of every FBI agent who has accessed the case files. In addition, she has been carefully snooping to see if she can identify any unauthorized persons who may have hacked into the case files. The process is slow-going, since she is careful to cover her own tracks as she works. But she has identified several occurrences of remote access by non-Bureau personnel; the question is whether they left traces of their identity when they snooped into the files.
Mac is wondering if Veronica was able to decode her message; surely 'Love, Mac' made it obvious. She laughs a little, and Alan looks over at her. She quickly closes the window she was working in as he walks over to her.
"Any progress?" he asks.
"I think so. Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"Could I possibly order Indian food for lunch today? The vegan options on room service..." she shrugs expressively. "And the cafeteria here is even worse. Salad, and more salad. I'm turning into a bunny rabbit."
"Vegan," Alan repeats. "I barely even knew what that was before I met you. You really never eat meat?"
"Never," she swears. "A hamburger hasn't crossed these lips in ten years. Nothing with a face, you know."
Alan rolls his eyes. "All right, Indian food. Show me what you've got." He leans over her, looking at the files Mac's been reconstructing on her computer screen.
Mon. 3/2/09: Los Angeles, CA
Veronica sits waiting for Logan at a table in the dark recesses of the rear part of the coffeeshop. He walks in slowly, looking around for her, and she notices that he barely limps anymore. She's gotten so used to the cane that she hardly notices it, but today she realizes that he won't be needing it for much longer. It's almost an afterthought for him already. He sits down across from her, and she pushes a tall latte to him. He takes off the lid and smiles at her. "Everything okay?" she asks.
He nods. "How about you? You still mad at me?"
"No. You're right about Dr. Friedman...she somehow manages to clarify the issues." In fact, Veronica has been compulsively reviewing her discussion with the therapist. She reaches under the table and puts two shopping bags on the table between them.
"What's this?" he asks, poking at the bags.
"A couple going-away presents," she replies.
He looks at her sharply. "I'm going to see you again in a few days. We'll be flying to Boston together on Friday."
"I know, just...open them," she says. She pushes the larger bag to him, and he reaches inside and pulls out a cell phone. "Just like the one you threw into the ocean when you left town, except it's the newer model. Pre-programmed with my number."
Logan plays with the phone for a minute and accesses the menu to set a ringtone. To his surprise, she's already downloaded a few of his favorites and programmed it to ring with "Sway" when she's calling him. "I love it," he says. "And you got the new 747 area code. 747-555-5683..."
"...So the paparazzi won't know your number," she finishes his sentence. "Yeah, that's 555-LOVE. They probably thought I was a hooker in the Cingular store. Now get busy and record an outgoing message; I've missed the jackass-quote-of-the-day," she snarks.
"Okay," Logan replies. He thinks a minute, then records an outgoing message. "Hello, this is 747-555-5683, with your inspirational message of the day. 'When my love swears that she is made of truth, I do believe her though I know she lies, That she might think me some untutor'd youth, Unlearned in the world's false subtleties...Therefore I lie with her, and she with me, And in our faults by lies we flatter'd be.' William Shakespeare."
"Oh, you!" Veronica says coquettishly, swatting his arm. "I am so made of truth."
Logan looks curiously into the other bag. "And what's this?" He pulls out a small thin box from Victoria's Secret. "Whatever could this be?" he says chuckling. He opens the box and pulls out a very dainty black lace thong. Logan dangles it in front of Veronica's face and says, "Oh, you are a dirty girl, Veronica Mars. So am I supposed to rip this off you?"
She blushes furiously, and he looks closely at her, narrowing his eyes and assessing her expression. He sniffs the thong delicately and remarks, "Ahh. These are already broken in. Something to remember you by..."
Beet-red, she says, "Now you can get rid of the beard and the mustache. Please. I'm begging you. All the women in the world are begging you."
Logan crushes the thong into his face and inhales deeply. He whispers to her, "Let's get out of here..."
"What, too public for you?" Veronica teases.
He reaches under the table and strokes her thigh, saying, "Never!"
"Come on, let's get you home," she laughs.
Logan reluctantly puts the thong back in the bag, and they leave the coffeeshop hand-in-hand with Veronica solicitously carrying Logan's presents.
Mon. 3/2/09: Neptune, CA
The limo drops Duncan off at the foster home where Lilly is living until the custody issue is settled. The court-ordered social worker, Amy Dominguez, who supervises his visits with his daughter, is waiting for him to arrive. She steps out of her car and greets him.
"Hello, Mrs. Dominguez, how are you today?" Duncan says in response.
They ring the doorbell, and Mrs. Johnson opens the door, with Lilly anxiously waiting beside her. Lilly cries, "Daddy! I thought you'd never get here."
Duncan bends down and scoops her up into his arms. "Mrs. Johnson, how are you? Thanks again for taking such good care of my daughter."
Mrs. Johnson shakes her head. "Mr. Kane, I've never seen a more well-behaved child. And she loves you so much. Most of the children I foster are troubled and, to be honest, a real handful. Lilly says 'please' and 'thank you' and does exactly as she's told."
"We were moving around so much that Lilly got used to doing what I said quickly. We made it a game," Duncan remarks. To Lilly, he says, "I'm glad to hear you've been behaving for Mrs. Johnson."
Lilly cups her hand around Duncan's ear and whispers to him, "She doesn't know any good stories. When can I go home with you, Daddy?"
"Soon, sweetheart," he promises. In truth, he's chafing at the amount of time the custody process is taking. His attorneys promise him that the matter is being expedited, but Duncan is impatient. He is ready for the next phase of his life to begin. He walks to the living room, bouncing his daughter in his arms as he goes. "Lilly, do you want to guess what I'm doing today? I'm looking at houses to buy. What kind of house should we get?"
"A castle," Lilly says. "With a moat, so the mean man who was chasing us can't get to us."
Duncan smiles and explains to Mrs. Johnson and Mrs. Dominguez that 'the mean man' was part of their game. Mrs. Dominguez nods approvingly, taking note of the care that Duncan took to protect his daughter emotionally. Duncan, with Lilly's assistance, has won them both over; Mrs. Johnson has even offered to testify on his behalf.
"I don't know about a moat, Lilly. We can certainly have a fence with a gate. Would that be okay?"
She thinks a moment, then nods her head vigorously.
"What else, Lilly?"
"A swimming pool!" she exclaims. "And a sand box to play in. I miss the beach in Austria."
"You mean Australia?"
She nods. "And Daddy? Can we paint my new name on my bedroom door? I love my new name. Lilly, just like Aunt Lilly," she says proudly.
"Of course. What color should we paint your bedroom?" Duncan asks.
"Pink!! I want it to be pink, daddy."
Duncan laughs and puts his daughter down. "Why don't we draw a picture of our new house, Lilly?" He gets a piece of paper and crayons and sits down cross-legged on the floor with his daughter. The two women watch approvingly.
Mrs. Dominguez asks, "Duncan, would you like to take Lilly to the playground later this week? That might be fun. I'm sure I can convince the judge to give us permission."
"Thank you, Mrs. Dominguez, that would be wonderful," Duncan says gratefully. "I appreciate everything you've done for us."
Duncan plays quietly with his daughter for two hours. As he is preparing to leave, the doorbell rings. "Oh, she's early," Mrs. Johnson exclaims in annoyance. Mrs. Dominguez peeks out the window at the visitor on the porch.
"Who's early?" Duncan asks.
Mrs. Johnson purses her lips. "It's Mrs. Manning. The court granted her request for visitation."
Duncan is furious and vows internally to call his attorneys the moment he leaves and to rip someone a new one. Knowing that his behavior is being observed and reported to the judge, he struggles to maintain a poker face. He stands up and speaks in a low voice to Mrs. Johnson so his daughter can't hear. "Well, she is Lilly's grandmother. Of course, I want my daughter to know her grandmother." Who really should be in prison for what she let happen to Meg, he thinks spitefully.
"Lilly's scared of her," Mrs. Johnson confides quietly. "Mrs. Manning is always talking about Jesus and telling Lilly she should do as the Good Book says. It's very confusing for Lilly. I really want to give that judge a piece of my mind."
Duncan manages a weak smile. "I'm sure it's all going to be okay. Thanks for everything. Do you think I could possibly leave the back way? I don't want Lilly to see...I'm worried what Mrs. Manning might say to me, and I'd rather avoid any ugliness in front of my daughter."
"Of course," Mrs. Johnson says. "Follow me."
"One second. Lilly, sweetheart," Duncan says, kneeling in front of his daughter. "Your other grandmother's here. Don't worry if you don't understand everything she tells you. Just be nice and respectful. I'll explain anything you don't understand the next time I see you."
"Tomorrow?" Lilly says hopefully.
Duncan nods. "Tomorrow. I love you, Lilly."
"I love you, Daddy." Lilly replies. She throws her arms around him and kisses him; Duncan hugs her back, wishing that he could keep her away from Mrs. Manning and all the ugliness in the world. Maybe a moat's not such a bad idea.
Mon. 3/2/09: Venice Beach, CA
Veronica drives up and down Logan's street several times, but they don't see any sign of paparazzi. She stops the Saturn in front of his house and shuts off the engine. "So, I guess this is it," she comments in a forlorn tone that doesn't escape Logan's notice.
He shoots a glance at her, equally reluctant to part from her. He looks despondently at the beach house. Once upon a time, he loved this house and its impressive ocean views. But now, after the incident last fall when he broke the shower door and then was in the car crash with Dick, and, more recently, when he suffered through the paparazzi siege, the house just seems filled with bad memories.
Veronica breaks the silence. "Remember the last time I was here? You know, the kitchen counter, and then your list."
Logan smiles. "The kitchen counter was fun." He takes her hand.
"We don't have to stop the counter-lingus just because you got your cast off," she remarks, trying to cheer both of them up.
He laughs a little and falls silent again. He looks at her and says, "It just doesn't seem like home anymore. Your dad's apartment–that seems like home now. And...I know I'll see you in a few days, but..."
"I think the last few days are the longest time we've ever spent together. I mean, completely together, almost every hour of the day," Veronica finishes his thought.
"Except for your dad's hearing," Logan agrees. "I think I'm even going to miss fighting with you."
"Oh, that's not a problem. I think I could provoke a good quarrel even long distance," she teases.
He doesn't respond, just looks at her, rubbing her hand with his thumb.
"Do you want me to come in? I could check for intruders and sweep for bugs," she offers. "You know, since I'm the man in this relationship," she adds, in a mocking tone.
He refuses to take the bait. "No, you have to get going. You're going straight to the FBI to talk to Mike like you promised your dad?" he queries.
"Yes, Logan. Don't worry! I think Dad's going to check with Mike to make sure that I talked to him. Jeez, you guys don't trust me at all," she complains lightly.
"I think I should come with you," Logan suggests.
"Ah, so it's not just that you don't trust me, it's that you don't trust him," Veronica teases.
"Of course I don't. I'm well aware of the impact you have on the opposite sex," he explains, glancing at his crotch.
She laughs in embarrassment.
"No, seriously, I think I should come with you," he protests.
"You just don't want to leave me," she says.
"So? I don't see you pushing me out of the car and peeling out of here either." Logan smiles at her. "You're gonna miss me, you're gonna miss me," he adds in a sing-song.
Veronica shakes with repressed laughter. "Someone has a very high opinion of himself," she lectures.
He stares at her more seriously. "Veronica, I've been thinking about this meeting with my advisor this afternoon. There's no way I'm going to be able to complete this semester with all the classes I missed. Most of my courses have a class participation requirement, and I can't possibly pass now. I'll have to repeat the semester anyways. I'm just going to ask for a leave of absence. I can spend the rest of the semester with you in Neptune. I can begin work on my senior project, the movie screenplay I told you about, and then go back to school in the summer session."
"And give up all this?" she says, waving her hand at the beach house.
"In a second. I want to be with you. And, Veronica, I especially want to spend time with you this week before you go undercover. It's going to be rough for me, watching and listening to you and not being able to actually be there with you."
"Actually, I had a crazy thought while I was shopping for your presents," Veronica remarks. He waits, and she takes a breath and continues. "What if you tried to get a job at Briar Hill too? So there was another person on site to protect me? I know I'd feel safer if you were there. I think...I think you look different enough. Your face isn't as famous on the east coast."
He stares at her in surprise. She's a lot more scared than she's letting on. "Of course, if that's what you want. But I don't have any experience; do you really think your dad will let me help like that?"
"Dad really likes you. I didn't tell you this before. The night before we talked to Leo, before we–" she sighs, "blackmailed him, Dad told me if anything went wrong, and if he did go to prison, that I should move in with you and transfer to UCLA. He said he trusts you to take care of me. And you've been my backup before. In the River Stix, when Moe attacked me, when I needed you on the roof...you were always able to come to my rescue. Dad knows that. And if I tell him that I'll feel safer, and I'll be able to concentrate on my mission better, he'll definitely approve."
Logan hesitates. "What about my leg? My knee still bothers me. They won't be hiring guards who can hardly walk."
"I noticed this morning. You barely even need the cane anymore. You certainly seem able to contort yourself into various sexual positions whenever you want to," she shoots back.
He laughs. "Okay, you're right. Most of the time, I just keep the cane with me in case I have to walk a long distance. I suppose I could just tell them I'm getting over an injury. Maybe Kavner could put in a good word for me."
She turns toward him, taking his hand with both of hers. "It's just...you really know me. If I need help, I know I'll be able to let you know somehow. I'd feel safer with you there."
"Veronica Mars needing help? Hell has frozen over," he comments sarcastically. "This is a great idea; I did want to have some input on your tattoos."
"I'll give you complete creative control over my body decorations," she promises.
He grins salaciously. "I think I can come up with some good ideas."
Veronica laughs. "There's no point in getting a tattoo for the operation if it's going to be hidden by my clothes."
"Just one, on your beautiful ass?" he pleads. "Mmm. I'll know about it. It'll get me through the lonely nights when we can't be together."
"Just one. Maybe we'll even make it permanent."
For a second, Logan thinks she means the relationship rather than the tattoo, and he looks at her sharply. She blushes a little under his stare, and he realizes that it was only wishful thinking on his part; but upon reconsideration he wonders if the thought had occurred to her as well.