DISCLAIMER: I don't own any rights to Veronica Mars. This story is written as a tribute only. No celebrity endorsement is implied by product placements. All real persons' names are used in the sense of "wouldn't it be cool if this person had this gig?" The institution discussed in this fic is not a real institution. All opinions regarding real-life organizations expressed in this fic are the opinions of the characters only. You may or may not agree with the conclusions of the characters, and no harm or insult is intended to these real-life organizations, or to any participant, past, present, or future, in the meetings of these organizations. Again, this fic is not intended for those under the age of 17.
A/N: Beta-ed by Poniesforall, who is also my assistant casting director, Sobertears, and Kazy. All mistakes that remain are my responsibility.
SOME INFORMATION YOU MAY NEED TO UNDERSTAND A JOKE IN THIS UPDATE:
In the U.S., there is a big advertising push for drinkers to nominate one person in their party to not drink while the others imbibe; he or she will then be the one to drive everyone else home. This person is called the 'designated driver'. Also: when one is stopped by a policeman on suspicion of drunken driving (driving under the influence), one is often forced to 'blow' into a breathalyzer, an instrument that measures your blood alcohol through your breath. So we say that someone 'blows' an 0.8 or a 1.0 if they are legally drunk. Don't say VanessaGalore never taught you anything. Don't drink and drive, kids. (Oh...and I hear from kazy, who managed to stop flirting with all the boys on her vacation long enough to glance at the update, that in France, the designated driver is called 'SAM'. Hmm. Interesting.)
Previously on Veronica Mars: The Year of Living Dangerously Part Two:
vanessagalore•livejournal•com/56403•html
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VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Cognitive Dissonance
Veronica in restraints; Candice confronts
Wallace; Logan bonds with the other
employees and is given more responsibility;
some dissent among the monitoring team.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Carrie: Amber Heard.
Wallace: Percy Daggs III. Candice Pauling:
Toy Connor. Maria: Gina Mantegna. Kavner:
Eric Bana. Tony: Romany Malco. Epstein:
Scott Grimes. Dr. Kinny: Dan Castellaneta.
Dave: Jason Wiles. Larry: Ed Quinn. Alyssa:
Christina Hendricks. Jim: Adrian Quinones.
Agent Lynley: James Badge Dale.
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CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR: "COGNITIVE DISSONANCE"
Thurs. 3/12/09 morning: Briar Hill Academy, Manchester Center, VT
Must be about nine o'clock...Dad must be meeting with a judge now...I'd love to send these fuckers to jail. Bored...so tired. Wish I could fall asleep...
Try the relaxation exercises again–they worked yesterday. My feet are asleep again. Okay, relaxing my toes, even my pinky toes. Now I'm stretching them again, now I'm relaxing them completely, there's no pain, I don't feel pain, flex my feet, stretch them out, damn I'm hitting against the restraint. Feet. Fuck. ...remembering Logan grabbing my foot hard, hurting me, hurt me a lot...stop. stop. stop!
Deep breaths. In...one two three four five six seven eight nine ten...out...one two three four five six seven eight nine ten. Again...
Have to do this. Have to keep going. I can do this. I know I can do this. Have to do this. Now the FBI is watching me too...maybe even some of the people from the internship program. Got to do a good job, got to keep going. There's no way I can get hurt with all these people watching me. Have to do this. It's only for...a few more days. For...a few more days. Fuck! Breathe, Veronica.
Think... Think of a good time. Logan doing a strip dance for me. "Pretty good for a gimp." He puts his hands behind his head and thrusts his pelvis at me. I close my eyes and smile, thinking about making love with him, the way he feels inside me. He's doing this for me, he's dancing for me...because he loves me. He always tells me how much he loves me. Love you, Logan, love the way you feel. I keep my eyes closed, picturing him doing a silly dance for me...
"Open your eyes, Veronica. I'll fuck you until you're black and blue if I have to. You're not going to ruin us. You're going to keep your promise to me. You're. Going. To. Be. Careful."
What?? I am being careful. Why are you yelling at me? I am being careful! I haven't said a word since...since the bucket. You know I have to do this. I have to do this. All these people are watching me. I'm being as careful as I can. You're not being fair!
"Look, I don't give a rat's ass if it's fair. I don't care if you're angry. I care that you're safe."
Logan, it's not like this is all some new facet of my personality. You know who I am! You know what I do. And you know I'm doing this for you too.
Logan's staring at me, refusing to answer. He turns to leave, and Dave points at the bucket and says, "Leave it for her to smell all night long...so she remembers."
Logan, don't do it...I'm not...I'm not an animal, or a user, or whatever they're calling me now. You're supposed to...you're supposed to protect me. I try to make him understand with my eyes when he looks at me. Damn, wish I could scratch my cheek, show him how much...fuck! Please, Logan...try to understand...
Logan says, "You stupid cunt. You're filth, a fucking animal. You're not even worth looking at." Dave high-fives him, and they laugh as they leave the room.
I can't look at him anymore, and I close my eyes again. It's not true...not true not true not true true true truuuuue
Thurs. 3/12/09 late morning: Hearst College dormitory, Neptune, CA
Wallace starts awake, realizing that someone is knocking on his door. He throws on a t-shirt over his shorts and answers the door. Candice is bearing two cups of coffee and a croissant.
She sits on the bed and says hesitantly, "What happened last night?"
Wallace shrugs. He takes one of the cups from her and joins her on the bed. "Nothing. We got Liam arrested. And we found out that the Fitzpatricks make contact with someone through a Yahoo account. But I don't know how that helps. We watched the Sheriff's department until nine a.m. this morning when Father Patrick must have finally put up the bail for Liam. Liam was cursing him out for taking so long to make bail."
Candice looks down.
"What?" Wallace asks.
She shakes her head 'no', and he touches her shoulder. Finally she looks up and says, "I want you to stop this. In the beginning, I just wanted to know if there was any chance Shawn was alive...if he maybe was hurt somewhere and needed help or...I don't know. Now, what you're doing with your friend Eli..." She begins to cry. "I don't want you or Eli to get hurt. I want you to stop this. I don't care if Shawn's killer is ever caught. Shawn was mixed up with bad people and was dealing drugs. He wasn't a blameless victim."
"But–"
"No. I want you to stop. Look at you...you're exhausted. You have another playoff game tomorrow night. You have practice in an hour, and you're a mess. Wallace...I'm not like your friend Veronica. I don't need to see Shawn's killer punished, especially if it means that you might get hurt."
"We actually found out a lot–"
Candice says firmly, "Then you can show it to Mr. Mars when he returns to Neptune. See what he says. You told me you trusted him."
Wallace nods.
"Will you promise me?" she asks. Candice strokes his face. "I believe in forgiveness. I don't believe in vengeance. Promise me, Wallace."
"All right, I'll talk to Keith when he comes back, and I'll leave it alone until then," Wallace replies, taking her in a hug.
Thurs. 3/12/09 early afternnon: Briar Hill Academy, Manchester Center, VT
Some of the second-shift employees are sitting around a table in the employee dining room, waiting to go on shift. Dave asks, "So what's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?"
Larry nods and says, "The drunk doesn't have to go to a meeting."
Dave and Jim laugh uproariously. Logan smiles, trying to get the humor. Dave nudges him. "C'mon, man."
"Yeah, that's funny. The drunk doesn't have to go to a meeting." Logan thinks a minute and says, "I got one for you. A Highway Patrolman is waiting outside a bar, hoping for an easy bust. At closing time everyone starts coming out, and the cop spots his potential quarry. This guy is so smashed that he can barely walk. He stumbles around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car."
Logan continues, "After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally finds his own vehicle. He sits in the car for a good ten minutes, as the other patrons leave. He turns his headlights on, then off, then the wipers on, then off. He starts to pull forward into the grass, then stops.
"Finally, when he's the last car in the parking lot, he pulls out onto the road and starts to drive away.
"The patrolman, waiting for this, turns on his flashers and pulls the man over. He administers the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blows a 0.00.
"The patrolman is dumbfounded. He says, 'This equipment must be broken!'.
"The man replies, 'I doubt it. Tonight I am the designated decoy!'" Logan smiles as the others laugh uproariously.
"Designated decoy, yeah, that's good, Roger," Jim repeats. "Been there, man. You know what they say, you might be an alcoholic if you lose your car at least once a week."
"Yeah, or if the toilet seat keeps hitting you on the back of the head," Larry adds.
Logan snorts in response.
Dave stands up and stretches. "C'mon, we gotta get going here. Hey, Roger, did you hear? They're letting out your girlfriend."
"What?" Logan says without thinking.
"Yeah, you know, Connie McConArtist, your special girl. I guess Klein had a little talk with her last night. Sounds like he's making her his personal project. I know you're a little in love with her...heard you like 'em feisty," Dave says knowingly, punching Logan lightly in the shoulder. The other two laugh loudly.
"Yeah, right. Sorry, the tattoos are a turnoff," Logan replies, trying to recover.
When they meet up with Tony, he assesses Logan for a moment, then says to Dave, "If you think he's ready...I'd like Roger to find Maria and get Connie out of the restraints. We're going to try to put her back on the regular schedule, see what the restraints did for her."
Dave says, "Yeah, absolutely he's ready. I think he knows how to handle her now. Besides, Connie's really calmed down. The restraints were good for her."
Tony looks at Logan carefully, who nods that he's ready for the responsibility. "Okay. Go get Maria. She's doing chores in the common room."
When Logan and Maria enter the room where Veronica is being held, Logan is shocked at Veronica's appearance. Connie looks exhausted and scared. Veronica carefully avoids looking at Logan.
Despite Veronica's haggard appearance, Maria says, "Connie, looks like you've had a productive time here in restraints. Love you, Connie."
Logan glances at Maria, wondering why she thinks Connie had a 'productive' time. He walks over to Connie and releases the restraints. She sits looking from Maria to Logan and back, waiting for a direction.
"Good girl, Connie," Maria says approvingly. "We're going to try to let you be off the tether. Just remember, you have to stay within six feet of me at all times. No talking and no physical contact with any of the other girls, especially the newcomers. Do you got it?"
Veronica nods slowly without saying a word.
"Stand up," Maria instructs. When Veronica pushes herself out of the chair, she is unsteady and obviously stiff, and she hangs onto the chair arm for a minute until she regains her balance. Maria walks over and hugs her. "You know, it's an act of love to prod someone in their emotional sore spot. I love you, Connie."
Veronica replies dutifully, "Love you too, Maria. I really want to do better." She looks at Logan and adds impulsively, "I'm...I'm sorry I hurt you the other night. I was wrong to do that. I'm sorry." She turns back to Maria suddenly and blurts out hurriedly, "I'm sorry, I should have asked permission, I just thought...I wanted him to know I was sorry. Please, Maria, I'm trying to do better."
Maria frowns and says, "Don't do it again." She puts her arm around Veronica's waist and escorts her out of the room. Logan follows closely, watching for any sign that Connie's going to try another escape.
On their way to join the other girls already in group therapy, they pass Kavner, just going off his own shift. Kavner nods at Logan. After he passes them, he slows down and turns around to observe surreptitiously. Logan turns back and meets his eyes briefly, then turns forward again.
Thurs. 3/12/09 afternoon: Briar Hill Academy, Manchester Center, VT
Keith is watching the monitor when Maria escorts a redheaded girl into group therapy. It takes a split-second before he realizes that it's Veronica, looking more exhausted than he's ever seen her. Logan enters the room shortly thereafter and moves off camera. The cell phone rings, and he picks it up absently, thumbing the send button. "Keith Mars."
"Keith, it's me," Kavner replies.
"Yeah, we're just watching Veronica go into group. Is she as bad as she looks? I'm pretty concerned right now." Keith tries to hold his voice steady. Carrie, observing from the corner, takes a few notes. Agent Lynley looks up, noting the stress in Keith's voice.
"I don't know. For sure, she's exhausted. I doubt she got any sleep the last two nights. And I heard that Klein himself is taking an interest in her. Apparently, he visited her last night," Kavner says.
"We heard it all over the wire. It was completely brutal. Told her she had a black hole in her soul that she was trying to fill up with her using...told her that I said I didn't love her any more and wanted to lock her up so she couldn't hurt anybody else," Keith replies briefly. "Of course that's a complete lie. I haven't talked to anyone at the school since she was transported. I was told to check in after a week, which would be tomorrow."
"There's no way they'll tell you about the restraints when you call," Epstein adds.
"What's that?" Kavner asks on the phone.
"Epstein is just saying that they won't tell me about her punishments," Keith explains.
"Ask how Logan is doing," Dr. Kinny interjects. He walks over to listen in on the cell conversation.
"Dr. Kinny is asking about Logan," Keith repeats.
"Well...he was having a problem in the beginning fitting in with the other employees. Then he started hanging out with a few of them. The one guy, Dave...he seems really nice, a real clown who jokes around. He's buddies with everyone and always seems to be in a great mood."
"But?" Keith prompts.
"He's no better than the guys who act tough. If the girls act out, Dave's just as brutal as any of them...maybe even worse. And he's totally indoctrinated into the program, really believes in what he's doing like most of the other guys. Logan's...well, he's been hanging with Dave. It's good and bad. Logan's trying to fit in. He's doing a good job on the operation, but he seems a little off to me. I don't know him that well though; he's probably fine."
"Ask him to come by after his shift," Dr. Kinny suggests. "We can ask him directly about Veronica too. We just saw him escort her into group therapy."
"Did you get that, Kavner?" Keith asks. He is still keeping one eye on the video screen, watching his daughter being seated with the other girls. At one point, Maria turns around to speak to Veronica, who flinches in response.
Kinny sees it too. "She's physically scared of Maria."
"Or she's acting scared," Agent Lynley suggests.
"And she's tired," Keith comments. He turns his attention back to the cell phone. "Can you ask Logan to come meet with us after his shift?" Keith turns his back to the others in the room and speaks softly. "And...Ryan," he says, switching to Kavner's first name. "I'd like you to be ready...in case we need to get her out of there quickly."
"Will do, Keith. Don't worry, she's going to be fine."
Hope so. Keith terminates the call with a sigh and begins watching the group therapy session.
Epstein explains what's happening to Agent Lynley. "The girls have to sit in the chairs with their hands on their knees. When the counselor asks the girls to participate, they have to signal by pumping their arms in their air. No one can talk unless they're called upon. If someone wants to comment, they signal to the leader. If the girls don't participate enough, they'll be accused of choosing out, of choosing not to participate in their program. If it's deemed a serious violation, they'll get time added to their program."
Kinny adds, "And it's not just the quantity of participation. The girls are expected to regurgitate the slogans and philosophies of the program."
"What about the attack therapy you mentioned?" Lynley asks.
"We've seen a few instances where the leader and the other girls attacked the girl who was testifying for not being honest," Keith states.
"No story is sordid enough. There's a lot of talk about personal responsibility, but the truth is that the girls aren't allowed to progress unless they admit to tremendous moral failings: addiction, alcoholism, criminal behavior, prostitution, even acts of violence. They're rewarded when they falsify their life story by exaggerating their faults. They have to admit that they need to work a program like the school for the rest of their lives," Epstein explains.
"What about your daughter? What's her cover story?" Lynley inquires.
"I told them she was drinking and maybe taking drugs. She was arrested but not convicted of shoplifting, and her grades have dropped. I mentioned a bad boyfriend that I wanted to get her away from," Keith replies.
"Okay, but what about the stuff she's going to make up if they attack her for not being honest? Does she have a lot of stories worked out?" Lynley presses.
"We talked about it. She seemed confident she'd be able to judge the situation and admit to progressively worse sins," Keith answers hesitantly.
"You didn't coach her on this?"
"You don't know my daughter. I've watched her take on the persona of a secretary, a Hollywood casting agent, and even a dumped pregnant girl at the drop of a hat," Keith says defensively.
"This is a lot more serious than some P.I. shenanigans intended to nail an insurance cheat. How will you know if she's diverging from the plan?"
Keith is fuming. Like I'm some cheap gumshoe, and Veronica's just a bimbo... He takes a breath and says, "I've explained the code words to you. And I have confidence in my daughter's abilities."
Epstein interjects, "I think Keith is right. We've been watching her. She knows the goals of the operation, and she's been able to think on her feet. Any kind of script that we would have made up would have had to have been thrown out the moment we saw what was really going on at the school. No one that we interviewed truly prepared us for what was actually going on. And Veronica has managed to document everything for us. I'm completely impressed with her abilities."
Kinny says quietly, "She and I did some additional work after you left Neptune, Keith. We did some role playing, and we ran some scenarios similar to the attack therapy. I got to know her style of improvising, and I feel confident I'll be able to interpret what we're seeing. I've been working in this field for twenty years."
The room is silent except for a low, droning voice from the speakers of the computer monitoring the group therapy session, where the counselor, Alyssa, is discussing a quotation written on the blackboard:
"All you really need is a truly open mind. Just resign from the debating society and quit bothering yourself with such deep questions as whether it was the hen or the egg that came first. Again I say, all you need is the open mind."
Kinny continues, "I'm not saying we shouldn't be worried about Veronica's mental condition, and for that matter, we also need to be assessing Logan and even your other undercover operative. She does look tired and stressed to me, but it's what I would expect after being confined for forty-eight hours. I think we should just calm down a little and really examine what we're observing. Veronica was quite clear that she wanted the operation to continue."
Carrie pipes up from the corner. "Can I ask a question? What's the government's interest, specifically, in this case? Besides the obvious, of course: the payoffs to the Education Commissioner, and Frazzino possibly paying off the school to conceal his abuse of his daughter."
"Those are our primary goals," Lynley says shortly.
"So...why have Veronica continue to be undercover? What can she add to that case?" Carrie asks shrewdly.
"Well, if there are violations of child-abuse reporting or documented physical abuse, we can file charges," Lynley replies.
"But those aren't federal crimes. What's the FBI's interest in Veronica being undercover?" she presses.
"If evidence is uncovered of other crimes during the federal government's corruption probe, the evidence can be used to file other charges. And those crimes can also be used as leverage to compel Klein's testimony against Behr and Frazzino," Lynley explains. "And if Veronica is extracted suddenly, the school might be warned that they are being investigated."
"So she's the sacrificial lamb? Her safety's being compromised to bring down a couple sleazy politicians?"
"Every bit of evidence we gather and every criminal conviction that we can muster makes it more likely we can get a substantial verdict in a civil case that will shut down the school forever," Epstein adds.
"Until they reorganize and change their name and open up somewhere else. Like Klein's done before," Carrie states, scribbling notes as she talks. "Yes, I've been doing some research."
"He's never had a criminal conviction before, only civil judgments. There's never been evidence like this," Keith replies. "That's why Veronica wanted to go undercover. When she found out about the investigation, she insisted on being allowed to participate. She was horrified about the conditions at the school."
"What's the connection to Hannah Griffith?" Carrie says insistently.
Lynley stares at Keith. "I'd like an answer to that as well. Mike Fields said Veronica had a hare-brained idea about the murder."
"Is that Veronica's primary mission?" Carrie asks excitedly. "Is there a connection between the school and Hannah's murder?"
"What makes you think the school was involved in Hannah's murder? I explained it to you: we're here at the request of Hannah's mother, who regrets sending her daughter to a tough-love school," Keith replies.
"Bull. I never really believed it was the Saturday Night Slasher who killed Hannah Griffith."
"Yeah, you thought it was Logan Echolls, stumping along in a full leg-cast, somehow managing to kill a girl and plant evidence pointing to a notorious serial-killer," Keith mocks.
Carrie ignores him. "That's why Logan's involved, isn't it? He's trying to clear his name, and Veronica's helping him. This is great stuff."
"That is NOT Veronica's primary mission," Keith responds forcefully. "And surely you can see that she is unable to do anything other than play her part as a student."
"A bitchy student if you ask me," Carrie says snidely.
"Carrie, please don't make me regret allowing you to be a part of this," Keith warns. "If we uncover evidence about the school or any of its employees being involved with Hannah's murder, of course we'll turn it over to the serial murder task force." He notices Epstein is about to add something, and Keith subtly shakes his head 'no'.
Lynley clears his throat. "And Ms. Murray, don't forget about the agreements you signed with the Bureau prohibiting you from publishing without clearing your stories."
Carrie sighs. "I haven't forgotten."
Dr. Kinny says in a loud voice, "Veronica is speaking."
They turn as one to the computer monitor. Veronica is standing up and appears nervous, shifting back and forth between her feet. She speaks in a dull monotone. "I don't know. I'm really trying to understand. You're saying that we shouldn't question the program, that we should just accept that it works without proof?"
"I'm saying that by demanding proof you're not open to what the program can give you. And you might consider that I and every other successful graduate of this school are proof that the program works. Once I stopped fighting and started asking what I could do to make my life better, I did get better. You have to admit that you need our help and tell us everything you've ever done that got you here. I like the improvement in your attitude, Connie, but you're still questioning too much. You need to accept that we know how to help you."
"I...I'm trying. I really want to earn a phone call to my dad," Veronica says hesitantly. "I know you guys want to help me." She rubs her eyes, obviously fatigued.
Keith thinks proudly, That's my girl. He looks around triumphantly at Lynley, who shrugs. Keith says, "You see what she did there? She's definitely okay. She might be tired, and she's pretending to go along to get a little break for herself, but she still managed to tell us that she doesn't want to quit."
They continue to watch the video feed as Veronica sits back down, and other girls stand up to give their take on the topic of the day. At one point, Carrie leaves the room, and Epstein pulls Keith aside.
Epstein asks, "I've been thinking about the teacher who helped Hannah Griffith escape. Were you able to get a name from the Workers' Compensation database?"
Keith replies, "I did get a name. Michelle Weisz. It's the only one that fits the facts; the dates of her employment match with the story Logan got from Tony. And I ran a preliminary check on that name; she's completely disappeared. There's been no trace of her in any of the major databases since several months after Hannah's escape."
Epstein says, "There's a rumor on the Internet. I've run across it a few times while I've been investigating the schools. There's a woman who has helped a couple dozen kids escape from the schools. On the boards, they call her the Guardian Angel. They say that she tries to get the kids out who shouldn't be in the schools at all–the kids who are most at risk. They say she changes her name and moves every few weeks so the tough-love schools can't find her and stop her. The rumors make her sound like a superhero or a crusader."
"Are you thinking that the Guardian Angel is Michelle Weisz?"
"I don't know. But I don't think she's been around for longer than three years, so..."
Keith says, "So it might be her. I suppose she could have been radicalized by her experience at Briar Hill and decided to try to help other kids after getting Hannah out. How are you proposing to find her?"
"I do have some contacts with kids who've escaped from the schools. Most are too scared to come out publicly about their experiences, but I think they trust me. They know I'm working on a big lawsuit that might impact the whole industry." Epstein looks at Keith seriously. "I think we'd get a response if I put out the word on the tough-love survivor boards that I'm looking to talk with the woman who helped Hannah Griffith escape."
"Do it." Keith sees Carrie come back into the room. "Don't tell Carrie, okay?"
"Right."
"And Jim...I also think we shouldn't tell Ms. Denenberg these theories about Hannah's death. I don't want to unnecessarily torture her with possibilities unless we find evidence to support them."
Epstein nods.
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VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
Survivor Guilt
Dick is questioned about Kendall's murder;
Veronica back in the daily 'routine'.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Leo: Max Greenfield. Dick: Ryan Hansen.
Klein: Clancy Brown. Maria: Gina Mantegna.
Tara: Kirsten Prout. Megan: Anna Lynn McCord.
Dave: Jason Wiles. Shari: Jessalyn Gilsig.
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CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE: "SURVIVOR GUILT"
Thurs. 3/12/09 afternoon: Pi Sig Fraternity, Hearst College, Neptune, CA
Chip Diller opens the door of the frat house to Sheriff Leo D'Amato. With mock politeness, he says, "Sheriff. How can we help you today? As you can see, not a keg or an underaged girl in sight."
"Today," the sheriff says wryly. "I'm looking for Richard Casablancas, Jr. Is he around?"
"Well, he's certainly not in class. Try upstairs, second door on the right," Chip motions toward the stairs and walks away.
Leo goes upstairs and knocks on Dick's door. There are signs all over the door reading 'Choose Pi Sig. Your girlfriend already has.', 'DaKine Gear', 'I Always Take Life With a Grain of Salt and a Slice of Lime and a Shot of Tequila', 'Pi Sigs: Cocky Since 1908', and 'Pi Sigma Sigma: Sorority Tested, Mother Approved.'
Dick opens the door, and Leo comments, nodding to the door, "Classy."
"You should have seen the ones we rejected," Dick replies. "Sheriff D'Amato, how can we do you today?"
"Can I come in?"
"Uh, this is not some random frat party investigation, is it?" Dick suddenly looks troubled. "Did something happen with Mac?"
"Mac?" Leo repeats.
"Cindy Mackenzie. The girl whose family was killed. Is she all right?"
"I'm not here about Ms. Mackenzie, but...you're friends with her?" Leo asks.
"Yeah. Friends. Exes, I guess. Can you get in touch with her for me?" Dick asks hopefully. "I'm worried about her. I heard...I heard through the grapevine she's in witness protection."
"I assume by the grapevine you mean Veronica Mars."
Dick shrugs. "Ronnie's got connections. I'm worried about Mac; she's all alone now, and nobody can get in touch with her."
"I'm not here about Ms. Mackenzie, Dick. Have you been in touch with your stepmother recently?"
"My stepmother? Oh, you mean Kendall. I know my dad started divorce proceedings in absentia something," Dick says vaguely. "I haven't heard from her in a couple years. Since...well, she didn't show for Cassidy's funeral. I know I haven't seen her since then."
Leo pulls out a picture of 'Katerina Beversdorf'. "How about this woman?"
"Hot! I wouldn't kick her out of the sack," Dick comments.
"That's your stepmother, at least that was your stepmother. She had changed her appearance," Leo says.
"Wait...had changed?"
Leo sighs. "You don't read the papers, do you?"
"Just the personal ads."
"This woman was found murdered late last night. Her ID identified her as Katerina Beversdorf. But the fingerprints told a different story. Apparently, her birth name is Priscilla Banks, and she was using the name Kendall Shiflet prior to marrying your father," Leo explains slowly.
"Wait...what?"
"She also served some time on a fraud charge."
Dick sits down on his unmade bed. "Kendall was..."
"It looks your daddy's wife was a con artist. Where is your father, by the way? No one seems to know. Your mother pretty much hung up on me when I asked her."
"He's in the Caymans. You know, loose banking regulations and all."
"Wow, that's family loyalty," Leo comments sarcastically.
"He doesn't really make a secret of it. After he served his time, he started making an effort to be completely 'transparent' and 'above board', or so he says," Dick comments. "You know, he doesn't want to go back to the big house? But I'm sure he's still raking it in somehow. Just...slightly more within the law this time."
"Right. Do you have an address or a phone number?"
Dick points to a postcard thumbtacked to the wall above his computer.
Leo scribbles the information down. "So you didn't have any contact with Kendall recently?"
"Uh...I think I would have remembered someone who looked like that. I always wondered what Kendall would look like as a blonde..." Dick says dreamily.
"You know, the SEC mentioned that there's still a significant amount of money that's unaccounted for from your father's business dealings in 2005. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
"You obviously don't know much about me. My little brother was the one who inherited Big Dick's financial, ah, ecumenical," Dick says, slightly nervous.
"Right. The Phoenix Land Trust; your brother bet against incorporation. And of course you remember who was CEO?"
Dick's eyes meet Leo's. "Yeah, Kendall. I thought for sure I'd never hear from her again after she made the big score. My dad was the only one who didn't seem to get it that Kendall was only after his money."
"So where were you last night between, say, nine p.m. and midnight, Dick?"
"Wait...you think I killed her? Wow, that's twisted. Is that what you call Oedipal? Offing your stepmommy?"
"I think you might want to get the Cliffs Notes on that one, Dick–that's not quite how the story goes. Where were you last night?"
"I hit the Delta Tau cocktail hour and hooked up with Jennie Budosh. I think she might remember me. You know, I have a few signature moves," Dick says lightly.
"Her number?"
"Uh, hang on." Dick digs in his jeans pocket and triumphantly extracts a matchbook. He opens the cover and presents it to Leo with a flourish, who glances at it quickly.
"Yeah, that's the number for Mama Mia Pizza. 555-7437, 555-PIES."
"Shit, you're right. Damn, I thought she had a good time," Dick muses, shaking his head. "I'm sure she's in the book. You know, maybe the registrar would know..."
"Hope you're not yanking my chain, Dick," Leo replies. "You sure this girl's gonna vouch for you?"
"Well, I don't know about 'vouch' if she gave me a fake phone number. But, you know, other people at Delta Tau saw us together too. She was all over me. You know, a little needy?" Dick confides. "You have to be a lot gentler with girls like her–but it's worth it. Mmm," he says, remembering.
"I wouldn't know. I'll be in touch, Dick."
Thurs. 3/12/09 evening: Briar Hill Academy, Manchester Center, VT
Veronica moves through the day in a slight daze. It seems as though everyone is watching her; she sees Klein several times, interacting more than usual with the student population, and she feels his eyes upon her as she tries to blend in with the other girls. She keeps telling herself that he can't possibly know she is a plant; but every time she catches him looking at her, his expression is inscrutable and vaguely unnerving. Maria seems pleased by her compliance; it makes Maria look good and of course lightens her responsibilities to have Veronica appear to be reformed.
When she enters the dining room for dinner, another girl bumps into her, and Veronica shies away compulsively, fearing that she will be blamed for something. Maria crossly orders her to keep going, and Veronica obediently moves ahead, joining the line of girls waiting for their insubstantial meals. She watches the other girls' movements and tries to copy them. I just have to get it right, she thinks; then she remembers that she actually has to get it wrong for her observers, and her fright overwhelms her. She tries to summon the courage to provoke Maria again and fails. Veronica keeps her head down and concentrates on her dinner. I'm sorry, Dad.
After dinner, the girls are herded into the classroom and handed worksheets. Veronica finds the relative sanity of algebra to be oddly comforting; the numbers and letters behave the way they're supposed to. She works through several sheets of exercises on factoring polynomials. Then she is given worksheets on American history. The dates and facts of the American revolution help to settle her nerves even further. For a moment, she is able to pretend she is back at Neptune High, with Dick Casablancas trying to hit her with a spitball and Casey Gant not-so-subtly walking past her desk and looking down her shirt.
She looks over at Tara struggling with her own worksheets, and Veronica feels deeply ashamed. The girl's distress is palpable; her frustration and depressive affect increase daily. Here I am–I'm supposed to be a professional, I'm supposed to be here to save girls like Tara, and I can't even muster up the courage to do my job. I'm letting them get inside my head and scare me. Fuck! Got to keep going, Veronica. For several minutes, she watches Tara and thinks about how she can document Tara's difficulties. She looks up to find Shari standing next to her desk, and Veronica bends her head over her worksheet again, her anxiety over punishment preventing her from making a smart remark. Shari moves off, and Veronica sighs in relief.
She keeps reviewing the last conversation with Logan in her head; now Veronica wishes that she had asked for more information as to what she should be trying to document for the federal observers. Without any information to the contrary, she assumes the goals of the operation haven't changed. Attack therapy, brutal punishments, food restrictions, and no access to medical treatment. She knows that she's going to have to act out again, but she realizes that she is shying away from every opportunity that presents itself. Finally, she decides to just go along for the rest of the evening; if she is honest with herself, she admits that she is feeling very traumatized by the experience of the restraints. Her thoughts still feel disconnected and unreal, and she still catches herself mixing up conversations and events in her memories. And her uncertainty, no, her fear, is real and oppressive.
Tomorrow; I know I can do this tomorrow.
After the class period is over, Veronica expects to be led to the sleeping room. All the girls look tired, but Veronica is completely exhausted after not sleeping for two days in restraints, and she longs for some real rest. But Klein is waiting outside the classroom, and he leads the girls to the group therapy room, where Logan and Dave take over for two other guards. What the hell is Klein up to now? Why the extra therapy session? Veronica finds herself trembling, and she forces herself to stay calm. I'm not going to let this fucking bastard beat me, she thinks.
She tries not look at Klein as she sits down next to Maria. Got to look like I'm going along. She puts her palms flat on her legs like every other girl and forces herself to stay alert. Veronica knows she should feel more relaxed with Logan there, but she irrationally feels more tense knowing he's watching. She vows not to look at him at all. Then she remembers that her dad, Epstein, and the others are watching too. Veronica feels deeply ashamed and embarrassed to have her dad see her unnerved like this. She tries to appear alert and in control of herself.
Klein starts by asking if anyone wants to share. Veronica knows what she's supposed to do: she watches Maria and copies her frenzied pumping arms. Thankfully, Klein calls on Megan, who talks about how safe she feels away from the pressure of boys and drugs. Megan adds that she's grateful her parents loved her enough to send her to Briar Hill. Klein praises her for her honesty, but tells Megan that she needs to dig deeper to really get at the root of her problems; she can't truly get better until she admits that she would seek out drugs and sex no matter where she was and who was around her. Megan flops in her chair again, frustrated. Klein notices her angry posture and calls her on it.
Megan stands up again. "I've done everything you've asked! I wrote the 'guilt letters'. I admitted my flaws to everyone in the group."
Guilt letters? Veronica thinks. What the hell is that?
"And you're still whining about it," Klein retorts. "The process isn't ever going to end for you. You think you're done. You can't get done if you're an addict. There's always more to admit, there's always more to learn." He gets right in her face and yells at the top of his lungs. "There's no cure! When are you going to learn that? You're an addict, Megan. And now you think a couple sob stories in group mean you're cured for life. Don't you get it? The group is your life now. When you became an addict, you signed up for a lifetime of work in the program. It's either the program, prison, or death. Stop. Your. Whining. Quit your stinkin' thinkin'! You disgust me, Megan." Megan sinks into her chair, devastated by the abuse.
Dave nudges Logan and comments in a whisper, "Megan can't be honest for more than two words in a row." Logan nods, trying to make sense of Klein's rhetoric. The phrase 'Program, prison, or death' rings in his ears. The headmaster's powerful stage presence and convincing mannerisms are mesmerizing, and Logan keeps thinking about his own blackouts last fall. Who am I kidding? Stop your whining and quit your stinkin' thinkin', that should be my motto. He tries to focus on the scene.
Sarcastically, Klein asks for more volunteers. Veronica can't imagine anyone will be willing to take more of Klein's abuse, but everyone pumps their fists in the air and pounds their feet on the floor, hoping to called on. Her fatigue threatens to overwhelm her, but she manages to imitate the other girls as best she is able. How does anyone survive this? For months or years on end?
Klein calls on Tara, who looks frightened to death. Tara says slowly, "I'm glad to be able to face my learning problems for the first time in my life. I'm not relying on some drug to help me; I'm doing it myself."
No, Tara! Veronica withers at Tara's acquiescence.
"This is really an awesome opportunity. I never knew how much the drugs held me back. And I'm learning about myself–why I do the bad things I do. I have to accept that I'm not very smart, and I do dumb things. I need something like the program to help me stay straight. I know I was on the wrong path before. I'll never take any kind of drugs again, and with the help of the program, I think I'll survive if I work really hard." Tara waits, expecting to be verbally assaulted. But Klein merely nods and indicates that she should sit again. Tara's relief is obvious.
Veronica realizes that the irrational alternation of support and abuse is more disconcerting than a steady stream of harsh invective. How can you modify your behavior if you don't understand what the right thing to do is? Today, you get praise; tomorrow, you're insulted and vilified. Veronica's certain that the unpredictable nature of the 'therapy' at Briar Hill is designed to break the students faster and has nothing at all to do with treatment. She feels a surge of anger at Klein and his sick methods.
Klein announces that they are going to do a new exercise. He directs the girls to circle their chairs. Veronica's heart begins to pound, but she is careful to do exactly as she is told. As she moves her chair into place, she accidentally catches Klein's eyes and is terrified to see that he's staring at her. She sits quietly with her hands on her thighs, trying to avoid looking at him, but feeling his gaze upon her. Logan and Dave move slightly, and now Logan is in Veronica's peripheral vision as well. Afraid to look at him, she tries to narrow her focus and stares straight ahead, wishing this night would finally be over.
In his deep voice, Klein explains, "This is called the 'Lifeboat Exercise'. Our ship has been wrecked at sea, and there are only a limited number of lifeboats. There are ten of you here, but there are only seven seats in the lifeboat. Each of you in turn will go around the circle. You will tell each of the girls, 'You live' or 'You die'. You can save yourself, or you can choose to give up your seat to someone more worthy. You know the exercise, Maria, we'll start with you."
Maria walks around the circle a few times, looking each girl in the face with cold, dark eyes; Veronica realizes she's deciding who merits survival. She passes by Veronica a third time, then spins around and screams in Veronica's face, "You die! You die!" The spittle flies into Veronica's face, and she flinches; Veronica is screaming on the inside but she keeps silent, shaking with the effort. Maria smiles chillingly and moves on to the next girl, Tara, shouting, "You live!"
Veronica cannot imagine the supposed therapeutic value of the exercise. How is this supposed to help someone? Are you saying that some people deserve life more than others? Is Maria rewarding people who are further along in their program? She listens to Maria's decisions and decides that there is no logic to them. She is not just too tired to understand this exercise; it is completely insane. Except, of course, that I am definitely not worthy. Maria sits down and smiles at Veronica. Veronica stares back, wondering if there's anything human left in Maria after years here at Briar Hill.
Logan listens to the exercise; he knows that the process is hurtful to the participants, but something about it also seems completely spiritual, almost wise in its acceptance of the vicissitudes of life. He is jolted out of his musings by Maria's vicious 'You die!' aimed at one of the newcomers; he realizes that he's being relentlessly sucked in by Klein's diatribes and the constant indoctrination about addiction. He vows to resist; just because I might be an addict doesn't mean... He glances at Dave, who is completely oblivious to the sick drama playing out in front of them.
The next girl to go is Megan, and she too chooses to start by telling Veronica, "You die!" Even expecting it, Veronica shakes with the emotional blow delivered so callously by someone who doesn't know her at all. Megan of course tells Maria that she will live, and, not surprisingly, nominates herself to live as well. Veronica expects Klein to attack Megan for her selfishness, but he remains silent, merely observing the progress of the exercise.
When Tara stands up, she immediately goes to Veronica and says, "You die" in a quiet voice and moves quickly to the next girl. She tells Maria and her own oldcomer, "You live", and picks five other girls to live; Veronica suspects that the choices are completely random.
It is finally Veronica's turn; she stands up and starts by telling Maria and Tara, "You live". She tells Megan and two other girls that "they die"; she selects four more girls to 'live' and finally ends by saying, "I choose to give myself the last seat," refusing to give Klein the satisfaction of saying "I live." She sits down and waits, expecting an explosion.
He walks over to her. "You think you deserve a seat on the lifeboat?"
She swallows her fear. This is it. Go for it, Veronica. See if you can get him to react for the video. She looks him right in the eye and says, "Yes. I deserve to live."
He regards her a moment before saying, "I feel sorry for you, Connie." He looks around the room. "Tara, you win. You had the most votes to live. But...you didn't vote for yourself, so–I'm sorry, Tara. You still die. ...It's time to go to bed. I'd like you all to think about what you learned here tonight."
What the fuck? What we learned?! Veronica practically screams at him. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Logan pushing himself off the wall; he has seen her seething reaction. She flinches compulsively; I can't, not tonight, I can't have him holding me down. She looks away and tries to control her breathing. Klein looks at her, and she suspects that the entire exercise was bait, and he was hoping for another opportunity to tear her down again, this time in front of everyone. Not yet...I need...I need a little time. She glances quickly at Logan again; he's muttering to Dave, seemingly disinterested. She knows he can't appear overtly protective of her, but still...it fucking hurts.
She tears her eyes off Logan and returns her gaze to Klein. I WILL take you down. Just...not tonight. It occurs to her that maybe Klein is thinking the same thing.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
VERONICA MARS
10:00PM SHO ch: 340 60min 2009 TV-MA
The Meaning of Heroic
Logan reports to the monitoring team;
Logan and Veronia have a bad night.
Veronica: Kristen Bell. Logan: Jason Dohring.
Keith: Enrico Colantoni. Klein: Clancy Brown.
Carrie: Amber Heard. Dr. Kinny: Dan
Castellaneta. Epstein: Scott Grimes.
Dave: Jason Wiles. Agent Lynley: James
Badge Dale. Special guest: ??
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX: "THE MEANING OF HEROIC"
Thurs. 3/12/09 late evening: Rented house, Manchester Center, VT
Carrie answers the door; Logan stares at her with disgust, realizing this is the first time they have been face-to-face since Carrie suddenly disappeared from his life last fall.
Finally she says, "So are you coming in?"
He brushes past her without speaking.
"Yeah, I've missed you too," she calls after him as she shuts the door.
Apparently, Logan thinks bitterly. He enters the living room where the four men are discussing the evidence. Keith quickly introduces Agent Lynley, and Logan shakes his hand. Logan listens as the men catalogue the list of Veronica's successes; for him, these events are reality, not some theatrical production, and he keeps getting confused when they call her Veronica instead of Connie. Finally, Keith turns to him and asks about Veronica's condition.
"Yeah, uh, Connie, I mean Veronica, yeah, she's all right," he replies, stumbling.
Kinny frowns at him.
"Veronica is really trying to behave since they let her out of the restraints," he adds.
"But...how is she doing? Do you think she can keep going? She used the code words during group therapy, we noticed. She sent a clear signal to us that she's all right, but...Logan, I have to admit I'm worried about her. That last evening session was particularly brutal," Keith presses.
"Well, she seems tired. She's certainly acting more compliant," he answers briefly.
Kinny speaks up. "Do you feel that she is competent to assess her own ability to continue?"
"What?" Logan says, turning to him.
"She could be losing her perspective on the operation," Kinny explains.
"There's a lot riding on this," Lynley comments.
Logan stares at him. Fuck you, 'a lot riding on this'. "I think she's all right. Veronica's tough." He struggles for a minute, trying to organize his thoughts about her. "She's...well, she's killing me with this shit," he finally manages bitterly. "She's too fucking good at this."
The room is silent, processing Logan's anger.
He tries to explain. "I just...I hate this, okay? She never realizes how scary it is for the people around her." Logan looks around and realizes that everyone is shocked. Kinny starts to speak, and Logan cuts him off angrily. "I'm all right. I need to be there for her. And she's all right too. I just want this to be over. ...I just want this to be over."
Epstein says weakly, "You guys have done a great job. It's...heroic really."
"Yeah," Logan comments. "Heroic." Pinning a girl with your body, that's heroic.
"Logan, I think we should consider–" Dr. Kinny starts.
"No. I'm fine. She's fine. She wants to keep going. She's just tired. It's like you said, she has some control over the operation. She's just behaving for a little while. Connie's–I mean Veronica's–going to get the rest of the evidence as soon as she can. She's stronger than me. That fucker Klein scares the shit out of me. He makes just enough sense that..." Logan sees Keith opening his mouth to speak, and he adds quickly, "Don't you dare stop this now. We didn't go through this to get nothing. You said you need more to make sure that Klein gets convicted, right? I personally want to see him fry in the electric chair."
Kinny stands up and sits down next to Logan, putting his hand on Logan's arm. "Are you sure? You don't seem okay to me."
"It's not going to help to stop now," he replies. "Everything's already fucked up."
"What's fucked up?" Kinny asks.
"Me and Veronica, okay? She'll never forgive me if I pull the plug," he spits.
"Logan, that's not true. Tell me. Tell me what you're seeing with Veronica," Keith says. "What happened with you and Dave...in the restraints room?"
Logan sighs. "She fought back against him. She was making comments." Damn you, Connie.
"We know. We heard her over the wire," Keith encourages.
"Then he grabbed her around the neck and forced her back against the chair." Logan remembers Dave threatening Connie, 'Shut the fuck up, you little con artist. We know all your tricks here. We've seen 'em before, and we know how to handle them...Gonna control yourself, cunt?' Logan continues, "He had me get a bucket and forced her to...go in the bucket in front of us. He fucking humiliated her."
Keith is appalled. He knew something had happened, and Veronica's impassioned speech scared him as much as it had inspired him, but until this moment he didn't realize just how courageous she had been. He is about to speak, but Logan interrupts him again.
"What scared me the most was the way she sat back down and let herself be restrained afterwards. God fucking damn it," he comments morosely. Logan drops his head into his hands.
"Did Klein know about this?" Lynley asks.
"What? ...Yeah, he had to have known. We left the bucket there, with...with her pee in it. Dave told me that Klein went in the room and talked to her later last night," Logan relates.
"Yes, we heard him over the wire. It was pretty scary just to listen to. What he said to her..." Keith says.
"What did he say?" Logan asks.
Keith stays silent, considering what to tell him.
Angrily, Logan repeats, "What did he say? Goddammit, what was that fucker saying to her?"
"He told her no one loves her, that I don't love her anymore and that she hurts everyone around her."
Fuck. That's exactly what I just said: she never realizes how scary it is for the people around her. Logan looks at Keith, who nods slowly. "I want to nail him," Logan says. Fucking Klein, scares the shit out of me...
"We all do," Keith says. "But Logan, I think we're all pretty concerned about you as well as Veronica."
"No...I'm fine," he lies. "She's the one who's suffering."
"Logan, I've never seen you like this–"
"I'm fine! It's just..." he stops himself just in time.
"What?" Kinny asks. "Logan, you've got to tell us what you're feeling, or we'll have to stop this immediately."
Logan swallows, staring at Kinny. Finally he says in a quiet voice, "I just keep thinking, 'why do you make me do this to you?'"
Kinny nods shrewdly. "It's what he said to you. What your father used to say."
Out of the corner of his eye, Logan sees Carrie taking notes. He stands up and hurtles himself across the room; he rips the notebook from her hands and throws it aside violently. "You are not fucking allowed to use that, you fucking bitch!"
"Full access, darling," she says angrily.
"NO! You are not fucking allowed to use that!" Logan grabs Carrie by the arms and makes her stand up. He shakes her, screaming, "What the fuck is your problem?"
Lynley and Keith hustle over and stop Logan. Keith wraps Logan in a hug, and Logan continues to tremble with anger. Keith looks at Carrie, who is holding herself tightly, shaken up by Logan's violent reaction. "Carrie...let it go. You have enough of a story here without that detail." Addressing Logan, Keith begins, "Logan, I want to pull you off–"
"No." Logan pulls himself out of Keith's arms. "I want to go on. You are not going to leave her with only one other person in there. And...I want to nail this fucker." He turns to Carrie. This is fucking hard. I fucking want to kill Carrie, but... "I'm sorry. Carrie, please. Please don't use that. You know I cared about you when we were together. It hurt like hell when you just left me without a word last fall." Carrie's eyes widen at this admission.
Logan continues, "Please...this is important. These fucks aren't just hurting Veronica. They...hurt Hannah too, and all these other girls and...we don't even know how many people they've hurt. I'm hating this, but...I'm begging you, Carrie." He looks at her, and he makes a decision. "Do I have to get on my knees and beg you? I don't know why you hate me and Veronica so much. You left me, remember? You didn't have to do that Dateline story. You and I...we were pretty happy. Maybe if you hadn't left...we could have had something. But you did, you left, and you fucking tore me and Veronica to pieces on national television. I can't believe I was with someone who could hate me this much."
Carrie swallows and finally says, "I hate you because you always loved her. When she was in trouble, you ran to her immediately. You never really..."
Logan nods. "That's just the way it is with her. I can't help the way I feel about her."
Dr. Kinny takes Logan's arm and says gently, "I want to talk to you alone. Away from her, away from Keith." Keith looks up at this, but merely nods. Kinny escorts Logan to one of the bedrooms and shuts the door.
"Tell me about Connie," Kinny prompts, purposely exploiting Logan's disconnect.
Logan hesitates. "She's...she's so tough. When every other girl would be backing down, she throws their words back in their faces."
"Do you think she's being courageous or foolish?"
"Connie's...I mean, Veronica's both. She's always thought she was invincible. But, yeah, she's courageous. I believe you when you say she managed to get the code words in again."
"How do you feel when she smart-mouths you, when you're acting the role of the guard?" Kinny carefully stresses 'acting'.
"It's hard to...remember...that's it's actually Veronica, and she's not really Connie," Logan tries to explain. "I mean, I know it's Veronica, and I know I can call Keith and tell him that we have to stop the operation, but when I'm there, it's like I'm really 'Roger', and she's really 'Connie', and there's no way to stop this. And I...I'm one of the guys now; they're trying to help me do a good job, and you know, this is fucking unbelievable, but I'm grateful to them for helping me. I'm fucking happy they're treating me like one of the guys. I have to be a good employee in order to do this, so I have to laugh with their fucking AA jokes and make fun of the girls. You know, they call Veronica 'Connie McConArtist'. And you know, it's funny, the shit they say about her; the jokes are funny. And..." his voice trails off.
"What?"
"They tease me, they say that she's my girlfriend." He turns to Kinny, his entire demeanor incredibly stressed. "What if I'm doing something, something that's going to give her away? She's going to get hurt because of me."
"Tell me why they say that."
"I guess because of the fight when she tried to escape. And then...I think they made sure I was the one to go with Dave for her bathroom visits, because...well, they're making sure I can do the job, that I can be the fucking brutal prison guard."
"So you're having to be a little rougher with her because they're teasing you?"
Logan nods. Helplessly, he says, "Please...don't let them stop this. Don't let them pull me out. I'm afraid of being there, but I'm so much more afraid of not being there. It's only for a couple more days, right? She just has to get attacked in therapy, right? Maybe taken down again? If I'm there, I can try to make it look worse than it is, so she doesn't get hurt. I know how to do that now. And, Dr. Kinny...I think Klein's going to really go after her. He's watching her all the time now. I don't know if he thinks he needs to make an example out of her, or maybe he really thinks she needs more help. I mean, the guy is a fucking psycho, he believes this shit is helping them. He's so damn...good at this. He practically had me believing him. And the way Connie's acting...I mean, Veronica...according to the way they think, she really does need extra help. ...I'm fucking scared for her, okay? Please...make them let me stay on this. I know, I'm getting fucked up too. I can't believe I attacked Carrie like that." He almost babbles at the end, trying to make Kinny believe him.
"Logan, you're on high alert. We talked about this."
"I can handle it," Logan swears. "I have to be able to handle it. I apologized to Carrie, right? That's gotta count for something."
"It counts for a lot, Logan. I know how much anguish the paparazzi have caused you."
"You're going to get a great book out of this," Logan comments wryly. "You'll be able to retire from Hearst."
"I'm not thinking about a book. I'm thinking about doing something for the greater good. Even as a professional studying these situations, I never really had a complete perspective. I've told Epstein that I want to assist with the civil case and work with him on getting legislation passed to regulate private schools better." He notices Logan's surprised look. "Yes, academics in their ivory towers can be surprised by the real world. This isn't just a weekend experiment. This is tragic and frightening. ...I think you can do this. I think if we pull you off, Veronica will be in more danger. You need to be monitoring yourself better, though. I want you to be constantly reminding yourself of the reality of the situation. You are Logan and she is Veronica, not Roger and Connie. You are not like the other guards, and you are not like your father. Your father would never have volunteered to do something like this, would he?"
"Not unless it was for the cameras," Logan says drily.
"Right. And you don't want any publicity for yourself. That's not how your father behaved."
Logan nods, realizing the truth of this.
"You didn't seek this out. Your intention is to help these girls. You need to be reminding yourself of that constantly, Logan."
"Okay. I'm here for Veronica...and for all the other girls. And I'm not Roger, and she's not Connie." Easier said than done, he thinks.
Thurs. 3/12/09 very late: Briar Hill Academy, Manchester Center, VT
Veronica wakes up in a cold sweat. She realizes that she was dreaming that she was still in restraints. Her muscles actually ache with the vivid memory. Mindful of the motion control sensor located above her bed, she cautiously rolls over to stretch her body without triggering the alarm.
Oh my god. The bed is soaked; her bladder let go in her dream. She tries to roll back away from the wetness. Veronica knows from watching other girls who had nighttime accidents that she has to lay there for the rest of the night. So fucking humiliating. When she closes her eyes, she is right back in the restraints again, with Dave and Logan laughing at her because she couldn't control herself. Then Klein comes in and begins to point out her faults. He finishes up by telling her that her dad doesn't love her anymore; she can't even be trusted to control herself. 'He's locked you up here, sort of a last ditch effort, hoping maybe, just maybe, he's wrong about you...that there might be something worth saving after all.'
Veronica takes a breath, then screams back at him, what she should have said the first time, "You don't know a fucking thing about me! I'm here to help people. There's nothing wrong with me. You're the one who doesn't have a soul. You're the one with a black hole inside!"
From across the room, Logan, leaning on the wall, chuckles quietly. "That's my girl, spreading sunshine wherever she goes."
Klein looks over at Logan. "Your girl? Do you know Connie?"
"Hell yeah. We used to go out."
Used to go out? she thinks.
Logan pushes himself off the wall. "Yeah, she's always accusing the people around her of one crime or another. You can usually find her out digging through someone's trash, or beating out a confession. She's a private detective. She accused me of killing my girlfriend." He directs his comments to Veronica, who struggles against the restraints, furious that he is turning on her. "You know, Veronica, if you dig deep enough, you're gonna find that everyone's a sinner. Judge not, Veronica. Can't you see that these people are trying to help you? All you ever do is use the people around you, then you turn on them when it's convenient. I'm sick of it, Veronica."
Veronica whispers, "How could you tell him...how could you tell him I'm a detective?"
"How could you think I killed Lilly? And then you told Weevil!...fucking Weevil, who already hated me...you told him I killed Lilly so that the fucking PCHers would come after me. Yeah, Veronica...I know you did that. I let you slide all this time. But I know you sicced him on me, so that he came after me and found me on the bridge. You know, just one little slip of the foot that night, and I would have been out of your life forever. How much easier would your life be if you didn't have to see me anymore?"
"Logan, that's not true. I love you," she protests, shaking her head.
"Come on. That's not how you really feel. You blame me for Hannah's death, too. You can barely stand to look at me."
Veronica, horrified, looks from Logan to Klein, who looks interested at this new revelation. "Logan, no!"
Logan says to Klein, "You know what? She's all yours." He gives a little wave and walks out of the room.
Veronica wails, "No..."
Klein pulls up a chair and sits facing her. "Tell me who else is undercover with you." His eyes narrow, and he stares at her. "You're wearing a wire, aren't you?" He pulls up her sweatshirt as she struggles against him. He pulls viciously on her bra and sees the bug. "Fuck!" Klein takes the bug, exposing Veronica's breast as he examines the bra more closely. He drops the bug to the floor and grinds it underneath his shoe. He grabs her neck and throws her back against the chair roughly. "You are going to regret this."
Veronica starts awake, her heart thumping, sweating and shaking in the wet bed sheets. She doesn't dare close her eyes for the rest of the night.
Thurs. 3/12/09 very late: Briar Hill Employees Quarters, Manchester Center, VT
Logan lies awake rehashing the angry meeting over and over again in his mind. He berates himself for letting Carrie see his fears about turning into Aaron. Damn! There's no way she won't use that. I can see the tabloids now: 'Logan Echolls gives the performance of a lifetime; says abuser is a role that comes naturally.' Fuck!
He finally falls into a restless sleep, only to be faced with a vision of Hannah, seated across from him in restraints. He stands up and goes to her immediately, intending to release her.
"No, Logan. You can't. You have to finish this."
"I can't," he replies. He brushes a tear from his eye. "I can't stand it, first you, now Veronica; how can you stand to look at me? It's all my fault. Hannah, I'm so sorry."
Hannah says somberly, "No, it's not your fault, Logan."
"Yeah, it is. Your mom was right. I am evil. You're a sweet girl and..."
"Did you ever consider that you're not as notorious as you think you are? Logan, I want you to listen to me. I need you to be strong. Veronica needs you to be strong. You need to tell the world what's going on at the school. Veronica's being so brave; I can see why you love her so much. Don't be so mad at her. She's...she thinks you don't love her anymore."
"Hannah...did Klein kill you? What happened here that you had to run away?"
"Logan, you have to finish this. My mother needs this. She needs to punish someone. I'm worried about her; she blames herself," Hannah replies.
Logan closes his eyes and says, "But who killed you, Hannah? You've got to tell me!" He opens his eyes, and Veronica has replaced Hannah in the chair. "Veronica, where'd she go? Do you know what happened to Hannah?"
"Logan, I need you," Veronica replies. "Listen to me. I'm not Connie. I'm Veronica. Tell me that you love me again."
"Of course I love you..."
"No, really tell me. Like you used to, when I was a fool...when I took you for granted," she pleads, her voice breaking.
"I love you, Veronica. You know I'm always here, if you need anything."
"I need you, Logan."
"Veronica..." Logan says desperately. "You have to be all right. I'm going to make sure; I'm not going to let them...we're going to be all right." She melts away, disappearing from view.
He gets up and splashes cold water on his face. He looks at himself in the mirror, the beard and the mustache and the dark hair shocking him as always. He plays with his hair a little, worrying that the lighter roots will give him away before deciding that he's being ridiculous. Logan tilts his head and realizes that, in this light, he resembles a photo of his dad from several years earlier that used to be prominently displayed on the grand piano. He thinks it was from some television summer junket when Aaron actually promoted his mother's career for once; he searches his memories and recalls several incredibly hot sessions with Lilly in the pool house while his parents were in L.A. that summer. Of course, there was hell to pay when Aaron discovered how much of his liquor had mysteriously disappeared during his absence. Logan fusses with his hair, wishing he could forget about fucking Aaron for just one day in his life.
He thinks about redheaded and tattooed Veronica just a few buildings away, and he wonders if she at least is able to sleep.
I am not Roger...I am not Aaron.
(16) Wilson, William G. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. USA: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1952. p. 26.
(17) Szalavitz, Maia. Help At Any Cost. New York: Riverhead Books, 2006. p. 171.
The photo of Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna I'm referring to:
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