An: Hey! Thanks for the reviews! I wanted to thank iamaVAMPIRE and BookLoverEmma! I dedicate this chapter to them for all of their great support! This one did not come out the way I wanted it to, but I couldn't find the way to fix it. So here it is. Enjoy!

The Struggle Within

She was trying to sneak into the dorms once more. Curfew had come and she was a bit behind all of the other rule-abiding dhampir's. But with Rose that was usually what happened. She thrived off of adventure; she sought after it. So different from me.

Rose turned around and found me with her eyes. She saw that I had my hands in my pockets like I used to do all of the time in my life. Sorrow exploded in her brown orbs as I did this. It must have reminded her that I had died. How could I forget?

She faced me, confidence in her face shadowing the fear and grief in her eyes. It seemed as if she had grown older. In only a short couple of weeks she had aged. The only sign of this again in her eyes, as always. She never showed anything in her face.

"Well," Rose spoke aloud. She seemed tranquil even though I knew she was suffering inside. I knew her like that. Not many people did. Lissa and I did know her. I was surprised that the number was so many; she had a knack for letting people in and then pushing them away.

"Glad to see you're alone again. I didn't really like the extras on the plane."

She was faking. Rose was relieved that the others were there; true enough, but she conveyed another message. She was struggling to hide her emotions. Her emotions of misery. There was a sharp shooting of pain in my heart as I realized that I had caused her this pain… if I had only listened to her.

She broke through my thoughts with her melodious voice. "What are you? Are you real? Am I going crazy?"

My heart ached for her. She thought there was something wrong with herself mentally. There could never be something wrong with Rose. She was the perfect girl, with a fiery spirit. She was my perfect girl.

I nodded to her. There was nothing wrong with her. It was not her fault that she was experiencing these ghosts. She had never brought this upon herself.

"Which? Yes, you're real?" She feebly asked.

I was real. I wanted to be real. I wanted my life back. It had been taken away from me so soon. I had had so much with Rose.

I nodded to her again.

"Yes, I'm crazy?"

Her face was filled with anxiety. She was worried about being mentally ill? Tension filled her, I could see it. I could see it in the way she kept moving her hands and the way she stood; a bit hunched over instead of standing tall with confidence, like the normal Rose. I could read her, even in my death. This ability had not left me like many other things had.

I shook my head, feeling my once-orange locks spill into my face. I caught one between my fingers and studied it. The color had washed out. It was still orange, but it was more like a watered down orange. A color that was not full. A color that was not bright. A color that resembled the lack of care. Death does this to a person.

"Well, that's a relief, but honestly, what else would you say if you were a hallucination?" her voice was wavering.

She was breaking down. Rose Hathaway was breaking down. How could this happen? Where had her confidence gone? It was like she had lost her emotional rock. Did I mean that much to her? I was only a friend. Did she feel the same way, the same love that I felt for her? Still in death I felt these things; not as strong, but they were there, as if someone had turned off the lights all save for a small glow stick that showered every surface in a calming blue light.

"Why are you here? Are you mad at us and looking for revenge?"

I was wrong. She was guilty. She did not love me at all. I felt another pain in my heart, although this one was for myself. Rose did not love me. I was only a friend. I was only a happy face in her world of loveliness. I was a pebble compared to her rock.

I shook my head. The tension that had risen in her eyes slowly seeped away. I could almost feel her relax from my spot several feet away from her. Guilt was a powerful thing. I felt it myself. If only I had saved her.

She shook her head slightly and I stray locks of hair flip over her shoulder. I had once touched them. I had once tried to love her. I had not tried hard enough.

"Is there more than that, though? Another reason why you keep coming to me?"

I nodded to her. It was the only way I could communicate. I had not mastered the art of speaking yet. I did not know if I could.

I pushed the thoughts of that night from my mind. Spokane. I was unworthy…

"What? What is it? What do I need to do?"

I was so unworthy that I could not tell her. I could not tell her that she was in danger. That she and Lissa, and Eddie and Christian and all of the others were in terrible danger.

I opened my mouth and tried to speak. Nothing came out so I tried harder. I strained, willing sound to come from my mouth. I willed the message to her in my mind.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I don't understand… and I'm sorry for everything else."

No wonder I had died. I was unworthy of her. I was unworthy of her love. I was unworthy of life.

Frustration filled me. I could not convey this simple message! The anger filled the hole in my heart with ice.

I looked at her once more. Her eyes were the windows to her soul. They were filled with longing, sadness, and confusion. She wanted to know what I had to say.

I noticed a tear fall out of her eye. It ran down her face, her smooth skin, unblemished and soft. How I longed to be the one to wipe it away, to tell her that everything was going to be fine.

I had her sympathy, but I was unworthy. I tore my eyes away from her frail form. My heart barely beating as the ice inside consumed me.

I had deserved to die.

An: Thanks for reading!

Review?