ALIVE

By Serena

A/N: Thanks for reading, guys!! Just to clear things up, everything in FIRST POV is LEIA - er, AISHA. ;D.

Disclaimer: Don't own. I do own a lovely SW poster that I still have to hang up, though...

Three weeks. Three long, confusing weeks, and although I had small flashbacks, I could only hear voices – I didn't see anyone. But I had been conversing with the mysterious yet kind Gon. I wasn't sure if he was someone from my past, or maybe a figment of my imagination, but he was the one thing I clung to as I attempted to regain my past.

I thought it strange that Vader was so forcefully against me trying to remember anything from my previous life. Every time I tried to bring up the subject, he'd sharply tell me to forget the past and start over.

But how could I forget something I didn't remember in the first place?

At the start of the first day of the fourth week, I slipped out of bed and padded to the large window, stared into space. My legs were mostly healed – scarred, but healed. In the fresher, I had discovered more scars – some on my back, my necks, and my torso. I wished that I knew where they from, but I didn't remember.

Space. Stars. The quiet serenity of the black vastness of the universe. So many planets, so many different people. The only time I felt at peace was when I stood like this, alone with my thoughts. I was free to think without Vader ordering me to move forward. It wasn't that I didn't like Vader – I did owe him my life – but I felt cold, strange whenever his presence was near.

I felt something terribly wrong whenever I looked into his gaping black mask. There was an emptiness there that made me shiver. I wondered what had happened to him to make him the way he was. I knew, somehow, that he had been through terrible tragedy and suffering. But I didn't want to ask what it was.

I let my eyes slip closed and drew myself into a deep meditative state.

Aisha.

Gon, I smiled. How are you?

Very well, my dear. How are you faring? Your legs are well, I trust.

Much better, thank you, I replied. I didn't really need medical care. They healed much faster than the doctor said they would.

Good, he replied. I'm glad to hear it. I see you've been meditating. Your training is coming along well.

Training with you, anyway. Vader's training is… quite different. I'm not sure I like it.

He paused. Why not?

I gave a mental shrug. It's just… darker. And it makes me use my anger – not that I don't have anger, but I feel out of control when I do his training. I don't like that. Maybe I'm a controlling person, I don't know. But I just… feel like I'm drifting off to somewhere I don't want to go. And he constantly keeps trying to make me forget my past.

He's… afraid.

Afraid of what? What could I possibly do to him? I'm not anyone important. I don't even know why he saved my life in the first place.

I felt Gon drifting away from my mind, but before he left, he murmured, You are more important than you know. Just don't forget who you are.

But I don't KNOW who I am! I blurted out in frustration.

You do, young one. You just need to discover that.

I opened my eyes as his presence dissipated and sighed. Although usually a calming presence, his conversation left me more bereft and confused than before. It sounded almost as if he knew who I was before. But that was impossible… he'd said that he didn't know who I was.

Force, this is confusing. I rubbed my forehead and ran a hand over my hair. This would be a lot easier if I knew who I was.

When the doorbell buzzed, I reached out to see whose presence stood at the door. I didn't feel Vader's dark, imposing presence, so I opened the door. To my surprise, Admiral Piett stood there, holding something in his hands. He smiled at me, but I sensed it was a false smile.

"Hello, Admiral," I greeted politely. Stepping aside, I said, "Won't you come in?"

He did, but he seemed very uncomfortable. "Miss Aisha. Lord Vader has charged me to give you these." He held out folded black clothes.

"Oh, Aisha is fine," I insisted, and took the clothes from him. They were a black shirt and black pants. The Admiral handed me a pair of tall black boots. I took them and smiled ruefully. "I guess I shouldn't have expected any other color from Lord Vader."

The Admiral smiled back slightly, but he looked surprised that I'd joked about Lord Vader. Curious, I decided to test my theory. "Do you like Lord Vader?" I asked suddenly.

Now he looked really scared. I didn't just feel the fear running off him – I saw it in his face, though he tried to disguise it behind indifference. "Lord Vader is… an efficient commanding officer."

"But do you like him? Is he a good man?" I pushed.

He paled. "He is… he is a demanding but good leader, Miss." He apparently ignored my wish for informalities.

That's not what I asked.

"Do his men like him?"

"They respect him," he answered truthfully.

I paused before slowly saying, "You're scared of him."

His eyes widened, and he started to stammer something in reply, but I cut him off by asking, "Why? What has he done?"

Piett looked away, clearly thinking of something to say that wouldn't get him in trouble. I tried to reassure him that this conversation wouldn't go beyond me and him, but he still remained hesitant. But finally, he said, "Lord Vader is not a… forgiving person, Miss Aisha."

I frowned and folded my arms over my chest. "What does that mean? Does he kill those under his command who fail him?"

His lack of reply only made me certain that Vader did, in fact, kill his subordinates. I sighed and shook my head. "Rest assured, Admiral, that these facts are safe with me. I'm just trying to understand Lord Vader more. For a man who saved my life, which puzzles me, he seems to be the kind of person who doesn't give out charity."

Piett swallowed and grew even whiter. "You were… a special case," he said in a faint voice.

I raised an eyebrow. "Really? Why's that? I was just a passenger on a ship attacked by pirates – that's what Vader told me. Why would he take me in when he doesn't even know me?"

Piett shook his head emphatically. "I don't know, Miss. Now, if you'll excuse me." He turned sharply and started out the door.

"Admiral, wait," I called after him.

He paused and turned, looking even more frightened than before. I walked up to him and held out a hand, smiling. "I hope to see you again soon." You seem like a decent man, I thought. Piett glanced down at my hand and took it for only a second, barely touching it before turning around and striding out the door.

I frowned at his behavior and his short, cryptic answers. If Vader had Piett so scared, if he killed his men for failing him, then why would he bother to save me? I was a nobody; and apparently Vader wasn't the man to dole out charity and kindness.

So why save me?

I picked up the black shirt that looked similar to Piett's officer uniform, only without the red and blue buttons, and felt a cold shiver of dread run down my spine.

Something was undoubtedly wrong.

I just didn't know what.

I stared at myself in the mirror. The black Imperial uniform fit me well, but the clothing was starchy and cold. I felt uncomfortable and out of place, but I wasn't exactly sure why. Although thankful to Vader for his generosity, I didn't like the color black - I preferred white. I didn't know why - it was clean, pure. Innocent.

I ran a brush through my short hair and sighed. I looked like a completely different woman from the woman that had just been saved from a horrible accident. My injuries were healed, the dark circles had left my face, and my eyes weren't as dull as they had been. I looked more like my name - more alive. But I didn't feel how I looked. I felt... strange. Wrong. Out of my element.

I felt like someone who had no idea who she was. And I didn't.

My heart sank, and I tried to bring myself out from my misery. But how could I be happy when I really didn't have anyone to help me? Vader was helping, but not in the way I wanted. He was cold, stern. Not warm and bright. Not like...

Padme... a voice whispered.

My gaze darted around the room. "Hello?" I peered out into the main living area, but no one was there. Had I imagined the voice? No... I was certain I'd heard something.

I shook my head. Maybe I was going insane.

I jumped as the doorbell buzzed once more and went to answer it. I knew who it was before opening the door, and I straightened my shoulders and pushed the control. "Lord Vader," I greeted with a nod.

I could feel his eyes sweeping over my uniform. "Good. You're dressed. It suits you." His voice spoke in an indifferent tone, but I could feel his pleased emotions.

Frowning, I nodded. I didn't want to tell him that I thought the exact opposite. But he easily read my emotions and said, "You do not approve?"

"I..." I smiled ruefully. "I'm not one for black."

"Imperial officers either wear green or black," he replied simply. "But as you are my guest, you will wear black. And you are not an officer... yet. Only stormtroopers wear white."

"How about grey?" I asked.

He stood there, silent. "Perhaps." He stepped into the room, causing me to back into the room to allow him room to enter. "You're fully healed, I trust?"

"Yes," I said with a slight smile. "My legs have fully recovered, thanks to your training." I didn't mention how Gon had also helped with the meditation techniques, for fear that he'd grow angry as he had before.

"Excellent. And your lessons?"

"I've completed the first set you've given me," I informed him. "But I would like to read more about the people you're fighting... the Rebellion."

I felt a small jolt of fear from him, and I frowned in confusion. Why would he have to be afraid of me reading about the Rebellion? "Why," he asked carefully, "Would you like to read more about our about our enemies? I have given you all the information you need to know."

"But I want to know why they started - how," I protested. "I want to know who their leaders are, what their ideals are, why they're still continuing to fight the Empire. What are their goals? What kind of government would they have in place of the Empire?"

"The only thing you need to know," he snapped, "is that they are traitors to the Empire and need to be destroyed."

I stared at him, taken aback. I felt his temper raging, felt how furious and... afraid he was. Puzzled, I said slowly, "I'm not sure that's good enough. Shouldn't I try to learn everything I can? Maybe I can find a weakness, help defeat them. If I know more about them, the easier it will be to figure out a weakness, right? Isn't that how it goes? Study your opponent, learn his weaknesses?"

"A strategist at heart," he said in a dry tone, in an attempt to change the subject. "Perhaps you have found your calling, Aisha."

I shrugged half-heartedly. "I like politics and strategies. Don't know why. Maybe I was a politician before," I joked, but sobered quickly when I felt a rush of hate and fear from him. "What's wrong, Lord Vader? You seem... out of sorts."

"I am fine," he answered in a harsh voice. "But as you are ready, I have come to bring you to the command bridge. We are going to take a temporary pause from your lessons."

"What? Why?" My interest was piqued. "Are we going to have an official tour of the ship?"

He nodded slightly and said, "That, among other things."

"What other things?"

I froze - in astonishment or dread, I wasn't sure - when he replied, "You are going to begin training to become an officer in the Imperial Navy."

Yep, it's another cliffee.

Hey, it's me! :D (couldn't resist, mate ;D)

Don't worry, I'll update sooner than before. Reviews are welcome - but you know that already. :)

- Serena