Chapter 7 – His Mr. Grumpy Face

When you become a bit desensitized to the effects of working in a hospital over the years you begin to find it a lot harder to find good things to smile at. It still hits you hard when the person you're tending to dies despite all your efforts, but even when you get to cure someone and send them home safely the victory feels hollow because you're all too aware of what complications might come back or the fact that in the end that person is going to die just the same. The longer you slave away saving lives, the harder and harder it gets to smile. Which is why when you find something that can bring a little cheer to your day you had damn well best enjoy it as much as you can, even if that rarely-used smile is a little reluctant in following that warm fuzzy feeling.

It took me a few minutes after getting the news from Dr. – oops, never did get his name – Dr. Neuro-guy before going back into Newbie's room. The kid was just sitting there, watching the door as expectantly as if he'd been told a naked supermodel was going to walk past at some point of the day and if he looked away he might miss it. He smiled when he saw me. Oh great, I'm the naked model.

"What's up, Doc?" he asked and then laughed at his own, rather lame joke. "So, it's amnesia, isn't it?"

"Good guess, Wendy," I said, trying not to laugh as well. Amnesia was not a funny matter, but the kid was so care-free and nonchalant about it that it almost made me wish I could feel that way as well. Oh sweet Jesus, I just said that I wanted to be like Newbie. Someone save me. "But he said it looks like your memory should eventually come back and you'll be back to normal."

"That's a relief," Newbie said, carefully snuggling himself more comfortably into the pillows. "So do I have a lot of friends around this place? 'Cause it seems like everyone that comes in here knows me already."

"Yeah, you're known around here," I admitted. "So don't be surprised if some more people come in here to talk to you. Try not to let them get you too overwhelmed, 'kay Patricia? If they start messing with your head too much just tell 'em you wanna sleep and if they don't scoot on out the door then you go ahead and page a nurse to chase 'em out."

Newbie laughed. "Hm, okay, sounds good," he said. "So wait, did he say that you guys can actually talk to me about – you know – me, or am I still supposed to be kept in the dark?"

"No, we can talk now," I said. "So long as you don't get an information overload and all that knowledge splits your precious little girly head open again. What'd'ya wanna know?"

"So my last name's Dorian, right?" Newbie asked.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, not sure whether I was about to laugh or scream in frustration. "Yeah, that'd be you," I finally said in a level tone.

"Just checking 'cause Dr. North called me Dr. Dorian when he came in and it sorta threw me for a loop," Newbie said with a half smile. "So I'm a doctor. That's sah-weet. Guess that explains why I keep picking up all these random, big words. I say them without realizing I even know them. Cool but creepy. Weird I remember that and not everything else."

"Yeah well being a doctor sort of defined who you are, Ginger," I said with a shrug, trying not to reveal that I was just as baffled by it as the next person. Even I thought my answer was a load of bull, the kid seemed to accept it and I convinced myself that I could acknowledge it as the truth for now too.

Newbie's smile was sad for a second. "I don't even remember if it was what I wanted to do. I can't remember having childhood career dreams at all, if I ever wanted to be something else or what it was." He paused hesitantly. "Do you know – I mean, if you knew me well, was I a good doctor?"

I was at a loss for words. It was against my character to supply Newbie with a compliment just because he asked for it, especially when he asked for it, but this situation seemed so different. This wasn't the normal Newbie, this was a guy who had lost his entire history and was looking for some shred of hope. "Yeah, kid, you're a great doctor," I said sincerely.

Then there it was, that full-blown Newbie grin. "Thanks."

It surprised me how much satisfaction I got out of seeing that smile again. Normally it drove me insane the way the kid was always grinning like a clown at the stupidest little things, but today it was almost a relief to see it. All day yesterday it had been frustrated frowns or angry scowls. Having that smile back almost made it seem like something in the world was normal again.

"Anyway Brooke, I've got a job to be doing but I'll come by again later to see how you're doing," I said, hanging the charts back on the foot of the bed. "Until then I'll have Carla keep an eye on you to make sure you don't get bothered too much." Newbie looked confused. "The nurse that was in here with me earlier. The one that calls you 'Bambi.'"

"Oh, right, okay," Newbie said. "Later, Dr. Cox."

"See ya, Newbie," I said as I left the room. After stopping at the nurses' station to inform Carla of her extra job, I went directly to my office and relaxed back into my chair, propping my feet on the desk. Time for that catnap I'd promised myself.

"Uh, Dr. Cox…"

Without opening my eyes, I mumbled, "Sad Sack, unless this is a matter of life and death then I se-he-heriously recommend you get your wimp ass self outta my office and lemme sleep." A split second later I heard the door swinging closed and the hastily retreating footsteps. Smiling in a wonderfully self-satisfied way, I slumped down in my chair and let myself drift off.

I woke to the sounds of the Star Wars Imperial March and groaned loudly. There was only one person who was programmed to that ringtone, and if she was calling me then I was probably in for an earful. Hence the intimidating ringtone, so I could prepare myself against the disturbance in the Force that would occur. A sidelong glance at my clock showed that I'd only gotten about twenty minutes of sleep. Damn it. Bracing myself, I flipped open the phone. "What?"

"Daddy!"

After I got over the initial shock of hearing a young boy instead of a screeching harpie, I felt my frown melt almost instantly. "Hey there, Jackie Boy. What're you doin'?"

"Playin' with mommy's phone," Jack answered. "I pushed-ed the four and then it was ringin' and you were there." I took a moment to marvel that I had even merited a spot on Jordan's speed dial, let alone such a high one. Then I remembered it was probably so she could efficiently torment me from wherever she was with the push of a single button.

"Where is she? Does she know you have the phone?"

"No," Jack admitted and giggled. "She's with Jenny."

I laughed. "That's a good boy, Jack." On the other end of the line I heard my four-year-old son break out in giggles again. I was grinning broadly, reveling in this little moment of happiness I could find in my day. After all the chaos and stress I had been through in the past twenty-four hours, nothing could make me feel better than my son.

Oh God. I felt my smile steal away at the thought of children. It had completely slipped my mind during all of this, but what about Newbie's son? That was certainly a bit of family that deserved to know, but how? After all, I had no numbers to get a hold of that oh-so-charming charlatan of a woman that had reproduced with Newbie.

"Jack! What're you doing with my phone?" The shrill yell from the phone jerked me back into the moment and I heard Jack squeal and the thump of the phone hitting the ground. A second later was rustling and then I heard Jordan say, "Hello, who is this?"

"Don't worry, Jordaroo, it's just me," I said, rolling my eyes.

Jordan sighed heavily. "Oh thank God, I was afraid he called someone important," she said. Despite the obvious insults, I almost smiled again. Familiarity was comforting and it felt nice to hear that typical snarky Jordan response that was demeaning and so – touching. Wow we have a screwed up sense of affection. "So are you coming home anytime soon? The kids are driving me nuts and I could use a hand."

"I'll see what I can manage," I said noncommittally. "I have a patient I really need to keep an eye on."

"Ooh, supermodel?" Jordan asked with feigned enthusiasm.

"Do you honestly think I'd still be on the phone with you if so?" I asked in return. There was a knock on the door and I looked up just as it was pushed open and Barbie poked her head in. "Ugh, whaddya want?"

"Um, Carla said there was something you needed to talk to me about before I left," Barbie said hesitantly.

I growled and rolled my eyes. Thanks, Carla, turf her off to me. "Fine, whatever, come in," I barked, pointing at the chair. "And be quiet for a second, can ya? I'm on an important phone call." Barbie sat down obediently and pressed her lips tightly together.

"Flattery is not going to get you anywhere, Per-Bear," Jordan cooed into the phone. "Alright, I'll let you go 'cause I think Jack just ran into the coffee table again, and it sounds like your next client is there. Don't ride her too hard, m'kay cowboy?"

I growled again without much conviction. "Oooh hoo hoo, I hate you," I said, shaking my head and fighting a laugh.

Jordan laughed. "I know, honey, I hate you too," she responded and then the line went dead. I bit back my smile and tossed the phone onto the desk again.

"'I hate you' is an important phone call?" Blondie asked skeptically, before her face suddenly split into a grin. "Oh, it was Jordan, wasn't it? You guys have like the cooky-est relationship, but I think it's kinda sweet. And totally hot. It's like this one fantasy I have where I'm the young–"

"No, nah-no, no, no, nah-no. No. Nah-no, no," I said loudly, effectively silencing her for a second. "Did I say you could open that yapper yet? No, didn't think so. And for losing the silent game, well, there's just not gonna be any pretty gold stars for you now." I paused just long enough for Barbie to open her mouth and then rallied on. "And ya know, as much as you'd like to think that it would be flattering for me to be the inspiration for one of your twisted sex games, I just can nawt feel any satisfaction in knowing that. Because honestly, well, it's just a bit, ya know, cah-reepy. Do ya get where I'm goin' with this?"

Barbie huffed. "Frick, just shut up and tell me what you wanted," she demanded and then blew the bangs away that had fallen into her face from her outburst.

I faked an over-dramatic gasp. "You went to that backbone specialist I told you about, didn't you?" I asked. Private Practice Barbie simply rolled her eyes and stared at me expectantly. "Alright, now there are some conditions in my telling you this, m'kay? First off, if your voice e-he-heven comes close to reaching that pitch that breaks glass, I am going to have to club you to death with this stapler." I held up the stapler to emphasis this, mimicking the trashy models they used on game shows to make the prizes seem cooler, then promptly dropped it in favor of continuing with my point. "And you will nawt interrupt me while I'm talking. Which includes scampering out of here before I finish. Understood?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Good." I paused, steadying myself to repeat the fact I had been forced to recount far too many times today. My hands came up to rest on the desk in case Barbie broke the first rule and I had to hurriedly cover my ears before permanent damage was caused. "Newbie was in a car accident last night." Barbie let out a choked gasp but thankfully it seemed for the moment she was stunned beyond words. I took the opportunity and barreled on with the rest of the story as quickly and concisely as I could. Sorta like the band-aid trick.

Barbie let out a slightly louder and higher gasp that still sounded like someone was crushing her esophagus. I tried to ignore the urge to be said person if she made that noise again. "We're going to try and do everything we can to help him but we can't push him or it'll make it worse," I continued. "So if you have any family and friend photos hanging around your place that you can bring for him, or if you have anything that he was attached enough to that might trigger some memories, you can go ahead and bring it in for him when you come in tomorrow. But remember, try not to overwhelm him."

"Oh God." It was once again sounding like she was being suffocated and I was glad I'd finished talking before she chose to find her voice or I would've had to find where I'd dropped that stapler and throw it at her. "What room is he in?"

"ICU two-oh-four," I answered as calmly as I could. "Be easy on him, okay? Remember, he's pretty damn confused at the moment. Maybe best to just stick to introducing yourself as friends and nawt include how many times you've had pasty, nerdy sex and all the self-sabotaged relationships and such." Barbie was still too shocked by the news to bother responding to the jab, simply giving me a short nod. She stood up to walk out but then I remembered something. "Oh and Barbs," I said and she stopped. "One more thing before you retreat into your favorite crying closet. You know that mother of Newbie's spawn? You wouldn't happen to have her number, would ya? I think she should probably be told what happened, since she's raising his child and all, but I don't have a number for her and Forgetful Lucy doesn't even know he's got a kid, let alone the phone number to reach them."

"Oh, right." She flipped open her phone, scanned through the numbers and then quickly scrawled it on the corner of a discarded post-it. Handing it to me, she added, "Oh and her name is Kim Briggs, by the way."

"I'm well aware of that, sweetheart, but thanks for trying," I said sarcastically, accepting the paper. "Now get out."

I waited until Barbie had left my office before looking down at the numbers and frowning. I really hated this part of the job, but especially now that it was with people I actually knew. Finally I let out a grumble and grabbed the office phone, punching in the numbers with a bit more force than was probably necessary. The dialtone rang four times before there was a loud click and it went to an automated voicemail message. Phew, dodged that bullet.

After the piercing beep, (Honestly, why did they have to make that so shrill? Were they trying to deafen all the idiots who tried to leave messages?,) I cleared my throat. "Hey, Dr. Briggs, this is Dr. Cox," I said, feeling incredibly lame in doing so. "I'm calling because last night Newb – JD – was in a car accident. However he is perfectly stable and recovering really well, except for a bit of retrograde amnesia. I just thought you ought to know since you've got a kid together and all." Oh that's good tact. Way to go, Mr. Smooth. "Anyway, if you have any questions at all just go ahead and give me a call and I'll do what I can." And then for some inexplicable reason, I recited my personal cell number before saying a quick 'Bye' and hanging up.

"Oh God, what did I just do?" I said aloud to the empty office. I wasn't fond of Kim, not in the slightest. I hadn't really been bothered with her in the beginning, except of course for the obvious fact that she was a scalpel jock and her terrible, lightning-speed voice rivaled Barbie's, (although a later discovery that she had a love of Hugh Jackman made me nearly brain her with a bedpan,) but after everyone found out what she had done to Newbie then no one had really been too pleased with her. It was cold, even by Coxian standards. Coxian as in the adjective, not that weird team name combo Newbie came up with.

And the fact that it had been Newbie who had gotten screwed over by her – well actually that had nothing to do with it. Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Per. I really needed to find myself a new conscience, this one was getting irritating.

Knowing there was no way in hell I was going to get back to sleep, I snatched my cell phone off the table and tucked it into my jacket pocket just in case Kim called back, and then headed back out of the office. I ignored the intern trying to ask me a question as I passed and made my way down to the ICU nurses' station. Thankfully, the very person I wanted to talk to was still standing there.

"How's he doing?" I asked.

Carla didn't even have to ask to know who I meant. "He seems to be doing alright," she said. "He still acts just like his usual self, only he keeps forgetting names and he doesn't get any of the inside jokes I keep dropping by accident." She shrugged and continued rearranging the folders she was working on. The nurses' abilities to multi-task had always impressed me. "He was starting to hurt so I uped his morphine drip a bit. He seems to have relaxed again since then."

"Blondie in with him now?"

"Yeah I think so," she said. "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on them and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. Go home and get some sleep, I'll watch him."

"I can't leave," I said but before I could elaborate my phone rang with that same familiar ringtone. I grunted and answered. "What now?"

"Per, could you pick up some dinner on the way home?" Jordan asked. "Jen's being fussy and I don't wanna cook."

"I'm not coming home tonight," I said flatly.

I heard Jordan give a strangled noise of annoyance. "What do you mean, you're not coming? I've been here with the kids for the last forty-eight hours. You were gone all night last night too, I think it's about time you come back."

"I can't," I said and suddenly there was an unexplained, and purely unwanted, emotion in my voice. Something like desperation and almost fear. Except obviously it wasn't, because those are definitely not emotions that ever get me. "My patient, he's got an arrhythmia, he could go into cardiac arrest. I can't lose him."

The tense silence on the phone told me that Jordan had understood exactly what I hadn't wanted her to. "Per, this patient, he's not Ben."

My frown grew tight and it took me a long while to get my voice steady enough to warrant talking again. "I know that," I said, although it came out sounding a bit like a dejected kid. Way to go, Per.

"Who is he?" Jordan asked forcefully. "Another old college buddy?"

"No, it's Newbie."

I heard Jordan's gasp so loudly that I almost had to move the phone away from my ear to protect my hearing. "DJ?" she said in shock. "What happened? Wait – no, never mind. Come home and you can tell me then."

"Jordan, I told you I can't," I said. "He's got that arrhythmia, he really does."

"Perry, that hospital is full of hundreds of people who are going to be taking caring of him. You know everyone there loves him for some weird reason. No one is going to let anything happen to him. So get your ass home."

"But I can–"

Jordan sighed loudly. "Yes, there's no one in the hospital who can take care of him as well as you," she said with faked ardor. "We all know you're the greatest doctor in the world. But even you need to sleep and spend some time with your family. Jack misses you. Ever since he called he's been asking me when you're getting home. So you're coming home."

The mention of my son stirred something in me and I finally conceded. Besides, under Jordan's cynicism I could detect the genuine concern. After all, I reasoned with myself, nothing made me feel better faster than being with Jack and Jennifer. Maybe a few hours sleep at home wouldn't hurt. "What do you want for dinner?"

"I'll call for a pizza." Then she hung up without another word. I smiled, recognizing the change in plans as my ex-wife's version of a gesture of compassion.

Carla was watching me, that sweet, maternal smile on her face. "I'll see you in the morning," she said and patted my hand. "I'm working the night shift tonight. If anything happens I'll give you a call." I gave a curt nod but I knew that Carla understood the silent thanks. She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and then I stalked away with my hands tucked deeply into my coat pockets.

Outside Newbie's room I slowed my gait just slightly and peered in the window. Newbie was reclining in the bed, listening to Barbie, who was perched on the foot of the bed and telling an animated story. There was a vague smile on his face but he looked like he would be fast asleep if it weren't for Barbie's persistent gabbing. Newbie's eyes shifted to glance over her shoulder and when he saw me there was no mistaking the unspoken plea there.

Deciding to be generous, only because my dislike of Barbie was slightly greater than my dislike of Newbie, I crossed the hall and poked my head in the door, letting out a short whistle. Barbie leapt up off the bed with a squeak of 'Frick' and then desperately tried to regain her composure. "Alright, Barbie, gossip fest is over. Out. It's Jennifer's bedtime." I inwardly grimaced at the realization that I'd just called Newbie by the name of my daughter who shared his acronym of a nickname. I made a quick mental note to never call him that again.

"Oh, right, sorry," Blondie said. She bent to give Newbie an awkward hug since he didn't seem capable of lifting himself out of the pillows and a brief peck on the cheek. "G'night, JD," she said as she scurried out of the room, skirting me.

Once the private practitioner had vanished down the hall, Newbie grinned almost teasingly at me. "Wow, you strike fear into the hearts of everyone, don't you?" he asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," I agreed with a shrug, not bothering to deny it. "Well, except Carla. No one messes with Carla. Now Barbie on the other hand, well I can scare her without trying. Besides, I figured with that extra morphine you'd want a bit of a nap and I know just how anti-relaxing her voice can be."

Newbie's smile shifted into a look of obvious gratitude and he said, "Thanks for that."

"No problem, Tammy. Get some sleep, and we'll see ya tomorrow." I gave the kid a small smile and then flipped off the lights. The hum of the hospital bed being reclined followed me as I stepped out of the room, and just as I was closing the door I caught the sleepy, "Night, Dr. Cox."

I reluctantly felt myself genuinely smiling. "Night, Kathy."