I hadn't originally planned on this chapter but I thought this story could use a little fluff before even more angst starts to come out! Please enjoy and review!!
Edward's POV:
I had never fucking cried in front of a girl before. I felt like such a god-damn pussy. Bella had to hold me like a fucking baby while I openly sobbed into her shoulder. I couldn't even enjoy the feeling of her body wrapped around mine; I was so overcome with pain. I don't even know why I told her. As a rule, I never spoke about that with anyone. Not even with those fucking therapists that Carlisle had paid so much money to; hence the little blue happy pills that I was now desperately searching for by tearing my bathroom apart. I finally gave up and went to the sanctuary of my balcony with my cigarettes and lighter. The ache in my chest hadn't been this bad when I'd been with Bella, but the second she drove away, it tore me up from the inside.
As I sat there, waiting for the pain in my chest to subside, I thought about Bella. I realized that I didn't mind her knowing the most tragic story of my existence, when that would normally bug the shit out of me. Maybe it was because there was no chance she would ever tell anyone, but I didn't think so. It was because I trusted her. Fucking weird. I'd spent a grand total of two days with her and I already trusted her more than anyone I'd ever known. She was my secret friend and I wanted her to know all my secrets. It felt fucking good to know that I didn't have to hide one damn thing from her. She had just witnessed me at my worst and instead of distancing herself from me and all my emotional bullshit, she had brought herself closer. Bless her fucking heart.
I finished my cigarette and walked inside to get ready for bed. I avoided the mirror, not wanting to see what was left of my fucking breakdown on my face. I flopped down on my bed and turned off the light. My thoughts were still revolving around Bella when I drifted off to sleep.
I was back by the lake, talking to Bella when I saw a glistening tear fall down her cheek. I wiped it away hastily, hating seeing it there on someone so sweet. I cupped my hand behind her neck and pulled her face to mine. Her eyes fluttered closed and she opened her lips a little bit. I sucked her bottom lip into mine urgently and she was just as eager to suck on my top lip. I pulled her closer to me and shoved my tongue into her mouth. She pressed back against mine fiercely and it was so soft and fucking warm that I sucked on it roughly…
I awoke with a start as my fucking alarm clock started blaring by my head. I groaned when the full pain of my hard-as-fuck morning wood was finally registered. I usually woke up in the middle of the night, fucking shaking from a debilitating nightmare. Last night, however, I had slept through the night for the first time in a fucking year. It had to be Bella. There was no other fucking explanation. I had fallen asleep thinking about her and had even had a dream about her. A really good fucking dream. I jumped into the shower and jerked off desperately to the lingering images of her tongue in my mouth.
I was anxious to see Bella and I fucking liked the feeling. I hadn't had much in my life to look forward to in a long fucking time. I didn't see her until lunch and then I only stole brief glances at her from my table across the room. She looked beautiful and tiny, hunching in on herself, slouching. I hated seeing her there now, so alone, me in the place where she use to fit. I decided to talk to her about it after school. After all, she had already seen me at my most vulnerable.
"What the fuck are you staring at?" Emmet asked loudly. Shit, was I staring at her?
"Nothing" I blurted out, turning my attention back to the people in front of me. They didn't look convinced. Jasper looked over his shoulder to where Bella was sitting and then turned back to me quickly with a knowing look in his eyes. I suppressed a groan. "I'm just out of it, didn't get enough sleep last night." I mumbled lamely.
"Oh yea, and who's to blame for that?" Emmet asked with a smirk.
"I'm not fucking that slut." I insisted forcefully. I knew he was talking about that Jessica Stanley bitch that had vowed to be the first bitch in Forks to fuck me. She certainly was a classy girl.
"Thank god, that'd be like begging for an STD." Rosalie sneered, she had her moments. I laughed with the rest of them.
"You could probably get one just from looking at her for too long." Alice .used
"Be nice, babe. It can't be easy to live with HIV." Jasper said in mock seriousness.
"Well, you would know." Emmet teased him.
"Fuck you, man." Jasper said, pissed off suddenly.
"I told you I don't swing that way, Jas." Emmet ducked fast enough to miss the empty soda can Jasper chucked at his head.
"For fuck sake, can't we get through one lunch without you two throwing shit at each other?" I asked, half-amused, half-ticked off. "How do you girls date these two fucking morons?" I directed to Alice and Rosalie, who were both ignoring the fact that chips were being chucked across the table between their retard boyfriends.
"After a while, you learn to ignore it." Rosalie said while stifling a yawn.
"We use to think it was cute. Now we choose to block it out." Alice added with a nod. "Speaking of relationships," Alice perked up. "Is there anyone here that's good enough for Edward Cullen?" She said my name in a reverent voice and I rolled my eyes at her.
"Unfortunately, the two best girls at Forks are already taken." I said, gesturing to her and Rosalie. I could be a charming bastard when I wanted to be. Rosalie smiled but Alice wasn't buying it.
"Come on, Eddie." She said in a sickly sweet voice. I groaned at the nickname that Emmet had started. "It's not a secret that you're a pretty good-looking, sexy guy."
"Ali, really, I'm right fucking here." Jasper said while pulling a chip out of his greasy blonde hair.
"Don't worry, honey. You're completely irresistible to me." Alice said in a dead tone before she dusted off the front of his shirt. She rolled her eyes and turned back to me. "There's got to be someone at this school that's caught your eye." Jasper cleared his throat in an obvious way and leaned toward me.
"Yeah, Ed, isn't there anyone you like looking at?" Jasper asked in his smug, all-knowing voice.
"Well, there is but I don't think Alice is willing to give you up." I said jokingly before Emmet and I burst out laughing.
"Fucking pricks." Jasper mumbled before he slouched in his chair and Alice began soothing him by running her fingers through his hair. I noticed she was trying to hold back a few snickers of her own.
An odd feeling came over me in that moment. It was that fucking fifth wheel feeling. I glanced at Bella while everyone else was preoccupied and I could see the picture of her and me sitting at this table together so clearly. It was fucking weird how easily I could see it, like it was meant to be or some shit. Bella sitting next to me, laughing with everyone, while my fingers stroked her hair lovingly…Stop it Edward. She doesn't want that.
I sighed in defeat as I realized that my fucking awesome dream may never come to be.
We kept up a careful indifference between us in Biology, but she did look at me a few times and I knew that she was trying to judge what kind of mood I was in. I didn't have to try and keep a peaceful expression. I was fucking fine, better than fine and it was because of Bella. Her close proximity to me was making it hard for me to concentrate. I kept daydreaming about the sexy, fucking dream and every time I saw her lick her lips, I'd dig my fingers into my thigh, willing my dick to stay the fuck down.
When the bell rang, I stayed seated and so did she, although she bent down to gather her things and shove them into her bag. We were both waiting for the room to empty so that we could set plans for this afternoon. I was a little too fucking happy about that fact that she didn't rush from the school at the sound of the bell, but had stayed back to finalize plans with me. Once we were alone, the atmosphere completely changed. One second we were just sitting next to each other complacently. The next, there was a fucking energy between us that was so damn potent it felt hard to breathe.
"So, um…you…you still want to hang out?" She asked nervously. She bit her bottom lip waiting for my answer. Cute shit.
"Yeah, of course I do." I said with much more enthusiasm than I was comfortable with. But she smiled at me so I figured that was worth it. "Meet you at the lake in, like a half an hour?"
"Sounds good; are you hungry?" A faint blush painted her cheeks.
"Actually yeah, Em ate my lunch." I groaned.
"He does that." Her laugh was so adorable but it was mingled with a far-off sad look in her eyes. "OK, well I'll meet ya there." She began to move toward the door.
"What about lunch?" I asked her, suddenly fucking starving. Fucking Emmet.
"I'll take care of it." She sounded like she was gloating. I just smiled at her and headed out to the parking lot. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I didn't run into any of my friends before I got in my car and sped away from the school to our place. Our place, I like the sound of that.
I pulled off the road, grabbed my bag full of shit that'd I'd packed this morning in anticipation for the afternoon and began walking up the trail even though I didn't see her truck. I spread out the blanket on the damp ground and pulled out the small stereo that'd I brought and put on some Beatles. Bella really loved the Beatles. When "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" started playing I laughed out loud when the mental image of Bella's small warm hand shaking mine flew into my head. Shit, I really wanted to hold her hand. This feeling of actually wanting to be around someone was such a nice change of pace from the way I had been reacting to human interaction for the past year. I thoroughly expected to end up complaining to Oprah about how my mother ruined my life. But maybe Bella could save me from a lifetime of therapy and little blue pills…
I heard a soft musical chuckle and spun around quickly to see Bella standing by the trail, holding a big bag full of what I hoped to be food.
"What's so funny?" I asked as she continued to snicker.
"I had no idea you had so many smooth dance moves." She managed to giggle out. Fuck was I dancing. "Will you teach me how to move like you?"
I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to find the strength within me to say no, but of course I wouldn't pass a chance up to hold her close to my body and tell her how to move against it. "Maybe after we eat; you're going to need your fucking strength to keep up with me." Was I still talking about dancing?
"Deal, Edward." She frowned in consideration for a moment. "Edward is so formal, can I call you Eddie?" She asked with a devilishly playful smile.
"Not if you expect me to answer." I growled before joining in her laughter. "Give me that food, Belle." I ordered, trying to get a rise out of her.
"See, that doesn't work because that's a good nickname." She mused while swaying the bag of food back and forth.
"Well, if you like it so much then I'll always call you Belle." My Belle, fuck what was this chick doing to me. She smiled at me sweetly and turned a bright crimson red. "So, what are we eating?" I asked, wanting to smooth over the cute, fucking awkward moment.
Bella pulled out a container and held it up to me. "Enchiladas?" She said as a question, looking somewhat apprehensive.
"Where did you get those?" The container was obviously not a take-out kind.
"I made them, last night, these were left over. Is that OK?" She looked so nervous that I smiled broadly at her to make her feel better.
"That's great. You never told me you could cook." I accused playfully.
"You never asked." She smirked as I rolled my eyes at her.
We settled down onto the blanket to enjoy our lunch, which turned out to be fucking delicious. I ate every bit of the three enchiladas that Bella put in front of me, making yummy noises without even really realizing it.
"Oh my fucking god. That was delicious. Who taught you how to cook?" I asked before licking clean my fork and lying down completely on my back and sighing happily.
She giggled lightly at my satisfied expression before talking. "I guess I sort of taught myself. I never got anything decent to eat when my mom tried to cook."
"Does that bother you?" I asked, turning to look at her.
"Does what bother me?" She looked at me confusedly.
"Having to be all fucking grown-up and mature already?" I ran my hands through my hair while gauging her wary reaction to my question.
"I'm not mature. I do really stupid and irrational things…a lot." She said in one quick breath. She was looking around herself, refusing to meet my gaze.
"I don't believe you." I said pointedly and she finally looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed. "What stupid, irrational thing have you done lately?"
"Hmm…" She considered, pursing her lips. "Well I agreed to go into the woods alone with you. That was not very smart." She finished just in time to duck out of the way of the paper plate that I balled up and threw at her.
"Bitch..." I mumbled before she gave me a heartbreaking smile that I couldn't help but return. I saw her flush a little before she spoke again.
"Seriously, though, I've made some wrong decisions in my life that I can never take back." She looked down at her hands and her voice sounded pained. "I've put it all behind me, I just…I don't really like to talk about…"
"It's ok." I said quickly before she could get any more upset. Her head snapped up to me and our eyes locked.
"Thanks." She whispered. The air around us grew insanely tense as we looked at each other. I was filled with a sudden fucking over-whelming notion that I could have sat there on the edge of that cliff and stared into Bella's deep blue eyes for the rest of my life.
"So are you ready to teach me to dance?" She finally questioned, breaking her trance she had on me.
"Absolutely, on your feet Belle." I demanded while I stood up swiftly and held my hand out to her. She grabbed my hand and I yanked her up quickly to standing. I pulled her close to me and wrapped my arm around her waist, breathing deeply at the sensations the close contact sent surging through my blood. She rested her arm gently on my shoulder and took a deep breath herself as I brought our clasped hands out to the side. We stood like that for a moment before I realized what the fuck was wrong.
"We need music." I flatly stated, but I didn't move away from her.
"You have to go hit play for that to happen." She said breathlessly.
"For what to happen?" I asked like a total fucking moron. It was fucking ridiculous that I felt short of breath. We weren't even moving.
"For the music to play." She said, crinkling up her face into the cutest confused expression. I smiled at her, took a deep breath, dropped her hand and went over to the CD player and pressed play. "Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright started to play; I took another steadying breath before I turned back around to look at her. She looked up to my eyes quickly and flushed a deep red before giving me an embarrassed smile and holding her arms out in position again. I had a fleeting hope that she had been checking out my ass. I walked back to her and resumed our previous position.
"Try to follow my steps, ok? It's that easy." I said, giving her my charming crooked smile. I began taking small steps and rotating us in a circle. She stumbled a bit and I held onto her tighter; her head reached my nose and the breeze blew her hair into my face.
"This might be easier if I stand on your feet." She said while concentrating hard on her steps. I laughed inward toward her neck and subsequently took in a deep breath of her coconut-smelling hair. I felt her sigh heavily next to me. That only made me fucking smile more.
"You can do it. We'll just have to practice more." I said while trying to inhale more of her intoxicating scent.
"Practice does make perfect." She breathed onto my neck, sending another round of fucking electric pulses through my body. I turned us slowly in a circle, not even attempting to keep time with the music. She felt so fucking right in my arms, like they were made for her and simply waiting for her to fall into them.
The song ended too soon and the shuffle was on so of course the next song that the gods so graciously picked to play at this very intimate moment was Light My Fire by The Doors. Fucking awkward, considering that Bella was doing just that to me. I instantly let go of her and gave her my best apology face before rushing to my I-pod to pick a more appropriate song.
"I think that's good for my first lesson." I heard Bella say behind me. She sounded winded and I smiled to myself. That dance was hardly exerting; she and I seemed to be having a synonymous reaction to each other.
"You're probably right; it's getting dark anyway." I noticed a hint of sadness in my voice at the thought of our day together ending.
We walked back to our cars, staying a good 5 feet away from each other the entire way. My hand ached to grab a hold of hers' but my brain screamed at me to keep shit normal, casual. I shoved my hand into my pocket, just for good measure.
"I enjoyed the dance. Thank you. I don't think I've slow-danced with anyone since the sixth grade." She laughed lightly while opening her car door.
"My pleasure. I'm just relieved you didn't step on my toes. I'm also impressed that you managed to get through an entire song without falling down or tripping." I joked with her before she promptly whipped around and smacked me hard on the chest.
"Ok, so I might not be the most graceful girl…"
"And the under-exaggerating award goes to…" I beamed in an announcement voice.
"But at least I make up for it in cuteness." She finished with a smile. I smiled right back at her but said nothing. Fuck, was this the third time today that we just fucking stared at each other.
"Drive safe, Belle." I whispered, standing close enough to her that I knew she'd hear.
"Thanks. See you at school." She said before quickly getting in her car and pulling out onto the road.