Dazzled Chapter 7
Bella's POV:
Yea, this isn't an awkward way to meet Edward's father for the first time. It's not like I had been getting ready to take advantage of his son, in his house, a few minutes ago. Oh, wait…
"It's nice to meet you." I flushed, holding out a somewhat sweaty palm for him to shake.
"Well, this is certainly a treat." He greeted politely, standing up swiftly and grasping my hand. "I feel like I already know you, though. You're the only thing Edward ever talks about." He was smiling so broadly at me that I felt the familiar sensation of red fill my face.
"Jesus, dad, why don't you try to embarrass her a little bit more." Edward said quite unhelpfully. If it was possible I would've blushed even redder.
"Oh, I'm sorry Bella. Please excuse me." He said sincerely.
"No, it's okay Dr. Cullen. I'm fine." I said hastily before he could feel too bad.
"Call me Carlisle please we're not formal around here." He gestured to the love seat and Edward dragged me over to it, never taking his arm off my waist, and sat down close to me. He had the goofiest grin on his face and I felt like I'd missed something. The look he was sharing with his father was puzzling to say the least. They were absolutely beaming at each other. "I hope you kids are hungry, I ordered a large pizza for tonight." Carlisle interrupted my musings.
"Mmmm, that sounds good. Can you stay?" Edward asked with the excited look of a kid on Christmas morning. I couldn't fathom why he was so overly joyous about eating pizza with me and his dad.
"Yea, I'd love to stay. Thank you." I said as I curiously looked back and forth between them.
"Great, it should be here soon. In the meantime, I'd like to get to know the young lady that's managed to make my son so happy." I finally realized that Carlisle was looking at me as if he was grateful for something. My confusion only grew as the night went on. Carlisle was one of the most inquisitive men I've ever met. He reminded me of his son in that way. He wanted to know everything about me, which was odd because every time I started talking about something new, he seemed to already know what I was going to say. I was starting to suspect that Edward told his dad a lot more about me than he'd ever implied to me. I should have been flattered, that Edward was so proud (was that the right word?) of me that he told Carlisle everything he knew about me. But there was no room left in me for that emotion because I was absorbed with guilt.
Edward was gushing over me to his father, the one person he could openly talk to about our relationship and I wasn't. I wasn't bragging that I was with Edward to anyone, not even my mother. He was my own little secret and I wanted to keep it close to me. I was too afraid that the perfect balance we'd happened to find with each other would be tainted by any intruder. But he wasn't; he loved the fact that the three of us were eating pizza together on the living room rug. Edward was showing me off to the one person I hadn't forbid him to tell. God, I don't deserve him.
He kept kissing me too, sweetly on my head, my hand, and my cheeks, which just made the guilt fester more in my stomach. It was so tangible that it was painful. I should have been shouting from the rooftops that I was dating the hottest, smartest, sweetest, funniest guy in all of Washington, or the world for that matter. I had to find a way to make it up to him. I would find some way to make sure that he knew just how thrilled and proud I was to be his. He was certainly pleased to be mine and wasn't afraid to display it. His anger toward my behavior at school finally made perfect sense. I smiled and engaged in polite conversation as best I could the whole evening until Carlisle finally excused himself for the night.
"He liked you." Edward satisfyingly declared when Carlisle had gone up stairs. We were sitting on the living room floor; the sound from the TV was barely audible. "I'm glad you stayed." He said before kissing my neck softly. I sniffed loudly. I tried not too but the tears were about to spill over anyway. Brace yourself for over-emotional Bella that cries at the drop of a hat. "What's the matter, baby?" He sounded overly concerned as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear and turned my head so that I was looking at him.
I stared into his eyes and there was nothing but concern there. He should have been furious with me. "Bella, you're freaking me out, talk to me please." He put a comforting arm around me and I leaned into him and pressed my forehead against his chest.
"I feel so guilty." I whispered as the tears fell predictably over my cheeks.
"Because, you ate so much pizza?" Edward asked trying to lighten the mood. Now I felt even worse for ruining his good mood.
"Well that too." I laughed shakily. I took a deep breath and sat up to look him straight in the eye. I held his face firmly between my hands. "You know that I'm not ashamed of you, right?" He furrowed his brow at me. "You know that I think you're amazing and that I'm proud to be with you, don't you?" I used as much conviction as my voice would allow.
He stared at me with a befuddled look. "Yea, I know that." He sounded sincere and I sighed in acute relief. "What's this all about?"
"I had no idea you were telling your dad about me." I said quietly as I dropped my hands to my lap and twisted my fingers together.
"Was that not okay?" He asked, suddenly worried.
"No it's fine, it's…it's really flattering. That you wanted him to know all about me." I sobbed and buried my head back into his chest.
"Do you always cry when you're flattered?" He encircled me in his arms and held me closely to him.
"I'll try not to make a habit of it." My voice was shaking. "I'm sorry. I would change everything and tell the entire world about you and me if I could, but I can't. I'm so sorry."
"You know I hate it when you do that. There's nothing to be sorry for. I think you're getting yourself a little too worked up over this whole thing." He was stroking the length of my hair down my back. "As long you want me I don't really give a shit who else knows."
I looked up at him again. "Why are you so amazing?" I asked before he kissed a tear on my cheek.
"It's not that hard when you really want to make someone smile." He smiled at me then, making my breath hitch, and I rolled my eyes before smiling fully back at him. "That's my Belle." His lips caressed mine gently. It wasn't a kiss really, he was just breathing in and out deeply over my lips. It sent shivers up my neck, which he decided to graze next. I was barely coherent as his wet, soft lips trailed patterns up and down my neck. I tilted my head back to give him better access. "You feel better now, don't you?" He whispered in my ear as he licked it lightly. I giggled against the tickling sensation.
"I feel happy. You make me really happy. That never used to be such an accomplishment." I began pulling my fingers through his perfectly messy hair.
"I like making you happy. There's nothing like seeing you smile and knowing that I put it there." He said while tracing the outline of my lips with his fingertip. "You know what else I like?"
"Tell me please." I asked with a sly smile.
"How easy this is, to be with you. It's as natural as breathing to me." His voice sounded so vulnerable and his eyes were intense as he stared deep into mine.
"I feel like I'm finally breathing again, for the first time since summer." I told him honestly before I leaned into him and pressed my lips firmly to his mouth. He tightened his hold on me as he opened his mouth and sucked on my bottom lip gingerly. He really liked my bottom lip. I dragged my tongue lightly over his top lip, making him suck on mine a bit harder.
I repositioned myself in his lap and wrapped my legs around him, using all my muscle strength to pull myself as tightly to him as I could. And I could feel all of him pressed into my center. Fucking yes. I tangled my fingers into his hair and he moaned into my mouth before darting his tongue out to meet mine. We were both so desperate to feel close to each other I mentally scolded myself for wasting so much of our alone time on my damn feelings. He pulled away from my mouth, taking a ragged breath before burying his face into my neck and sucking on it for dear life. Now it was my turn to moan. I pulled his hair roughly, pleased when it spurred him on. His actions against my neck became more hurried and intense.
We both were fucking pushing and pulling at each other, willing our bodies to get as much contact as we would allow with his father up stairs. I felt him growing hard underneath me and I shifted my hips against him, begging for more friction. I was getting hopelessly aroused myself. He whimpered into my neck before he leaned back slowly and supported himself with his hands flat against the floor and his arms stretched out behind him.
His eyes were closed and I didn't know what the hell was going on, but I got my answer when he lifted his hips up firmly against me. I sucked in a wild gasp at the new sensation and writhed myself over his straining erection. "Fuck Belle" he said in his husky, sexy voice as he brought himself up to meet me again.
I grinded myself into him roughly over and over and over, keeping my eyes on his face the whole time, while he panted and groaned beneath me. I was resisting every urge to rip his pants off and finally have him inside of me, because Carlisle was still upstairs. I knew it was only a matter of time before this shit had to stop too.
I leaned down to suck on his neck and his breath hitched in my ear. I gripped his hair harder and his movements beneath me sped up quickly. He was stronger than I was. I felt him begin to sit up underneath me and then he had two hands on either side of my face. I stopped abruptly, and opened my eyes to stare into his. They were on fire with the intensity of his arousal and the sheer beauty of them made my heart pound frantically faster. I pressed my lips to his gently and we shared a lingering, light kiss. It was almost embarrassingly tender.
He exhaled grudgingly against my mouth after a minute and I pulled away in confusion.
"I just heard my dad upstairs." He groaned. I couldn't help but laugh at his defeated and angry expression.
"I guess I should probably go home, huh?" I pouted.
"Unfortunately, that's probably the best idea." He stood up and pulled me with him. He walked me outside to my truck and kissed me briefly before I drove away.
Edward's POV:
We needed to be alone. The fucking sexual tension between me and Bella was nearly crippling. Every time I saw her at school, I found myself aching to be closer to her, to feel every part of her pressed firmly against me, to fucking stroke her hair, to kiss her until we both had to gasp for air.
I knew she was getting frustrated too. Our kisses at the end of our afternoons together were becoming more frantic and anxious by the day. She always sighed in defeat every time when I pulled away from her. And I always had to be the one to stop the groping. If we moved at Bella's speed, I would've fucked her in one of our driveways by now. But I was determined to make it better than that, I just needed a plan. And every one I'd come up with so far was fucking hopeless.
I was in Biology, considering the option of a hotel in Port Angeles where no one would see us, when Bella rushed into the room and didn't pause one second after she sat down to take a piece of paper and a pen out of her bag. She wrote something down quickly and passed the note to me while trying to hide a huge fucking smile. I looked down at the paper curiously and my heart started fucking pounding when I read what she wrote.
Renee's out of town this weekend followed by a happy face. Thank fucking god.
I smiled widely before I crumpled up her note and put it in my pocket. It was Thursday which meant I only had to get through one more night of painful throbbing erections before I could finally be with my Belle.
School the next day was fucking slow. Every time I caught Bella's eye, she'd be looking at me longingly, with a small smile on her lips. At lunch, I could see her leg shaking underneath the table.
"I told you guys, I have plans." I said as convincingly as I could.
"With who, we're the only people you fucking know here." Jasper mentioned again.
"My dad wants some fucking bonding time or some shit." I cursed my pitiful lying skills.
"Like you give a shit what your dad thinks. Come on bro, I know for a fact that Angelina Jolie shows her tits in this movie." Emmet informed me enthusiastically.
"Wait what!" Rosalie shrieked.
"What?" Emmet said in his best clueless voice.
"Is that why you didn't invite me and Ali, Emmet?" She asked harshly.
"No…" Emmet mumbled grimly. He'd been caught. Fucking moron. Alice promptly smacked Jasper on the back of the head.
He coughed on a huge bite of hamburger. "What. The. Fuck. Shit, Ali. Em picked the fucking movie."
"Dude, shut the fuck up!" Emmet started to complain.
"And you obviously agreed to go!" Alice exclaimed angrily.
"Well, yea, but…" Jasper stuttered. "It's just a god-damn movie." The rest of lunch passed with the four of them in fucking retarded arguments and me laughing and looking at Bella smirking from her table. I wondered if she could hear what they were saying; the girls were yelling so fucking loudly.
"Ali always was unusually loud for someone so tiny." Bella laughed while we ate greasy Chinese food on the couch in her living room as I finished retelling her about the lunch-room drama.
"She's fucking strong too. When she smacked Jas, it sounded god-damn painful." I chuckled while helping myself to another egg roll.
"She always did wear the pants in that relationship." Bella said wistfully. I looked up to see her contemplating her plate of noodles sadly. I put a finger under her chin to lift her gaze up to mine.
"I think they miss you too." I said seriously. I was sick of her pretending that she didn't care about them anymore. It caused me more pain than I'd ever tell her when I saw her by herself at school. She was too good, too kind to be so alone all the time. "Maybe you should try talking to them." I held her chin when she tried to look away.
"No. I told you. I can't." She explained lamely.
"Yes, but you've never given me a good reason why you can't." I was so frustrated with this argument but it always seemed to be where we ended up.
"I told you. You wouldn't understand. It's complicated." She looked down and shook her head.
"I know what happened and it doesn't seem that complicated to me… unless I don't know everything." I finished, ready to gauge her reaction. Her sharp intake of breath is what I'd been afraid of. I had had a fucking nagging feeling that Bella had been keeping something form me. She never wanted to talk about that night and I never pried because I didn't want to upset her. Everything I did somehow revolved around how it would make her feel. I fucking loved it and resented it at the same time.
"You can tell me anything, you know?" I paused to see if she'd look up at me. When she didn't, I continued. "I don't judge and I certainly wouldn't ever fucking judge you. What happened with James?" She looked up at me with anger in her eyes. I was taken aback by her reaction.
"It's none of your business, Edward." She replied acidly.
"Of course it's my fucking business." I growled at her.
"And how do you figure that?" She asked with harsh sarcasm.
"Because I fucking love you." I yelled angrily at her. Holy fucking shit. It was the god-honest truth; I was just too fucking emotionally stunted to realize it before this very inappropriate moment. I looked down from her surprised, wide eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. We were both silent for a few minutes while the weight of my words sunk into both of our minds.
"What did you say?" She asked in barely a whisper.
"I think I said 'I fucking love you'." I said flatly, still not looking at her. I was still wrapping my head around the fact. I love Bella. It sounded so fucking normal and true and good and right and perfect. But I didn't smile, even though I mostly wanted to wrap her in my arms and say it over and over again before I kissed her for the rest of the night. However, I was horribly aware of the fact that her reaction was less than desirable for someone you just told you loved. She was quiet and that couldn't be a good sign. Of course, that wasn't exactly the most romantic way to tell a girl that you love her.
I looked up to her finally and she was staring at the floor with her brow furrowed up and her mouth hanging open.
"Say something, please." I begged.
"I'm sorry." She said in another painful whisper.
"Don't fucking do that right now." I snapped. She looked into my eyes as hers grew increasingly sad.
"I don't…know…I don't… think I…can…" She stammered uncertainly. She hung her head low in her hands.
"You can't." I choked out. I love Bella and she doesn't love me. It sounded so wrong, even in my head. I couldn't make any fucking sense out of it. "Are you sure?" I needed to hear her say it out loud, or else I'd never believe it.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered to the carpet.
"Stop it!" I almost screamed at her. "I need to hear you say it, out loud." My heart had stopped beating and I was pretty positive that I wasn't breathing, but I was still alive by some miracle while I waited for the words that would either crush me into a thousand pieces or make me the happiest bastard in the world.
But they never came.
I stared at her frozen form, waiting for her to look at me. Instead, I fought the urge to vomit right there in the living room when she silently rose and walked to the front door without so much as a good-bye. I flinched when I heard her close the door. I didn't move until I heard her truck roar away from the house. I had no clue where she was going or if she'd ever come back.
My perfect evening with Bella had transformed into another horrifying nightmare that I couldn't wake myself up from. I knew that I should leave but I also knew that driving a car in the emotional state that I was in right now was a very bad idea. I went to her room and sat down on the bed while the all too familiar and painful tears streaked down my face. I looked around at the room that I'd never been in before. It was so my Belle, a disarrayed mess of books and CD's, clothes and shoes that seemed to be properly strewn about the room, liked she'd done it on purpose. The only truly strange thing was all the picture frames.
They were empty.
OK, that wasn't exactly the strange part but the fact that she had left them up was weird. It's almost like she enjoyed wallowing in her lonely existence. I jumped up from the bed, looking for the one thing that had suddenly sprung to my mind that might have a chance to salvage this night. I surveyed every inch of wall space, flipped through every book on the floor, tore through all the drawers of her desk, shoved every item of clothing out of the way for almost an hour to no avail when I heard her clear her throat from the doorway.
"Edward, I think that you should…" She started.
"Don't bother, I'm leaving." I said sternly as I threw her notebook to the floor with a loud thud.
I was out of her presence and her house before she could offer me any half-assed apology. It wouldn't be enough to fix this night.