I don't own Twilight!

Bella's POV:

"Alice…" I whined as she shoved another ballerina looking get-up at me. "I said no ruffles."

"It'll flatter your figure and cover up the fact that you have no curves." She said matter-of-factly, waving a dismissive hand to my apparently disappointing figure. I pouted at her.

"It looks like it's going to be itchy." I moaned.

"Bella, what did you and I agree on the other day?" She asked in a voice that would do any first-grade teacher proud. She folded her arms across her chest, lifting an eyebrow at me and tapping her foot impatiently.

"That I make very poor decisions." I dead-panned, rolling my eyes.

"And…"She cocked her head to the side.

"That you could make all my decisions for me until my life gets back on track." I grumbled, hanging my head low.

"That's right!" She sounded ecstatic about the idea. "Now, spit-spot to the dressing room and don't forget your heels. I want to get the full effect before I make the final choice." She proclaimed with a triumphant giggle. I leered at her picked up the four shoe boxes I had been kicking around the department store with my feet and headed to the women's dressing rooms, Alice skipping along in my wake.

The dressing room attendant was not pleased to see us again.

"Back so soon?" She asked in a falsely sweet voice. I opened my mouth to reply but Alice scooted in front of me.

"Yes, she needs to try on a few more things. Also I was wondering if you have this in any other sizes." She flashed a pink shimmery dress in front of her face. "And these shoes here, they would really look better in silver, which I know they make because I saw them in the catalogue." She gestured to the pair I had dangling from one of the dresses' hangers. "Oh, and if you could just hang up the rest of these…" She piled eight or nine dresses into the girl's arms. "That'd be lovely. Thanks!" Alice finished with a charming smile. The girl whipped away from us snarling under her breath. She looked as though she'd like nothing better than to shove one of the silver shoes up Alice's ass. Alice didn't fail to notice. "Jesus, you'd think I'd asked for her first born or something!"

I received a sharp poke in the ribs when I laughed slightly and allowed Alice to usher me into the changing room.

"Let's go, the sooner you get this done, the sooner you get to eat." She bribed as I gave her a pitiful smile.

"I still don't understand how me showing up at prom in a fancy dress is supposed to help me get Edward back." I complained while trying to tug a death trap of straps over my head.

"How many times do I have to explain this, Bella? It's not about just showing up at prom and looking gorgeous. It's about doing it for Edward." Alice said in emphasis. "It's about putting yourself out there to get hurt just like he did, taking as big a risk with your feelings as he took with you. Being there for him in a situation where he feels completely alone and showing him that, if he gives you another chance, you'll always be there for him." She finished in a wistfully romantic voice.

"That sounds way too sappy to work on Edward." I pointed out while attempting to stand steadily in the five inch heels I had put on my protesting feet.

"Then you obviously don't know Edward as well you think you do." I threw the doors open and crossed my arms at her.

"Oh, really; care to enlighten me?" I raised my eyebrows at her in disbelief.

"Edward's a romantic." She said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"A romantic, are you serious?" I asked chuckling at her.

"Yes I am. He may never admit it but actions do speak louder than words."

"And what exactly has he done to make you think he's a romantic?" I asked as she began to fiddle with the hem of my dress, frowning disapprovingly at the length.

"Edward took pictures of you. He bragged about you to his father. He taught you how to dance, or at least he tried. He did everything you asked of him. He didn't give up on your relationship when had every right and indication to do just that. He believes in true love." I cocked my eyebrow at her quizzically until she caught my eye and huffed in exasperation. "Fine, don't believe me. We'll see who's right at the prom." She proclaimed before vetoing the dress I was in and pushing me back into the dressing room.

Two hours and five hundred dollars later, Alice decided that I was as prepared for prom as she could hope to get me and begrudgingly headed to the food court with me.

"I doubt I'll find anything in this mall that'll fit into my Zone diet." Alice said shooting repulsive looks at the various greasy eateries.

"Then I'll just get something to go and eat it in the car." I told her, eager to get her away from the rest of the shops in Port Angeles.

"Not in my brand new Porsche, you're not." She said while fixing me with a withering stare.

"Well, I have to eat something. I've never been so exhausted from shopping before." The grumbling in my stomach was becoming painful.

"Amateur." Alice scoffed.

We sat down in the mostly empty food court after I'd gotten myself a delicious piece of cheesy pizza and a large soda. Alice continued to shoot me envious looks over her tofu chicken salad and bottle of water. She hadn't changed at all. Tiny Alice was always so worried that if she let too many calories pass her lips she'd wake up one day with what she referred to as baby-birthing-hips. That was just simply unacceptable.

"So, are you going to tell Edward about what happened in Seattle?" Alice asked with her best attempt at an innocent expression.

"I don't know Al, do you think I should?" I had a feeling I knew what her answer was going to be but I patiently waited as her innocent façade faded into the hyper expression she gets when she has the pleasure to boss someone around.

"I know it's not really any of my business, but I think he might be more forgiving if you offer up the whole truth to him finally. Clean slate and all that shit. Sacrifice all your lies and sins to the one person you love more than anyone in the world."

I laughed at loud to cover up the fact that I whole-heartily agreed with all the corny crap she'd just suggested. She glared at me and we finished eating in a huffy silence. We dashed through the rain to Alice's shiny yellow Porsche and she sped like a bat out of hell toward Forks.

I closed my eyes and pretended that Edward was in the driver's seat. Alice drove at nearly the same speed. I smiled slightly as I remembered the way his hand had closed completely around mine. I could almost smell him, faintly minty, a little smoky, and simply perfect. The only problem was Alice's music. Edward would never let something as foul as Britney Spears to be allowed to play in his car.

"Yoo-hoo, Bella! You still with me? Alice yelled. I jerked my eyes open, my beautiful illusion disappearing far too quickly.

"Yes?" I sighed.

"Are you ok?"

I shrugged.

"Don't give up, Belles." She said, suddenly serious. "Never give up on what you want." I smiled slightly at her.

Blank paper is not my friend. Particularly not at two seventeen in the morning.

Dear Edward,

This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write. I can't begin to tell you haw very sorry I am for everything. Wow, how original is this letter?

I groaned, crumpling up the paper and throwing it over my shoulder. Just write what you feel, Bella.

I feel like I'm an absolute moron and no matter what I write to you in this stupid letter, you won't talk to me. I also think you've been acting like a major dick in Bio.

Oh yeah, that'll get him running back to you. I ripped that piece of paper up into confetti and tossed the pieces into my trash can. I took a deep, steadying breath before attacking the next sheet of pearly white paper.

Dear Edward,

If you give me a chance to explain my actions, I will do whatever you tell me to in bed.

That might actually work, just a tad bit desperate; but then again, it is completely true. Shit, I must be in love… or terribly horny. It's probably a little of both. I can't send him this, what am I thinking. I knew I should have had Alice write this letter. It was her idea after all. For the love of god, focus Bella.

I discarded that sheet of paper and paced up and down my room for a while. I wished I could just call Edward and ask him to talk to me. I knew he would say no though. That's why Alice had suggested putting it all in a letter, hoping his curiosity would get the better of him and he would eventually break down and read it. I didn't have a lot of faith in this plan.

I could not wrap my head around writing down everything that had happened last summer in a letter. I didn't think I'd be able to put it all into words. I also wanted to give him a reason to talk to me again. I had to think of something so intriguing for him to read that he wouldn't be able to resist my offer to explain anything and everything. If he had all the information willingly handed to him, he could take it and disappear.

I couldn't let that happen.

I sat down at my desk again. The bare paper was mocking me. I had to shut it up.

Dear Edward,

How do I love thee, let me count the ways…

Beautifully said, but I have a feeling he might not think it's original.

Dear Edward,

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

James is a pathetic kisser compared to you.

Probably not the best idea to mention the ex in the please- forgive- me- for- fucking- up letter, even if I am criticizing him.

Dear Edward,

My life will be meaningless if I never get to run my hands through your perfect hair again.

Starting to sound like a stalker…remember Alice's advice, we don't want to scare him away.

I closed my eyes, searching through my inspiration: golden-green eyes, crooked smile, messy hair, strong hands on my lower back, adorable face when he gets tickled, musical laughter, crushing sarcasm, leather jacket, James Dean walk, mint cream and cigarettes, perfect lips sucking gently on mine…

My hands were shaking as I picked up the pen and wrote the only thing I felt was needed.

Dear Edward,

I do not want to live my life without you.

Please, one more chance…

Your Belle

I folded the letter in half and put it in my backpack before curling up into bed and crying myself to sleep.

Edward's POV:

This feels so fucking relieving and wrong at the same time.

I groaned as she thrust up to meet my rock hard cock again. She tugged on my hair too roughly to bring it down to her neck.

"That fucking hurts." I growled at her.

"Sorry." She giggled. Her voice was too fucking girly. "I thought you liked it rough."

"Stop talking." I ordered. It was easier to pretend when she shut her god-damn mouth. I closed my eyes so I couldn't see her tacky bleach-blonde hair or her fucking fake orange tan.

Her lips were too pouty. Her fingers were too short. Her hips were too curvy. Her collarbones were not delicate. Her skin was not silky smooth. Her legs were too long underneath mine. Her boobs were too huge. Never thought I'd be complaining about that. Her eyes were not dazzling blue.

She was not Belle.

Fuck this bitch and quit being such a fucking pussy.

I ripped her bra off and furiously groped her breasts. She began fumbling around with the zipper on my jeans. I lifted my hips up and allowed her to push them and my boxers off of my legs. I brought my head back down to her chest and bit her nipples, not caring whether she was crying out in ecstasy or pain. I reached for her panties blindly and received a sick sort of pleasure at how they were already soaking wet. I pulled her underwear off but moved my hands. This hook-up is for my pleasure, not hers.

I was about to get up and search for a condom when she flipped me over onto my back and settled herself between my legs, in front of my throbbing cock. She started to stroke it like a fucking pro and that made me feel even worse about myself. Not only was I fooling around with a girl I didn't love, but I was also offering up my best soldier to a fucking slut.

I closed my eyes again when she lowered her head to my dick, desperate to summon up enough brain power to convince myself that it was Bella's mouth on me instead. She worked on me expertly and it felt fucking liberating to not be jacking myself off for the first time in months. I was getting close and she must have known because she moved to position herself above me. I had begun to hope that maybe she'd just let me finish off in her mouth. I didn't want her to think that I actually wanted to fuck her. A part of me just needed too. I was convinced if I could fuck another girl, I could get over Bella. I grabbed her hips in the prospect of flattening her into my mattress when she said it; the one phrase that could and would ruin this whole fucked-up therapy sack session.

"You taste amazing." She whispered sickeningly sweetly in my ear.

My eyes snapped opened and for a split perfect second, I was on a cliff in the late afternoon, straddling the most amazing woman while she said the sexiest fucking thing I'd ever heard.

"What the fuck did you say?" I shouted as the scene cleared and I stared into a pair of vacant gray eyes.

"What?" She asked like the fucking moron she was.

"What the fuck did you say?" I screamed at her again. Her eyes widened in shock and she looked at me like I was a god-damn mental patient.

"What? You taste amazing? What's wrong with that?" She asked in that horrible high voice.

"Get off of me." I whispered as my chest tightened and tears stung the back of my eyes.

"Are you serious? What's wrong with you?" She asked, scrunching up her bitchy face.

"I said get the fuck off of me." I bellowed at her, forcefully throwing her off of me and sitting up on the edge of the bed.

"What the fuck? Are you gay or something?"

"Get the fuck out of my room." I grumbled before leaning my head on my knees. I will not cry in front of this whore.

"Whatever, it's your loss." She snarled. She got dressed, mumbling under her breath the entire time. I didn't say anything as she left my room with an angry huff. I sat perfectly still until I heard my front door close. Then I got up, put on my bathrobe and walked downstairs, still fucking hard. I locked the front door before going to the liquor cabinet in the kitchen.

Where a pity fuck wouldn't work, alcohol certainly would.

Carlisle was out of town, luckily enough. I had been surprised and relieved that he hadn't hired a fucking babysitter to watch me. I shuffled over to the wet bar and grabbed the first bottle my hand touched, not even bothering to read what it was before grabbing a glass and filling in with ice. My vision was blurry and my hands were shaking as I filled the glass to the rim. I drained it in one gulp and without a second thought, refilled the glass again…

Fill, gulp, repeat…

Thirty minutes later I was feeling numb, at least. I was suddenly gripped with a desperate need to shower. I hated the thought of having that slut be the last thing to touch my body. I took the almost-empty bottle upstairs with me.

I turned the water as hot as I could stand it and feverishly scrubbed my skin. I swallowed liberally from the bottle until I could barely keep my balance. I clambered out of the bathroom and collapsed face first onto my bed.

Something was poking me painfully in the side of the ribs.

"Eddie!" Someone was calling me in an annoying sing-song voice.

"Fuck off." I mumbled groggily. I felt like my head might explode if I moved at all.

"Get the fuck up man." Someone grabbed my shoulder roughly and I wished I could vomit on them.

"Let me die." I groaned.

"Fuck man, Jessica must have been one hell of a lay." I recognized Jasper's voice.

"Never mention that again." I said as I gingerly sat up in bed, realizing I was naked and wrapping the bathrobe around me tightly.

"Why? What happened?" He asked. Jasper was gazing at me intently from his leisurely stance by the doorway.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said in a very fucking final kind of tone.

"We have to get to school anyway." Jasper said in a way that I knew meant he wasn't going to drop this subject that easily.

"I'm not going." I said firmly. He laughed at me condescendingly.

"Yea you are. We have that fucking Calculus test today."

"Shit, I completely forgot." Frustrated, I ran my hands through my hair.

"Did you drink this whole bottle?" Jasper asked, nudging the empty Jack Daniels bottle with his foot.

"Pretty much." He shook his head pitifully at me. "Just give me five minutes." I said before he could say anything too judgmental.

It's a damn good thing Jasper had come to pick me up. I was barely conscious in the car and was even having difficulty walking steadily in the hallways. I could not make out clear shapes three feet in front of me. Jasper was keeping a close eye on me, occasionally pulling me out of the way of innocent passersby.

He stopped in front of a vending machine and was getting me some crackers and a soda. I stood waiting for him swaying slightly on the spot when someone small and warm collided with the side of my ribs. I threw out my arms instinctively and caught hold of them before they could fall. Then my hand was plunged into a sea of soft brown curls.

I wrapped my arm tighter around her narrow waist when she continued to stumble and her hair bounced gently over her shoulders, the coconut-smell breaking through my alcoholic daze. We steadied ourselves against each other and when Bella was finally firmly on her feet, she looked up at me.

Our eyes locked. Her breathing hitched. My arms tightened around her of their own accord. I could feel her heart pounding. I couldn't speak.

I felt so…right. Please don't look away, Bella.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "It was an accident."

"It's ok. I know how klutzy you can be." I said in a raspy voice.

"Yea, right." She laughed lightly, sending good vibrations through my body.

"What's going on?" Jasper's shocked voice broke through our intimate moment.

I almost whimpered when Bella moved her dazzling blue eyes from mine to look at Jasper. I followed her eyes and saw Jasper standing a few feet away, completely bewildered.

"Nothing." Bella gasped hastily. She moved slightly backward from me and I dropped my arms in a defeated sort of way. I'm pretty sure I saw her heave an unhappy sigh.

No one else in the hallway seemed to notice what was going on, not even, thank fucking god, Jessica who was standing a few feet away from Jasper.

"Come on, Edward. Let's go." Jasper said, pulling on my jacket. I gave Bella one brief longing look before allowing Jasper to drag me away from Bella.

Bella's POV:

I can't believe that actually worked. Alice is a freaking genius. Edward didn't even see her slip that letter into his backpack. I suppose it would have been too obvious if I had known that I was going to be the distraction. Now all I could do was wait…

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