Donatello ducked into the Lab about an hour later to see how Leonardo was doing. He cast a shy smile in Jenna's direction when she got up to meet him, and waved when he noticed his brother awake.
"Hey, guys. What's happening?"
"I'm following orders," Leo told him. "C'mon, in bro. I was waiting for you to show up."
"I'm going to put on a pot of tea," Jenna volunteered. "Would you like some too, Don?"
The inner caffeine-addict cried out for coffee, but he only grinned at her. "Sure, thanks." He sank into the chair by the bed.
Donatello released a contented sigh, sending another furtive glance her direction to watch the woman leave. It didn't feel creepy since she couldn't see him.
"What's up with you two, huh?" Leonardo asked casually.
"Who?" Donatello feigned ignorance, because he didn't want to answer the question.
"You and Jenna. What's the story?"
Don cursed the day Leo had learned to ask him very direct questions if he wanted the truth on a subject. "There is no story. It is what it is, Leo."
"What does that mean exactly?"
"I means I'm a realist. Things are the way they are, and they're not going to change."
"Let's pretend this is a perfect world. If you're truly honest with yourself, what would you say is happening?"
Don stared at the floor for a long moment. "I'm not trying to be honest with myself right now, Leo. If I do that, I might lose it completely."
"You've got it bad."
He groaned in response. "I don't know what I have, bro. I can't keep this either way, so I'd rather not dwell on it."
"I don't want to push you, Donnie. It's just...you're different around her. And I can't claim to know much about girls, but she kinda seems to be into you too."
"I don't want to talk about this."
"Well, maybe you need to. I mean, all things considered, you've been given a second chance. If yesterday had really been it, and now she was gone...would you be satisfied?"
He didn't answer for several moments. "It doesn't matter," Don replied finally. "The fact is, she's not a part of our world. She's a visitor, a guest for a few seconds. I can't allow myself to envision, imagine, or dream of anything more than that. Please let it go." He rose swiftly to leave before emotions were any harder to control.
"Donnie, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you," Leonardo called after him.
"It's not about you, okay?" he replied without turning around. "I'll be back later."
With that, he bolted out of the Lab. As Don walked swiftly through the living area, he refused to make eye contact with Mike. It was the universal sign to his brother that he didn't want to be followed.
"Aw, shell. What's his problem?" Raph wondered after Donatello disappeared upstairs.
"Should we check on him?" Luke asked.
"No, not yet," Mike said quickly. "He doesn't get like this very often, but sometimes you have to let him be for a little while."
As the words left his mouth, Splinter suddenly emerged from the shadows of the hall where he'd been silently observing.
"Donatello has been through much in these two weeks. He has had more than enough time to think upon it by himself. I am going," the rat informed them, and climbed the stairs to the second floor.
Splinter went to the door of the room that his youngest sons shared, and knocked firmly.
"Who is it?" Donatello called flatly.
"It is your Sensei."
Splinter heard a muffled blow before the turtle called back to him.
"Come in, Master Splinter."
When he entered he found his son rubbing a reddened spot on the top of his head, and ducking out from the lower bunk bed.
"Sorry - I'm a clumsy idiot," Don muttered.
Splinter waved for him to sit back down, and came to join him on the rug.
After a beat of silence, Donatello's dark eyes met his own.
"What are you doing here, my son?"
"I don't know. Just thinking, I guess."
"You are troubled by much, and yet you refuse to speak of it to anyone."
Donatello's gaze averted once more. "Sensei, how can I talk about this if I don't understand it?"
"Do not let your own intelligence become an obstacle to you, Donatello. The world around us is full of wonders, terrors, and feelings that we may never truly understand. And you should not expect to be able to."
"I don't want these feelings. I didn't ask for this!"
"Feeling is part of having a rational mind, Donatello - whether you like it or not. You do not get to choose all of your feelings, any more than you chose to be born."
After a few seconds, Donatello finally looked up again. "The guys think something's going on with Jenna and me. First it was Mike, and now Leo. It's absurd to be entertaining the idea of a girl like her ever..."
Splinter couldn't allow him to stop there. "Ever what, my son?"
"Caring for someone like me," he filled in, ashamed. "It's so ridiculous, I can hardly say it out loud."
"But you care for her," Splinter ventured gently.
"I have feelings for everyone, even April, and now Luke."
"You care for Miss Richards differently."
"I don't want to let myself go there, Sensei."
"You are already there. Simple denial will not change it."
Silence lasted far longer that time, until Donatello finally sniffed. "It isn't fair," he whispered.
Splinter scooted closer, laying a hand on his shoulder. "I know, and I am sorry."
"Sensei, what am I supposed to do? I figured it would be easier if I didn't even let myself think about this. Part of me wishes none of it had ever happened."
"Would you really want that?"
"No! But I don't want this either. I don't want to long for something I can't have. Can you tell me what to do?"
"There is no simple answer for that, my son. Have you considered talking to her?"
"No way. I don't want to make her uncomfortable. She's going home soon. This is all gonna be moot the minute the Feds get to the bottom of it. Do you see why I don't want to bother?"
"Ignoring the feelings will not change the fact that you have them."
"True enough, but I'm no better off than I was before."
"I think you are better off," Splinter admonished. "When we started this conversation, you did not want to admit feelings for her at all. Any time you attempt to hide emotions, you are effectively building a wall to keep others out. In doing so you deprive them, and lose yourself as well. You may be no closer to answers than you were before, but you are being real."
Donatello shook his head, and surprisingly smiled. "That sounds a lot like something Jenna and I have talked about. Do you know she asked me if we could keep in contact?"
"I did not. What did you tell her?"
"I said we could, as long as we did it a safe way. But I'm afraid it's going to make this harder. What do you think?"
"It is your own choice to make, Donatello. I cannot decide for you."
"But I at least need your opinion. If you were me, what would you do?"
"I honestly do not know, my son. But love carries a degree of risk, no matter who you are. To give yourself to someone completely will always carry the danger of being hurt. Whether or not you consider the risk to be worth it, is the true question."
"It feels silly to talk about it when she'll never feel the same way."
"Donatello, you do not know that."
"Sensei, we're being real here, right? Do you honestly believe there's one chance in a million she could fall in love with me?"
"As a matter of fact, I do. You are looking at the outside, Donatello. It is the same mistake many humans make. Many, but not all. I do not believe Miss Richards is one of them."
"I don't deserve her, not for what she would have to give up."
"If it is a matter of worth you are alluding to, I have to disagree again. This feeble flesh is not where your value comes from, Donatello. Deep down, you already know that."
"In theory, yes. Not in practice - not for something like this. I want to keep in touch with her. I just don't know how I'm gonna handle this."
"Do not assume how this will play out. Even the very wisest cannot see the full path that lies yet out of sight."
"You're not gonna tell the guys, are you?"
"That is not my place. But this kind of thing does not stay hidden easily."
"Tell me about it," Donatello grumbled under his breath. "I know it'll come out eventually. I'd prefer to keep it under wraps until Jenna's gone. Can you help me out?"
"I will not speak of it, my son, but please do not build walls between your brothers. Michelangelo in particular will be very hurt by it."
"I know. To be honest, if he'd been awake a couple of nights ago in the Lab, I probably would have come clean, right then and there. I should get back downstairs. I ran out on Leo when he started on the whole Jenna thing. I don't want him think I'm angry."