Donatello started out very slowly, stretching his legs carefully on the floor. He released a long, painful breath. His body was rigid from being without his regular training. The turtle pushed through it gingerly, until the stiffness started to give way to the flexibility he was used to having.
He got to his feet then, and began working out a little on the punching bag. Don pushed harder as the minutes passed, and his muscles relaxed into the comfortable rhythm. He caught himself both grunting from the exertion and crying out with elation. It felt so good to be back to normal.
Jenna watched Don use the punching bag for several minutes, smiling secretively. She had seen his brothers work out before, but felt much deeper satisfaction in watching him physically exert himself.
Yet the longer she stood silently by, the shakier she felt. Tears threatened several times as she struggled to keep emotions in check.
It was never like this in the past; before coming here. Every emotion had been safe, locked up so tightly no one could possibly access them. Now the door was open, and all hope of hiding had gone by the wayside. It was much simpler to be numb, easier to not feel anything at all.
Yet Jenna didn't regret coming - not for a single second. She no more wanted to go back to the old way than she desired to lose what she'd acquired. It was the very thing which was tearing her apart. She had to tell him, today, no more excuses. Jenna was determined not to make the same mistake twice.
Donatello had been in the dojo for nearly an hour when she noticed the sagging of his shoulders. With no further warning he slumped against the bag, gripping it to keep upright. When he didn't move for a few seconds, she ventured inside, shutting the door behind her.
"Donnie? Are you okay?"
He jerked in surprise, nearly stumbling in the process. "Jenna." He sounded breathless. "Yeah, I'm fine. Not used to holding back. I think I need to sit down."
She slipped an arm casually around his shell to help balance him, and he lowered to the mat. Jenna picked up a towel and bottled water from the table, offering them to him. He backed against the wall and accepted both items gratefully.
His face temporarily disappeared while he wiped away sweat. "Thanks. Do me a favor, and don't mention this to the others? They've worried enough over me."
"My lips are sealed, mate. But don't go too far. I'm sure you'd rather avoid the lab for a while. With the exception of all your other work, that is." She laughed nervously and sat down beside him.
"That's for sure," he agreed. "I sorta lost myself. It felt great."
Jenna drew her knees up to her chest while anxiety surged, staring at the floor. "Talked to my parents a couple hours ago. They've got a flight scheduled."
"So you get to go home."
"I do need to put them out of their misery," she said wryly, and then grew somber. "But I'd be lying to say it's easy."
His brow creased with confusion. It seemed like he would say something, but in the end, the turtle was silent.
"I wish I had more time," she continued. "I'm not ready to leave."
"Jenna, you have a real home and a family," he stated carefully. "Why do you want to stay down here? You're no longer in danger."
"It probably won't make any sense."
"Try me."
She stared at him for a long moment, working up courage. In the end, it was much faster just to jump. Refusing to think any longer, Jenna pulled his chin toward her and kissed him. Her resolve made the action a little rougher than she intended, but it was no longer possible to hold back.
He was so shocked in turn that he opened his mouth, and no sound came out.
"That wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be. Can you speak?" she requested.
"I...what...Why did you do that?"
"Donatello, I have feelings for you."
"You have feelings."
"Yes."
"For me."
"Yes."
"I don't understand."
"My time is short, so I'll be blunt. I haven't slept much since coming here, Don. I sit up at night, thinking about when I'll have to leave, wondering if I will ever see you again. The thought makes me sick. I want to escape who I am, so I can continue living. Honestly, I've been hiding long enough, I didn't know I could feel like this."
He was clearly taken aback, and it took him a few more seconds to respond. "You know what I am. That cannot, and will not change."
"I don't want you to change."
"What am I supposed to say? You're the daughter of Australian Diplomats. You're amazing and beautiful and...You have your entire life ahead of you."
"I've got a role, Donnie, not a life. I have loved ones, but their affection never thawed me out. I'm trying to be honest with you. It's all I ask in return. For a few minutes will you forget about me being human, and tell me what you feel?"
He rose with a grumble from the floor. "I hardly know."
His frustration was overpowering. She said nothing this time, waiting to see if he would go on. Leaning heavily against the wall like he needed its support, Donatello finally went on.
"I don't know how to identify or quantify what I'm feeling - because I've never felt it. But I dream about you. While I'm falling asleep I imagine your singing, and when I wake up, it's still there. I replay the first time I saw you...over and over again. I've sat across the room and watched you, for no reason.
"How do I feel? I'm confused by emotions I know nothing about. Dismayed, because my mind tells me I have to let this go. But when I see you, when I'm with you, everything is different. When you kissed me, I felt...I don't know how to describe..."
Impulsively she pushed him into the wall and kissed him again, deeper than the first. He didn't jolt this time, only opening his eyes when she took a step back.
"I feel light," he whispered. "What does that mean?"
"It means you shouldn't shut the open door," she answered softly.
"There's a door?"
"If you feel anything close to what you described, there's a door."
"I've never been so honest in my entire life."
"Good to know."
She abruptly kissed him once more. For the first time he kissed her back, encouraging Jenna to hold the contact longer. His fingers cradled the back of her head, caressing dark hair in a way that sent chills down her spine. Then it was suddenly over when he lurched, as though realizing what he was doing.
"Wait. There's no reason in this. How does it help? We can't be together, even if you want to," he stammered.
"I already told you that I do."
"But what are we supposed to do now?"
"You think I know?" She smiled sadly, wrapping fingers around his.
"Won't this make leaving harder?"
She released his hand and sank against the wall with a sigh. "I couldn't leave a second time without telling you how I felt. I always would have wondered if anything could happen. I do have to go for real...in two days time. But I want to keep in touch, and see where this leads us."
He got back down beside her, and hesitantly reached for her hand. "We will talk. And I need to hear more of your music."
"You're likely the only one who will."
"Don't cut yourself off, Jen. You deserve a chance at something normal."
"I don't want something normal. I'm not going back to that."
"You can't give up your world."
"Donnie..."
"Don't. Don't make me any promises - please? I won't let you."
The tears she'd been repressing broke the surface. The sheer helplessness made her want to sob.
"Please don't cry, Jenna. I'm sorry."
She sniffed several times as she tried valiantly to stop. "Don't apologize. Just know this isn't easy for me, Donnie. It's even harder than I imagined. Will you make me a promise, if you don't want me to?"
"Anything."
"Don't fall for the next girl you rescue."
He snorted, then looked embarrassed. "How could I?"
"It's not impossible, Donnie. I don't want you to believe this is impossible either." She motioned between the two of them.
"That's not what I meant," he explained, now serious. "I just couldn't do it again."
"How do you know?"
"I can't give something away, if I don't have it anymore. But you, Jenna, could be so happy and fulfilled, if you'll just let yourself be."
"It's not that simple, Donatello. With you, sure, I can be who I am. But the world is unkind and cruel and...I swear if it weren't for my parents, I wouldn't go back."
"Jenna, listen to me. The grief and suffering you've been through are hard to take, and even more difficult to understand. It has the power to crush you, or make you stronger than anything. Your eyes have been opened to things that most people can't grasp. You know what it's like to be abandoned, unloved, uncared for. There are so many others who must feel the same way, inside the very foster care system in which you grew up. You can see beyond the hard exterior. You have the ability to empathize with them.
"The way I see it, you have two choices. You can allow your past muffle you, and push people away before they have a chance to hurt you. Or you can let them see who you really are, a shining example of hope to others who've been hurt like you."
"Hope?" she whispered. "How can you possibly see that in me?"
"Because I can see you. Jenna...think of the things you've gone through, and come out of. You may not have let others near you - but you also didn't roll over and die. Now you've come to a new place in your life where you have a home. You're loved and accepted by a wonderful couple.
"Don't let the past ruin it for you. It's done - it's over. You may have to live with some of the pain for the rest of your life. But don't allow it to preside over you."
He slowly reached his other hand toward her, cupping Jenna's quivering chin. "When I look at you, I see all the possibilities in the world. You're like...a garden at the very beginning of Spring. You have new life springing up, everywhere you look. It's your choice - you can let the old shadows stifle it. Or you can encourage it to grow, in full view of those who love you, and the ones who thought you were half-dead. It's your choice." He choked on the final words.
She leaned against him, comforted by the way he accepted her weight. "I don't know if I can do it without you."
"Of course you can. You are who you are. I didn't have anything to do with that. You've got everything you need. You just have to believe it."
Her eyes closed firmly while tears started to resurface. "I will come back to you."
He sighed softly. "I'd be lying if I said I don't want you to. But I also don't know how this could work in the long run."
"I'm not looking for all the answers tonight. Will you do one more thing for me, and not write it off either?"
"I'll try Jenna. I promise you that."