Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds and I don't want to because I'd have more annoyed fans than happy fans on my hands. Why? Because I'd screw the show up, put Morgan and Garcia together, and give Reid a romantic interest. You can see why I can't run the darn thing.

Thanks to Ryan Ashely (who is a girl) for the great review. Let's see if I can make you laugh again.

Currently Untiled (le sigh): A Criminal Minds Fic

Chapter Three: Big City Royalty

Thankfully, a case had come in before Hotch could be badgered by his agents as to who Esmee was. Unfortunately, it took them two weeks to catch the UNSUB who had, in final tally, killed a total of 24 people.

But come Monday morning, without fail, they were all back at their desks doing paperwork while thoughts of a lunch break loomed in the back of their minds. As if on cue, Esmee Richard blew into the office dressed in an almost 180° from the Eva McCord ensemble she had sported two weeks ago.

This time around, it was an Aces & Spades get-up that looked fresh from the runway. Shiny black tights, matte black scrunch boots, an oversized dark blue top with a white tank under it, and an extremely tousled hairdo was the look she sported today. Along with cocktail rings and loud necklaces that Garcia started to salivate over.

"Esmee," Hotch said in surprise as he stepped out of his office and took in the punk rocker now standing in the middle of his bullpen. He made his way over to where she was leaning against Derek's desk and smiling charmingly at the handsome agent.

When Hotch reached her, she pushed off the desk fluidly and he took in the three inch height difference from the last time he saw her before she fell into his arms with arms opened wide. All eyes were on the embracing couple before they pulled back and Esmee grinned.

"I heard about your case," she said, "good job." She rested a hand on Hotch's face before pointing towards the break room.

"There is Italiano in the break room for you and your agents if you're interested." As if on cue, the smell of fresh Italian cooking wafted into the break room and the agents made a quick beeline for the catered food, Hotch and Esmee following at a much slower pace.

As everyone enjoyed a delicious lunch, the agents took turns discreetly interrogating Esmee who was entirely aware of what they were doing.

"Look Derek," she said suddenly over a bowl of ravioli, "I've known Aaron long enough to know when someone is trying to get information out of me. So stop hiding behind the smoke and mirrors and just ask me, straightforward, what you want to know."

All agents present, save for Hotch and Rossi, wore surprised looks on their faces. Garcia, however, was busy chuckling at "her agents" before she jumped right on the invitation to openly question Esmee.

"So how do you and Hotch know each other?" she asked right away. Esmee looked at Hotch and smiled before turning her attention back to the tech analyst.

"We grew up together. Or rather, I grew up with Sean and Aaron here just tolerated me." The agents present noticed a small smile flash across their boss's features before his expression returned to his usual stoic look.

"So what kind of job do you have?" Garcia pressed on and Esmee adjusted her position slightly, making herself more comfortable before answering.

"They're not really jobs, more like hobbies," she explained, "I inherited a small fortune from a relative, so working isn't really a necessity. But I'm a designer, author, singer, songwriter, and model." Most of the present company was staring at her with stunned expressions. Derek was too busy thinking he'd hit the jackpot knowing such a hot and successful woman.

"You done anything we've ever heard of?" Derek tested from his position on the far side of the room.

"Most of what I do I use an alias for, for multiple reasons," Esmee elaborated, "As a songwriter and singer, I go by Essie Brooks, Essie being a nickname Aaron gave me as a child." At this, the older agent smiled slightly. "I model for Eva McCord and Aces & Spades as well as design for them." With this comment out in the open, Garcia felt as though she had just met a fashion god. "And you've probably never read any of my books," she admitted off-handedly.

"Maybe I haven't," Derek stated, "but I'm sure boy genius here has." He gestured to Reid who blushed and ducked his head at the comment.

"Alright then," Esmee sighed in defeat, "my pen name is Jaye Doe." As soon as those words left her mouth, Reid's head snapped to attention and his jaw dropped to the ground. Esmee observed rather hesitantly as the agents took in their genius' reaction.

"Is something wrong?" she tested shyly and Reid shook his head with such force, present company was afraid it would topple off.

"I love your work," Reid finally managed to gush out and when he did, he wished he hadn't.

"Well thank you," Esmee replied sincerely, a blush staining her own cheeks to match Reid's. "You're Doctor Reid, correct?" Reid nodded, slightly confused, but he didn't show it.

"So you're the gentleman who told Aaron he kicks like a nine-year-old girl," she continued, "it's about time someone other than myself told him that." Reid blushed and Hotch glared playfully at Esmee who deflected the look with a dazzling smile. "So are you really a genius, or was Aaron just exaggerating when he told me that?" Reid looked to Hotch before retuning his gaze to Esmee.

"I've never known Hotch to exaggerate."

"Clearly you don't know Aaron. Now answer the question." Reid was surprised how commanding she could be and answer before he made a bigger idiot of himself.

"I have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and I can read 20,000 words per minute… so yes, I'm a genius." At his WPM, Esmee let out a low whistle.

"I wish I could read that fast," she admitted, "so many books to read, so little time. You must breeze through my books, they're so short." Reid shook his head, sitting down across from Esmee and thus "joining the group" as Garcia had attempted to get him to do earlier.

"I actually have to read your books slowly," he confessed to the surprise of his fellow teammates, "there's so much to think about, so much to absorb and understand."

"Nice to know I have someone's attention," Esmee commented before glancing down at her watch and sighing.

"It was wonderful talking with you all," she said as she stood, "but I'm afraid I must be going." Hotch caught her before she could make a escape and gave her a questioning look.

"Fashion shoot for Eva," she explained, "Aces had me this morning, Eva takes the afternoon, and Intuition gets me for the evening."

"Intuition," piped up Derek, "as in Intuition Studios?" It was a prestigious recording company that had signed a few of Derek's favorite artists.

"That's the one," Esmee remarked, never seeing the glitz of what she did for a living. Leaving a quick kiss on Hotch's cheek along with an equally hurried goodbye, she dashed out of the break room as the catering crew set to cleaning up.

"I feel like I've just met royalty," commented Garcia as she stared at the space Esmee had occupied seconds ago. Hotch gazed at her for a moment before returning to his office.

Garcia wasn't that far off.

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an: so I should totally be doing school work right now (something I haven't been doing all day), but I wanted to get this chapter out. As always, please review and let me know what you think.

Cheers.

Changer.

P.S.

Eva McCord, Aces & Spades, and Intuition Studios are fictional. Jaye Doe is actually my pen name on FictionPress that I chose to use. So yeah.