'Kay, so this was quite an eventful time period. I'm on costume crew for the school musical and we were sewing cookie costumes! Thanks to all who reviewed and to all who added this story to their alerts/favorites lists. Every time I update this FanFic, I get about five or six more e-mails telling me that more and more people are adding it to their alerts or favorites lists. It makes me really happy, guys, that you enjoy the story so much. I just saw Push as I am writing this intro, and that movie was damn confusing. =] Anyways, on with the story.
I would also like to remind every one that I do not own the Twilight enterprise/franchise. That's Stephenie Meyer, guys. I'm just having fun with the characters.
Chapter Song: I Caught Myself, By: Paramore (Yes, I realize that this is a song on the Twilight Motion Picture Soundtrack. But it fits this chapter perfectly.)
Chapter 7: No Turning Back
X-x-X
Bella
"G-d damned it, Riley!" Emmett exclaimed as he threw his Wii guitar onto the couch in our living room. "That was the third fucking time in a row!"
"Emmett, language!" I snapped at him.
This was meant to be a little gathering. Thursday and Friday morning seemed to pass in a blur. Now it was Friday evening, and everyone was over at Riley's and my house. It was sort of a tradition for our broken, non-related family that on every Friday and Saturday night, we got together to have a little bit of fun. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Riley, and myself were all crowded into our small living room to watch Riley and Emmett 'battle it out' on Guitar Hero. Dinner was finished, and now we were all just sort of lounging around.
The only one missing was Edward.
I had asked Alice where he was when she and Jasper had first arrived (Jasper wasn't pleased that I had asked about Edward). Alice had explained that he was off seeing their mother and father – Esme and Carlisle Cullen. I wasn't deeply concerned about his absence, but it had just been a stray thought in my mind all evening.
Everyone laughed at Emmett's failure – even Rosalie. She gave him a quick kiss on the lips when he came to sit with her, pouting in a childish sort of way.
Riley was grinning, still holding her guitar in a proud manner. "Alright, who wants to challenge me now?" she asked boldly, puffing out her chest proudly. There was a brief pause around the living room when Jasper finally stood up with a serene smile on his face.
"I'll face you Riley," he volunteered. Alice cheered and slapped him lightly on his back as her fiancé went to stand by my daughter. He grabbed the guitar off the couch and strapped it over his shoulder. Riley grinned at him, winked, and began choosing the next song. I smiled as I watched my daughter perform in her own little world. For her, this was heaven. She was surrounded by people that loved her, with a game that she could play all day long and not get bored of.
Ever since she had been born, I had wanted what was best for her. I had wanted her to feel as though nothing could go wrong. She seemed perfectly happy in this state, with her family and her games. She enjoyed this, and I enjoyed watching her have fun. Any mother liked watching their children enjoy themselves – it was like a maternal instinct to make their child happy. But now, looking on the little scene, I realized that there was one thing missing from this piece of perfect heaven.
Riley needed a father.
Certainly, she didn't need a father like James, Laurent, or Jacob. They were horrible men, as they had showed. Riley needed someone who would step in for her whenever things got rough. I did that already, but she needed a father to do that. I knew that she loved me for what I was, and that I loved her in return, it was just that… she needed a father who could take her into his arms at night and croon her to sleep, a father that would protect her from any threat, and a father who would actually be physically able to play soccer with her out in our back yard without tripping over something that didn't exist.
It was coincidental that these thoughts happened to occur to me right as I realized again that Edward wasn't here. Or was it?
Alice seemed to see my expression from the couch. She stood and bounced over to where I stood, taking my hand like she always did when she wanted to talk to me in private. As discreetly as possible, I nodded. Alice led me into our kitchen that was relatively quiet besides the faint hammering of guitars and drums from the television.
"What's going on?" Alice demanded in that bossy voice she used whenever she wanted information. "You've been looking like that all night. Is something wrong?"
"I'm not sure," I confessed.
Alice frowned in bewilderment. She didn't like being confused, and confusion was also a very rare state of mind for her. She was very intuitive, and hardly ever missed a thing. Something I had said puzzled her. "What do you mean?" she asked sharply. Her green eyes bore into my brown ones mercilessly, and again for the hundredth time that night I was reminded of Edward.
"Once again, I don't know," I admitted truthfully. "Can't you read my mind or something? I can't put my feelings into words."
Alice snorted. "That's Edward's job," she scoffed. "He's like a psychic. When we were kids, Edward and I used to think that we had super powers. He could always tell what I was thinking, and I almost always knew what his next move would be. But like I said, I can't read minds. You're going to have to try and explain it to me. Out with it, woman."
I rolled my eyes and sat down at the kitchen table. Alice remained standing; her eyes on me in a hawk-like gaze that made me feel uncomfortable.
"Well, I don't know what's going on," I repeated for emphasis. Alice wasn't satisfied with this and rolled her eyes like I had seconds before. "I keep thinking about how Edward isn't here and how Riley needs a father… I don't know why these thoughts are clicking together now, of all times. I mean, I always knew Riley needed someone like a father in her life, but… I never actually thought about it until now. I've been feeling weird all night, you know? Like something isn't right." I really wasn't good with explaining things, and I never lied to my dearest friend Alice.
She was my main confidante, considering, as Jasper was overly protective of me every time I tried to tell him something. So Alice and I never lied to one another, and we never kept secrets. With anyone else, I would have felt awkward revealing this information. I could tell that my unsure thoughts were showing in the expression on my face.
This comment, however, seemed to make Alice grin from ear to ear. That was an expression that I had learned to be afraid of.
"Bella, do you know what this means?" Alice asked, her lips pursed.
I frowned. "What?"
"You're in love!" she squealed. Wrapping her tiny little arms around my neck, she pecked my cheek in that girly kind of way – the way best friends did whenever they hadn't seen each other in a long, long while. "You're in love with my big brother Edward! Oh, Bella, this is so great. You can't even begin to imagine how amazing-"
"Hold your horses for just a second. Wait scratch that. Your horses should have never left the station in the first place. What are you thinking, Alice?" I demanded.
Alice considered her response. She was a good debater, and usually took time with her answers. I awaited her verdict, but if it had anything to do with having feelings for her brother that I hardly knew, I would have to argue with her. Edward and I were coworkers, nothing more. We'd only been working with each other for a few days, so it shouldn't have been that big of a deal anyway. Everyone was so convinced that I was falling in love, even though I'd hardly known this man (who, might I add, would be my brother-in-law in a few months).
"Bells, it's time you settled down. Surely you see how we're all looking at this?" Alice began pacing restlessly. "Edward needs a woman in his life. You need a man. Riley needs a father. See, there's an equation forming here. And you know what it is? It isn't an inequality, but it has a one-number solution. There's an equal sign between the three. Don't you see where I'm going with this?"
"Alice, all because you want us to get together doesn't automatically mean that we're going to get together. You can't play Cupid," I told her.
"But remember in seventh grade when I did play Cupid? That was a great play."
I rolled my eyes. She wasn't seeing the point here. "Alice, I can't possibly have feelings for Edward. He's… he's just a coworker. And I'm doing just fine with Riley by myself. I'm not a helpless damsel."
"I never said you were," Alice pointed out. "But look at it like this. Have you ever seen Riley and Edward work together?" She eyed me curiously, an eyebrow rose as she awaited my answer. I considered this for a brief moment.
"No," I admitted.
Alice smirked. "See, now I have," she proclaimed brightly, perching herself on my counter now. She began fiddling with a drawer, opening it and closing it absentmindedly as she gazed intently at me. "While they were working on stage today, and Edward came up to help her with a few things, I felt something click in my brain. I watched them, and I finally noticed it. The way they are together, well, it just looked so natural. Like a father teaching a daughter how to properly punch someone."
I frowned, taking this into consideration. Alice knew that if there were any way to convince me, it would be through Riley. My daughter whom I loved so much. "But… Alice, I don't feel that way for him," I said quietly, burying my face in my hands. "I'm not ready."
"Not yet, honey," Alice comforted me, suddenly at my side. She wrapped an arms around my shoulders and helped me to my feet. "But trust me on this, okay? Talk to Riley about it tonight. I guarantee that if you get to know him outside the theater, you'll grow to love him." She kissed me on the cheek in that sisterly kind of way and led me back to the living room, where a proud Riley had just beaten Jasper.
So I took her advice. I waited until everyone had left, until Riley and I were sitting on the couch together like we sometimes did, sitting there in comfortable silence.
"Riley?" I asked, my voice breaking through the silence like a carving knife. Riley raised her head from my lap, where she had been falling asleep, and blinked at me groggily. Without waiting for a response, I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "What do you think of Edward? I mean, what do you think I should do about him?"
Riley blinked again, yawning and curling herself up at my side, her head tucked in the crook of my neck, her cheek resting on my shoulder. "I really like him, Mom. I think you do too. I think you two should go somewhere together," she suggested sleepily, her voice sounding like a yawn more than anything. I knew she was tired, but I wanted to talk with her about this before we went to bed.
"Really?" I questioned.
I felt Riley nod against my skin. She yawned again. "I mean, he's really nice and he means what he says. And I don't think he's broken a promise once. Mom, he's a good guy. I want you to be happy more than anything though, so it's your decision," she remarked.
Her words struck a chord in my mind, and a sudden determination flowed through me. I decided that I would ask him to go to dinner with me at the get-together tomorrow, which Alice had announced would be over at her and Jasper's house. I would have to make sure she was coming. For now, though, sleep was definitely in order for both my daughter and me. I hugged her shoulders and kissed the side of her head in a motherly sort of way. Riley didn't seem to acknowledge it, and yawned once more.
"Come on, sleepyhead," I urged her. "You need to get to bed."
She was already asleep, so I carried her up the stairs and laid down with her in my own bed. If only she knew how much I cared for her.
X-x-X
"Riley?" was the first word out of my mouth when I woke up the next morning.
My daughter was curled up against me, her eyes shut tightly. Her death-grip on my arm was what had awakened me. Her legs were twitching too, so I assumed that she was having a nightmare. She whimpered in her sleep, and I shook her shoulder gently to wake her.
"Riley?" I repeated worriedly.
She woke with a start, releasing me as her eyes flew open and she shot up into a sitting position. Sweat streaked her skin and her chocolate brown eyes were wide in terror. I watched her anxiously, gently touching her shoulder to alert her of my presence. She turned her head to look at me, and I was suddenly caught in the terror of her expression. But as soon as she saw me, she let out a sigh of relief and fell back into the pillows. She covered her face with her hands.
"I'm sorry if I woke you up," she grumbled.
"Oh, honey, that's okay." With a quick glance to the clock, I smiled. "It was about time we got up anyway. A nightmare, I'm guessing?"
Riley nodded and groaned. "About James. Again."
I frowned in worry. Out of all her nightmares, she dreamt about James the most. It worried me, of course, since I was probably the reason she dreamt about him anyway. I wrapped her in my arms and sighed. Riley didn't object as some teenagers might, and just remained silent as I cradled her in my arms protectively. "You know I won't ever let anything happen to you," I assured her.
"I know," she answered. "You've told me that on numerous occasions. Can I go take a shower?"
I released her instantly. "Of course, honey. Go get washed up. I'll make some breakfast, okay?" She nodded and climbed out of bed to go to her room and gather some clothes. I watched her go and got changed into a pair of designer Old Navy jeans I had gotten from Alice for Christmas last year. I pulled on one of my favorite blue sweaters and headed down to the kitchen. I opened up the window to let some fresh air into the house.
As soon as my head cleared from the fresh morning air, my thoughts instantly went to what I was planning to do today. I was going to ask Edward to go on a date with me. My cheeks turned pink at the very thought of it, and I almost lost all of my courage. It wasn't hard to see that I was scared.
It wasn't that I was scared of rejection. I was scared of dating again. What if Edward turned into some kind of psycho, and he hurt Riley just like my past boyfriends had hurt her? What if he hurt me? What if he moved back to Chicago because he was wanted for mass murder back in California? The 'what if' questions circled around my mind like vultures waiting to strike.
When Riley came downstairs to eat her breakfast, she looked like a bright person. She was wearing her favorite outfit – dark denims and a black shirt with a neon Mickey Mouse on it. I had bought it for her a few months ago at Navy Pier when she had been eyeing it in one of the stores. She wore it whenever we were going over her Uncle Jasper's house.
She grinned at me as she sat down at the table.
"Are you really going to ask Edward out today?" she asked excitedly as I set her plate of eggs in front of her. I frowned.
Damn, she had remembered our conversation from last night.
Well, I supposed that it was only to be expected. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair as I sat down across from her with my own breakfast in front of me. I wasn't really surprised, but I didn't really want to talk about it right now. "Yeah, I am," I informed her in a soft tone. I felt Riley pat my arm, and when I looked up, she was looking at me and smiling brightly.
"That's great, Mom," she told me whole-heartedly. "I'm glad, I really am. I can't wait to see his reaction."
You can't wait for him to push me away? I thought bitterly. Riley seemed to read the expression on my face, and she frowned in disdain.
"Mom, if he turns you down, he doesn't know what he's missing. He'd be on my permanent Hate List," she announced proudly. Riley's frown turned back into a smile as she began shoveling food into her mouth. She ate like her father.
"Whoa, Bells, this is great. You cook awesome for a pregnant woman," James teased me as he shoveled his dinner into his mouth. Charlie and Jasper were out for the night, doing some weird kind of father-son type of thing. James had offered to come and spend some time with me, so I had made him dinner.
I elbowed him playfully. "That's not really nice," I teased him.
"Well, that baby putting itself in your stomach wasn't so nice either," he answered, his voice sounding as playful as mine. He smiled towards me, but I frowned. My hand instinctively went to my swollen stomach where our baby girl was growing.
"Don't say that," I answered. "You'll hurt her feelings."
"What, the kid's? Yeah, right. It can't even hear me," James replied.
This was the main thing that we didn't agree on. I had learned to accept that I was pregnant, and since Charlie proclaimed himself a Christian, I wasn't allowed to get an abortion. Not that I really wanted one. James had been pushing for one though, and he had told me that he didn't want me being a mother so young. He'd constantly tell me that he was sorry for having sex with me on my seventeenth birthday, but I continually forgave him. It happened.
I laughed at my daughter lightly. "You actually have a hate list?" I asked jokingly.
Riley frowned, and she didn't find this funny at all. "Of course I do," she announced. "You could probably guess who's on it."
Yes, sadly I could.
X-x-X
Edward
"I can't wait until tonight!" Alice sang as she finished her hot dog from the stand just down the pier from where we were sitting.
Jasper had stayed home to clean the house (he was the only male I knew that actually took the time to clean his own house), and Alice had taken me out to Navy Pier for lunch and a little bit of clothes shopping. She had declared that my wardrobe from California simply didn't fit the Chicago scene, so I had grudgingly agreed to go with her to buy some clothes. We had about three bags.
"What's tonight?" I asked confusedly.
Alice regarded me for a moment as if I were insane. Then she blinked and smiled. "I forgot, you weren't there last night. Tonight, we're having another get-together at our house. That's why Jasper stayed behind to clean the house. The party pooper." She frowned at this thought. "Anyways, everyone's going to be there. It'll be like a party!"
"What kind of party?" I questioned, and I couldn't help but think that Bella would be there tonight.
"Well, since we don't have a Wii like Bella and Riley, a dancing party!" Alice exclaimed. "Just the six – oh, well, since you're here… seven – of us. Sometimes Emmett drinks beer and goes all out karaoke. It's a lot of fun. Riley dances a lot, and it's fun to watch her. Bella normally just stands off to the side, so maybe you could keep her company tonight?" She rose an eyebrow suggestively. I shook my head and fiddled with the shake she had bought me. I remembered my conversation with Jasper a few days ago.
"What? Why not?" she demanded, sticking out her bottom lip in a pout.
"Jasper talked to me," I confessed. I wasn't going to lie to my little sister, because I trusted her with the truth. "He told me to stay away from Bella."
Alice scowled. "He did not," she growled lethally under her breath. I instantly felt sorry for Jasper, because I knew she was going to yell at him when we got home. "Well, don't listen to him. I remember it now, and I'm pretty sure he told you something about Bella. Well, whatever you know, that's exactly the reason you need to spend time with her tonight. What Jasper said to you about staying away from her and all that bull shit, ignore it."
"What did happen to Bella? He wasn't specific," I probed.
Alice frowned at him. "Edward, that isn't my business to tell you. Bella will have to tell you when she's ready. Just know that she is fragile in her view of men. She and her daughter have been through a lot together. But because she's been through a lot, I want her to be happy. And I think to do that, she's going to need a man. You."
"So you're playing matchmaker?" I asked skeptically.
She scowled at me and slapped me on the arm. "No, I'm trying to make you both happy. Shut up, and finish that milk shake. Everyone will be over soon, and we have to stop by the supermarket on the way home to pick up groceries for the cookout."
We did as she said, and by the time we got home, Emmett's huge Jeep was already in the driveway.
"Eddie!" Emmett exclaimed as soon as I walked in. He was sitting on the couch with Rosalie, an arm draped around her shoulders. In his hand was a beer. Alice looked at me knowingly, and I smiled. Emmett was drunk already.
"Don't call me that," I answered irritably. Even though he was drunk, the nickname from our childhood annoyed me. "Where's Bella and Riley? Shouldn't they be here too?"
"They're always the last ones to get here," Rosalie informed me as Alice flitted to the kitchen with her bag of groceries. "Bella normally takes Riley somewhere before they come here. Some kind of mother-daughter bonding time, I guess. Not they need much bonding. Those two are tighter than a pair of jeans."
"You can't blame them," came Jasper's voice from the kitchen. Suddenly Bella's older brother was in the doorway. "They've been through a lot." His eyes flickered to me, and I frowned, remembering Alice's advice about ignoring his.
"I never said they weren't," Rosalie protested.
"Of course you didn't babe," Emmett cooed, planting a huge kiss on her cheek. Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and I laughed at his drunk antics. Right as we were laughing, someone rang the doorbell.
Alice flitted to the door. "Go get dressed into something proper," she hissed at me, and I looked down at myself. What was wrong with my outfit. Rolling my eyes, I took my new clothes upstairs to the spare bedroom where I was staying. I could still hear what was going on downstairs though, as I pulled on my new jeans and my new shirt.
"We're not late, are we?" I heard Riley ask.
"Of course not," came Alice's voice.
"Is Edward here?" I heard Bella say.
Unexpected butterflies flitted around my stomach at that statement. Why had she asked about me? Did she want me here? Did she want me gone? The curiosity was eating at my stomach like a parasite, and suddenly was dying to go down and see what was going on. So I hurriedly pulled on the rest of my clothing and started heading for the stairs. As I descended down to the main floor, I heard Alice answer,
"Yeah. He's getting dressed. You look very nice, Bella."
As soon as I rounded the corner, I saw exactly what my little sister meant.
Bella was beautiful. She was wearing these hip-hugging dark denim jeans that clung to her waist. Her top was a deep hyacinth blue, a ruffled blouse that was a one-shoulder top. The sleeves went down to her elbows, showing the rest of the pale white skin of her long arms. She was wearing silver diamond earrings, and black ballet flats. She was beautiful, and there was no other word to describe it, really.
Riley looked nice too. She was wearing a similar outfit to her mother's though she had a red sleeveless blouse instead. She didn't look nearly as breathtaking as her mother.
Something in my expression made a flash of red spread across Bella's skin. It made me smile.
"Hello, Bella," I said to her quietly. She smiled at me.
"Hello, Edward," she answered softly.
"Hey, Edward!" Riley greeted me too, thrusting her hand out in front of her as if we had just met. I took her hand and shook it. I wonder if her mother had the same, smooth, soft texture to her skin that Riley did. I had no attraction for the young girl, of course, but I couldn't help but compare her to her mother.
"Now it's a party!" we all heard Emmett slur from the living room. I heard Rosalie laugh, and clinking from the kitchen where Jasper probably was.
Alice smiled at Bella and I and took Bella's hand. She led her best friend into the living room cheerfully, and Riley and I had no choice but to follow. Alice led us all to sit down and we all did so, making ourselves comfortable. I didn't notice how Alice and Riley seemed to take up the last two single chairs in the room, and Alice frowned in fake apology.
"I hope you two don't mind sitting on the loveseat," she said apologetically, her eyes going to the one seat left for Bella and I to sit on. I sent her a meaningful glare, and I was shocked to find Bella doing the same exact thing. Something about our expressions made Riley giggle and clap her hands over her mouth when her mother sent her a look. Bella turned her head to look at me, a blush across her cheeks.
"You don't mind, do you?" she asked softly.
"Of course not," I answered politely, doing everything I could to not show how secretly pleased I was about us sitting together. If Bella saw how happy I was about this, she would probably get scared and run off.
We sat together, and as soon as we did so, it felt like an electric current was running through the pair of us – through our bodies. I did everything I could to not take her hand or touch her. We were both scooted as far away from each other as possible, both of us a little awkward in this situation. Conversation started up around us, but neither of us said much.
It was about an hour before Jasper came in to call us out to the patio for dinner. In that time, Bella and I had gradually gotten closer, and now the bare skin of our arms was touching.
Bella and I were reluctant to get up, but Bella said, "Edward could I talk to you for a moment alone?"
"Of course," I answered, bewildered. What could she possibly have to say to me? It had something to do with Alice and Riley. I knew this because Alice looked as happy as she could be as she bounced out the door to her fiancé, and Riley winked at her mother and gave her thumbs up. I had the feeling that there was a conspiracy going on around me.
As soon as everyone had cleared the room, including a bellowing Emmett who had randomly began singing Linkin Park songs out loud to the world, Bella looked down at her feet, looking exceedingly uncomfortable.
"Bella, is something wrong?" I asked anxiously.
"No, no. Nothing's wrong," she said quickly. When she looked back up at me, her face was a bright candy apple red. "Well, I was wondering…" She paused for such a long time that I wondered if she would continue. "I was wondering, you know, if you'd like to go to dinner tomorrow or something. At Navy Pier, maybe. I just thought that I'd like to get to know you a little bit, but if you don't want to go, I perfectly understand. I mean, Alice sort of talked me into this, but I really do want to get to know you and-"
"Bella, you're rambling," I reminded her, and Bella instantly closed her mouth and looked at the ground again in embarrassment.
"I understand," she mumbled quietly as she tried to move past me. I gently put my hand on her shoulder, and she jumped, startled by the contact. Her beautiful chocolate brown eyes gazed back at me for a moment, some kind of grief in her eyes that made my heart break.
"Bella, I wasn't going to say no," I told her quietly. "I would love to get to know you better. Of course I would like to go to dinner with you. The offer was simply unexpected."
She blinked, taking that in. I smiled when she did, and she looked so relieved that my smile turned into a grin.
We were going to do this. There was no turning back now.
EOC: Ooh! How did you like that chapter, guys? A little shorter than last chapter, but I had to finish it so I could get out to all of you. I'm really happy with myself, because this chapter turned out better than I expected. Also, I would like to ask you a question. Since I've been kind of lazy about updating, I was wondering if you guys would like something special in penance or something. Because I've been writing this excerpt from later on in the story that's really exciting and awesome, and I sort of want to share it with you. If you review, tell me what you think. Do you want me to post something exciting from later on in the story? Huh? Huh? Huh? XD Tell me, please! Thanks for reading, and I'll update soon (if you want me to post the exciting thing), Dark and Wild.
Also, I apologize for any typos. I wrote this chapter fast so I could get it done, lol.