Act III

Though we travel the world over

to find the beautiful,

we must carry it with us

or we will not find it.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

July 1880

Erik

Anna had been Marie's governess for just over a year, and in that time Erik had seen a difference in Christine's daughter. She was a bright child, of course, so she had learned much from Anna's lessons, but there also seemed a change in her behavior. Marie was more subdued and well-behaved in general these days. In the time before Anna had come, Marie had recognized how much he adored her, and had used it to her advantage. She had gotten away with much mischief before having a governess. It seemed that while Anna enjoyed the girl's company, she was clear with her discipline, and Marie's conduct reflected that.

She was on her way to becoming the lady Christine would have had her become. He felt a pride in Marie's progress, but at the same time he felt a great sense of gratitude towards the young woman who had taught her. She was able to teach the girl so much more than that which was in books. For one, she was teaching Marie social skills. This was something in which he could never hope to instruct her. Such was the curse of living a solitary life. But what was he to do – go into public? That was not allowed. His world was now Christine and Raoul's estate…just as he had lived the majority of his life in the Opera Populaire. Here, he was not cursed to solitude. He could gaze out on the world and observe its beauty. At times, he wished he were in his dungeon once more. Here, he could observe the world, but he was still unable to enjoy it firsthand while the sun crept through the sky. It was a fate he had never regretted until now.

In the deepest part of his heart he held some hope. Christine had given it to him all those years ago. His current living conditions kept this flickering glimmer from being extinguished. It lifted his spirits to have visitors, to share his space with others. Since he had formally met Marie's governess, and especially since their night-time walk, he did not feel so isolated. He did not lock himself in his room all hours of the day, as he had for some time before.

He would dine with Anna and Marie on occasion at dinner, would come down when

Madame Giry or Meg and Rose visited, and he found it freeing to be on a floor other than his own. He was not sure whether Miss Richardson knew her effect on him.

Anna

After that night they had walked, things had changed for Anna as well. While her bruised ankle had healed, the memory of that night would not leave her. Her manner was different now in light of what she had learned that night. Not only with Erik himself, but also with everyone else she came into contact with it. She spoke differently to Marie and acted with more understanding. Madame Giry noticed the newfound sense of awareness about the girl.

And the other servants? Had she been able to select whose behavior she could change back, it would be theirs. Her relationship with the other servants had been easier then. They would joke and laugh together, and Anna had felt a sense of camaraderie around them. But she had separated herself from them by associating with Erik. Their behavior had changed very quickly after the night of Marie's birthday, but it had taken her a while to notice the change. No longer did they treat her as an equal. When she'd enter the room, all talk would stop. She would hear a "Hello" maybe, nothing more. It was about a month after Marie's birthday that it was revealed to her their true feelings.

She had walked into the kitchen one afternoon, quietly, to hear the maids whispering to one another about her. Of course, it was Charlotte who said the comment that struck a knife to Anna´s heart. "I can't believe she's become one of 'those' girls. I really thought she was better than that. But now she's just as bad as the whores in the street. Cavorting with one´s employer is in very bad taste."

That entire week, she could not show her face to them for fear that she would burst into tears. The behavior of her 'friends' upset her deeply. It became evident that they thought she was sleeping with her employer for special treatment, when nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, she spent time with Erik…but it was nothing like that…was it?

Erik

He noticed something was wrong when she was in his study one afternoon. Anna was usually quite talkative, but today there was no trace of her sunny disposition visible. When he spoke with her, she did not respond, but nodded, seeming distracted. Erik attempted to speak with her, but after a few minutes, it became too much for her to sit. Anna walked to the window and looked out. What was wrong? What could he do about it?

Anna

After five minutes of gazing out the window, Anna had come to a conclusion: it was far too bothersome to think of what others thought of her. Why did she care so much? Knowing Erik was probably surprised by her behavior, she explained, "I can't speak as we normally do tonight, Sir. I'm troubled."

He got out of his chair and approached her. "Whatever by?"

She seemed hesitant to reveal it to him. But his eyes were too pleading…she could not simply leave him in the dark. Surely he must know what was thought of him. "By this…by the way we go on." She turned away from him, not wanting to look at him as she spoke. It was too embarrassing. "I know there isn't anything to it…but I wish the other servants would see that." It had taken a lot of courage for her to actually come out and say it. How she wished he would understand and leave it at that. But he did not. "I regret that having you as a friend would have such horrid consequences for me."

"What are you saying?"

She didn't mean to take an annoyed tone with him, but this was ridiculous.

"You shouldn't sound so naive." He was a man, wasn't he? Why should he sound like he didn't know what she was saying? "A woman, speaking alone to a man? I should have known they'd assume the worst. I can't believe it. They scarcely treat me like I'm human any more." Certainly men knew more of such matters, didn't they? She could hardly look at him now, since he was the source of all this trouble. Why had she ever gone outside with him, alone? That was what had started this whole mess.

Erik

When they spoke, he usually kept his distance from her. Perhaps it was this distance that kept him from knowing what she truly meant. He stepped closer to her, not too close but just enough so he could look into her eyes. She looked back at him and he saw a new emotion in her eyes, one he had never wished to see. It was always easy to read her emotions, but he wished that he didn't see this. It was disgust. Regret. Shame. She looked much like a wounded animal, wishing for death's speedy arrival. Why should she look so hurt? He certainly understood now, but this was unforeseen. He could not speak…what could he possibly say? He paused a moment, trying to think of something that would make her feel better. Finding nothing, he thought of his own actions and regretted they should have such consequences. He had never meant for his association with her to spread his own alienation from society to her.

An apology was all he could give. "Miss Richardson, it is I who have caused this misunderstanding…" She did not seem to be paying attention to him. "Miss Richardson…" She still did not look at him. "…Anna." His use of her Christian name promptly brought her attention to him, as he meant it to do. "Do stop questioning your own actions. You have not acted in any way that was not proper. It is perhaps I who should be ashamed. I can see the error I have made. A young woman such as yourself should not be walking around at night...especially with the likes of me. I apologize. I should have acted with more discretion. I am entirely to blame."

Her eyes reflected how powerless she felt. "What am I to do? If I tried to explain, they would not believe me. Who would ever think that a young woman could be friends with a man? As true as it is, you would agree that it is a very rare occurrence, especially between someone like you and someone like I."

He nodded. "It is not a matter which you can fix on your own. I do not know if

I can, either, but I will try my best. I will speak with Demme personally and instruct her to pass on my words to the other servants. I have much influence…a personal appearance would certainly send a message."

Anna

He was going to speak with the servants. Anna seemed to sense that such an action was out of Erik's comfort zone, but also heard the sense of determination in his voice. "…are you sure?" He nodded in response and she submitted to the plan he had. She hoped it would have the outcome he desired.

Erik

When Anna left that night, Erik stood thinking at the window, staring out into space. Why hadn't he seen the results of his actions? How could he have been so stupid? Honestly. Anna was a governess, he was the supposed 'master of the house.' He held no real power in running the household. However, since the servants had never had a face-to-face meeting with him before, he held more of a psychological power over them. He was always better at that, anyway. He would plan out his words, his actions…he would use his voice. He had always known his voice could be intimidating.

He had to do it; he had to fix things for her. It was he who had put her in this dilemma. Erik thought of how she had looked in his study that night. Powerless, angry, distraught, all feelings he wished never to see displayed on her lovely face. They did not seem right. Anna was not at all a powerless individual. Though she may have been born a woman, she did everything it was in her power to do to control her life for the better. A momentary slip of judgment on his part and she could lose the relationships she had worked so hard to cultivate with the other servants. It wasn't like he could simply keep her to himself. That was not fair to her. She was a social creature, and without the association of others, she would surely lose the spark of life he saw in her eyes. And it was the prospect of that event that made it final. He would repair her reputation, if it was the last thing he did.

It was a day that Anna had taken Marie into the city to visit Madame Giry that he chose to put his thoughts into action. He had planned and rehearsed this day for at least a week; he had never been one to blather on, so he would speak in a way that was concise yet full of meaning. As he walked down the stairs, alone, he felt uncomfortable. This was not his normal way of behaving. It was more comfortable for his demeanor to stay locked on the third floor. But driven by Anna, as he was that night he had gone outside, his feet continued moving him forward. He wore his normal outfit, black trousers and a white buttoned shirt, but today added the suit coat in order to strike a more formal and imposing figure. He hoped all would be well.

Anna had told him that Madame Demme usually had a cup of tea at this time of the afternoon, so he made his way to the servants' dining room. In passing through the kitchen, he came upon a few maids, who absently curtsied to him, unable to do anything more. Their faces reflected the mixture of shock and fear they felt. Who was this man, and why was he intruding into their territory? They would have their answers soon enough.

He knocked on the door to the dining room and waited. He heard footsteps and grumbling. Madame Demme began to speak, "Charlotte, you don't need to knock on the door, you can come…" Erik stopped her, mid-sentence. This person was not

Charlotte. "Hello, Sir."

"Good afternoon." Neither did Erik's tone nor his face hold any warmth. It was all part of the plan. "Madame Demme, might I have a word with you?" The same shock and fear he had seen in the faces of the maids was on her face.

Looking down, she nodded. "Yes, yes…of course, sir. Come right in." She took a seat by her teacup while he sat across from her. As if forgetting something, she stood, saying, "Could I get you any tea, sir?"

He shook his head. "No." She sat back down and was silent. Obviously he had come to speak with her. She would not interrupt, for she feared what would happen if she did. Madame Demme was a large figure, effective at striking fear in the heart in any brash maid or cheeky stable-boy. What a change this was! She seemed scared out of her wits. He waited a long moment, his eyes seeming to burn holes through her into the wall behind her. He began, then. "I've come on behalf of Miss Richardson."

She should have known. Demme opened her mouth as if to speak, but found the words would not come. He was glad she could not say anything. Any words she might say would only anger him further. Why did they assume such hurtful things of someone like Anna? "I have heard what is being thought of her and I would like to speak with you about it. You are to tell the other servants of our discussion, word for word. Are we in agreement?"

Demme nodded and he went on. "Whatever is being said, it needs to stop. You may not trust me, I understand, but you are to trust Miss Richardson. Do not spread your obvious animosity toward me in her direction. Perhaps you do not know her very well, but one thing should be very clear to you. She is of such moral fiber that I wish more people in the world acted as she does. These rumors must stop…think of me what you will, but please do not stain her reputation with 'what ifs.' Hate me if you will, you have reason enough, but give her a chance. She would never say a bad word about anyone. There was one night in which I let my thoughts of her well-being slip, and my actions have created this confusion. I am not the monster you think I am. And she is certainly nothing of the sort." He took a long breath and noticed the housekeeper glancing at him. More specifically, the mask. "You are to treat her with as much courtesy and respect as she treats you. Or I will get involved. Do you understand? You do not want that, by any means."

Again, she could do nothing but nod blankly. "I know everything that is going on in this house, like it or not. I see what is done, and I hear what is said. I will know if you are treating Miss Richardson in a way not suitable to her character." This man, this Erik, left the first floor having thoroughly frightened one housekeeper and two maids. His threats were not physical ones, but somehow they were just as effective. Faced with the choice of treating the governess nicely or losing their jobs, it was obvious what behavior they had chosen. And out of fear, the three accepted his words and followed his directions accordingly. What influence Miss Richardson had! If this man had spoken about her character, it must truly be as he said it was.

Before the night was over, the servants stopped gossiping about Anna, and had started talking to her again. While Anna was glad that she was not met with silence, she couldn't help thinking that Erik had intimidated them into accepting her. That would not do. The Erik she had gotten to know would never act in that way towards her. Why should he treat others that way? She blamed his lack of interaction with others for this. How could they do anything about it? She would have to find a way.

Anna's guess that Erik had scared the servants into treating her nicely was correct. They seemed on their best behavior, for fear of the consequences if they acted otherwise. Thinking of the few moments they had seen him, the maids quivered with fear. The mask had frightened them most. Madame Demme, too, did not like the fact he wore it on his face. There was something dark and dangerous about someone with a secret, someone who hid from the world. Would they ever know the truth? Did they want to? Until the time when they were faced with the discovery of this secret, they would rather forget about the shadowy figure that had visited them that day.

Anna

In the preceding months, so much had happened. To Anna, Erik had gone from a complete stranger to an interesting and complex individual with whom she could talk. A friend. She had gotten along with the other servants, but it seemed strange that she was so at ease with Erik, a man who was years older than her. In spite of the suggestions of his dark past and his threatening actions towards the servants, she did not feel like she was in danger around him.

Children sometimes have more insightful minds than those for which we give them credit. Marie was young, but in the time she had been a student under Anna, she had gotten to know her. With this familiarity came a sense for what she was feeling. Anna knew the girl was smart, but it wasn't until Marie revealed it to her that she knew the true extent of it. It happened one day, after their lessons. The two of them sat in the second floor study, drawing pictures. Marie's kitten was slowly taking shape, while Anna's lake with ducks in it appeared too lumpy to be real. Anna would never make it as an artist. Thank goodness she was a governess. Troubled by her lack of talent, she had stopped drawing when Marie put down her colored pencil. "Anna?"

'Anna' sounded so much better than 'Miss Richardson.' She would never get used to being called by her last name. "Yes?"

The little girl's eyes seemed a bit unsure about what she was about to say. "Can I ask you something? Promise you won't be mad."

"Mon petit, I could be upset by you, but nothing you could ask could ever make me angry with you. What is it?" Anna hoped her words were reassuring to the child.

"It's Uncle Erik. He likes you, I think."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Marie never had this uncomfortable look on her face. Anna needed to find out why her statement brought such discomfort.

"What do you mean, Marie?" Oh no, not Marie too. If she had known her friendship with 'Uncle Erik' would cause so many problems, Anna would never have started talking with him. The girl looked away from her, seeming to think about something. "Please, tell me what you mean. I won't be mad."

"Uncle Erik and I don't do so much anymore together. Doesn't he like me anymore?"

So that was it. She was jealous. Anna knew it would come, but was unprepared to deal with it. She stood up, went over to the girl's chair, knelt by her, and took her hands. "Marie, angel…he could never love anyone more than he loves you. He would give anything to know that you are safe. I assure you that you will always hold you in a very special place in his heart. I can tell he cares for you…he is so proud of what you've learned so far and what you are to learn in the future. You are the apple of his eye, the beat of his heart. You are everything to him. I could never interfere with that. You are his very world, child."

Marie's facial expression relaxed and she nodded. "I just…I forget, sometimes.

Don't tell him, all right?"

"My lips are sealed." The girl seemed a bit upset still, so Anna thought it wise to comfort her further. "He sleeps most the day…maybe you could write him a note asking if he could take you riding one of these afternoons. I know how much you enjoy it. Surely he doesn't know how you feel unless you let him know."

"Yes…I can…will you help me?"

After her conversation with Marie that afternoon, Anna had to sit down and evaluate her feelings for Erik…and his feelings for her. She found herself unsure on both counts. She enjoyed talking with Erik, as they could discuss a topic for hours and not get bored. Sometimes their opinions differed, but when they disagreed, it was always a respectful debate that occurred. Her fear was gone, but her curiosity remained. What had caused him to become like this? What was under his mask? She knew what the other servants had thought. Were they right? Was that the end result of all this? Was he only out to seduce her? There had to be a reason they assumed what they did. They had spent various nights alone in his study…talking of course, but they had been alone. If he had so desired, she could not have refused his advances. She would have been helpless to resist. He could easily overpower her if he wanted. And she doubted that she would even want to resist…her heart would have given in, in spite of the many things her brain would have found wrong with the situation.

Erik

He knew he was being a hypocrite. He had spoken to the housekeeper on Anna's behalf, to 'clear things up,' but still he felt a deep, personal interest in her. She did not monopolize his thoughts; he could not let her, it would not have been safe. His obsession for Christine had driven him to commit unspeakable acts, and these acts had done nothing but to estrange the girl further. He mustn't let the past repeat itself. Once was enough.

He found satisfaction in this friendship, in their conversations, yet he wanted more. It was in July that he sensed she knew his feelings for her had changed. But he mustn't do what his desires whispered, it would be nearly as bad as every act he had committed for Christine. But how to possess her, truly possess her, within her own boundaries?

She said little as they sat in the downstairs library. She would not look at him for as long, but simply sat in one place, hands entwined, legs crossed gracefully at the ankle. It was her silence that told him something was wrong. So this was how it was going to happen. She was simply going to wait for him to tell her how he felt. The pressure to say the right words seemed to be crushing him. This was worse than his talk with Madame Demme. What could he possibly say? What were her feelings? He wished he could come right out and ask her, but knew such an action was not proper. So, instead of confessing his own feelings right then and there, he looked outside. "Would you like to go for a walk?"

Anna

When he made this request of her, all she could do was nod weakly. As they walked, she was silent, too troubled to speak. It was a walk that had started all this. He had not given her any reason not to trust him, but she still questioned his motives. What would he say? What was the truth? What would he do?

Erik

It did not take very long for Erik to realize this walk was not like the other he had taken with Anna. Instead of looking at her, he looked at the ground ahead of him. He felt like hiding…her silence was worse than anything she could say. Why did she seem so upset? Would his words even help? They needed some privacy if he was to say to her what he felt. This was certainly not where he wanted to have such a conversation with her, out in the open. It was still somewhat light out, so they would obviously be seen. Where could they go? Slowly they approached the stable. Ah, that would work. Instead of saying anything to her, he simply led her to the stable. Opening the door for her, he saw that there was no one inside. No one, that is, but the horses, Anna, and himself.

Anna

'What is he doing?' Anna thought. Would all that she feared come to pass? Is this a place that would hold horrid memories? Would he hurt her? In order to soothe her fears, she approached a black stallion with a brass nameplate above his stall saying his name was Fantomê, the French word for ghost. She began to gently rub the horse's snout, the horse cooperating with her. Slowly, she relaxed, looking into the horse's dark eyes. She should do this more often…she would not be so tightly wound. All her troubles melted into nothingness as this Fantomê shared his silent wisdom with her.

Erik

Erik watched her silently as she rubbed the horse´s snout. 'Fantome'? How ironic was that? He had the desire to laugh but knew it would not improve Anna's current mood. That out of all the horses in the stable, she should pick one with a name like that. What was wrong with her tonight? Usually she was at ease when they were together. She seemed…scared, was it? He did not wish for her to seem so troubled. He would calm her; he must, if he was to reveal how he felt. Talk of Marie always helped. "Marie tells me you've been wanting to take her to the museum." Oh, how he wished that his tone could speak for itself. But she was distracted tonight, he would have to act. He would have to do that for which he had never prepared, share his feelings.

Anna

"Yes, I have." Was he trying to start a conversation? What was the point if he was only out to do something horrid? Shouldn't he just get to it? "She says you've been asking more about her lessons these days…wanting to help her, and things of that sort."

"Yes. It seemed to me, after we rode that afternoon, that I've been neglecting her. And that is the last thing I'd ever want to do. It breaks my heart to think how she must have felt." She stopped when he spoke of his heart. He seemed sincere enough in his feelings for Marie, but she was still not completely sure of what he intended for her. She turned her attention back to the horse. Anna did not look back at him until he said her name. Her first name. She had heard others speak her name before, but something about the way he said it was different. It was more a sigh than a spoken word, more a song than a name.

Erik

"Anna." To this point, it seemed the word had been stuck in his throat. It came out like the babbling of a brook…so comforting that he could live the rest of his life saying that solitary word. She did not object to this use of her first name, but said nothing, looking at him and turning away from the horse. "You've been around me long enough to know a little bit about me. You seem to realize I do not feel like I belong. I have my own world…my mind, my music, my thoughts. Outside of this world, very few others. Those who I have made a connection with are women, as I do not associate with those of my own sex…I have no desire to do such a thing. It seems that those women with whom I've connected myself with: Christine, Meg, Madame Giry…you…" He paused for a moment when he spoke of Anna herself. "It seems these women existed outside of the world which put me in this mask…that world which does not welcome me. I guess that these women have come into my world, if only for moments at a time." This might as well be the place that he tell her. He hoped she would accept his words.

Anna

Anna looked at him for the longest time, silent, trying to search his eyes for what his true meaning was. Where was he going with this? "I don't understand why you're telling me this." She suddenly felt weak, as if her legs were going to give out from beneath her. Putting a hand on the wall in case she'd need support, she asked, "What do you mean?"

Erik

For a moment he felt a twinge of anger that she should be so blind. It soon passed. "Anna, I've grown rather fond of you. I've grown accustomed to your face…to your manner. You are a very pleasant young woman...and your friendship means much to me." The two of them had been facing each other several feet apart. He stepped towards her and touched the sleeve of her dress with two of his fingers, so soft that it was almost not a touch at all. "Anna…I don't want to be in my own world so much of the time." The fabric of her dress was soft, and he looked down at it.

It was then that she spoke, but her voice was a bit shaky. "So they were right, then."

She had not responded to him the way he had thought. Had he expected her to? She looked as if she had just been condemned to die. Oh no, she couldn't think?!…damn it. "'They'? The other servants?" Erik took his hand from her sleeve and looked at her, dismayed. "I thought we had gotten over that." He was shocked that she spoke in such a way when he was speaking honestly to her. He would rather the fear in her eyes was not there. He had not meant to frighten her when revealing his deepest desires.

"Yes, well…they think so. However, the two of us have yet to establish exactly what is going on. What the nature of our relationship truly is. I like having a friend...but is that what we are? Is that what you want of me?" Her voice had gotten stronger, now with twinges of sarcasm mixed in with her words. These hit straight into Erik's heart. He might as well tell her the whole of it now and risk his heart being dashed to pieces. He might burst if he kept it inside any longer.

"Anna, I thought we had an unspoken bond of friendship. Perhaps I was wrong, since you seem so frightened of me. I'm going to come right out and let you know what I've come to feel for you. I can't fight it anymore. I feel something for you, deep in my heart." He touched the left side of his chest to illustrate his point. "You must believe me. It was never and will never be my intent to transform you into something which you are not or to make you do things which you would not do. The last thing I would like to do is to mislead you. But I would like to be with you. Love you. The way you want, the way you need…the way that both the world and your heart would accept."

He saw a sense of regret in her eyes. Surely she knew that he took everything seriously, and it had hurt him for her to speak in such a mocking tone. "I didn't know…how could I?" Her tone had relaxed and she tried to comfort him.

"You're always so secretive." Her fear was thrown aside, as if it were a garment she were wearing. This was Erik, her friend, offering his very heart to her.

"I didn't expect you to know, I am quite good at hiding things about myself." The truth must be told. "You know, I'm doing something quite out of the ordinary, telling you what I feel, but it is important. Would you like to know what I said when I spoke with the housekeeper? I told her that though she may not trust me, you are to be trusted. That you are of such integrity that such questioning as the others had done was a crime against your nature. I see that part of you, and I hope you realize that. I am sure that has something to do with why I feel this way for you." All of a sudden his voice, which had been so soft, turned hard. "I don't think you understand, although you certainly try. I want to feel something good in my life…for so long I've lived alone, hating everyone and everything. It is not an existence I want to continue. I will not survive much longer without you…you've become as necessary for me to live as food or air." He noticed she said nothing in response, and his voice returned to its former soft tone. "You don't need to say anything…" He feared what she would say. "I just want you to think of it. Whenever you are ready…I will be waiting for your response. I don´t want to force you to feel a way you do not feel, but I want you to examine your heart and let me know what you find."

Anna

'I've never known a man so aware of his emotions as Erik,' Anna thought. What could she say in response to him? She was too ashamed of her fear of him, too shocked by the intensity of his feelings, to even speak. Nothing else coming to mind, she murmured a heartfelt, "thank you." Something in his speech had helped her not to feel so weak and helpless any longer. Maybe it was the way he had praised her character. Maybe it was the way he had worded it. No matter the cause, she accepted his praise and his challenge. "Yes, you will have an answer. Only…I need time…to think."

"The one thing of which I have much." How sad that he would say such a thing. Everyone had time, didn't they? Was there nothing else of abundance in his life?

Erik

When they parted that night, Erik had expected to go on as they had before.

Little did he know that the time she had asked for was time she needed to spend

away from him. Breaking their routine left him feeling as if each new day without her was more peculiar than the one before; it was agonizing, being without her. It was through Marie that he got word of her. When she came to his study to play her scales and a few new pieces on the piano, the little girl seemed to sense the seclusion he felt.

"Uncle Erik?" she asked, after she had finished playing. He was sitting at his desk when she called out to him.

"Yes, my darling?" He stood, approaching her and leaning against the piano.

"You miss her, don't you?" Her young eyes saw much more than that for which he had given them credit. Marie's two brown ones obviously saw through Erik's façade to his inner feelings. She did very well at that.

"She's okay, Uncle Erik. Don't worry."

He took her hand and patted it gently. "It comforts me to hear that." He was not comfortable talking with Marie about his feelings for Anna, so he changed the subject. "How are your lessons going?"

"They're getting harder. But Anna helps me to understand."

"She's good at that, isn't she?"

"Yes. She doesn't get mad when I don't understand."

"That's called patience. It's a good thing to have. A virtue."

Never having been normal enough to attend worship services, Erik nonetheless knew as much about religion as he did about ancient history, music, and art. And as he went through day after day without Anna, he thought of the martyrs. Pain for a purpose. A sweet reward waiting for them in heaven. They bore their suffering well. How did they stand it? Were there rewards for him, either in this life or beyond it?

His darling Marie provided a date on which his suffering would end, and Erik glimpsed the end to his exile away from Anna. "She told me she's going to have a birthday in August."

"Really? When?"

Marie told him the date and continued to talk, but his thoughts were elsewhere.

Birthdays had always been a foreign idea for him. One day on which people gathered together to celebrate the occasion of one's birth. He had never had a birthday, much less a party. He wasn't sure the date of his birth, so it was not possible to celebrate. Even if he did know it, he did not think he would ever feel happy on such a day, given the circumstances of his life. However, with Marie, he had seen how birthdays were to be, days of celebration and joy. Those sort of days were ones he desperately needed in his life. Now, as he looked at Marie, he could see the beginnings for a plan forming in her mind for Anna. "Are you planning something, Marie?"

The girl grinned. "Yes. I'm making her something special…but it's a secret."

"You can trust me, Marie."

"I knew I could."

Anna

Notes had been a regular occurrence in Anna's life since she had been hired.

Whenever Erik wished to relay some communication to Marie or Anna, a note would always say what he intended. It would appear out of nowhere, on a table that minutes before had been bare. And since they had not spoken since that night that he had laid bare his feelings for her, she felt a sense of familiarity when she noticed a different note on her desk the week before her birthday. However, unlike those before it, this note came in a fancier envelope, and was sealed with wax the red color of blood. As she ripped open the envelope, she saw a different sort of paper inside, folded in half. This paper was of higher quality, the type that was not used very often. It was then she knew it was special. She started to read Erik's handwriting, not quite cursive but not exactly printed either.

"Dear Miss Anna Richardson,

You are cordially invited on the thirteenth of August, to spend the day enjoying yourself in celebration of the date of your birth with us."

She smiled, seeing where Erik and Marie had signed their names. The note made her smile in thinking of the two of them working together, but she was curious. The days before her birthday were filled with anticipation. What had Marie planned? How was Erik involved? What would they do? The invitation was decidedly vague.

Time passed as it normally did, causing Anna to get impatient in waiting for her birthday to come. But it did, as it always had. This morning was markedly different from most of the others she had ever experienced in this house. When she woke, Anna noticed the time was late. 8 AM? When was the last time she had ever gotten up after 6?

Guilty as she was already for sleeping in, Anna turned over and went back to sleep. It was around nine or so that Marie came bounding in, full of energy. Anna was awake before she hopped upon the bed. "It's your birthday, Anna! joyeux anniversaire!"

"I know, Marie. Maybe I should start getting up and getting ready." To make her point, Anna sat up.

"Can I help you pick out something to wear? You always have the prettiest clothes."

"Oh, you can't be serious," Anna said as she went to the closet. "You, Marie, have much prettier clothing than I." She waved the girl over. "But you are more fashionable than I am, so go right ahead."…

After they were both ready, Marie and Anna ate breakfast together. Anna asked the question that had been burning in her mind since her eyes opened that morning. "Do you suppose your Uncle Erik is up yet?"

"I am sure of it. We planned to start your day at noon…he told me to come up anytime after nine."

Anna had never gone with Marie to Erik´s study, but the girl helped her feel more excited for what they were to do that day. They climbed the stairs together and Anna knocked on the large wooden door. Soon after her knock, Erik answered. It appeared that he had a hint of a smile on his face as he said, "Welcome, ladies. Come right in." After some minor talk with Marie, he nodded towards Anna and commented, "You look well."

Despite the setting, Anna let a small smile creep onto her face. "I am. You must also notice my lovely outfit…Marie picked it out." She twirled about, just as Marie told her to, feeling rather silly but happy nonetheless. It is not very high-necked, and was made of a shiny dark green fabric that complimented her hair color. "Marie, you are so good at that sort of thing."

"Thank you." A tiny curtsy in response elicited a giggle from Anna.

Throughout the day, Erik had a happier demeanor than was customary. The day primary consisted of walking about the estate, with an outdoor picnic that Marie herself had arranged with Madame Demme.

Dinner was one of Anna´s favorite dishes, lamb with mint sauce, and the excitement continued when Marie presented her with a gift of her own making, an attractive book made by Marie that told about a young girl and her teacher, much like Marie and Anna themselves. Anna's response was a tearful hug and she gave Marie a well-placed kiss on her forehead to express her delight at the gift.

The day had gone by faster than she had expected, and when Anna looked at the clock she was a bit disappointed. "Oh, Marie, look at the time. You know what you must do."

With a small frown, Marie shook her head. "I know, I know. Go to bed."

The positive demeanor of Erik caused him to make the suggestion that he accompany the two in order to make the day last as long as possible.

After Marie was in her nightgown, she sat on the bed and looked up at the two adults with whom she had shared the day. Anna asked, "Would you like a story?"

Suddenly tired, Marie answered, "No, I've had enough fun today. I'm a little tired. I will just say my prayers."

¨Amen.¨ At the end of her prayers, Anna touched the cheek of the young girl who had worked her way into her heart before planting a kiss there.

"Sweet dreams, mon petit."

Not to sit by idly, Erik took the bedspread and covered the young one, before giving a kiss of his own on her forehead.

"Goodnight."

"You too. We did well."

"Yes, you should be proud of yourself and your Uncle Erik."

¨Oui, I am very proud.

Erik

The day had gone as he and Marie had planned. He felt a sense of accomplishment to have pulled it off with only a seven-year-old's assistance. He knew what birthdays meant to Marie, and that they probably meant the same to Anna. Having Marie with him that day put him at ease, allowing him to act without worrying about Anna's response to his sudden outburst of feelings on that other night.

But now came the time in which they must interact alone. In the hall outside

Marie's room, they stood for a long moment. He looked at Anna and in spite of himself, he smiled. "Would you come up to the study, please? I have something for you."

For the first time since they had met, Anna's expression was unreadable. She nodded and they walked up the stairs, Erik a few steps behind her, as always. He was nervous, but he did his best to hide it, as he had been accustomed to hiding many of his feelings throughout his life.

Anna took a seat where she was directed, on the piano bench, where Erik handed her a medium-sized package wrapped in brown paper with a scarlet ribbon

around it. Feeling a bit spoiled to have two presents in one day, she nevertheless ventured to open it.

Anna

The look of shock slowly took over her unreadable expression…She stared down at what she held in her hands: sheet music for the piano, Liszt's Liebestraume and Schubert's Serenade. "Wherever did you get them?"

"I have my connections," Erik answered, in a noncommittal way. But he could not keep up that secretive manner, and soon told the truth. "I asked Madame Giry to get them for me."

"They're…they're wonderful. I haven't played anything since I got here." She looked from the sheets in her lap up to him. "You didn't have to get me these…I'm not really that good. I could never do them justice."

Erik seemed upset that she should think such a thing about herself and soon explained, "Marie told me how much you asked about her piano lessons…and how many years you took. I am sure you can play these, and that you will enjoy them."

"I don't know what to say." And it was true. The words would not come to her mind.

"You've said enough for me." Anna's expression softened at this, and she nodded.

"Shall I play one?"

"Only if you so desire."

"I do, actually. Now, please don't laugh…"

He looked at her sternly. "Never. I think, as we are both instructors of one type or another, that we both understand the respect that must be given a student. And the patience necessary." As she opened the sheet music and set it on the piano, he moved away from the piano. He must have known how nerve-wracking it was to have someone looking over her shoulder while she played.

Anna played Serenade and though she was a bit rusty, she surprised herself in how close to the written notes of the piece she actually came. The piano was a fine one, and perhaps made her sound better than she actually was. Erik's applause caused her to blush, and look at the keys, embarrassed. It was the sort of encouragement she needed, but she still felt as if she had much room for improvement.

She closed the piece she had just played and took up the other one. "Now it's your turn." For a moment he seemed to refuse, staring at her like she had told him to do something impossible. But then he stood. She spoke quietly to him as to explain her reasons. "I have not been able to hear you but through the ceiling. It is not as good as in person, I am sure.

Once Anna went to sit where he had while she had played, he sat at the bench and opened to the first page. He put his fingers on the keys and glanced at her once before beginning to play. Now, Anna's life had been filled with music before she'd come to France. It was one of her favorite things. Now, as she heard Erik play Liebestraume, all the wonderful memories of London flooded her mind. However, this piece was distinctly different for her as a listener than all those she'd heard in London. What made this difference? It was the pianist, to be sure. The piece began, gradually gaining momentum and passion. Erik's fingers went up and down on the keyboard, faster and more elaborate. Then, near the end, the melody slowed, finally coming to a conclusion.

When he was done, she stood. It was all she could bring herself to do. She had been listening to the music, of course, but more than that she had noticed how he played. She could see he was concentrating by the look on his face, but his fingers moved effortlessly. It was as if his hands had been crafted exclusively to move upon the keys. It was hypnotizing. When she finally was able to speak, he had turned his body on the piano bench to look towards her. She could say little to express just how impressed she was at his playing, and the emotion behind the piece brought tears to her eyes, which she wiped away. "Erik, that was wonderful. You are much better than I am…"

He gave her the same look that he had given her when she suggested he would laugh at her playing. "I am older and have had more practice. Too much, as far as I'm concerned. You have potential…your fingers are at home on the keys, I can tell. You can work your way up to Liszt…he is quite technical." His look softened and he looked at her for a while. He seemed content in the silence, simply looking at her.

That look, paired with Liebestraume's English translation, "dream of love," made Anna think about both his confession and his request in the stable. Obviously he had been playing to her, for her…about her. It was true, then. And it was at that moment that the realization came to her. She had thought in nights before, but having him before her right now made her even surer of it than she had before. After a long moment of silence, she looked at him. "I think it's only fair that I give you an answer to the request you made of me in the stable." She moved over to a chair by his desk and he followed, sitting across from her.

Erik

It had been a few weeks since they had spoken in the stable, but Erik had not thought she would answer so quickly. "If you think you've had enough time, by all means…go ahead." He guarded his heart for the worst…he always was thinking in worst-case scenarios. He knew it would not be the end of the world if she did not feel the same way for him as he did for her, so he said, "I want you to be honest with me. No matter your answer, I will be able to go on…" His happiness to simply gaze at her was gone. She was going to tell him what she felt. He was visibly tense.

There was a change in her facial expression, and he was able to see a smile on her face. But it was a kind smile, not a teasing or mocking one. "You think I'm going to refuse you." There was a long pause, after which she chuckled, much like Erik had that day. "Oh, my good sir, you are quite mistaken." She returned to her serious tone. "I have thought, long and hard, on the state of my own heart. And I've found, as I searched, that there is something here…" As he had the other night, she touched her heart. It was an effective gesture. "At first it was simply curiosity, and a desire to know of you. Then, I felt the strangest attraction toward you, wanting to know you, rather than just about you. It surprised me more than anyone. And in the end, when I sat down and thought it over, I've found my feelings have become more deep and serious than I had ever imagined. Seeing you with Marie today made me sure of it."

He could say nothing, and had a look of shock on his face that she should speak so openly. "I would like to see what is possible between us. I appreciate your respect for my own desires and worries. I don't care what the servants will think, as long as you are willing to hear what I think about certain things and respect me and my beliefs."

Anna

She could have left it at that, but Anna had more to say. This was perhaps the most important part. "I do not trust others very easily. If you betray my trust, I will feel no remorse in leaving your employment…leaving this place…going to back to London, though I would miss Marie." He had not replied yet, but nodded to show her he understood what she was saying. "We have many issues to be dealt with in the future, I am sure, but I am willing to be patient. I feel like I am growing here, learning more…becoming a better person. I do not want to change if we were to be involved, I want to remain myself. But I am confident you already know that and would not want me unless I were exactly who I am in this moment."

Erik

Every passing moment with Anna, he was more and more impressed with her. He could not believe what he was hearing. She was certainly not timid with him on this matter. All she had said was important to her, so he understood completely. He sat for a moment, staring at her. Then, when he had recovered, he asked, "So, that's it? You find it reasonable to be involved with me?"

"Reasonable?" She shook her head. "No. But desirable? Yes. You said it yourself, and I agreed. People are not reasonable beings, they just pretend to be. I'm letting my heart lead me on this one. And my heart tells me that this is what I've wanted my whole life. We are very similar, but we are very different. I want to know more of you." She seemed a bit uncomfortable with the intensity what she had just said, so she looked down, away from Erik's eyes. But after a moment, she looked back up at him.

He could not take his eyes off her. Everything this woman did and said seemed to reflect her own character. "You're marvelous. Not many are worthy of that word, but you are." He paused a moment and looked down, suddenly shy. He had never done this before. "It wouldn't be too forward of me to ask you something…would it?'

"No."

"Might I try something…might I give you a kiss? Another gift?"

A smile crept onto her face and he was nearly blinded in the brilliance of it. "No, not at all. It was actually what I was just thinking…I was too timid to ask."

She stood first, and he followed. Both visibly nervous, it was Erik who made the first move. When she stood about a foot from him, he lifted his arms and wrapped them around her waist. Slowly, gently, he pulled her to him. In response, Anna raised her arms to put them on his shoulders, enjoying the feelings that flooded her mind and tingling from head to toe. This whole process moved slowly, but neither of them seemed to mind. He looked at her for a moment, so close to him that he felt her warm breath on his neck. He breathed in the scent of her. It was a new experience, but one that made him shiver. He was about a foot taller than her, so he had to lean down as she tipped her head up. Rather than just kiss her and ruin the moment, he hesitated for a moment. His lips were inches from hers, but he didn't want to kiss her until she showed him she was ready. She moved her hands from his shoulders to the bottom of his neck, stroking his hair softly, encouraging him to continue. It was then that she leaned even closer and their lips met.

Anna

Now, Anna had been kissed before in her life, just a few times. However, the moment Erik's lips met hers, she was sure that this kiss was the most passionate and tender one she had ever been given. This first kiss lasted for a long moment, after which they stopped for a breath. It was Erik, then, that leaned forward and kissed her, expressing in this second kiss the same sentiment that the first one had held, but for a little longer. A few kisses later, Anna remained in Erik's embrace. As they had kissed, his grasp on her waist tightened, and as a result, she was closer and closer to him. Now, as she moved her hand from his neck to his cheek, she was so close that she could hear as he inhaled and exhaled. "We've much yet to learn, don't we? I am certainly up to the challenge." She was dizzy with the newness of this embrace, but was not ready for it to end.

He did not respond verbally, but his "Mhmm" was taken as a positive response. He stared at her, searching her eyes, memorizing each inch of her lovely face. Once he was able to respond, some minutes later, he asked her, "Have you enjoyed the first day of your twenty-sixth year?"

"Actually, I was born late at night…so my year's only just begun. But yes, I take it to be a good year so far." He felt the blush come to her cheeks before he saw them tint pink. She looked down momentarily but then inquired, "Is it too nosy of me to ask you when you were born?"

"No, I understand why you would want to know. Well, I don't know the exact date, but it was in the winter. I should think I'm some age around forty…but I measure my life in phases rather than years."

"That's unfortunate. But maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I find that those

I knew in London were forever occupied by keeping their appearance as young as possible and letting no one know their true age. Measuring life in phases…perhaps it is better that way. One can give more attention to actually living life, rather than how we measure it."

"Nicely said." He raised his hand to her face, caressing her skin. Now that he felt it, he knew he would never tire of the texture, so soft and warm. "Might I call you Anna? I've been doing it, but without permission." She blushed at the touch of his hand on her cheek and nodded. He continued, "And you may call me Erik."

"Yes. It is all I know of you."

"We'll have to change that, won't we?"

"Can you say it? You've only ever called me 'Sir' or Monsieur."

"Erik." Anna's eyes were sparkling, and hearing his name sent him over the edge. For once, he gave in to his desires and let his lips meet hers once more. And it didn't feel wrong. It felt like the rightest thing he had ever done.