Finale
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy
because we have known sadness.
-- David Weatherford
March 1881
London, England
My Darling Erik,
I wish you would have come with Marie and I to England, but I understand your reasons. I miss you terribly, my love! I hope you are able to stay occupied and content, even with the two of us so far from you.
I think of the conversation we had the night before I left and am still troubled by what you said. I know for a fact that you have never been a monster. A monster would never have let Christine go with Raoul. A monster would never have taken their child to raise as his own. No, assuredly, Erik, you are simply a man, flawed as any, but that makes you mortal. It is those men who do not examine their own souls who are monsters. God's love and forgiveness washes the blackest souls so they shine, whiter than winter snow, if only one asks him to do so.
I was reading some poetry today while my parents took Marie to see the sights that made me think of you. I am convinced in the truth of Anne Bradstreet's words when she said, "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant:
f we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
Since your past has been so dark, I think we have an even brighter future than you could even imagine. If you had never had the past that you did, we would never have met. And I know a future without you would not be worth pursuing.
We will return in only two weeks, darling, and I look forward to the day that I see you again. After we're married in April, Mother and Father agreed to come to care for Marie while we travel. I cannot believe they visited and that you got on as well as you did. I am so proud of you and am anxious to become your wife. I love you more with each passing moment, each word, each breath. You are the music in my soul.
With grateful, joyful love from your future wife,
Anna
March 1881
Chagny Estate
Paris, France
My love,
Your letter filled me with such light that I was nearly blinded by it. It seems as if all the ghosts of the past are scared away forever by a bit of illumination from a love such as ours. Your words are almost as effective as is your presence at filling me with joy. In my life, I've never known such happiness as you have shown me. I am not sure if you'll ever know how much you've done for me. You have truly changed my world…changed me. And this new man I have become by knowing you is a man I am not ashamed to know.
Do you realize, before we met, how lost I felt? I focused only on my own troubles and did not see any hope of happiness for myself. You forced me to become a man, to stop wallowing in my own sorrow and to live my life. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, truly, and I cannot imagine the path I might have taken had you not entered my life and that of Marie. I am glad she reacted well to the fact that we´re to adopt her formally. If she had not wanted it, I would not have pursued it.
I'll stop being philosophical now. Right now I'm sitting in the library by the window looking out, imagining the scene from the day you first arrived. I cannot wait to see some of the countryside with you in such short time.
I miss you as well, angel. This, your first absence since you started teaching Marie, is very tough for me, but I will get through it. Your parents have had that time without your face, your smile, and your laugh. I am certainly willing to give up a few weeks of my time with you for you to spend time with them. I am certain they cherish you as the jewel of their lives as do I. Thank them once again for visiting. I was surprised at how similar your parents and I found ourselves to be, for all the differences we've encountered. You are truly blessed to have them.
As I close this letter, Anna, let me speak to you as I would if you were here. Your love gives me the courage I never knew I possessed. You opened my life up to a new world of possibilities. You showed me that I had value, in spite of all the wrong I've caused. That God's ways are mysterious and far superior to those of us men. That life, in spite of its ugliness and vile elements, is worth living and can be lived in peace and love.
Christine would have loved you, I'm sure. I regret that you have to satisfy yourself with her memory and with the wonderful girl that she and Raoul gave to the world. As she continues to grow, I hope to be able to tell her more about her mother and father. Perhaps, in time, we could have a little one of our own to be her companion once we are gone.
I will close this note now, as I know when you return it will be to my arms, and this gives me comfort for every night without you. I long to know what it is to be one with you, body and soul…and I know I haven't long to wait.
Yours Forever,
Erik