Disclaimer: All rights are, as always, reserved to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter four

When we reached the house I could hear Carlisle's calm voice. He was telling Bella the story of my change.

My first instinct was to stop him, but seeing his memories of my mother and me stopped me. I had heard this story many times before, but hearing Carlisle tell it to the girl I loved somehow was different. Bella's expression was a mix of interest and awe and her eyes were only halfway focused on Carlisle. I imagined she was trying to picture it all. I almost smiled, but with everything that happened tonight I just couldn't.

Her blouse was covered in blood and frosting and she was almost as pale as the rest of us. I was relieved that she hadn't passed out due to the smell of blood, but seeing her that pale, covered in gore only strengthened my decision to leave.

I had no right to stay with her. I had taken her away from her normal life and kept her in the shadows with me. I had no right to do that to her and I would make it right. I would give her a chance at a new beginning.

"I wasn't sorry, tough," I heard Carlisle say. "I've never been sorry that I saved Edward."

His thoughts for Bella were gentle and loving, almost like she was one of his daughters. For a brief second I wavered, but then I caught sight of the blood on her shirt and pushed my doubts aside.

"I suppose I should take you home now," Carlisle told Bella.

I decided to make my presence known.

"I'll do that," I said as I walked into the room.

Bella was carefully checking my face, looking for some sign that I was out of control. That side of me, at least, was under control, but she noticed that there was something I was hiding from her. It was clearly visible in her eyes that she knew, but I couldn't tell her. Not now.

"Carlisle can take me," she offered in a strained voice. She looked down at her gory shirt.

"I'm fine," I said flatly. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something."

I walked out the door, in order to get Alice. She was already there.

I know. I'll find something that'll work.

Are you sure, Edward?

I shook my head.

"He's very upset," I heard Bella say.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."

"It's not his fault." It almost sounded like she was trying to convince me.

"It's not yours either."

Through Carlisle's thoughts I could see Bella averting her eyes. He offered her his hand and led her out to the family room.

Esme had already been cleaning up the mess. Trying to rid the room of the smell of blood with straight bleach.

"Esme, let me do that," Bella offered, red faced.

What was she thinking? She couldn't possibly feel guilty about what happened. It was not her fault, so she shouldn't blame herself.

"I'm already done. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. Carlisle sews faster than any doctor I've ever had."

Carlisle and Esme chuckled, but all I could think was that her instincts were still wrong.

Alice and I went into the front room. Alice flitted to Bella's side, but I couldn't. Something was holding me back. There was already a part of me that was attempting to create a distance between us and it hurt.

It hurt bad.

"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear."

They went to Esme's and Carlisle's room to find a blouse to replace Bella's.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Carlisle?"

"Are you all right son?"

"We have to leave. We'll talk about it later tonight."

"All right," he breathed.

I strained to listen to what Bella and Alice were talking about. I had been too preoccupied, so I missed the first part, but I heard it now.

"How's Jasper?"

"He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of a challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak," Alice replies with a sigh.

"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"

"Of course."

Silly, too forgiving, Bella.

I had wandered over to the front door and waited for her there. When she came down I opened the door for her, not able to find my voice just yet.

"Take your things!" Alice cried.

She took the unopened packages and Bella's camera and put them in Bella's good arm.

"You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

My parents hugged Bella goodbye, eyeing me warily, much like she was.

Don't make any rash decisions, Carlisle pleaded silently.

Bella hurled herself passed the decorations outside. I stayed at her side and reached out to open the passenger door for her, when we reached her truck.

From the corner of my eyes I saw her pull the bow off her new radio as I walked to the other side. She kicked it under the seat as I got in.

I was still struggling to find a way to tell her how sorry I was for this mess. How angry I was with myself for putting her in danger, but nothing came to mind.

The silence was uncomfortable and it got worse when I started the truck and drove it down the lane.

"Say something," Bella suddenly begged.

"What do you want me to say?"

She flinched at my cold tone. "Tell me you forgive me."

What?

"Forgive you? For what?" I asked, stunned that she actually blamed herself for what happened.

Always the wrong instincts. She should be angry or scared, but not my Bella. She was too self-sacrificing for her own good.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut-that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault."

She was out of her mind! Her attempt to take the blame was ludicrous. If I had been revolted with myself before, I was truly disgusted to my core now.

"You're fault?!" I half snarled at her. "If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and you other normal friends, the worst that could have possibly happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of plates on your own, without someone throwing you into them, even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up-and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" she asked with venom in her voice.

I felt sick to my stomach, but I had to say it.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation, because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with."

"I would rather die, than be with Mike Newton. I would rather die, than be with anyone but you."

I violently kicked back the part of me that rejoiced at her statement.

"Don't be melodramatic, please," I told her.

"Well then, you don't be ridiculous."

I didn't know how to respond. I tried desperately to find a way to lift my spirits. I wanted her to forget whatever little she could about tonight. It didn't feel right to let her go to sleep while we had been arguing.

I couldn't find a way. I was still stuck in the horror of the evening that lay behind us. I could have lost her tonight. She could have been killed. She was in a house full of vampires and she had been bleeding.

We arrived at her house and I killed the engine. I was still stuck, looking for my voice.

"Will you stay tonight?" Bella asked, breaking the strained silence.

"I should go home."

I needed to convince the others that now was the time to leave.

"For my birthday," she urged.

That little remark distracted me enough to allow me to get a bit of my better mood back.

"You can't have it both ways, either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

Bella blew out heavily, obviously relieved by my lighter tone.

"Okay. I've decided I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."

I frowned as she hopped out and turned to take her gifts.

"You don't have to take those." I muttered.

"I want them," she responded without thinking.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live." She put the presents under her good arm and slammed the door shut. I hurried to her side, not taking the time to look human.

Charlie wasn't paying attention to us. He was actually avoiding to look out the window on purpose. I couldn't make out his exact thoughts, but they hinted in the direction that he wanted to respect our privacy.

"Let me carry them, at least," I said as I took the packages from her. "I'll be in your room."

She smiled and her eyes warmed. "Thanks."

How could I resist those eyes? "Happy birthday," I breathed before I leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips.

When I pulled back, Bella reached up on her toes to make it last longer. I smiled before I turned to the darkness. I was at her window within seconds and as I slipped into her room I heard her shut the door behind her.

"Bell?" Charlie asked.

"Hey, dad"

"How was it?"

"Alice went overboard. Flowers, cake, presents-the whole bit."

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

"What did they get you?"

"A stereo for my truck."

I smiled slightly.

Right, she didn't even get around to opening her other presents. My mind went back to the beginning of the evening. It had all started out just fine. She had actually accepted her first gift without too much of a fuss. But within the next thirty seconds, I was struggling to keep her alive and that's how it always would be.

I would always have to be careful with her. There would always be a sword hanging over her head as long as she was with me. She was constantly in danger.

I heard Charlie ask about Bella's arm and she answered that she'd tripped. I shook my head. She shouldn't have to lie to her father. She shouldn't be come home damaged.

I could hear through Charlie's muffled thoughts that he was worried about her. He knew his daughter well and he noticed something off about her, but he didn't have the courage to ask. Afraid that she might take offence.

Guilt ripped through me again. If anything where to happen to Bella, it would surely kill Charlie. He would be absolutely devastated. Yet another reason for me to leave. Charlie loved his daughter more than anything and I shouldn't keep her from a safe, normal, happy life. For his sake as much as for hers.

Bella was in the bathroom now and I listened to her hurried movements. She should be more careful; she was probably hurting her arm in her hurry to get to me.

I sighed, playing with one of the gifts and listening to her brush her teeth and her bouncing steps back to her room.

She opened the door and her soft eyes looked me over for a second.

"Hi," I said and my voice sounded sad, even to me.

She walked over, put the packages aside and crawled onto my lap. I felt her warmth crash over me in waves and her mouth watering scent wrapped all around me.

"Hi," she responded as she cuddled closer to my chest. "Can I open my presents now?"

This is different.

"Where did the enthusiasm come form?"

"You made me curious."

She picked up the present from my parents. The scene from earlier that evening flashed before my eyes and I took it from her.

No more paper cuts tonight, please.

I tore off the paper and handed her the box.

She scowled at me. "Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?"

I ignored her question and waited for her reaction to the gift. She read the text, but it took her a minute to process what it was.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" she asked, clearly exited about the prospect.

I almost snorted at her response. Why on earth had she made me promise not to spend money on her, when she so clearly loved this present?

"That's the idea," I said instead.

"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

"I think I can handle it." I mused for a second and frowned. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

I had even prepared a way to convince her to accept it, but it wasn't necessary.

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

I chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

She put the tickets aside and picked up my gift. I took it, like I had with the first and unwrapped it before handing it back to her.

She stared at the blank CD, completely mystified.

"What is it?" she asked.

I decided it would be better to just show her, so I took the CD from her and placed it in de CD player on her bedside table. I hit play and we waited for the music to start.

A/N: The farewell-scene is dooming on the horizon and I must say that I'm already anxious. I cried a lot when I read it the first couple of times so I am starting to get nervous. I just hope I can portray Edwards side of this heartbreaking moment correctly.