Disclaimer: All rights are, as always, reserved to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter five

Bella's lullaby drifted through the room and her heartbeat made the melody even sweeter. I looked at her beautiful face to see what she thought of it. She was quiet, thoughtful. When tears welled up in her eyes I immediately worried. The smell of the anaesthetic was almost entirely gone now, so she was probably in pain.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked anxiously.

She shook her head lightly. "No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."

She stopped talking and listened intently, subconsciously cocking her head slightly to the side.

"I didn't think you'd let me buy you a piano so I could play for you here," I told her.

"You're right."

"How does your arm feel?"

I didn't believe that it wasn't bothering her, so I had to ask again.

"Just fine."

She was such a bad liar.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," she insisted, but I disregarded her statement and slid her off my lap to get it for her.

"Charlie," Bella hissed when I was at the door.

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Charlie wasn't aware that I stayed over regularly, but there had yet to be a day - or night - that I was too slow for Charlie to catch me. I had to hide in Bella's closet more times than I cared to admit and not once had I been even close to getting detected by her father.

"He won't catch me," I promised and darted out the door.

I quickly grabbed the painkillers and filled a glass with water, before heading back to Bella's room. I was back in time to catch the door and close it softly.

I handed her the pills and the glass, half expecting her to complain that she didn't need them, but for once she didn't.

"It's late," I murmured.

I bent down to lift Bella off the bed and pull back the covers. I laid her down gently and tucked the blanket around her, before laying down next to her and wrapping my arm around her fragile frame.

She put her head on my shoulder and sighed contentedly.

"Thanks again," she whispered.

"You're welcome."

We were both quiet then, listening to her lullaby, which was drifting to a close. I wondered what she was thinking about, as always, but then got lot in my own thoughts.

My resolve had been strong when I was outside with Jasper and later when I could see her bloody shirt. Now that I was here, enveloped in her warmth and her wonderful smell, I wavered.

My selfish side wanted to stay right here, with her, for all eternity. I loved her and she loved me. I was happy with her, where before I had merely been contented. She was the brightest light to ever shine on my endless night and I couldn't imagine how I should endure my half-life without her.

But I was wrong for Bella. I was a constant threat to her life and that I couldn't live with. I couldn't keep on hurting her. I needed to protect her from myself; give her a chance to discover a life without me.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella whispered not long after Esme's song started playing.

I hesitated. I couldn't tell her we were going to leave. Not yet.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually," I told her instead, which wasn't exactly a lie.

"Remember how I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" she quickly changed the subject.

"Yes."

"Well, I was thinking, since it's my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"You're greedy tonight," I accused her.

"Yes, I am." Her mouth turned down into an attractive pout. "But please, don't do anything you don't want to do."

I laughed. How wrong and right she was at the same time. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do."

As I cupped her chin in my hand I realized that I had sounded more desperate than I should have, but I couldn't help myself. This was one of the last nights I would be with her like this and it scared me to death, no pun intended.

I kissed her, slow at first, but as the awareness of what my decision entailed grew, I threw caution to the wind for once. I twisted my hand in her silk locks and held her securely to me as I increased the intensity of our kiss. Suddenly desperate to feel her, to taste her, to smell her, to prove to her how much I loved her, I allowed my desire for her body to take over.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed herself closer to me. Her heart thrumming like a hummingbird's.

When she pressed herself even closer to me, a mental image I hadn't seen in a while came to me. Bella, pale, lifeless in my arms. It was the vision Alice had when I first came across Bella and I immediately pulled back, gently but firm. I couldn't afford to lose control with her like this.

Bella's head fell back onto her pillow, her chest heaving due to the lack of air.

"Sorry," I said, still breathless from our intense kiss. "That was out of line."

"I don't mind," she panted.

I frowned. She really had no sense of self-preservation. "Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again," she countered.

"You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?"

"It's a tie." I smirked and then added seriously, "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine," she agreed curtly and snuggled into my chest, pressing her injured arm against my shoulder.

I smiled to myself. It didn't bother her, huh? Who was she trying to kid?

I just listened to her steady heart beat and her breathing. Right before she fell asleep her breath hitched and she shuddered. I wondered what she was thinking about, but I didn't want to keep her awake any longer, so I didn't ask.

I waited until Bella was completely taken over by sleep before I carefully slipped my arm out from under her and kissed her forehead.

"Sleep well, my angel. I'll be back before you wake. I love you," my voice broke when I whispered the last words and I had to hold back my sobs so she wouldn't wake.

As I ran back to our house I allowed my pain to flow. I cried without tears, choking on my sobs. I was halfway home when running was impossible and I fell to my knees on the forest floor. I curled up into a ball and felt my dead heart being torn open. My breath caught and I couldn't inhale properly and I was glad I didn't need the air.

I took me at least half an hour before I was able to calm down enough to get to my feet and run home. When I arrived my family was waiting for me outside. Esme was at my side in a blink and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Whatever you decide, Edward, we'll be here for you," she whispered. She looked so sad already and I figured Alice would have seen us leaving.

I nodded and allowed myself to sob into her shoulder for a while. She rubbed soothing circles on my back and waited patiently for me to get myself together. The minds of my family were unusually quiet. Almost if they were trying to calm me down with their thoughts as Esme was trying to calm me down by holding me close.

I pulled back from Esme's embrace and looked at my family. "We need to talk," I said, my voice rough with the emotions I felt.

"Let's go inside," Carlisle said, gesturing for my siblings to go inside.

We all sat in our usual seats at the dining table and every one waited for me to start talking. I took a few deep breaths and looked at Carlisle and Esme.

"We have to leave. Bella is not safe with us around. Tonight was proof enough of that. She can't even open a birthday present without getting in mortal danger," my eyes flashed briefly at Jasper and I knew he felt my resentment, but I couldn't find it in myself to keep it under control. "I think it's best if we leave. We start packing tonight and leave as soon as we've found a place to stay."

"Son, are you sure?" Carlisle asked, putting his hand over mine.

"It's the only way. Bella deserves a normal life. She is too good for me, she deserves someone better that can really make her happy."

"Edward, you can't believe that. You know how much she loves you. You can't seriously believe that she's better off without you," Alice said fiercely.

"No, Alice. You're wrong. She will be better off without me, without any of us."

"And what about the other threats in her life? You said it yourself she is a magnet for danger. Something else is bound to happen to her, and then we won't be around to keep her safe."

"Alice, before she came to Forks, she has broken a bone or two at most, maybe had a few concussions. When we're gone she'll be safe. Chief Swan will take care of her."

"What if he can't, Edward?! What do you think will happen to Chief Swan? He would die if he lost her again, Edward!"

Alice had jumped up from her seat and was shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

"Alice, I say we leave. I'll ask her to keep herself safe. She will be more careful if I ask her to do that."

"Gah! You can't be serious. How did you think that would go? Will you check in to see if she complies to your stupid request? And what if she doesn't get a choice in the matter? What if she is trying to be careful, but fate decides that there will another truck accident, like the one you saved her from?"

"Stop it, Alice! I am serious! The most danger she's been in last year, besides Taylor's van, was caused by vampires! First me, then Rose and Jasper after I saved her, then James, Victoria and Laurent and then tonight Jasper again! The chance that she'll be safer without us, is a hell of a lot bigger!"

"Alice, Edward, please calm down. Jasper a little help please," Carlisle said quietly.

I felt the wave of calm from Jasper and snarled, glaring at him. The wave got stronger and I was unable to fight it off. I felt my anger fade slowly and was left with a hollow feeling. Alice sat down again and she apologized to me mentally. I nodded in acknowledgement and waited for Carlisle to speak.

"Edward, if you are sure we will leave." He raised his hand to stop Alice form interjecting. "You know we all love Bella as family. We will miss her, but I am sure that our loss won't be as bad as yours. She is your soul mate and I cannot fathom how this must affect you. I want to urge you to think about it for a few more days. Don't let the heat of the moment make the decisions for you. Try to cool down, think it over and then see if it's still the best way."

I shook my head. "Carlisle, please. Don't try to talk me out of this. It's what's best for Bella. She deserves a happy life. She's human and not only that, she has the warmest, most loving soul I have ever encountered. She is good to the core and I had no right to reach out and grab her. It doesn't matter how much I love her. Bella deserves something better than the life I can give her."

"Edward," Rosalie said tentatively.

"Yes, Rose?"

"I think you are right. I know it must be killing you, but I think you are making the right decision," she whispered.

"Thank you Rosalie."

"So this is it then?" Alice, asked defeated.

"Yes," said simply.

"We need to discuss how we are going to handle this. I can tell the hospital that I got a job offer somewhere else and that it was a now or never deal. We will find a place to stay and start packing immediately after we've decided where to go." Carlisle waited for me to respond, but I couldn't find my voice.

"Edward, I think it's best you and Alice go to school with Bella, for a couple more days, so we have little more time to arrange the move," he continued.

"No, Carlisle. I think it's better if we say goodbye now. I don't want to make it worse than it is," I interjected.

"No, Edward. You cannot run away from her tonight. She deserves a proper goodbye," Esme told me sternly. "She will be hurt enough, don't make it that much worse by abandoning her without a proper explanation. She deserves that much."

"But, Esme, It'll be worse if she gets a big farewell scene with all of us."

"I wasn't talking about all of us, Edward. I meant that she deserves a proper goodbye from you."

"Okay. I can do that. I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"No, not tomorrow. We need a few days to move. You know that. If you tell her tomorrow she'll most likely drive up here to talk to you. I think it's best if we're already gone, when you tell her," Esme said apologetically.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"I think it's best if you didn't come back to school. Jasper needs to get out of here and you and I both know he won't go anywhere if you won't come with him."

"I don't get to say goodbye to Bella?" she asked, shocked, pained.

"No. A clean break is better."

"We're not talking about a broken bone, Edward," she spat through gritted teeth.

"Alice, please. It's going to be hard enough to say goodbye to her without you there."

"What will you tell her? She won't let you go if you say it's for her protection. She'll come to find us."

"I have thought about that. I'll tell her I don't love her anymore."

Alice snorted in disgust. "Do you really believe she'll just accept that?"

"No. I think it'll take me a while to make her doubt my love for her enough for me to say goodbye, but I have to try."

"You are insane! Come on Jazz. We are apparently leaving tonight. Maybe we'll go up to Denali."

Alice threw me one last dirty look and in her mind she was crying for losing her best friend. The pain I had felt earlier ripped through me again, leaving me breathless. It wasn't just me I was hurting. I would hurt my entire family. I would hurt Bella and that was the worst part of it all.

"Edward, go to Bella. We'll talk about details later. I'll try to calm Alice down and we'll start getting ourselves ready." Carlisle said, patting me on my shoulder.

I was out the door and running back to my love within two seconds. I ran faster than normal. I needed to feel her in my arms. Needed to hear her talking in her sleep. I needed her to keep me from falling apart until I was no longer able to come back to her.