Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Twilight or it's characters. All rights are reserved to the true queen of Twilight, Mrs. Meyer. To copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter seven

I knew that I had to get myself together. Bella was expecting to see me tonight after her shift at Newton's and I didn't want to stay away without an excuse. So eventually I gathered myself together, wiped my face clean of emotion and drove back to Forks, to her house.

I was early, but I figured it'd be better for me if I could take some time to recover from my breakdown earlier, so I sat with Charlie in the living room. Watching ESPN as I waited for Bella to come home. Charlie was surprised at first, but eventually just accepted my presence and focused on the TV, occasionally asking me about my opinion on the game that was playing. I couldn't have cared less, but in my resolve to start creating more space between me and Bella, this might be a good start.

Charlie offered me pizza and for once I didn't decline. I crumbled it to dust between my fingers, while pretending to eat, but he never noticed.

I heard the rumble of Bella's truck in the distance and I steeled myself for the onslaught of emotions I was going to feel. Carefully tucking it all away for later. I was here to play my part. To do what little I could to make this all easier for her.

I kept the easy chatter up with Charlie, while I felt my whole body tighten with anticipation of her arrival. The door opened then and a fresh wave of her scent was blown into the room. I swallowed compulsively to get rid of the venom that pooled in my mouth.

"Dad? Edward?" she called out.

"In here," Charlie called.

I noticed Bella standing in the doorway, but I was fighting my inner turmoil, so I didn't look up.

"Hi," she said in a frail voice.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie said without looking up. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay," she said, remaining stoic in the doorway, her eyes trained on me.

I looked up with a polite smile. "I'll be right behind you," I said before turning back to the TV.

I'm so sorry for behaving this rudely, I added in my head.

Bella stood in the doorway for another minute before heading to the kitchen. I heard her sit in the chair and shuffling around, but she wasn't eating.

I knew instantly that she was trying to figuring out why I was acting different and I couldn't bear to face her now. I didn't want to give her any more clues. She had always been perceptive, but now was not the time for her to catch on to what was going on in my mind. I had to hold out for a few more days.

After a little while Bella headed upstairs. She stayed in her room for a couple of minutes and then bounded back downstairs. I could hear her lingering outside the family room for a moment, fidgeting with her camera and then she peered around the corner, snapping a picture.

Charlie looked up and frowned. "What are you doing, Bella?" he complained.

I smiled internally. Neither of them liked to have their picture taken. Like father, like daughter.

"Oh, come on," Bella said with a forced smile. "You know mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can have her feelings hurt."

She was sitting in front of the sofa where Charlie was lounging. I could see the fear and turmoil shining in her eyes and it took an incredible amount of restraint not to pick her up and cradle her to my chest. I wanted so badly to reassure her that everything would be okay, but I couldn't. I shouldn't.

"Why are you taking pictures of me though?" Charlie asked.

"Because you're so handsome," Bella replied, her voice light but with a strained undertone. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subject."

"Just take a picture of Edward," he mumbled under his breath.

I bit back a chuckle, because clearly Bella hadn't heard her father's comment.

"Hey, Edward," Bella started flatly. "Take one of me and my dad together."

She tossed me the camera without looking at me. She moved closer to her father, but her face was so devoid of emotion it would make a horrible picture.

"You need to smile, Bella" I murmured. Please baby, smile for me. I need to see it before I leave, at least once more.

Her smile was still forced, but I snapped a picture anyway.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie said quickly.

I got up and lightly tossed the camera at him. Bella was beside me in a moment and I lightly draped my arm over her shoulder. She snaked her arm around my waist and held me tightly. Charlie reminded Bella to smile and took the picture.

"Enough picture for tonight," Charlie said, stuffing the camera between the cushions of the couch. "You don't have to use the whole roll now."

I pulled out of Bella's arms and sat back down in the chair.

One more night before I have to say goodbye. How the hell am I going to do that? She'll never let me go.

Bella sat back down in her previous spot. From the corner of my eyes I noticed that her hands were shaking and she looked positively terrified.

I'm sorry, baby. It better this way. I'm so sorry.

She put her hands on her stomach and leaned her chin onto her knees. She looked lost and even though she was staring at the television, she was not seeing a thing. I didn't either, of course. My entire attention was used to stay away from my girl when I wanted nothing more than to feel her curled up against me.

When the show ended I decided it was time to go. My family had informed me they would be ready to leave tonight and I wanted to speak with them beforehand. We needed to lay down some ground rules, especially for Alice.

I stood up and told them I'd better go home. Without looking up at me Charlie said: "See ya."

Bella stood and followed me out the door. I went straight to my car, not wanting to prolong this torture.

"Will you stay?" Bella asked in a flat, small voice.

"Not tonight," I replied solemnly.

She didn't say anything else, so I slid into my car and drove home. I only glanced in my rear view mirror once, seeing Bella on the steps, looking lost and small.

I'm sorry, baby.

I drove up to our house and was met by Carlisle.

"Son," he said solemnly.

"Carlisle. Are we ready to leave?"

"Yes, Alice and Jasper have gone ahead. The rest of us are leaving tonight. The house up north is finished." He paused, blocking his thoughts by occupying himself with a sonata.

"Son...," he started.

"No, Carlisle. I don't want to talk about it. I am going to school tomorrow and afterwards I will give Bella the best goodbye I can think of. I will sever all bonds she has with me so she can heal and find happiness with someone who can love her the way she deserves. I have made up my mind, Carlisle and I won't go back on it."

He looked down at his feet. "Will you come in and see Esme before we take off?"

"Yes."

I followed Carlisle into the house, looking down at my feet. Bella was going to be safe from now on, I had to believe that.

Esme hugged me and held me while I cried in dry sobs.

"It'll be okay, Edward. It'll hurt and it'll take time, but you'll be okay. She'll be okay," she said in an attempt to reassure me. Her thoughts were more morose and I knew that her thoughts were forming the correct words.

I already felt like part of my was starting to shatter, to rip away and I hadn't even said my final goodbye to her.

After about an hour, Carlisle announced that it was time for them to leave. Emmett and Rosalie were quiet, each getting into their own car and heading out to the highway. Esme kissed me goodbye.

"I'll see you in two days," she whispered before sliding into my Vanquish and driving away.

Carlisle just looked at me and that was all he needed to do. The look in his eyes spoke so much louder than words. They were hurting too by leaving Bella and I felt like even more of a monster than I already did, because of it. They all loved Bella and she had been like a daughter and sister and they would miss her.

But nobody would miss her as much as I. Nobody would understand the kind of pain I was in, because they all had their mates for the rest of eternity and I was going to lose my one and only love.

When I was finally alone I took of running. I didn't want to look at the empty house any longer. It held nothing, only painful memories and I would undoubtedly still find a hint of Bella's scent there. I didn't want to face that, so I ran to my meadow.

Our meadow.

It was there that I would say the real goodbye. The honest version. She would never hear it, but I needed to say the words I was feeling.

I crumbled to the ground when I arrived. I would never share a lazy afternoon with her here again. So I sobbed without tears.

"Bella, baby. I love you," I whispered into the damp air. The rain almost drowned out my voice.

"I am going to miss you, so much. I have never and will never again love anyone the way that I love you. I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy and for that to happen, I need to leave you. I need to remove the ever present threat my existence imposes on yours. I can no longer be with you, because in the end I will hurt you."

I sucked in a shuddering breath. "I will love you until the end of my days and know now that my days will end when yours do. When your time is up, and I hope that won't happen until you are old and gray, I will find a way to take myself out of this miserable existence."

I looked up at the black sky and snarled as loudly as I could. I screeched and growled and screamed to voice the pain that was ripping through me like wild fire. Like the fire that consumed me when I was changing. My chest constricted and rippled, my throat clenched tightly, my stomach heaved.

I threw up, but there was nothing to throw up, but I kept gagging and choking and sobbing into the dark forest.

When the sky started to lighten, my body locked down. The pain, the sorrow, the overwhelming emotions dulled enough for me to make my way back home. I shut out all of these feelings so I would make it through today. I had things to do. Plans to execute. A goodbye to make.

I made my way back to the house. Alice had left a change of clothes in a bag just inside the door. I quickly changed, stuffed my other clothes into the bag and tossed it in the back seat.

When I arrived at school, I waited for Bella. My numb state was the best way to deal with today, so I stayed quiet for most of the day. I limited my physical contact to a bare minimum and tried not to look at her too often.

People were noticing the apparent coolness of our demeanor and some were even smug about it. I fought the urge to slap Lauren Mallory repeatedly and continued.

I had forgotten that Bella would be working at Newton's tonight and I realized that Charlie would be home if I waited till after she got home from her shift. I groaned inwardly at my lack of planning and procrastinated.

That night I did not go to Bella's house. I wandered through the forest again without aim. My cell rang mid way through the night.

"Alice, what do you want?" I snapped when I answered the phone.

"In case you need it, there is another set of clothing still in the closed in your room. I wasn't sure one set would be enough."

I sighed. "Thank you. Please tell the others I will be a day later?"

"Will do. We'll see you soon. We love you."

I didn't reply, I just shut my phone and stuffed it back into my pocket. I walked back to the house in a slow pace. I climbed the stairs to my room, my footsteps echoing against the bare walls and floors.

I entered my room and was assaulted by the remnants of Bella's scent. A slight bit of venom pooled in my mouth, but it was nothing I compared to what I was used to.

The next day at school went by in the same fashion, my numbness was still serving me to get through the day.

When the bell for the final class sounded, my stomach started to heave. I breathed a few deep breaths, even though that probably didn't work for anything than just the illusion of calming me, before I walked Bella to her truck.

She opened her mouth to say something, but I beat her to it.

"Do you mind if I come over today?"

"Of course not."

I opened her door for her. "Now?" I asked.

"Sure. I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox. I'll meet you there."

I glanced at the envelop and could smell that she had put pictures in it. For my plan to work I had to take out the ones of me.

I snatched it from the passenger seat and smiled a half-hearted smile. "I'll do it. And I'll still beat you there."

"Okay," she said, her face full of concern and confusion.

I shut the door and headed for my car. I raced to her place and at vampire speed wrote a note for Charlie and went up to her room to find the gifts we've given her and perhaps the photo's she might have kept.

I found everything pretty easily and hesitated for a brief moment whether to take them with me, or leave them here.

I compromised with myself. Deep down I wanted to leave her with the mementos of our time together, but it wouldn't be a clean break if she had them in plain sight, so I pulled up one of her floor boards and hid it all in the space below.

I breathed in her scent once more and sprinted to my car. As I waited for Bella I quickly pried the envelop open and pulled out the pictures with me in them. I put them in my book bag and resealed the envelop. I would drop it in a mailbox on my way out of town.

When I heard the chugging of Bella's truck turn onto the street, I shoved the letter into my glove compartment and waited for her. Rehearsing my lines in my mind.

I got out of the car as she slid down from her truck. I took her bag and shoved it back into the truck. This was it. My time with her was up.

"Come for a walk with me," I said, taking her hand.

I pulled her along towards the forest, stopping when we were still in sight of the house, but far enough away for me to make an unseen escape.

Bella's heart was thudding loudly and I could smell her fear and adrenaline rushing through her veins. She knew something was going to happen.

I leaned against a tree and stared at her. Memorizing her face once again.

"Okay, let's talk," she stated in a strong voice, although I could hear an underlying tremor.

I breathed in heavily. "Bella, we're leaving."

"Why now? Another year-" she started and I knew I had to cut that train of thought off.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

Her face was contorted in confusion and I stared back with a dead mask plastered on my face.

I knew the second she realized what I was trying to say. Her eyes looked horrified.

"When you say we..."

"I mean my family and myself," I said. Making sure to be clear on the difference.

Bella shook her head back and forth and once again I was desperate to know what she was thinking. If she realized what I was saying.

After a few minutes she spoke again. "Okay, I'll come with you."

I was afraid of that response. The girls just had no sense of self protection.

"You can't Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella." Why can't you see that?

"Don't be ridiculous," her voice was desperate, pleading. "You're the very best part of my life."

I knew I had to continue until she understood, so I pressed on against the urge to take it all back and go back to how we were before he birthday.

"My world is not for you."

"What happened with Jasper, that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected." I continued harshly.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay..."

"As long as that was best for you."

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I could hear the underlying fury, but her voice was still desperately pleading. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward, I don't care! You can have my soul, It's yours already!"

I looked at the ground. Deep down I felt so satisfied with her claim that she was mine, but I could not allow myself to become weak and allow myself to go back on my resolve. I mentally scolded myself for cracking and I decided to up my game. I had to make her believe I didn't love her. That was the only way.

I felt disgusted with myself, but I knew it had to be done.

I looked back up at her and formed the words in my mind to test them out. This had to work, I would not relent until she had the clean break I was aiming for.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I said slowly, assessing her reaction to the words.

She mulled it over. Silently mouthing the words. "You...don't...want...me?" she asked eventually.

"No."

She stared at me, her eyes unsure. I stared back, placing the toughest of masks on my face and hardening myself against the onslaught of emotions that we swirling in those liquid pools of brown. She suddenly seemed to come to a conclusion.

"Well, that changes things," she stated calmly.

I looked away into the trees. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."

I looked back at her and continued. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't do this."

I stared at her without apology. I had already decided. "You're not good for me, Bella."

She opened her mouth several time to speak, but no words came out. I waited for her to comprehend.

"If… that's what you want," she said quietly.

I nodded and I saw it happen before my eyes. She believed me. She believed she was no good for me, that I didn't want her anymore. That I didn't love her anymore. But she needed to be safe and this was the only way. I had to remind her of that though, lest she'd do something to put herself in harms way.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.

For a second my composure faltered when I realized I could not verify if she was going to keep the promise I wanted her to make now and I was shaken with worry. I quickly composed myself and waited for her to say something.

"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.

I allowed myself to show her that I still cared for her, so I softened my gaze and attempted to dazzle her one last time.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ordered, urgently. "Do you understand

what I'm saying?"

She simply nodded.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself–for him."

She nodded again. "I will."

I relaxed infinitesimally

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

Her heart was now thundering in her chest and she was starting to breathe erratically. I tried to reassure her by smiling gently, although the words that I was about to say would make her memory of me become tainted.

"Don't worry. You're human–your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she choked out.

"Well– I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted."

I smiled another false smile and took a step away from her. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back," she said in a barely audible breath.

I shook my head, keeping my eyes on her face. "No. They're all gone. I staved behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" Her voice was blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

She stopped breathing for just a moment, before taking calculated, steady breaths.

"Goodbye, Bella,"

"Wait!" She choked out the word, reaching for me.

I grabbed her wrists and pinned them to her sides. I lightly grazed my lips to her forehead, taking my last whiff. Her eyes closed.

"Take care of yourself," I murmured, before releasing her hands and running at vampire speed into the trees, around in a loop and back to the house to retrieve my car.

Goodbye, my angel. Take care. I love you.

A/N: It took me a long time to get this chapter out. It was hard to write it in a way that would be believable and to top it all off, most of my work got destroyed when the program crahsed near the end of the chapter. So, I hope that you all will still enjoy the chapter and please tell me what you think.

Love, Mo