Disclaimer: All rightes belong to Mrs. Meyer

Chapter eight

I drove blindly until I was past the Canadian border. I knew this area well and pulled off the highway and drove till I pulled over on a dirt road near the forest. I flew out of the car and into the trees, running at top speed, attempting to ignore the pain that was bubbling below the surface.

I caught the scent of a bobcat and crouched down to start my hunt. I cleared my mind and gave myself over to my senses, following the scent and the juicy thumping sound of it's heart.

When I had finished the last bit of it's blood I shoved the carcass off of me and growled loudly into the night.

I sank to my knees and coiled into myself.

Love. Life. Meaning. Over.

No more of her laughter, no more of her kisses, no more of her caresses.

I would never smell her again, hear her voice again, feel her skin again.

I growled, snarled, ripped into the ground with my hands.

I stayed there for forty-eight hours, curled up into a ball, my arms wrapped around my torso to keep it from ripping to shreds.

When two days had passed my family came to get me. None of them spoke, they just took me with them up north towards Alaska.

I wasn't looking forward to it. Hell I was dreading it, knowing I'd face Tanya while we were there and I was in no mood to deal with her innuendos and propositions. I wanted to curl up in a corner and die, or at least be as miserable as a vampire could be.

When we arrived in our new home Emmett guided me to my room. I heard all of their worried thoughts, their reassurances that I would be okay, but I didn't fell like hearing it. I roared when another ripple of pain went trough me and curled up into a ball in the corner of the room.

Hours passed and I didn't move.

My family came up and attempted to speak to me but I didn't respond.

The hours bled into days.

The Denali clan came up to see us and once again I was confronted with the seduction attempts of Tanya and I didn't respond.

The days bled into weeks.

My family fell into their new routine, still trying to get me to talk to them, but I didn't respond. The only thing I did was hunt when I was famished.

It was after about six weeks when Carlisle came up to my room and dragged me out of my corner.

"This has got to stop, Edward. You cannot live your life like this. I know you are hurting. I know you're heart broken, but you have to move on. You left her so she could move on. You owe it to yourself to do the same."

"I don't owe myself anything. I am nothing without her, Carlisle. This isn't living, I know, but what will you have me do? I left the woman I love behind! I'll never love another and until the day she dies, I will be missing my heart. It's with her and it always will be."

"I am not saying you need to find another love, I know that will be impossible, but Edward you have to do something. You can't spend the rest of eternity huddled in a corner."

"What will you have me do then?"

"I don't know! Keep her safe from wherever you can? See the world? I don't know!"

"Wait, back up a minute. What do you mean, keep her safe?"

"Victoria is still out there, isn't she? What if she goes back looking for you for killing her mate only to find Bella there alone?"

I stood there, frozen. I had gone away so she could live a safe live and now Carlisle reminded me that I was still failing at that.

His thoughts went to Victoria when we had met her in the field and then to James and his tracking tactics. He was wondering how we could track her down.

In the following days I constructed a plan to find out where Victoria had gone to. I contacted Irina, having heard of her connection with Laurent and asked if he had mentioned Victoria. He had, but only in passing. She had no idea where she could be, nor did she feel any need to ask Laurent about it.

Laurent was gone for a few weeks and I decided if I hadn't found her by the time he returned, I would ask him if he had seen her. I knew that Laurent had been trying to keep to our diet, but his absence had been triggered by a relapse. I didn't want to think about what he was doing in the mean time.

So I took my time to call around. I contacted some of Carlisle's old friends, asking about Victoria. None of them had seen her. After that I went into a different route. I searched the internet for new on killings that could have something to do with a vampire.

Alice tried to help me by searching for Victoria's future, but she kept changing her mind so quickly, that it never even registered where she was at the time. Alice only got flashes and that simply wasn't enough.

Whenever one of my family members tried to talk to me, or suggest a different tactic I would snarl at them and tell them to leave me alone. I had a mission and nothing of what they could say would make me change my mind.

Rosalie was the one who had gotten the most irritable with me and she kept reminding me that I was bringing the family down with me.

"Stay out of it, Rose! You don't know anything."

"She's just a human, Edward! Get over it. You left her and she'll forget you. Do the same."

I hissed and lunged for her, but Emmett stepped between us and struggled to get me out of the house.

"Tell you wife to mind her own damn business! I don't want to hear any more of her comments, either verbally or mentally!" I spat when we were miles away from the house.

"Edward, you know we all worry about you. You have been more of a reclusive hermit than you were before you met Bella."

At the mention of her name I fell to my knees and clutched my torso. I howled and curled back up into a ball. Attempting to locate Victoria had kept my mind busy. I was so focused that I could breathe and my chest didn't feel like it was shattering into tiny fragments, but now that I was out here and Emmett mentioned her name, there was nothing to keep me together.

Emmett was utterly shocked by what he saw and in an act of uncommon wisdom, he sat down beside me and held me while I cried my dry tears for her. I knew I looked a mess and I knew that my family was hurting because I was, but I couldn't stop the pain.

Emmett held me for four hours straight before I managed to get my emotions under control. When I finally moved to get up he chuckled.

"What?" I asked him, confused as to why he would be laughing now.

"Nothing big. You know that the others will think I am a total wimp for hugging you, right?"

I shook my head. "I don't think anyone will think of it like that, Em."

He shrugged. "I would."

"Well, we're not all like you so be glad."

He suggested we go hunting and I agreed. I could use a little more time with just Emmett. His thoughts were usually fairly simple and straight forward. He wasn't one to hold back so he was always the easiest to be around. Especially now.

My new routine lasted for another two weeks until I was fed up with searching for newspaper articles.

I went to find Carlisle. He was hunched over a medical journal, but I could see he wasn't concentrating on any of that at all. His mind was on me and on Bella.

I hissed when he pictured her face and he looked up apologetically. "Sorry, son. What can I do for you?"

"I found several possible leads. I am going to see if I can pick up her scent anywhere near the places I have found to have vampire activity."

"Should we come with you?"

"No. I need to do this alone."

"At least take Jasper along. He knows most about battling vampires."

"I think I can manage, thank you very much."

"don't be stubborn Edward. He still feels guilty for what happened. Even when it's not something he could've prevented."

"He should feel guilty. He almost bit her, Carlisle. How can I forgive him for that?"

"Edward you know, deep down, that it wasn't something he chose to do. It was an accident and nothing actually happened."

"She was cut in several places, stitches up her arm. I smashed her into a table with glass plates! She could have died!"

"But she didn't! She's alive and safe."

"For now," I muttered before turning on my heel and stalking out of the room. Alice came up to me with the intent of talking about my leaving. I didn't feel like it and told her to stay away.

"You know she is bound to get herself into trouble. I can check on her, if you like," she offered in a low voice.

"No. Bella promised. She promised to be safe. Don't go looking for her future. We've done enough damage."

I didn't mean a word of it, but I couldn't allow her to look for Bella. If Alice would have one of her visions, how would I ever be able to stay away.

"I'm leaving tonight," I muttered under my breath and darted out of the room to get the things I would need.

I wasn't planning on coming back soon. I'd give my family a chance to live without the pain and guilt that my presence gave them.

I was going hunting, for a certain red haired vampire.

A/N: It's a bit of a short one, but next chapter will be longer. Promise.