A/N: Happy New Year! Even though that was a while ago... sorry. Yeah... so I'm actually at a loss for something to say. I feel like I should type something anyway... so... yeah. Feel free to just ignore this paragraph and skip ahead.

Disclaimer: I don't own RENT or House, M.D. Sucks, I know.

The three doctors blinked and took in their surroundings.

"What… the… fuck?"

The room erupted into a flurry of questions. Metaphorically, not literally, because that would be kinda hard to clean up.

"Where are we?"

"Who are you?"

"How did we get here?"

"Why are we here?"

"What do you want from us?"

"Hey, can I have some coffee?"

"House!" Cuddy reprimanded. He grinned shamelessly.

"Okay, to answer your questions; you're in New York. I'm Becky and that's Sammy, and we're the brains of this operation. You're here because I wrote you in and I need you guys for a while. And yes, feel free to have all the coffee you want."

House limped over to the coffee pot. Wilson kneaded his fingers into his forehead. "Pour me a cup too," he called, resigned. House grunted.

Cuddy gaped in shock. "So basically, you've kidnapped us?"

Becky blinked. "Pretty much, yeah."

Wilson surveyed the girl. "You don't seem like a kidnapper."

Becky shrugged. "Meh."

House shuffled back over with one cup of coffee in his hand.

"House, what about mine?!"

"I can't walk with two coffees," House stated, gesturing to his cane. Wilson groaned and moved to the coffee pot to pour his own coffee.

"So," House said, turning to the girls, "what is it you need us for, anyway? Are you going to tie us down and have your wicked way with us?" Sammy blushed and cleared her throat. House seemed to take this as an affirmation. "Well, alright then. Have at me."

Maureen, who had been mid-sip of her second cup of coffee, coughed loudly, choking on the warm liquid. Becky laughed.

"I think you got the wrong impression."

Cuddy interrupted. "Look, whatever you want, we'll give it to you. Just let us go. Kidnapping is a felony, you know, but if you just let us go, we won't tell anyone. We—"

"Look, Lisa, you're an amazing character and I love you, but if you don't shut up, I will beat you with House's cane." She paused, and seemed to think it over. "But I'll do it in a very loving way."

Roger snickered in the background.

Wilson sighed. "Look, just tell us what you need us for so we can get this over with."

Becky grinned. "Good man! I can see why Sammy likes you so much." With that, Sammy turned very red and discovered that her hands were the most interesting things in the world.

"Right, so, anyway, we need you to help cure somebody."

Cuddy seemed to perk up. "Wait, so… that's it? You're not going to hold us for ransom or… or sell our organs?"

"Dude, we're teenagers."

"Well, who is it then?" House seemed impatient. "Bring on the sick people!"

Sammy turned to Becky. "He already used that line in the show." Becky ignored her.

"We can't tell you who it is. All we can say is that the person is in this room."

The bohos shuffled uncomfortably. House eyed them. "Well, will you at least tell us what the illness is?"

"Nope. That's why you're here. You're good at solving puzzles and diagnosing people. You have to figure that out for yourself."

House plopped down onto a chair. "What about my team?"

"They'll just get in the way. Use Cuddy and Wilson instead."

Wilson sighed and sat next to Maureen. She turned to him and smiled.

"I don't want what you're selling," Wilson said, and it took all of Mimi's self-control not to laugh out loud. When a giggle escaped, Angel swatted Mimi's arm. Maureen looked slightly taken aback.

Cuddy rubbed her head and leaned against the chair House was sitting in. "When are we going to find out who's sick?"

"Any second now."

Pause. Maureen poured another cup of coffee while Wilson sipped his. House tapped his cane on the floor. Cuddy blinked.

"Uhh, guys? I don't feel too good…"

Everyone turned to look at the person who had spoken. It was Joanne.

As House stood from the chair to examine her, her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed onto the floor with a thud.

"Pookie!" Maureen cried. She rushed to where her girlfriend was lying. Cuddy pushed her out of the way, kneeling beside Joanne to check her pulse. Wilson was right behind her.

"We need to get her to a hospital," Cuddy said, glancing up from Joanne's unconscious form.

"Sorry, can't do that."

"What? Why?!" Maureen seemed angry.

"It's the rules."

Maureen's mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out.

Becky sighed. "Don't worry. If she gets too sick, we'll take her to a hospital."

House stepped beside Becky. "If we can't take her to a hospital, how are we supposed to cure her? Hell, how are we even supposed to find out what she's got?"

"I can get you most of the stuff you need, but the rest," she paused, "you'll have to figure out for yourself.

TBC

Y'know, I'm not sure how I'm going to cure Joanne. She is very sick, after all. Maybe getting a lot of reviews will help make her better...

Yeah, that was lame, I know. Review anyway. You know you love me.

-Twisted