A/N: Yeah... I know it's been forever. You can all thank Rapp Fan for me posting this; if it wasn't for her, I probably would have completely forgotten about this story *is ashamed*

To make it up to you, I made this chapter a little longer than the rest.

Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue.

"So," House murmured after a moment of awkward silence, "I suppose we can add vomiting to the list of symptoms."

"Check!" Becky chirped. Sammy blinked.

"She seems to have gotten worse than before," Cuddy added.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." House rolled his eyes.

"So, she got bad, got better, and then got worse. Any reason why?" Wilson asked in a lame attempt to keep the House/Cuddy banter to a minimum. The quicker they could cure Joanne, the quicker they could get back.

"Ooh, ooh, I know!" Becky waved her hand in the air. "Pick me, pick me! I know the answer!"

"Yes?"

"It's Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis!"

"…inflammation of the lungs?" Wilson looked incredulous.

"…Rapp Fan wanted it in the story. It sounds cool enough, right?"

"I'm amazed that you could even pronounce that."

"Oh, I can't. Copy and paste, my friend."

"…what?"

"Your mom."

"Back on the subject, please!" Cuddy groaned and rubbed her temple. "Let's just… let's just figure out what's wrong with her, alright?"

"She got sick after she ate lunch. You," House pointed to Maureen, "You're the girlfriend, right? Does she have any food allergies of any kind?"

"Uhm… I—I don't… I mean, I don't think she does. I can't be sure."

"Great. Start treatment for food allergy. We'll give her antihistamines and Vitamin C until we get some sign that she's getting better."

"And what do we do in the meantime?"

"We wait. You got a TV around here?"

"House, Maureen said Joanne didn't have any food allergies. I think we should rule out other causes first."

"No, she said she didn't think Joanne had any food allergies. Just give her the antihistamines. It's not like they can do any damage."

"Hey, look, The Simpsons is on!"

4 episodes later…

"House, this isn't working."

"Give it time. It'll work."

"No, House! She doesn't have a food allergy, ok? We need to figure out what the problem really is."

"What if it really was lupus, for once?" Becky asked absently. House, Cuddy, and Wilson stared. "What? I mean, it would fit, right?"

"Yes!" Sammy joined in. "The swelling, the fever, the rash, it's gotta be lupus! It totally fits!"

Wilson blinked in disbelief. "House… they might actually be right."

House paused, pondering. "Do you have any anti-inflammatory medications? Aspirin or… ibuprofen?"

Mimi nodded and bounded off to the bathroom. She returned with a bottle of ibuprofen.

"If it really is that easy, I swear I'll do my clinic hours for the next two days."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes. "You know I'll hold you to that, right?"

"Just shut up, both of you!" Sammy yelled. Becky backed away in shock and nearly fell over the coffee table.

"I thought you liked the House/Cuddy banter? Oh no… It's a sign of the apocalypse! Everybody run!"

"Actually, I think she just wants them to stop talking so Wilson can have more time to talk," Angel commented.

Becky stared at Angel in awe. "Are you God?"

"Ok, so I took the pills. What now?" Joanne asked, tired of the author's short attention span.

"More waiting."

"Why are we always waiting? I'm sick of waiting!" Mark—who was still quite paranoid due to almost being slaughtered by an angry mob of Chinese—complained.

"Don't worry, Mark. I can help with that." Becky snapped her fingers.

Half an hour later…

"Wow, it's been half an hour already?"

"Yes. Now shut up and focus on Joanne." The room fell silent. Sammy sighed and rolled her eyes.

"This is taking too long," she muttered.

"I'd speed this up, but I need more caffeine." The bohos looked at Becky warily. "What? The writing is going slow because I'm not wired. Duh."

Collins leaned over and whispered to Sammy, "Do you think it's safe? I mean, you know how she gets when she's hopped up on coffee."

Sammy sighed again. "I don't think we have a choice. Roger, go make a fresh pot of coffee."

"Yay! I love you!" Becky squealed, glomping Sammy into next week.

"Help..." Sammy groaned.

It took quite some effort (and by effort, I mean the bohos pulling on Becky's legs while House whapped her on the head with his cane), but Sammy was eventually freed from Becky's grasp. Just as Becky was about to attack Sammy with more Beta-Love of Doom, a fresh cup of coffee was placed in her hands. It took a few seconds for Becky to realize she had just been granted the gift of life, but once she did, she chugged that coffee like there was no tomorrow.

The transformation was almost instantaneous. "Whew, alright! So, Joanne, how are you feeling?"

"Much better, actually."

"What?! You can't be serious. It can't be that easy!" House was obviously rather miffed about his upcoming clinic hours.

"Apparently, it is." Wilson sounded rather smug. Cuddy was too busy celebrating her total pwnage to bother commenting.

"So, that's it? She has lupus?"

"I'm not so sure…"

"Ugh, just give it up, House! Can't you just accept that you're wrong for once?"

"I can, if I'm actually wrong. Think about it: Joanne got sick after she took a bite of her sandwich. She got better, and then she got sick again after she ate the Chinese food. Does that really sound like lupus to you?"

"But she didn't react to the antihistamines."

"Correct. She reacted to the ibuprofen. Ibuprofen can also be used to treat food allergies."

"How can we prove it?" Wilson asked.

"Simple," House replied. "We give her more Mushu and see if she gets sick again. If she does, then it's a food allergy."

"Uhm… there was no pork in my sandwich," Joanne spoke up.

House's face fell.

"Oh my Oz, I know the answer! I actually know what it is!" Becky began hopping up and down like… well, like an author with too much caffeine in her system.

Maureen marched up and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Well, say it, woman! My girlfriend's life is on the line, here!"

"MSG!"

"…say what?"

"She has an allergy to MSG! There's a lot of MSG in Chinese food!"

"What about in my sandwich? I got that at the little grocery store around the corner, not from a Chinese restaurant."

"Actually, she's got something going, here. Even those prepackaged sandwiches you buy at the store have at least a little MSG in them."

"So there we go! Problem solved!" House was grinning like a maniac. "Just avoid foods with MSG and you'll be all set!" He turned to Becky. "Can we go now?"

"It can't end like this!" Sammy shrieked. "I won't allow it!"

"…what's her problem?" Mimi asked.

"I'm sorry, Sammy, but I did promise they could leave once she was better."

Sammy began to cry. Becky sighed and whispered something in Wilson's ear. He paled, shaking his head furiously, but when Becky sent a threatening glare towards her pen and notebook, he gave in. Groaning, he walked over to Sammy, took a deep breath, and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Sammy stopped blubbering immediately.

"Are we good now?" Becky asked.

"Yep."

"Awesome." And with that, the three doctors disappeared.

"So is that the end of the chapter?"

"Not yet. There's something that needs to be done first." Becky began to write in her notebook. A knock came from the door. "Oh, Mark?"

Mark popped his head up from behind the couch.

"The Chinese have come for you."

Mark yelped and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

"Haha, good one!" Collins laughed, "But who's at the door?"

"I wasn't joking, Collins. The Chinese are actually here for Mark."

"Shit," Roger muttered. "Collins, prepare to break out the vodka. We're gonna need a lot of it."