Chapter 12 Brenda and Dylan
Brenda buttoned her jeans and looked herself in the mirror. She had managed to stay clear of David's advances for a week but it was getting harder and harder. Today was family day at Dylan's treatment center and a private session with both of them. Dylan hadn't called her much lately. She had hoped because he was getting help and maybe using the place to overcome some of his issues. Brenda didn't know what she was going to do about David. She really had wanted to move out and get a place of her own. Having David there all the time was torture. She thought he respected her relationship with Dylan more than he had been acting but Brenda was coming to the realization that David might have lost the respect he once carried for Dylan. Brenda liked David, she adored him. She thought he was sexy and attractive, sweet and caring. But she was in love with Dylan and part of her wasn't sure what David wanted with her anyway. Why would a guy want her when even if she had broken up with Dylan, he would always be a big part of her life. She wasn't sure where she stood with Dylan but she would soon find out.
Brenda nervously grabbed her purse, heading into the kitchen area. She grabbed her cell phone and her keys. She looked down at David, "I will see you later." she gave him a smile.
David nodded and took a deep breath, "Ok, are you sure you don't want me to drive you?"
Brenda shook her head, "No…I will probably be there for a while and I should go alone."
"Wish me luck." Brenda walked out the front door.
"Yeah right good luck." David shook his head. David wasn't wishing bad luck on them, he just wished Brenda was going to break up with him not going to see him and counseling sessions.
After Brenda's special stop she drove down Pacific Coast Highway with the wind in her hair. She had gotten good at driving the Porsche and she wasn't sure if she wanted to drive anything else. She was always in love with that car but driving it was even better. Brenda pulled into the parking lot. She was so nervous she could barely contain herself. She exhaled picking up her stuff and walking toward the treatment center. She followed the guest signs around the back. She looked around for any sight of Dylan but found none. She walked up to a young man looking out into the ocean smoking a cigarette.
"Hi…do you know where I can find Dylan…McKay?" Brenda said sweetly to the teenager.
The kid looked around, "Ah yeah, he is around here somewhere."
Brenda looked around and turned looking behind her. As she turned to face forward Dylan came walking around the corner. He had one hand in his pocket and the other he moved through his hair. She looked at him, he looked really good. As Dylan looked up he stopped as he saw her. A small smile crept across her face. Her eyes began to tear up, she couldn't help it. She missed him, she officially missed him and she couldn't believe she hadn't seen him in two weeks. Dylan moved his chin down not taking his eyes off her. Brenda began to walk toward him and when she got a bit closer she dropped her bags and practically ran to him. She jumped into his arms and embraced him.
Dylan closed his eyes and exhaled. He moved his face into her neck and squeezed her tighter. "I missed you." he whispered.
Brenda breathed out, "God I missed you too." she whispered back.
Brenda moved her lips to his and kissed him hard. She kissed him so hard their lips hurt. Dylan ran his hand down the back of her head as he took her into his arms again. They finally leaned away from each other but Dylan kept his arms around her.
"I brought you something." Brenda said softly backing from his arms and picking up her bags. She handed him the white bag. He looked inside and then back up at her.
"A mega burger?" Dylan said with a smile.
"I told you I would bring you something delicious." Brenda looked around, "Is there anywhere we can go alone to eat together?"
Dylan slowly nodded, "Yeah, come on."
Dylan led her down the stairs to the beach. He had been on his best behavior since that first week he was here. He knew if he did he would get ground privileges and he had been looking forward to seeing Brenda the whole time.
"It's beautiful down here." Brenda said as she took a seat on the sand.
"Yeah…I come down here when I just need to get away from everyone up there. It's quiet and close to the water."
Dylan looked over at her as she ate one of his French fries, Dylan reached up and pushed her hair behind her ear. "How are you doing Bren? You doing ok?"
Brenda swallowed hard and nodded, it had been so long since he had asked her. She leaned in and kissed him gently. As Dylan got into the kiss more she pulled away. Brenda looked down feeling guilty. Even though she had only shared the two kisses with David she felt bad now that she was actually sitting with Dylan. He was trying to get better for her and she betrayed him.
"What about you? How are you?" Brenda forced a smile.
"Been better, but things are okay." Dylan looked out into the ocean, "Bren…I have to tell you something because you're going to find out anyway.
Brenda turned to him curiously, "What's wrong?"
Dylan took a deep breath, "Remember that girl, we fought about a couple times. I took her to Baja once?"
Brenda looked down knowing exactly who he was talking about, "Stacey?" she said softly.
"Yeah…she is here too." Dylan looked down.
"Great." Brenda mumbled. She laid back and sighed, "That's what I really want to think about."
"Bren." Dylan shook his head, "I haven't done anything with her."
"You didn't?" Brenda asked relieved.
Dylan shook his head, "I was close, I kissed her, I went to meet her with the intentions of sleeping with her…but stopped it, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I have done a lot of things to mess things up between us lately, adding infidelity wasn't something I wanted to do." Dylan leaned down on his elbow hovering over her.
"That's good to hear, I know we haven't had the best track record when we are apart." Brenda bit her lip gently as she tried to hold in the tears of guilt that came across her.
Dylan placed his hand on her mid section, "What about you?"
"What about me?" Brenda played dumb.
"Have you been good?" Dylan looked down before looking into her eyes.
Brenda took a deep breath and leaned forward pushing him out of the way. Brenda shook her head as her head dropped, After a a minute Brenda just came out with it, "I kissed David…twice." Brenda didn't even look at him.
Dylan's sat up quickly, "You did? When?"
"Last week and once a while ago." Brenda finally looked up as a tear fell.
Dylan shook his head and didn't utter a word. He threw his half eaten mega burger into the bag and tossed it in a beach trash can 4 feet away. Dylan got up and began walking back to the treatment center.
"Dylan." Brenda tilted her head and called out to him, "Please don't leave mad."
Dylan stopped not turning around. He closed his eyes and exhaled. The truth was Dylan had known this would happen and he didn't and couldn't understand why two people so in love with each other continued to do this to each other. He turned around slowly, "Did you sleep with him Bren? I couldn't look at you the same if you did"
Brenda began walking toward him slowly as she shook her head, "No…I didn't."
"Did you do it because you like him or are you trying to punish me for everything, for Kelly…for leaving you, for the drugs?"
"No…I'm not trying to punish you." Brenda braced herself for a jealous freak out.
Dylan brought his hands up running them through his hair. "What are you doing? Are you in love with David?" Dylan walked closer and stood dangerously close to her looking down. "Are you in love with me?"
Brenda eyes teared up again as she found herself close to his face. His eyes were sad and there was a pleading look to them. "I do love you."
"But…" Dylan looked at her sadly.
Brenda started openly crying, "I just think that maybe we need space, all this is so hard. You need to get better and I need to find myself. I lost who I am and it's scary. I don't want to worry about who you're having sex with in here and if you're okay, if you're having a bad day. I need to think about me, I got an agent. Did you know? I have my first audition next week and I'm excited. For the first time in six months I am happy, and I don't want to feel bad about it."
Dylan looked down sadly, "I'm sorry I bring you down."
Brenda tugged on his shirt with both hands, "You don't bring me down, its just I feel bad if I'm having fun and then I feel guilty, like why is Dylan in there dealing with all this stuff and I'm happy. When you told me that Danielle didn't make it, I wanted to die. I lost a piece of my heart forever and I will never get it back. And every time I look at you I think about her. David has been great to me. We have fun together and he treats me good. It's new and there isn't any baggage or heartbreak."
Dylan held back his tears until this point. He looked out into the water and moved his tongue gently over his teeth. "He won't love you like I do. He won't know you like I do Bren. I may have my asshole ways and I may not always say or do the right things but I love you."
"I know." Brenda said softly. Brenda took a deep breath. She had no intention of breaking things off with Dylan. And by the look on his face he was heartbroken but at the same time he looked like he agreed. "I'm not saying I'm going to be with David Dylan. That isn't why I am doing this. I need to be with me. Concentrate on myself…" Brenda took her hand and brushed the side of his head, "I love taking care of you but this has become something else. We aren't supporting each other we are dependent on each other and it's unhealthy. Please don't hate me."
Dylan shook his head, "I know I understand what you're saying and I agree but it doesn't make it easy."
"No it doesn't…I will always love you. I will always be your family and I will always be here for you but take this time to find that old Dylan. The one I can not live without."
Dylan slowly nodded and took a deep breath. "Can I call you still? Will you still come visit me on these days?" Dylan lip quivered as he held back his emotions.
Brenda nodded slowly, "I will always be your family…no matter what happens with us."
Dylan looked up, he couldn't believe this was it, he knew they were having issues and needed to work out things but for it to actually be happening was totally different. Dylan lowered himself slowly to the sand and wrapped his arms around his legs. Brenda joined him. Dylan wrapped his arm around her bringing her as close as she would get to him. He leaned down kissing her on top of the head. "I'm sorry I ruined us Bren."
"You didn't, the bottom just fell out from under us that's all." Brenda leaned out, Brenda took a deep breath not really wanting to say good bye to him. Being with him made her rethink her decision but she knew she needed to do it. The space would make them stronger she thought. Dylan could concentrate on his recovery and Brenda could concentrate on herself. Acting and whatever she wanted out of life.
Brenda and Dylan spent the next two hours talking and cuddling. They never went into their private session because they had their own. He would deal with Susan later, he didn't want her to leave, but he knew she had too.
"I'm gonna miss you Bren." Dylan stood closely behind her as he wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm going to miss you too." Brenda turned around in his arms and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.
"When I get out of here and if you are dating David Silver, you know I'm going to have to kick his ass right?"
Brenda wiped the tear that had fallen from her eye and laughed, "Stop, I'm not ready for dating."
Dylan looked into her eyes and took her in, he wasn't sure if he was going to be this close to her again. He leaned in kissing her passionately. He moved to embrace her tightly, "Please don't forget how much I love you."
"I wont." She shook her head, "You too." Brenda began to walk away from him. She turned only to see his back. She turned back to continue walking but stopped. She turned around calling out his name but he was right in back of her. Dylan lifted her slightly kissing her again.
He set her down and looked down at her sadly. "Bye baby." He said softly.
Brenda wiped her face again, "Bye." She stood on her tip toes slightly giving him a long peck.
Brenda walked toward the exit, looking back twice at him. She reached the Porsche and broke down. It really was out of sight out of mind because ever since seeing him she remembered exactly why she loved him so much. She realized whatever was supposed to happen would happen and she needed Dylan to concentrate on himself. And whatever if anything or nothing happened with David she needed to know she could explore it if she wanted. Brenda made a face looking up at the treatment facility. The thought of Dylan in there with Stacey made her nervous. Now he was free to hook up with her and she couldn't do or say anything about it. She quickly took the thought out of her head realizing it didn't matter. She started the Porsche and started her way back home. She missed him already.
Sad right? I went back and forth and first I wanted to have Dylan be the one to break things off with Brenda. But after getting deeper into this story, I don't think Dylan would have. Even if he wasn't feeling the same or whatever the case may have been. Because he is having these issues and he is vulnerable he would have hung on to her no matter what. I know some of you are loving the Brenda /David thing and others are HATING it. I totally understand. I wanted to do a different story and I am. Brenda and David to me was always a couple I think would have been worth looking into if Shannen was on the show. I absolutely think Brenda and Dylan belong together and poor David wouldn't have had a chance but I do think it would have been a great possibility. I honestly took this approach because I didn't want hard feelings between them, and I didn't want them to end badly. Ultimately and eventually their utter loyalty and support of each other will cause the issues in their future relationships. Alrighty tell me what you are thinking. Did you think I changed the tone too drastically in this chapter? Did anyone else cry? God I get into this writing thing sometimes lol. Anyway hit review, I want to hear from you. xoxoxo