Phase Three

Chapter 5: These Seconds When I'm Shaking Leave Me Shuddering for Days

~.~

"Okay," Rachel sighed, sitting down at one of the barstools beside the foosball table with a plate of pancakes. "I know you guys are excited about this whole free porn thing, but do we seriously have to watch it while we eat?"

"Really, guys, this is getting ridiculous," Monica agreed, sitting beside her. "We can't just turn it off for a while? You guys have been watching this for almost 24 hours straight."

"We can't turn it off," Joey explained. "We don't know how it started, so we don't know what will make it go away."

"I know what would make it go away," Monica grabbed the remote from Joey's lap.

"No-no-no!" both guys grabbed for the remote at the same time.

"I was just muting it so we can eat in peace," Monica explained, hitting the mute button.

"We still have porn," Chandler nodded to the screen.

"Okay, mute is allowed. And maybe necessary. It was pretty hard to sleep last night through all of the moaning," Joey laughed. "Hey, Chandler, is that what it's like living with me?"

Chandler shook his head, standing up to help himself to some of the food. "Oh, that and more, Joe."

"Awesome," Joey grinned, still watching the screen intently.

"Ya know what? I can't take this anymore," Monica stood up, leaving her plate behind. "I can't watch porn and eat breakfast at the same time."

"Definitely," Rachel stood up as well. Chandler gave her a pouty look after Monica left the room, but she shook her head, not about to stay while the porn was on. "Girls can only take so much."

"Oh, that's not what the girl in the last movie said," Joey pointed to the screen with a laugh, causing Rachel to shake her head as she left.

"See you horny boys later," she yelled behind her as she walked out the door.

"Dude, how can there be too much porn?" Joey asked, picking up both of the girls' leftovers and sliding them onto his own plate. "Don't you have to go to work?" he asked, mouth full, as he noticed the time.

"Joe, it's Saturday."

"It's Saturday?!" Joey dropped his fork. "I'm shooting a commercial…two minutes ago!" he ran to the door, but turned around, grabbing the plate and taking it with him, shoving a pancake into his mouth as he left.

~.~

"You alone?" Rachel asked Chandler as she walked into his apartment, to find him still sitting in front of the muted tv, though he was now more reading a newspaper than he was watching the porn.

"Yea, just me. Joey's shooting a commercial today," he grinned, setting the paper down.

"Monica's working all day, too," she slowly crossed the kitchen to where he was, sitting on the arm of the chair. "What should we do all day, alone?"

Chandler looked up at her, not sure if she was suggesting what he thought she was suggesting, or if his thoughts were being interfered with by all of the porn-watching. He swallowed slowly as she moved from the arm of the chair to actually sitting on top of him. Maybe they had both been watching too much porn. Combined with all of the flirting lately, it was definitely a lethal combination with only one likely outcome. An outcome he wasn't about to object to. So, when Rachel placed one hand on his chest, he decided he didn't really care about any of the reasons they'd been telling themselves for not doing what they really wanted to be doing, grasping both of her arms in his hands as he kissed her. Rachel slowly moved so she was facing him, straddling him, as they continued to kiss.

"God, you're wearing a skirt," he mumbled, pushing it up farther as she grabbed for the button on his pants. "We should not be left alone together after watching porn for over 24 hours," he added, wrapping his arms tightly around her, digging his fingertips into her back.

"We should-bedroom?"

"Balcony? Roof? Bank vault?" Chandler joked. "I've been watching porn for the last two days. They last place I want sex is a bedroom."

Rachel just laughed before kissing him again.

"They replaced me!" Joey's voice broke Rachel and Chandler apart, though Rachel was still sitting on top of him. They were both suddenly thankful nothing more than kissing had happened yet, and they were both fully dressed. "Dude, what are you guys doing?" he looked back and forth between them.

"Well, um, we, um, Rachel bet me twenty dollars that one of those positions they were having sex in, in the porn, wasn't really possible, and, um, I was just attempting to prove her wrong," Chandler sputtered out, hoping that Joey would believe that, since he didn't even believe himself. Rachel glanced at him for a moment, also thinking how unconvincing the lie was, before looking back to Joey.

Joey just laughed. "Right, well, make sure you stretch nice and good before you try any of those positions. They can be pretty tricky," he nodded. "Take it from a guy who has a lot of sex," he added, heading towards his bedroom.

"God, did he really just buy that?" Rachel whispered, laughing under her breath as she moved so that she was facing forward, again sitting on the arm of the chair. "He really is lucky he's pretty."

"No kidding," Chandler laughed as well, pulling her back down, next to him in the chair.

"Hey…"

"Not doing anything wrong," Chandler looked at her. "Just watching some tv with you," he looked up, then back to her, then down at her hand, before glancing back to the tv. "Yea, maybe this isn't a good idea with the porn," he trailed off, her hand resting on his upper thigh, seeming to inch its way further up, though he couldn't be sure. Rachel hesitated, then moved back to the arm of the chair, still leaning against him, looking at him to decide if that was even a good idea, Joey being in the next room and all.

"So, what are you guys doing tonight?" Joey came back to the living room, causing Rachel to physically jump. "Wanna go to dinner or something? I know Phoebe said something about wanting to?"

"Yea, sure," Chandler nodded, still looking at Rachel, not Joey as Joe sat in the other chair.

"Ooh! This is a really good one!" Joey exclaimed, turning the sound back on to the tv.

Rachel felt Chandler tense up next to her at moaning coming from the tv, and she wondered if he was wanting the exact same thing she was at that moment. No, not wondering, knowing. Two weeks' worth of sexual tension was ridiculous. Really, they just needed to go get it over with. Watching the screen for a few more seconds, she realized she couldn't sit there next to him, watching what they were watching, not doing what they really wanted to be doing, especially with all of the flirting and touching but lack of any real action since that infamous drunken night.

"I gotta-I gotta go," Rachel finally stood up, hurrying to the door. "Come get me when we're going to dinner," she barely finished the sentence before the door closed behind her.

"What's her problem?" Joey asked, and Chandler just shrugged.

"Ya know what? I'm gonna go get some coffee," Chandler said, standing up as well. "Too much porn. I'll see ya later, Joe." Chandler sighed after walking out the door, about to walk over to Rachel's.

"Hey!" Phoebe walked up the stairs. Impeccable timing. "Did Joey ask you guys about dinner?" Chandler nodded. "Where were you heading now?"

"Oh, I, um, I was gonna run down and get some coffee. Just seeing if Rachel wanted to go, too," he choked out, completely caught off guard.

"Coffee sounds great!" Phoebe agreed enthusiastically. "Let's grab Rachel and go!"

Chandler again sighed as Phoebe walked towards the door. Coffee with Rachel and Phoebe was exactly what he wanted at that moment. Except, minus Phoebe, and minus the coffee. And minus a whole bunch of clothes as well.

Yep, coffee with Rachel and Phoebe was just what he needed.

However, if he couldn't have what he really needed, maybe he could head downstairs before the girls, go buy some cigarettes (oh, who was he kidding; he had a pack in his pocket), and smoke one or two or twelve before they got down there.

"Hey, Phoebs, wanna get Rachel and I'll meet you guys downstairs?" Chandler asked, not waiting for a reply before practically running down the stairs. Phoebe looked at him curiously, but just shrugged before going into Rachel's apartment.

Once down the stairs and outside, Chandler leaned against the wall with a sigh, pulling the pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He placed one between his lips, taking a deep drag after he lit it. Blowing the smoke out slowly, he closed his eyes.

If he wasn't going to be having any sex, at least he could have some nicotine…

~.~

Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter! Keep it up :)

And bonus points if you can tell where I literally typed out the words "that's what she said" and was very tempted to leave them, haha :) I doubt anyone is going to play this game since no one did the last time. Btw, the chapter titles are all lyrics from Anna Begins by Counting Crows—don't worry, knowing this doesn't give anything away :) Awesome song, though…Counting Crows songs just have the best lyrics.